What to do about X?

[precision grace]

But this time is a friend who seems to be avoiding me this year. I am pretty sure she is mad at me but not entirely sure why. I sent her a text message today after not hearing from her for couple of months to ask if all was ok and she responded that she was fine but suddenly got cold and was in bed. Regardless of whether the cold is genuine or not I am convinced she is trying to avoid me.
Anyway, I am invited to her wedding next month but now I am wondering if maybe I should try and come up with an excuse. This whole thing is stressing me out.

So I asked, what should I do about x? and got 50.3.4.6 > 7

so I understand 50.3.4 50.3 is talking about me not hearing the message I think and 50.4 how I am embarrassing myself in some way which I already feel like I am doing anyway without even doing anything, but 50.6 is very perky and thanks to what?! 7 - the army also a bit baffling in this context.

please help. thank you.:bows:

 

[gene]

If you got a wedding invitation, go. Everything else is externals. It'll all work itself out.

Gene

 

[bamboo]

You don't say why you might suspect that X is avoiding you, and if there is no actual reason other than the fact that you haven't heard from her, I would think the 50 hexagram could be about her. She could possibly be having cold feet about her wedding, feeling overwhelmed and unable to communicate. She has broken down for a time, and perhaps it is not personal at all towards you. The 50.6 is quite encouraging for the whole picture. And the 7 is indicating that she will rally and pull together.
I know your question was about what you should do, but I would take it as similar advice. There's a temporary breakdown in communication but its part of the whole picture of whats going on with her and will be transformed. I would march forward with your plans to attend the wedding.

 

[arabella]

This person appears to be going through a rough patch -- 50.4. If you did nothing to warrant her pulling away, I'd also read 50.3 as matters are falling apart for her in some way. This is going to be OK 50.6 with the help of friends -- the army, compadres who keep coming no matter how weird her vibe may be.

Take a present, wear a big smile, and be a friend. Nobody can fault you for that. The mere fact that you are so concerned is a feather in your cap -- but I'd assume [unless I had done something awful to her] that this is her wavering and uncertain about life and your support could be very helpful at the right moment. No harm in being your good-hearted self. The most you lose is a few hours at a wedding. What you could gain is tremendous -- reconnection with a friend.

 

[precision grace]

Thank you for your comments. I don't think she is having cold feet about the wedding or going through rough time although I expect she'll be very busy but she is one of those people who finds time to socialize when others would collapse dead from exhaustion.

I know she is avoiding me because this is the longest time I haven't heard from her and the last time we met up, I had said shall we meet up next week and she said ok but I could tell throughout the whole meeting that she was uneasy and she kept dropping hints I think that she didn't like hanging out with me any more. The thing is, we used to be smoking buddies and now I've stopped smoking. I had said jokingly to her - don't tell me you were only my friend because I smoked and she was quiet for a while and then said it was nice to have someone to go out for a cigarette with.
And then I never heard from her and I know what she is like - when she wants to go out, she gets in touch.

It's a shame really but I've always found our friendship hard work. I find it very difficult to relax around her and we don't really have anything in common (other than smoking and being foreign and a bit kooky). I always feel like she is speaking in code I don't understand these days and it's all to do with this friend of her that I developed an unhealthy obsession with but tbh I blame her for that because she just kept going on and on an on about him before I'd even met the guy - it was like some form of brain washing. And we never Once spoke about me and him in a direct way. Actually, that whole group of people is maybe a nice package of mess I'd like to leave behind me..

 

[arabella]

Thank you for your comments. I don't think she is having cold feet about the wedding or going through rough time although I expect she'll be very busy but she is one of those people who finds time to socialize when others would collapse dead from exhaustion.

I know she is avoiding me because this is the longest time I haven't heard from her and the last time we met up, I had said shall we meet up next week and she said ok but I could tell throughout the whole meeting that she was uneasy and she kept dropping hints I think that she didn't like hanging out with me any more. The thing is, we used to be smoking buddies and now I've stopped smoking. I had said jokingly to her - don't tell me you were only my friend because I smoked and she was quiet for a while and then said it was nice to have someone to go out for a cigarette with.
And then I never heard from her and I know what she is like - when she wants to go out, she gets in touch.

It's a shame really but I've always found our friendship hard work. I find it very difficult to relax around her and we don't really have anything in common (other than smoking and being foreign and a bit kooky). I always feel like she is speaking in code I don't understand these days and it's all to do with this friend of her that I developed an unhealthy obsession with but tbh I blame her for that because she just kept going on and on an on about him before I'd even met the guy - it was like some form of brain washing. And we never Once spoke about me and him in a direct way. Actually, that whole group of people is maybe a nice package of mess I'd like to leave behind me..

