What to do about her? Hexagram 60 unchanging

[AnitaS]

I have an old friend for a tenant for 6 years now. She has mental problems. Hallucinations, delusions. I have tried to help her by taking her with me for the Buddhist teachings I attend, and encouraging her to make small offerings to the Buddhist centre which she does often. I really want her to get over her mental issues or she will probably end up in a mental asylum. Her family doesn’t care or they would have her treated. I am the only one who has told her the truth: that she has mental problems. Perhaps schizophrenia. None of her other friends want to tell her that. But I think she should know. She denies it of course. I want her to at least try colour therapy which she is familiar with and knows it works, but she refuses. I feel frustrated. If it is left untreated it will get worse. So I asked the Yi what I should do about her and drew an unchanging 60. I suppose this means I should give up trying to persuade her. What do you think?

 

[Freedda]

The hexgram image for 60 is the trigram (three-line figure) Water above the trigram Lake. The idea I associate with this is in order to accomodate more water into an already-filled lake you need to build up it's banks; you need to create more or better boundaries to accomodate this additional water.

I think it might suggest that you need to create boundaries as the best way to deal with and help your friend. It can include honestly and and a desire help your friend, but you need to take care of yourself in order to take care of her.

This idea is also expressed in the hexgrams' words: "Bitter limitations do not invite commitment". This is about setting boundaries and having limits, but that you don't do this in a harsh or mean way. It also means that you don't turn a blind eye to - or deny - what's going on, as it seems some of the other people are doing. For example, you can be there for her, and support her, but I wouldn't enable her by lending her money or lying for her, or trying to fix or cover up her mishaps, etc.

The two trigrams mgiht also be showing you something about your relationship: You, as the lower trigram lake want to help and turn a not good situation into a more satisfying one. Your friend, as the upper trigram, needs boundaries in order to stay within the natural flow of things (as a river does).

Here, I think the Yi is offering good advice about how you might best approach this situation - about a suggested attitude - but if your friend has schizophrenia or has other serious mental health issues, I don't know if is prescribing an actual fix.

Stepping away from the actual reading, if your friend is as you say she is, she is not likely to listen to reason or seek out reasonable solutions. So it may be the case that she has to 'hit rock bottom' - e.g. end up in a mental hospital or jail - before she can begin to get help and get better.

I have a friend whose adult son is schizophrenic, and unfortunately he had to end up in jail before he was willing to get help and stay on his meds, and so forth. But it was important that she was there for him, advocating for him the whole time.

Also, if your friend's condition is serious, I do not really think meditation or light therapy are what she needs to get better.

Best, D.

 

[AnitaS]

Thank you for your response. Boundaries. Maybe tell her to not do certain things like I had to today. My aunt recently moved in and is finding it already difficult to share space with her. I'm not mean to her but I do have to be honest. No other landlady would allow her to stay once they know her mental state, but I have had her here for 6 years. So I try and explain to her when she says she wants to move. They will throw her out. She needs treatment. She certainly won't go in for medical treatment. I can certainly vouch for colour therapy. I use it and I know others who do. It helped her too so she knows it can work. I can't force her. She changes her mind frequently so even colour therapy seems impossible. Sigh.