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In great part, 22 is about fraud and deception that occurs at a marriage. Someone is hiding something, and apparently it is you. The gua overall is about decoration and adornment. That your husband is willing to take you back is also indicated as 22's moving lines are about a man adorning himself in preparation of being married on that day. But he doesn't realize that this marriage is a mess no matter what and really only one-sided. The other man, the adultery, has been driven away, and don't expect him to come back. In either case, if you are correct about the moving lines, then the subsequent hexagram is 18, not 23, which is just a little better than the very bad 23. The love affair is better severed, as there is too much distress associated with it. The former lover obviously sees that. As for the husband, the marriage has too many problems and it is unlikely to work out if you go back. To make any of this work does not require sacrifice except in the sense that you have to come to your senses. 18, by the way, frequently means that there is an illicit affair love entanglement involved that spoils everything. If you need therapeia (therapy in the ancient sense, not the modern one), the 22 indicates that you need to do something artistic. Rather than looking for love in all the wrong places, you ought to settle down and do something that is adorning. It will help straighten you out. The 18 indicates that you must remove the spoilage of your life, before you go on.
If, however, the moving lines are 1 and 3, not 1 and 2, then 23 is an even more onerous hexagram for both love and marriage. It indicates not only the dirty affair, but it may mean that you will lose even more, probably in terms of material things, once the formal separation or divorce goes through. In any event, both your husband and the lover are not compatible with you: 23 drives the lover away and indicates no real way to make your former marriage work.
Time for you to get yourself together, and work out a decent separation agreement with your husband that is equitable and stay on the straight and narrow. Work on adorning your life and work on getting rid of all that is spoiled in your life. Then, you may move forward properly. Once you get yourself together, then you might be able to find some love. But to live for love alone is very unwise.
I am having great difficulty committing to the choice to come back or let go. After the affair ended (which I left my ex before I ever started having it, though we were not legally divorced yet), I met someone who I dated for a while but it didn't work out due to the emotional turmoil I had put myself and others through- I wasn't over things, which turned the guy off and then of course I became clinging when he started backing away. Anyhow, I still care about him but he doesn't want to speak to me. He says he needs separation for a good 6-12 months. And again- there is my ex-husband who is a wonderful father and a caring person- who still loves me. I don't feel like I deserve that love though and am having an even harder time wanting it. Despite all this, I am doing a lot better these days emotionally, but I still have my struggles. Today I heard a line on a movie that stated that love is not true without sacrifice, which really hit home. So this is where the question for Yi came from. Yes- it is a loaded situation but I thought a brief background might give further insight.
My divorce has been final for quite sometime. There was never any deception either... my ex husband knew from the beginning about the other man. I left him BEFORE I began a relationship with him. Also... I am the one who broke it off with the man I had the affair with. I know he isn't the right on for me. It was after I ended the affair and after my divorce was finalized that I met someone else... this is a third player... I don't think you caught that. In any case, this all happened over a two year period. Hexagram 18 is incorrect... it is defitely 23. I typed the changing lines wrong- they are 1 and 3. I don't see 23 as bad though. I don't see any of the hexagrams as bad... only instructive as what needs to take place for renewal to occur. I am not in denial. I made mistakes and I am getting myself together, but it's taking longer than I would have ever imagined. My ex-husband knows EVERYTHING. He isn't willing to take me back with his eyes shut. He is aware of what I did and who I am and happens to be a good man, who despite the pain that I caused him, sees the good in me. He doesn't define me based on the past two years. My problem is in going back... that I haven't really been able to be alone even though I am alone... if that makes any sense. Before I left my ex husband, I told him I needed to learn to be alone. That's what the affair was really about. I always knew that wouldn't last and didn't want it to... it was too distracting to the real purpose of the split with my husband. But then I met this other guy... which has been the biggest obstacle. I had been divorced for 8 months when we met so it wasn't a bad or hurtful thing as far as my ex husband goes. But I had not forgiven myself for everything and even though I didn't want to admit it.... wasn't truly over the father of my children and my partner of 12yrs.
I didn't post this to bring more shame on myself. I have been harder on myself than anyone else through this... I even became suicidal due to the guilt before the divorce was final. I chose to live for my kids. But I, like the rest of the human race, desire true love and now know that I deserve it. I never felt deserving of my ex husband's love. This love may be found in my relationship to my daughters... it doesn't necessarily have to be romantic love.
Yes, a typo. I'll go back and edit that.
Meant to say more but got called away.