Well, none of this precludes the idea that she is also trying to sort herself out and not having an easy time of it ...... but it sounds like you could easily let the thing go if it wears at you. Just don't take it personally and move on. I mean, it being such a difficult relationship anyway -- who cares?

 

[precision grace]

Well, none of this precludes the idea that she is also trying to sort herself out and not having an easy time of it ...... but it sounds like you could easily let the thing go if it wears at you. Just don't take it personally and move on. I mean, it being such a difficult relationship anyway -- who cares?

Well, as you seem so convinced... I asked "What should I know about X's attitude towards me right now?"

54.4.5. > 60

funny. Marrying Maiden. Yi has Such a sense of humour..

 

[arabella]

Well, as you seem so convinced... I asked "What should I know about X's attitude towards me right now?"

54.4.5. > 60

funny. Marrying Maiden. Yi has Such a sense of humour..

Well -- and she is! And the hexagram 60 would indicate to me that this is limiting her engagement with anything else [to coin a phrase!]

But you know her PG, so if something else is reverberating in your head, or you just don't care about this association anyway because it's a pain in the XXX, then BYE BYE and no one is the wiser!

 

[bamboo]

First reading makes perfect sense now, you've shown her up by quitting and she is reminded of it every time she might hang out with you. the 54.5 seems to be saying this too....you outshine her because I would bet she wants to stop smoking too and has not been able to eliminate that (60).

Before you toss in the towel about going to the wedding though, why not ask a question about the outcome of going. why miss a lovely meal with dancing- and -who knows who you might meet there. 54.5 is such a lovely omen to have hovering about.

 

[dancing white ferret]

I agree with Bamboo. Go rub it in their faces(;. Paint the town green, PG...

 

[arabella]

Bamboo is right -- tinge of jealousy here!

 

[precision grace]

Thanks ladies. I think me not smoking is a large issue here, for sure, but there may be others.
Anyway, I asked - 'What can I expect if I Do go to X's wedding' and got 7.2.3 > 15

So 7.2 is encouraging but 7.3 is really not very nice - it results in "evil".

I am not liking these odds.

Then I ask, what if I DON"T go to X's wedding:

49.1.3.4 > 8

Hm

It's a bit difficult to see the wood for the trees, but wouldn't you say that the Not going hexagram is far more favourable than the going one?
:bows:

 

[bamboo]

7 > 15 . ugh. talk about hard work. you'd probably start smoking again. ( seriously, Grace, you seem like the kind of person it would be really fun to smoke a butt and chortle with. I know, I know...smoking is bad, it's uncool, it's politically incorrect, . but personally I like those qualities Maybe X does too. Ultimately, though, it has no 'prana' - as Gwyneth Paltrow announced when she snuffed out her last butt)

49> 8 you change your mind about going and stand your ground. definitely safer.

decisions, decisions...

 

[dancing white ferret]

I don't know Precision Grace... Do you want to go to the wedding? Do you want to salvage your friendship with this person? Because if you don't go to their wedding you are probably ending the friendship.

"What to do about X?" 50.3.4.6>7

I think line 3 may be saying there is something great cooking here, you have all these great characteristics that your friend can't get a handle on. But, it also shows rain around the ting, and good fortune in the end. Cleansing rain... Like wiping the slate clean maybe. Wilhelm talks about releasing tension. Sounds like a release... Could mean although there is this misunderstanding, your friend will let go of whatever is bothering her and reopen her mind and heart to you. So, Line 3 implies your friend is having trouble grasping something here. Line 4 talks about someone spilling food all over someone because they did not handle the ting with care. Could just mean handle things with care. Perhaps this is referring to all the great changes going on in your life. You have quit smoking too. What other changes or progress might she feel threatened by? Perhaps is also suggesting to ground yourself dealing with her. Create a stable foundation in the relationship maybe. How did you two become friends or meet. Maybe bring that up. To me, line 4 follows up with don't throw anything in her face inadvertantly. Be you, and show her what a friend you are, but watch your step too. And line 6 says to me be like jade. Genuine, and modest about who you are. Overall, sounds like she is jealous, or maybe even a little threatened by you. But, seems if you handle things correctly, things could go very well. Hex 7 could just refer to everyone getting ready to go to this wedding. Weddings are very 7 like to me. Could also mean marshall your resources, what is in the ting, in an organized, careful, and conservative way.

