What should I know about sending books w/ gift messages to my ex 13.1.2.5 > 50

[jecemis]

Hello all.

To give a little background to this reading: almost 2 weeks ago I asked the IC what I should know about attempting to get back together with my ex and received 17 unchanging. Diamanda's interpretation really resonated with me.

I have found 17 unchanging to mean "to be continued". As in, there will be more chapters in your story with her. However, this continuation will not happen naturally / by itself. It will happen only if you continue going after her. So, what you should know is that your efforts will pay off (I hope!).

I do feel that I must be the one to make the effort, continuing to go after her. We live far enough away from each other and our only mutual friend has moved away. Hence our paths are not going to cross naturally.

I only have her phone number and mailing address to work with. I've sent a few text messages a few weeks expressing a desire to be friends one day. The messages weren't written in away that required a reply and I received no reply.

So here I am presently pondering ways to continue going after her without going too far and coming off stalkerish. I have friends who've gone too far after their breakups -- constantly checking their ex's social media, going to events they know their ex will be attending, etc. I'm not this way. I haven't once checked up on her via social media as I don't feel it will help my cause, or even worse it could make me depressed/self-defeating.

I'm considering sending her a couple books via Amazon, which allows you to include a gift message of 255 characters. I could us the gift messages to express feelings that have yet to be expressed. She's very fond of books, and these two in particular would have special meaning to her. I

asked the I Ching what I should know about doing this and received hexagram 13.1.2.5 resulting in 50.My interpretation, which I take with a grain salt since I feel that I'm prone to see the reading in a light that confirms what I wish to happen, is somewhat promising.

I feel that 13 in a relationship sense can be seen as "people together"

13.1 - Together in a superficial connection.
13.2 - Shutting someone out. This is not an adequate way of dealing with someone.
13.5 - Between the people together there are difficulties at first, but this passes, and the atmosphere improves considerably.
50 - A situation where a transformation takes place or some other learning process that's beneficial. This transformation helps things go well in the future. There is progress.

Any additional insight or clues to where I may be mistaken would be very much appreciated. Thank you. ...

 

[jecemis]

Sorry about the huge block of text. Some reason I can't enter paragraphs, it just jumbles together.

 

[diamanda]

Hi jecemis,

I find this type of question ("what should I know about...") a bit confusing.
But I guess what you mean is, "what will be the result between you two"?

The answer is not bad at all, but it doesn't sound like it would lead to a renewed relationship.
She would get the books, she would feel sort of embarrassed by the gesture, then at some point in the future you two would accidentally meet as 'friends' - and the whole thing would take long to play out (50).
And I get the impression this is not what you're after.

Perhaps you could ask something like "what action on my part could result in her getting back with me?".

I'm still thinking of that unchanging 17.
You said you don't follow her on social media. Is she really into them?

 

[jecemis]

Hi again diamanda. I don't think she's too into social media. I found her on facebook after we first met and she has most of her photos available publicly. I didn't actually have my personal account active then so we never added each other. I've deleted all of the pics she sent me except a couple. I don't think I could bear seeing photos of her at this point.

Yes, I meant what would result. I don't think I Ching would be much use to me without this community. I'm very grateful for this site and for members like you who are so helpful. Thank you...

I asked the question you suggested and received 12.3 > 33

I find this interesting because months ago I asked what type of relationship would develop between us and I received 11 unchanging which I was never fully able to understand its meaning in terms of a relationship.

It seems to me that 12.3 is telling me to "bear and endure" ... to calmly accept the consequences of stagnation. I feel it's telling me there's nothing I can do, which is unfortunate because having communication cut off in this way when I feel I have so much to express is trying. It's changing to 33 which doesn't feel positive either.

Perhaps all I can do is use this situation as inspiration to keep working on being a better person.

 

[jecemis]

It looks like I was reading line 2 instead of 3.

Line 3 speaks of shame, which I do feel ashamed for the way treated her. I didn't feel this way at first. It took sometime for it to sink in, but now I feel it almost as physical pain in my chest.

 

[Juliah]

It looks like I was reading line 2 instead of 3.

12.3 indicates that the crisis is becoming acute. You may feel ashamed understanding that your efforts have turned out to be untimely.

It seems to me that 12.3 is telling me to "bear and endure" ... to calmly accept the consequences of stagnation.

Yes, to pay the full penalty for your mistakes having stepped backward to step forth when the crisis is over.

 

[diamanda]

So, social media are ruled out then.

