"What is my direction in life?"

[themulberrytree]

So I broke up with the boyfriend I had had for four years, unfriended and blocked him... and I'm really sad, although I suspect I would be less sad if I was honest about how that relationship felt to me and I know that this is the right thing for me. I've been delaying the unfriending and blocking for months.

And I'm afraid about my direction in life, because it's going to be really unstable. Really, I want to do everything I should have done in high school. Casual sex, party, go out. Like, I'm twenty-one now. I need to hold down a job. I need to start getting ready to be an adult. And then, everyone tells me about the dangers of casual sex.

The I Ching gave me Hexagram 40, unchanging.

 

[rosada]

40. Deliverance is about releasing the past and whatever difficulties you may have had to endure to finally get to this place in your life. Your direction now is to find supportive friends who bring out the best in you. Where you will go from here depends on how fully you can let go of old hurts. If you are not able to forgive you will repeat this cycle, either by going back to your ex or allowing someone else to come in and side-track you and once again make you miserable, until you finally recognize that you and your intentions and your responses are solely responsible for whatever manifests in your life, that everybody else was just here as actors acting out this charade until you finally caught on that you were the one creating it. Forgive them all, they were just doing their jobs.

The carefree party life sounds attractive but unfortunately once you have met the I Ching you can never again claim you don't know better. You already know too much...

 

[themulberrytree]

I feel like the party life, for me, wouldn't be running away, though. It would be running towards something. I would like to find supportive friends, but supportive friends for me would be friends who would be willing to support me during this party phase. There's so much to do and experience that I've never done.

For me, this is basically like being a teenager, which I've never been able to really be.

 

[diamanda]

Some meanings for the character for hexagram 40 (解) are:
to separate; to divide; to break up; to loosen; to explain; to untie; to emancipate
to unfasten / to untie / to loosen / to undo / to solve ( difficult problems, etc. ) / to explain / to clarify

40 also shows relief. I believe it shows that breaking up was the right thing to do.
If you feel that partying would also relieve you, then I don't see why not.
If there's anything else that would bring you relief, have a think and add it to your plans.

And I don't see why going out would stop you holding down a job, or make your life unstable.
Except if you're planning to completely abandon yourself to partying and do nothing else day and night?
I know lots of people (myself included) who partied loads when younger, and still kept stable jobs.

 

[rosada]

I'm not sure I'm really understanding the question so I'm going to try again.
"What is my direction in life?"
I think what you are asking could be re-stated as "Where am I now and where am I headed?"
If that is correct then I think receiving 40 uc means you are at the very beginning of Deliverance. You are at the very beginning of freeing yourself from some sort of 39. Obstruction. If you look over the sequence of the hexagrams, the story-path seems to be 37. Home (with Mom and Dad) growing up with 38. Opposition (Siblings) and then doing whatever you thought was appropriate for getting out of this 39. Obstruction and now you are at 40. ready to move on. In your case, your Obstruction was the boyfriend, that is, you took up with a boyfriend and now you've gotten out of that relationship because you recognized it was blocking you. You now are more fully able to recognize that you weren't wanting to be married, you just needed some support in the last stages of leaving the nest. So now I think the I Ching is telling you that you are at the point of delivering yourself from that whole cycle and suggesting to you that at this point you should be particularly aware of leaving "home" or the relationship in a way that does not leave a lot of loose ends. "If there is no longer anything where one has to go [or that one has to do], return brings good fortune. If there is still something where one has to go [or do] hastening brings good fortune." Leave everything karma clean - then you can "return" to the person you were before you got involved in all this - that is, the pure soul you were when you first incarnated. The lesson you will learn from all of this is detailed in the image: "The superior man pardons mistakes and forgives misdeeds." If you can leave and move on without loose ends you are much less likely to hold grudges.
The thing about wanting to now recapture your lost youth - "party" - is what I find tricky. The I Ching did not say you are at hexagram 4. Youthful Folly so you can't count on the protection of Beginner's luck. You can't claim that whatever you do now is just teenage silliness. If you go out for a night of drinking you will not so easily say, "I blew $40" and laugh it off like a kid that got away with something. You now know what it took you to get $40. Or if you have sex with someone you met an hour ago your not going to say, "Oh, I'm such a wild and crazy hottie" - you're going to wonder if you got aids or got pregnant or maybe you find out you really liked the guy and now you feel bad cause now he thinks you're just a squirrel. You can't go back to being naive.

I do think 39.6 is interesting. This is the line just before 40 so I'm wondering if it has some advice for you. I mean, if you are on the verge of entering hex 40, where are you now - 39.9? look at what it has to say:
39.6
Going leads to obstructions,
Coming leads to great good fortune.
It furthers one to see the great man.

Maybe this is saying you can't go ahead in life until you've had some time to experience your youth, so you do need to take some time to pursue interests that got abandoned when you got caught up in the partner-trip. But rather than thinking you can now party like a hormonal 11th grader consider that your role now could be to provide some support and guidance to those who are now where you were at that age and let those young friends know they don't have to run off with a boyfriend to be an adult, that you will be like a big sister who can use your experience and hard earned wisdom to help others navigate this stage in life. If this thought appeals to you, 39.6, "It furthers one to see the great man," suggests joining with others who likewise recognize that young people starting out could use a friend.

 

[radiofreewill]

Hi 'tree,

"What is my direction in life?"

40uc ~ Your cubic centimeter of chance is now.

Here's what Kari Hohne's "The Essential i-Ching" says about 40uc:

Unchanging: Abundance or scarcity = you create your world from the inside out.

In its unchanging form you may be so stuck in your own negativity and anger that you don’t realize the life of scarcity you are creating for yourself. Any type of behavior or addiction that is unhealthy must be released so that you can return to abundance and optimism.

Events on the outside continually challenge us to let go and find the freedom to open within. If your own mental energy is consuming your attention in a negative way, events will continue to challenge you until you let go. You think life is pushing back against you but it is pushing you out of your prison.

This is the way of nature as it seeks growth and freedom at every level. Liberation unchanging can show a major breakthrough or release of what had previously been a strong barrier.

***

In addition, I say that no matter whether you choose to make up for lost time, or to stride boldly into an underdetermined future, or some combination of both, imho, you would be well served to have a guidebook for the meta~quest to find your true self.

I highly recommend tossing Horden's "The Spiritual Basis of Good Fortune" into your backpack ~ it'll help you make good decisions when you find yourself at the crossroads of life.

Good luck!