I think 7.2.3>15 is reiterating this same idea. Don't upstage her inadvertantly. 7.2 talks about someone who is a strong leader, the center of this army, similar to 50.4, handling the ting with care. 7.3 talks about carrying corpses, old grudges maybe, outdated views of PG, and a need to let the dead weight go. This sounds a lot like the 50>7 one. I'd read it as operation (7) modesty (15)... Show this person who you really are, and pay extra attention to be modest. Do you have a strong, bold, persona? I do, and that is how this reads to me because I've received the warning before. Like maybe she feels overwhelmed by you.

I've had 15 come up as a warning not to be 44ish. Are you very bold, yang kind of girl sometimes. Maybe tone it down for her. Basically, don't be the alpha female here. Doesn't surprise me at all either you got a 54 here too. I've recieved that recently, too, as a don't be 44, be 54. To me, 60 says there are limitaitions to her view of you maybe. I think this is just showing that she is concerned you may upstage her at the wedding, doesn't really see you for who you are now, but you can still turn this around. But be prepared to adopt the 54 role though.

Just an alternative view. Only you can know for sure what the Yi is saying here.

 

[arabella]

I look on your casting of "do I/don't I" as six of one half a dozen of the other. And the 7.3 isn't so much ominous to me as an indication that the association is a dead issue and not of great importance -- and perhaps this deliberation not of such great importance either since the Happy Couple will be the focus of a wedding, not you. You could have fun and barely see her there unless it is a tiny, intimate affair. Is she the only one you're likely to know at the wedding? Could it be fun for you for other reasons? If so, maybe you're worried for naught. After all, why would someone spoil her own big day with a bad attitude and a sour face aimed at YOU?

And the changes of hexagram 49 -- the Not Going -- sound like they are rather forced as well if you take this route. You're not sure, it may not be the time to affect a big change in this situation, to stand out in the crowd by not showing up. It's not something you're entirely comfortable with either. Is it the day for "skinning"? Is this the time to say, oh who cares I'd rather stay home and wash my hair? Are you more conspicuous by your absence? Is the day of her wedding the day you demand justice in the relationship, that you say you've had enough of her on-off friendship?

Other alternative -- if you're down to tossing a coin, you might go, see how you feel, and if it's a non-starter, just slip out the back Jack. At least you know for certain why you did!

 

[dancing white ferret]

Arabella has a good point. A few good points actually... And it's true PG... You could always leave early. And, surely there will be an open bar. That would be reason enough for me to go. Worst case scenario, you get hammered and leave early...

 

[precision grace]

Basically, don't be the alpha female here.

Oh I think this is it in the nutshell. I was very insecure and shy when I met her. I didn't have any energy and used to excuse myself early from parties and go to bed. I would sit in corners and talk only to her mostly. Well. I am better now. And sometimes in everyone's face and I can see how that would annoy anyone but I don't want to not be myself. I don't actually hog the limelight, I don't like being the centre of attention but if I go to a party then i want to have fun dammit. And I don't friends who only have me around so they'd feel better about themselves.

50 could also be about food. She cooks a lot and has had a lot of parties in her house whereas I hate cooking and have only had her over one weekend and her and her boyfriend for dinner once. So, I owe them a lot of entertaining, but to be fair, she got more entertaining from me than anyone else I know.


bamboo - you are Such a bad influence!

Are you more conspicuous by your absence? Is the day of her wedding the day you demand justice in the relationship, that you say you've had enough of her on-off friendship?

I don't think so.I'm not sure anyone except our joint friend would notice if I weren't there and I certainly wouldn't mean not going to be some kind of statement, I hate people who do that. If I didn't go, it would be simply because I thought it would not be very enjoyable for me because everyone would give me the cold shoulder and I am not that bothered about food and drink, for me, it's the fun company that makes the party. And you are right. The last thing I want to do is upstage the bride in any way, although I cannot see how I could, but whatever. I did buy a dress and it's a bit loud

 

[arabella]

Arabella has a good point. A few good points actually... And it's true PG... You could always leave early. And, surely there will be an open bar. That would be reason enough for me to go. Worst case scenario, you get hammered and leave early...

God DWF, I love you. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

 

[precision grace]

"Worst case scenario, you get hammered and leave early..."

If I get hammered I'll do something embarrassing like at the new years even party. Remember all that drama and my inner ear infection afterwards and feeling overwhelmed with that guy (who is again coming over so another stress issue to deal with)? The more I think about this, the less I can see how this can end well, although, again, remember that dream I had, about these two friends trying to get me into a wedding when none of us were invited? It's all weird and annoying.