Every time I've had 11 unchanging for a relationship (not only romantic), it turned out to be a situation where there is some form of salvation from a dark situation. It often meant complete separation - when the relation was so bad, that that was the only possible 'salvation'. I must say unchanging 11 and unchanging 58 are the two most deceptive unchanging hexagrams in my opinion. They sound so good, but play out in a very-near-to-negative manner.

In the light of 12.3 > 33, I am reconsidering 17.

12.3 is a very difficult line to grasp. Especially because, as LiSe says, the character is now used as "shame/embarrassment", but in its original form it meant "delicacy/offer". So the original meaning was "wrap the delicacy" (and retreat). LiSe translates this line as "Holding a sheep offering in expiation for a wrong".

So, is this line describing you, and only you?
I think you said in the past that her behaviour towards you was quite iffy, from the start.
How come now the whole shame is only yours?
The "wrap delicacy/shame and retreat" could perhaps also mean she's cheated on you.

In any case, in line 12.3 "the position is not appropriate".
In which case, 17 would not mean "go after her", but "there will be more developments".
I personally wouldn't take any action at all if I received this line.

 

[jecemis]

Her behavior was only questionable the last couple weeks when she began avoiding me. Before that she was the one making all the effort. In fact, I wasn't used to that treatment. For example, she was always offering to help me with things which nearly every time I declined.

I've never had a balanced romance in which both parties are equally into each other. In the past it was always me chasing the girl trying to win her heart, which I'm probably more in my element at.

This was a different experience for me. She was always showering me with affection, etc, which I didn't respond well to. Some reason it turned me off. She made hints about wanting to move in with me, whispered I love you once, and was always telling me how much she missed me, etc. I rarely reciprocated.

I was aware of the dynamic and it was interesting since I'd never experienced that before; there was, however, a conscious urge on an intellectual level to change my feelings so I could be into her and enjoy everything she was offering. Eventually my feelings would change, but that was after she was gone and unobtainable.

It seems that I have a push/pull tendency towards attraction. When I remove myself from the intense feelings and observe this from a more detached stance, I find this all fascinating. I hope I can learn to find more balance and enjoy such things in the moment eventually so that I can have a successful relationship. I don't see myself having much success operating this way.

I can't say for certain whether she feels shame but after going over our last phone call together in which we broke up there were certain question marks that led me to think that she's sharing in the shame or might feel even more shameful than myself. Which might explain her cutting everything off the way she did.

She was really angry during that phone call. Perhaps because I forced her hand. I tried one last time to see her by sending a text. She had another ready-made excuse. So I replied that there was no way for me not to read into this and that this was not going to work. She called right that second and said she was coming over. I didn't want her to at that point, feeling she was only wanted to because I forced her. Then she said "I'm breaking up with you, do you want me to do this on the phone." I said might as well.

I wanted to know all the reasons behind why she wanted to breakup and this made her more angry. She didn't want to talk about it. Eventually I got it out of her that she had been making up excuses to avoid me. Her reasoning was that she still really liked me but was afraid to be around me because we might get into another fight and breakup. According to her, she eventually decided that she wanted to breakup but was planning to do so at a later time. Which just sounds so bizarre to me.

I don't have any information to confirm this but I could see that her stringing me along like this was to me keep around in case someone new she was interested in didn't return her affection. Or she was waiting to see if something would develop between her and someone new and strung me along in case it didn't.

Either way, this is an entirely new experience for me and a lot of these feelings I've been having I've never experienced before; thus I feel this is an important life experience and despite how difficult the intense feelings are to deal with, I'm grateful for the experience.

It's strange, I woke up this morning and decided to look at her Facebook. I'm not sure why. It wasn't nearly as bad as I imagined. In fact, I was reminded of how I felt when I was with her, being annoyed over superficial things like her style. I guess I fallen victim to that cliche of wanting someone because you can't have them. I never felt that in this way, so intensely. I'm surely confused because my feelings have been so intense that I'd convinced myself that I'm in love.

Anyway, out of some kind of weird motivation, I asked the I Ching: What would result from sending her a Facebook friend request?

I received 14.6 > 34

I wonder if I should. I almost don't care about the result. But I'm also feeling much more detached at this moment.

 

[Juliah]

I'm surely confused because my feelings have been so intense that I'd convinced myself that I'm in love.

Your seem to have analyzed almost everything, and the further analysis would give you nothing except a headache and a pain in your chest.

Love tends to synthesis.

 

[jecemis]

Your seem to have analyzed almost everything, and the further analysis would give you nothing except a headache and a pain in your chest.

Juliah, I think you're correct on this. It's time to use that mind power for something more productive.