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What is my lesson from this relationship? Hex 62>64

yaniv

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Last night my relationship finally broke up, after having lots of problems. I think the main issue was me not being able to regain trust in her after she had left me and wanted to come back. This had caused me contradicting feelings, and a feeling of being lost and not knowing how to act. A part of me (and certainly her) saw my behaviour as childish and frightened. Of course I had felt she had behaved immaturely when she had left me the first time as well.

I asked the I ching what is my lesson from all we went through, the answer was 62.3.4.6 -> 64.

Is the I ching telling me that trying to save this relationship was an undertaking too great for me, since the "small" part in me took over and did not allow forgiveness and new trust? Perhaps extreme caution and hardness of charachter would have required us to be seperate for a while until things relaxed and time for fruitful action came again. In the past months I had asked the I ching many times how to proceed with her and the answer had often been to retreat and wait.

How does hex 64 relate? Does it mean the story is yet to end, or is it something else?
 

willowfox

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It seems that you bit off more than you could chew with this girl, you grabbed a tiger by the tail and it bit you, as you could not handle this wild thing. Look at the lines, so next time think before you fly into another relationship with a person of similar qualities.

Your new watchword should be "caution".
 

gato

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I think i know who the "flying bird" is ...
 

ginnie

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How does hex 64 relate? Does it mean the story is yet to end, or is it something else?
Part of the Image of H64 is this: The Superior Man takes care to distinguish between things before arranging them in order. That is, when dealing with people, we need to be discriminating. For example, some of us are too openhearted and too naive, trusting people who are not good for us.

But when H62.3.4.6 changes, it changes to hexagram 23, not to hexagram 64

I think this means this relationship has ended. Because the woman caused you to have to expend too much energy on her (62.3). Also, H62.4 implies that this relationship would not last long. And then with H62.6, 'calamity and injury.'

There are people who are really draining to us. They cause us to expend energy we really don't have.

For example, I have a girlfriend who always asks me endless detailed questions whenever I contact her. She wastes my time and my energy so badly. And yet she never wants to say anything about herself. I finally confronted her on the fact that she did not communicate with me very well, and she stated, "I'm reluctant to share." Well, who wants a friend who is reluctant to share? I certainly never did.

I have another friend, and her point of view is so extremely different from my own. When I read her emails, I often don't even understand them. They seem to demand clarification. So, she might write two sentences, and I find myself writing ten paragraphs. Then I dislike her, because I am totally exhausted by her.

So maybe the lesson is to cut it off. Not have relationships with people who cause us to overextend ourselves constantly on their behalf.

I hope this has been helpful . . .
 
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icastes

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62 3.4.6 changes to 23, which is a loss, a splitting apart. It doesn't look good, because the only real success here is very small, a bird caught. Only what is modesty done has anything going for it.
 

ginnie

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It's a good thing

I think it must have been 62.2.3 > 64.

In which case, you failed to get what you wanted through no fault of your own. As Willowfox said above, it was all too much.

The lesson is that in the future you will be more discriminating when it comes to people. You will observe them carefully before getting involved with them. You'll be much more cautious in all your relationships.

And that's a good thing! ;)
 

yaniv

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Thank you and sorry for the mistake. The changing lines were 2.3.6. I find it hard to accept the I ching's advice on this matter as there is still love between me and her, despite everything. I think the image of the tiger is not fitting because all the chaos this girl created comes from feeling lost and not from spite. That might be the preponderence of the small.

She had called me and apologized for how she spoke. She apologized for not seeing my side and for accusing me of being childish and frightened while it was herself she was projecting onto me. I had the pleasure of relief to know that it was over for a few hours, and now I am again faced with the option of getting back together with her.
I could not resist to ask for an image of us if we should be back together. The image was 9.1 -> 57. To me this says I will have to be strong because we will face many issues. But line 1 talks of a strong man facing obstructions. Turning into 57 (wind), I see it as saying it is a relationship that could work with slow and meticilous work. I've never felt so ambiguous about a girl before...
 

willowfox

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I think the image of the tiger is not fitting because all the chaos this girl created comes from feeling lost and not from spite.


I could not resist to ask for an image of us if we should be back together. 9.1 > 57
Do people really get that angry because they are supposedly lost? I don't think so, people give venomous replies for a reason, and a tiger is a dangerous and unpredictable creature.

As for the image, I can see the necessity for you to be ever persistent with this girl, in order to keep the relationship on an even keel. In other words a lot of work.
 

ginnie

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9.1 > 57. You may find you will have to take a few steps back or for some reason you will not be able to advance.

I associate hex 9 with people who are really hard to get along with. You never know when they are going to be in a bad mood and spoil your day.

Why are you choosing a person who makes you miserable, Yaniv? Were your parents miserable together and so you feel 'familiar' with this young woman, because you recognize a certain kind of misery in her? Oh, gee, please don't answer me. I am not qualified as a relationship counselor . . . .
 

yaniv

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It's a question I ask myself. It is not the misery I like, she is an amazing person. I think she is in a very confused time in her life. Before being with me she had ended a pretty serious relationship and probably didn't have enough time to get over it. It's a pretty complicated story actually.. During the time she had broken up with me (before she wanted to get back together..) I had met another girl, and we both like eachother alot.

My problem was not only to ask if I forgive girl A and want to be with her again but also wether I should leave it and go with girl B... I have been having a hard time listening to my heart on this one, and therefore asked the IC many different questions. The last was "how should I proceed with girl A?" and "how should I proceed with girl B?"

The answer for A was 29, great danger I imagine, although
"The Abysmal repeated.
If you are sincere, you have success in your heart,
And whatever you do succeeds."

The answer for B was 59.1 -> 61, which I read as telling me to clear the air of what remains from girl A so my heart is available, which will lead to inner truth, which I guess means bears good for me and girl B, even though the hexagram does not sound especially romantic it sounds promising.

Despite all this I feel my inner compass is not working on this one..
 

ginnie

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Sounds like a lot of negativity, darkness, apprehension, and anger around both A and B, yaniv.

There are no light hearted people where you live? Just to have a good time and be happy?
 

yaniv

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What? No offence but either the I ching is wrong, or maybe all the negativity and apprehension is coming from me.

Girl B has been nothing but light-hearted fun and loving to me, I think the whole situation with girl A could be explained by very bad timing. Everyone makes mistakes. In fact I am not sure exactly why I feel so ill at ease, I have two amazing girls. It hurts to choose, but things could be much worse. Things are still unclear for me but perhaps I have been relying too heavily on the I ching to decide for me. I think I should follow the original advice it gave me some time ago and step aside from the whole situation, see how things develop and relax.

Thank you all for your help, it has been very valuable.
 
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ginnie

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I think I should follow the original advice it gave me some time ago and step aside from the whole situation, see how things develop and relax.
I agree. It just doesn't seem to be the right time for romance, with the hexagrams you've been getting . . . :eek:
 

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