I am seeing how 23. Stripping Away could be read as a meditation on the whole nature of sacrifice. You could plug in the story of Christ offering himself as a sacrifice:
23.1 Slander and intrigue.
23.2 Danger draws close.
23.3 The garden in Gethsemane. He could leave and no blame but he asks God's will be done.
23.5. The Last Supper? Or the Crucifiction?
23.6 The soul survives. Christ rises to heaven. Not so good for lesser men..
Anyway, as to your relationship, I think 23. tells us all must ultimately be sacrificed but i think 21.3 tells us we don't have to do it all at once..
Icastes sometimes I wonder how you come to such conclusions ? What translation/version/commentary are you using, or is there a particular Yi school of thought you are coming from ? Its just I never heard before that 22 is about 'fraud and deception that occurs at a marriage"
Thanks for writing out this explanation, Icastes.
That idea about the importance of looking over the promised partner very carefully would fit with my sense the trigram for fire below is blocked by the trigram mountain above and thus is not seeing the other person and thus being vulnerable to deception. I see this as being more a warning about self- deception, but not necessarily a warning that we are being intentionally deceived.
Maybe it is sacrilegious to suggest this...but I don't think we need feel we have to know the original Chinese interpretation of a hexagram to get it's message. Thus, I think while one can see hex.22 as describing preparation for a marriage ceremony, I don't think it's necessary and maybe not even healthy to assume this one plot line is the only one. I think it's preferable to look at these hexagrams as energy patterns that can manifest in an infinite number of ways. Perhaps in ancient China 22. was seen as a warning that one might be deceived. Perhaps our understanding has grown in the last 5,000 years and we now recognize when there is fire below and mountain above we need to ask questions, explore, and that if there is deception the blame lies with our own refusal to seek the truth.
The hexagram 22 is about a marriage ceremony about to take place and the promises made before the marriage. After all, we are talking about ancient China, not modern times. Depending on what translation you are using, you will find that the first lines are about adorning, particularly the adorning of the groom who is moistening his beard, etc.. The fifth moving line is about the family of the bride who is supposed to provide gifts, gifts that attest to the financial and social positioning of the family. However, their gifts are niggardly presented, meaning that the groom who had expected a lot more does not get what he was promised. Yet, it all turns out okay. Thus, 22, between the lines, is a warning to look over the promised spouse very carefully before you agree to the match. The family may be lying; what is promised will not be given. You don't need any special school of Yi to see the deception involved. The hexagram is very clear about what is going on. Moreover, I should point out that the Yi is not very encouraging about marriage generally. It is something that has to be done with great care as marriage is an institution that is very precarious for all parties concerned.
Oh yes... Rosada... your thoughts regarding hex 22 are along the lines of what I was originally thinking. And it is interesting because when I was married I always told my spouse that if he ever truly understood who I was he would have never married me and that if he understood me "now" that he would not want to stay with me. I think to some degree I was deceiving myself, but that those negative thoughts manifested into reality. After I left him he did see my dark side, but interestingly was always willing to let me come home.
So perhaps this Hex is as much about his self-deception as mine. Maybe he is willing to accept these things because deep down he feels unworthy of better as well. Sad though, because in my heart I know that we are both very worthy, but my mind/ego rebels against this notion every chance it can get. Perhaps Hex 23 will be the path to alignment of heart and mind. 22.3 speaks of blessings and I have plenty of those available to me now. If I accept them as a conduit to accomplishing the objective of hex 23 then freedom can result.
I like your analogy of Christ. Accepting the grace he offers (line 3 of 22) as a covering to the vanity in which we are all subjected to, can be key in rising above this ego-realm into the eternal realm., which is also a component of hex 22: beauty without does not necessarily denote beauty within- we must find it through grace. "the knigdom of heaven is within". This is a challenge, which involves exposing the ego for what it is ... a imposter posing as our true selves (Hex 23).
Yet, the Yi is a book that incorporates a lot of history, folk tales, politics, comments on behavior, and so on. Some gua, like 22, are a story which must be read between the lines. Your approach, while commendable in principle, in practice is too abstract and dependent upon a specialized knowledge of the world that is not available readily to many people. When the question is about a particular, it must be answered in the particular to make sense. One can look at anything in the world, an arrangement of flowers or the flight of a bird and divine from that. However, learning how to do that requires great development of the intuition. That is why the Yi works so well, as it makes concrete through stories or advice or even humor by grounding the questioner's problem in a concrete situation from long ago. And it doesn't hurt to understand the past and its institutions as modernity has a great many philosophical and practical flaws that the ancients address with far more realism.
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