And I have precedent. Some years ago I fell out with a then good friend of mine and ended up not going to his wedding although it was a last minute thing, I was almost ready to go and changed my mind. It took a long time but we are on speaking terms again. I don't want to burn bridges. But if she actually doesn't want me there, then I'd hate to show up and sort of ruin her day by being there.

I hate social rules. This woman is all about subtle hints. And trying to get me to understand something by talking about other people etc is like counseling a bull to delicately tiptoe around shop-full of precious china, most of which is red and rigged to shout "ole" as he passes by.

 

[dancing white ferret]

Well, when you put it like that... Sure doesn't sound like much fun to deal with. Sounds like work. Bamboo, you hit the nail on the head!

Well maybe the Yi is being quite literal here, is adivsing you to stop deliberating, go but don't pig out (the richest pheasant fat is not eaten in 50.3), enjoy the open bar (rain on all sides, 50.3), get a grip (50.3), and just throw a big pot of stew at her(50.4)!!! Just, BAM!!! Hurl it at her... Right in her face Precision Grace... Then do this. That'll learn her. She will not be so irritatingly subtle in the future... The laughter and satisfaction you will feel is genuine and priceless, like jade (50.6)... a memory that brings you laughter even years later. Would certainly release the tension... 7 is security hauling you out of the building. Or maybe even the police.... But it's all worth it in the end(50.6). Has the Yi gone mad?!!! I think it's possessed by some evil 5 year old spirit. Or my ex husband. Terrible advice...

LOL, I love you too Arabella.

 

[precision grace]

goodness dwf! lol

Actually I think that original 50 was advising that I should be super extra demure and approach this Very Carefully and with Utmost decorum.v(50.3.4) But 7 is confusing me in this reading as well as the one for going to the wedding. Clearly they are related. You say 7 is very wedding like to you? I guess. There is all that organisation and whatnot.
I don't know what 50.6 was all about. Be my very best self?

But I Don't want to be on my best behaviour, I want to be bad!!! :bag:

 

[arabella]

goodness dwf! lol

Actually I think that original 50 was advising that I should be super extra demure and approach this Very Carefully and with Utmost decorum.v(50.3.4) But 7 is confusing me in this reading as well as the one for going to the wedding. Clearly they are related. You say 7 is very wedding like to you? I guess. There is all that organisation and whatnot.
I don't know what 50.6 was all about. Be my very best self?

But I Don't want to be on my best behaviour, I want to be bad!!! :bag:

I think this reading probably DOES call for being bad. In any case -- I hope you come back and tell us HOW bad -- can't wait to hear the outcome!

 

[bamboo]

DWF, you are so funny!!

But ladies, lets not forget that the reading about going to the wedding is the 7 >15. the 50 reading was about the standoff of X towards Grace.

15 is rather advising of demure. 7 is a hexagram that makes me tired just thinking about it. all the dressing up, all the social yoo-hoos, small talk (yuk), and wedding niceties (sorta yuk). In spite of all that, it can still be an event worth attending. 7.2 kind of implies being at the center of activity. Not a bad thing. (You might very well be important to her). All good material for your writing in any case. 7.3 implies you might need to lose the attitude of feeling snubbed by her and not cart that old dead stuff with you. let the past go

I like the 15 here. Sometimes going to an event like this can be very nerve-wracking before the fact, but after you go, you come away feeling content and satisfied, happy to have humbly celebrated someone's day with them.

 

[dancing white ferret]

Seriously, all I can see now is Precision Grace, as I imagine her, all decked out in this loud colorful dress, hurling a cauldron of gruel in this woman's face, and cackling like a mad woman, like some deranged witch... Very Helena Bonham Carteresque...

 

[dancing white ferret]

Phew, just had to sleep it off. I like Bamboo's take on this. And my experience with 7.2 has been similar to how Bamboo describes this. I've had that line come up for my job in management many times. I'm in the center of it all, making sure everything gets done, and trying to entertain everyone and keep them happy, making sure they got their breaks etc. And I've had 7.3 come up as well, and I think it meant something like what Bamboo and Arabella are also saying. Something kind of like that. Some dead issue.

 

[precision grace]

Update

Thought you might want to know what happened. The friend and I got together and reconnected and I went and bought a dress and shoes for the wedding and then two weeks before the wedding it got cancelled. Yep. Never went to the wedding after all.

funnily, I came across this thread when searching for 50.2.3 which I drew in response to another question of "why do I always end up in awkward social situations!?"