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What is my role? 22.3.6 - 24

rosada

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My husband has had a falling out with a long time friend - well, not really a friend, more like a long time waif. She's sort of an odd duck, living alone 8 miles up in the hills off the grid, no electricity, and she always refuses to make specific plans as she needs to "follow her inner guidance." She has called on him from time to time with various needs and he has always done what ever he could to help out - fixing things in her cabin, cutting tree limbs etc. (He does this for a lot of people now that he is retired and we live in Mendocino, Ca - the land of aging hippies - noble souls with no money and often no sense - ha!). Anyway, about six months ago this lady decided it was time for her to move closer to town and she gave notice to her landlord and agreed to be out of the cabin by the first of August. Yet with all this lead time when it came time for the actual move she was not prepared. She had to beg the landlord for extra time and then she called my husband to help cart her boxes. He spent three days driving back and forth helping her and while she was very lavish in her words of appreciation it was, of course, no fun. Then yesterday she called one more time in a state of panic, it was her last day, the landlord insisted she be out, and three different friends who had promised to help had cancelled. (This seemed like total karmic payback, btw, given all the times she had made plans with folks and then not followed through.) My husband reassured her that he would come one last time but she was so upset, crying, talking non-stop about all the people that had let her down, that he could not get a word in edge wise. After repeatedly saying yes he could help he shouted, "STOP TALKING! LISTEN TO ME!" At that she started yelling, saying she didn't like his attitude and hung up on him!!!
Omg, this woman is nuts. Incidentally, she is a hoarder and about half the things she wanted moved were just weird - old blankets, dead plants, fire wood and gravel! And, as I said, she had 6 months to plan for this move but didn't start to get organized until now. Anyway, I feel badly because she really is off base, mid-60's maybe even a touch of dementia? My first impulse was to call her back and try to calm her down and reassure her but my husband says he is done with her - and frankly now that I've written all of this out I think maybe that's for the best. Still I did ask the IC what my role should be - stay out of it? Call her? - and received 22.3.6 - 24. Grace - Return.
22.3 Water on the rocks making them look beautiful. This lady collects rocks. She is like a feral cat, a wild child, she feels all of nature is precious and to be honored.
22.6 The beauty of the unvarnished truth. - Perhaps she will calm down and see the truth?
24. Return. Well, I was wondering what I should do to facilitate her return... But should I?

Perhaps I am to do nothing but she will figure out a way to Gracefully Return on her own?
Any thoughts greatly appreciated.
 

Trojina

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I feel the answer favours you handling this, elegantly without fuss.

I also don't think she will stay cross for very long anyway. The 24 favours a return to usual conditions and does show an ease in coming and going.

I think if you did nothing that would be okay, I still don't think she will remain annoyed and I think if you call her it will make everything pleasant again just a little sooner perhaps.


With this answer one thing you don't need to do is worry.



I note the change patterns are 52 and 58 which is interesting, the swing between holding aloof and silent or communicating openly. I think that combined with these lines and the 24, well it's not a hugely serious issue however much she made it sound like it was. For one thing will she even remember this falling out ?


However I am inclined to see 22 and the lines as a comment on your handling it with an easy diplomacy, making everything seem different to her, perhaps you could 'reframe' things for her somehow thinking of line 3. I do feel Yi is approving your skills to the extent it makes me think you should use them. I mean the answer isn't saying withdraw, I feel it is far more saying that you can make things sweet again (22.3) with charm (22.3) and an easy simplicity (22.6).


Now if you can do that why wouldn't you ? However if you chose not I also think that would be okay. You see I feel like Yi is saying "You're really good at this, of course you can make her feel better. That doesn't mean you have to, you have no great weight of responsibility for her, but if you can then...?"


