What if I help gf financially? 62.3.4>2

[msmith]

Hello all

I am in a fairly new relationship and my gf recently, out of the blue asked to borrow money. I was taken aback and declined. It obviously upset her and she feels she cannot rely on me. It made me feel bad but also confused. I asked IC:

What if I help my gf financially? 62.3.4>2 (small exceeding.... receptive... line 3 dont overextend myself; line 4 be careful)

Am I on the right lines with this? I would appreciate any insights. Thank you.

 

[Trojina]

Hello all

I am in a fairly new relationship and my gf recently, out of the blue asked to borrow money. I was taken aback and declined. It obviously upset her and she feels she cannot rely on me. It made me feel bad but also confused. I asked IC:

What if I help my gf financially? 62.3.4>2 (small exceeding.... receptive... line 3 dont overextend myself; line 4 be careful)

Am I on the right lines with this? I would appreciate any insights. Thank you.

Hi there. First I notice there's quite a narrative in your recent threads. You asked 'how to get a woman' here http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/frie...696-What-can-I-do-to-meet-a-woman-44-3-5-6-40 then successfully got one and then there's all the problems of having her of course. It would be great if you let us know the outcome on that thread I linked to because this is an occasion where we can clearly see how your readings play out and it makes a story, like having got the girl you ask about having children and unprotected sex and so on...It's an unfolding story so updates would be great so we can see how the readings play out. Did Tohpol's last advice on that thread for example connect to what happened and to the reading ?

Now to this reading. 62.3.4>2 Hmm yes I think you need to be very careful about this. Money in relationships comes with all sorts of emotional implications which is why she sees you not giving her money as not caring. Your answer seems to suggest to me that you take the emotion out of this by being very particular about your own situation, the reasons why you cannot give her all she wants. I don't mean you should disclose your entire financial situation to her, (frankly the relationship is too new IMO for her to expect to know your monetary details) but 62 does explicitly say one must fly low and take great care in all things and in monetary matters be thrifty. Line 3 does seem to be a warning although Hilary sees this line a bit differently. She sees line 3 as a caution not to dig yourself into a 'position' you know a place you won't budge from. Line 4 does suggest this is a situation you have to meet and deal with in some way. This isn't something you can just let go by, it's going to have consequences so meet the situation with great care.


So how would you meet this with great care ? My inclination here would be to be very down to earth about this with her, very clear, firm, unemotional but not unkind. You might explain your own situation is not one where you can lend money and also perhaps that you do not feel comfortable lending money so early on in the relationship. Also you might consider just loaning her a small amount of what she asked for, I think the answer would be consistent with that because that way you are meeting the situation whilst still taking great care.

It's up to you but I agree this answer does call for a very careful pragmatic unemotional response. Look at the details also. How much is she asking for, why does she want it, will she pay it back....all those kinds of things need to be thought about carefully. This doesn't look like a matter of either saying 'yeah okay' to her request but nor does it look like totally denying it. You need to meet the request in some way so that means either sitting down with her and explaining why it's a bad idea to lend her money or explaining you can only lend her a little. Why she wants it is also an important factor I think.

So many things come into this request, trust being a big one. Do you trust her, does she trust you ?

 

[msmith]

Thanks Trojina for your useful response (and I have just updated the other thread!). I took the unemotional route which upset her a little. Part of the problem seems to be that she equates me helping her financially with my commitment to her. She has a more traditional view that a man should pay for everything – as a sign that he is the hunter and proves to his woman his strength and love in that way. For me it is strange as she likes me because I am not the macho type who will boss her around yet she wants this more traditional approach. I told her that if a man and woman earn equal amounts then why not split things fairly? In any case when we meet I do pay for most things – it’s just that I don’t really believe in it in this modern age. I trust her fairly well and she trusts me but the relationship is young and needs time.
I asked IC what we can do to move forward? 4 UC
I’m not sure about this. There seem to be some differences of opinion between us that might be entrenched in our personalities/cultural upbringing. Thanks for the assistance with my readings! Cheers.

 

[GreenHazel]

she equates me helping her financially with my commitment to her.

This seems emotional blackmailing to me. Very unfair to put someone in such corner.
In my experience 62.3 asks for EXTREME caution.

 

[Trojina]

msmith hasn't been here since 2017 so it's worth remembering the person you're writing to may not see your comment. Also worth keeping an eye on the age of the thread. This one's 7 years old so the situation will have moved on.