Of course I can see how your husband must have had absolutely enough of her. It always seems to me the more you help people like that the more ungrateful they get. It's all very well being a wild child of nature but it does mean the people around you don't have that luxury as they are too busy looking after your life ! To me as an outsider it looks like she is the one who needs to apologize. I guess if she is not all there in her mind allowances must be made yet she sounds a bit like a spoiled child after all these years of your husband helping her.
 

rosada

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Dear Trojina,

Thank you very much for this thoughtful and insightful response. I particularly get value from your comments that 22.3.6 suggests doing things elegantly and without fuss and that 24 describes a return turn to normal conditions and an ease with comings and goings, and I especially get value from your noting that this incident is not necessarily the "hugely serious issue" she made it sound like and that she may not even remember this falling out. This is not only most likely true (she blew up at us once before some while back and then never apologized or mentioned the incident again) but also this gives me a clue as to the most helpful attitude to take with my partner. I had been feeling, "How dare she disrespect you like that?!" Now I'm, "Yeah, that's our gal. Oh well, don't sweat the small stuff."
Thanks!
 

Trojina

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Rosada, a suggestion. I think your question would get more feedback in CC since Hilary answers there.

You are a member of CC so you can, also I'd like to see what Hilary makes of this cast ;)
 

rosada

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Thanks, Trojina. I haven't followed up on your suggestion as the situation seems to be resolved:

The following day Lilly (not her real name) called back. I could tell from caller ID that it was she and so rather than answering - and revealing any attitude in my voice - I gave the phone to my husband and let him deal with her. She immediately began apologizing profusely for her earlier behavior - once again not letting my husband get a word in edgewise! - and finally when she stopped for breath he told her there were no hard feelings and that was - I hope - the end of it. I say I hope that was the end of it because while we've gotten past this particular incident as there was no real back and forth discussion I think she remains oblivious to what actually happened. I mean, her apology was for "being so intense" - which really wasn't the problem so I don't think she realizes the problem was that she completely misunderstood him because of her inability to calm down and listen! But oh well, it's between the two of them and they seem to be good with it. :)

As for the I Ching interpretation, I see my role was to 22.3, see things in the best possible light, and 22.6 to be very realistic - not only that it didn't have to be a huge life altering problem, but also as this was line 6 perhaps a hint to stay above the drama. Reading more about 22.3 it occurred to me that water on a tiny stone could be like "sweating small stuff"! But comments on 22.3 also mentioned the importance of staying aware. So I think the I Ching was advising being there but not adding any weight to change things and thus possibly stirring up trouble. Stay conscious but stay out of it! Anyway, the reading - and Trojina's interpretation of the reading - were a great help as they kept me from making this whole incident a bigger problem than it needed to be. I just hope we'll be able to navigate Lilly more successfully in the future. It's interesting getting 24. Return as the resulting hexagram. I see in the lines of 24 advice for how a return/reconciliation after an upset is to be achieved, like how to get forgiveness in order to Return to 25.Innocense. The lines point the importance of admitting one's errors with full honesty. As that really didn't happen in this case I wonder if there really will be a Return? Or will the Return simply be a return to the same old problems and inevitable repeat upset? Anyway, things are good for now.:D
Thanks!
 
B

becalm

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Hi Rosada, what happened in the long term with this Hippy chick?
 

rosada

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Hi Becalm,
Although we don't see Lily very often she has never shown us that crazy side again. I guess the stress of the move really had been too much that day. Also, the fact my husband didn't make any big deal out of it and I stayed out of it allowed the vibes to calm down. I think by our not responding by becoming defensive or biting back it became quickly obvious to her that she was the one creating the turmoil. Anyway, some time later she got in touch to invite us out to see her new set up. We never refered to the incident although several times she made the comment that she really appreciates our friendship. And I now appreciate hers! The I Ching and Trojina's interpretation were a big help in showing me how to forgive and forget.
 

Olga Super Star

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Oh you know, this has reminded me a bit my moving from last year :LOL::weep:
I can see myself in this woman. Getting ready at the very last minute, being let down by two people.. it was a nightmare. And the young students that robbed my stuff also used as an excuse that to them I was a hoarder (which I am not at all) just because I had two (beautiful) plants and a lot of stuff.
That’s a lot of similarities between me and this Lilly ;)
 

watersprite2

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At a glance I think this means to help your husband return to help the woman - grace and empathy are needed in this situation because she's old and not quite all there in the head. It's being angry with a kid if that makes sense.
 

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