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What to do when my friends aren't on my side...?

kincadefoster

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I have this group of friends with whom I spend alot of my free time.

I'm in my mid 30s and really feeling the clock ticking so to speak on finding a significant other and all my friends know this... most of them are a few years younger than me...

I've had some time off work recently and have been hanging w them more than usual. We are good friends and have alot of fun together, however hearing them talk about certain things going on in their lives has made me realize that, when they have their other friends and one of them is single or in other ways they think of who would be a good match for this person, apparently I'm not very high on their list of who they think of. Nor do they introduce me to their female friends outside the group...

I'm imperfect and have issues, however I'm pretty sure I'm a decent guy, so I don't think I'm NOT boyfriend material or anything like that... So I'm thinking at the very least, maybe I should spend less time with friends who aren't really helping me toward my goal.

I asked this question with respect to what I should do in general to find a partner, but yes, I was also thinking about this situation with my friends as part of the equation when asking the question, "What can I do?" (with respect to finding a partner) 50.3 > 64

Any of you who have followed my recent posts will realize I have already asked this question in different words or terms, However, new now, so I'm asking with respect to now. :bows:
 

Trojina

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If you are changing yourself, developing, transforming, you can outgrow your friends. Also this line says that while a transformation is taking place one cannot always get a grip on things to make them move forward. You have to let things come in their own time, things aren't quite ready yet (64 is relating hexagram)

Regarding your friends not helping enough. Don't even consider this. I don't think they have it in their hands to provide you with the relationship you need. That is solely with you.

There have been times when I've thought over certain things 'why doesn't X help me, he could' and so on but in hindsight I've seen I could get for myself far better things than what another could get for me. Likewise I think you will in the end attract someone far better than anyone they could 'provide' you with.

So you need to have a bit of faith and patience here that things are working as they should and that even though you cannot seem to get 'results' at this time it's only because the conditions aren't quite right yet.
It may be you yourself are going through changes within yourself or within your life and you need to complete those changes before you are ready to meet the right person. So it's not dependent on them, it's dependent on where you are and how ready you are.

Do you think you are in the midst of certain inner and outer changes at the moment ?
 
S

sooo

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It's interesting that LiSe's line 3 commentary makes reference to cooperation and quality of helpers specifically.

9 at 3: The vessel is stripped of its ears. One's moving is blocked. The juice of the pheasant is not eaten. Rain in the region makes regret pass away. In the end auspicious.

Before one can start to accomplish something big, there has to be order in one’s life. From out a mess, neglect, faults or lack of oversight, only a disaster can ensue. First of all, look around you and mend what has to be mended. Examine your intuition, your plans, your tools, the cooperation you can expect and the quality of your helpers.
(Changes to hex.64)
 

moss elk

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I got 50.3 in a situation where I worked very hard and very long for people who were incapable of recognizing the value and service I was providing them. I eventually threw in the towel, departed from them and, positioned myself elsewhere. And it was good.
 

kincadefoster

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Interestingly enough....Well I've been very busy and my room became a bit of a mess.... As I was cleaning started thinking and realizing things and connecting the dots.... I realize now 2 of my close friends have been "cockblocking" me...

I've been sending this thought into the universe for a while now, that I will meet someone...

for the past couple months, about every 2 wks some girl who was a friend of one of my friends asked to hang w us, having found herself newly single for a while and needing something to do(meaning every 2 wks a different girl), and now I've been connecting dots and realize they have cock blocked me every time. This has happened at least 3-4 times that I've noticed. I'm not even overtly pursuing anyone, just in the initial stages of getting to know someone and what they are like when this happens....

so I got 5.1>48 in a recent reading about a different girl, situation. And thinking on this, today I asked, where will I find my *Well* from which my life and experiences flow, including someone who will love me without me having to expend much effort to make it happen(my best relationships so far have been women who simply love me back without me jumping through many hoops, so to speak) I got 55 unchanging...
 
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Hujambo

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I am new to this and know virtually nothing, but reading through your posts, I had a bit of a flash of insight. Hope it helps.

What if your friends are really your helpers, ie. in a cosmic sense. That last hex 55UC seems to remind me of "no guts, no glory". You don't want to expend much effort to make a relationship happen, however your friends are helping to create the conditions where you do have to put in effort. Kind of like, your current approach may be the hard way to get what you want, but it's not their fault, they are just being themselves.

Perhaps you can get what you want if you take off the floaties and go for a swim unaided by a group of 29 of your immediate friends, metaphorically speaking in broad exaggerations of course. ;) You could just say hi to any or all of the ladies that catch your attention as you go through your days. Doesn't really matter where you are, but it seems simpler when it's just two people talking rather than always navigating the dynamics of a group.

I met a guy once as I was getting off the tram and he was getting on. He turned around and got straight back down from the tram when he saw me and said "Hi." It was the beginning of a beautiful thing. Without him taking the risk I would have walked right by him because I wasn't "looking" I was on my way to work.

Anything is possible and if you want it, I would say gently take steps to draw it towards you, to expand your horizons/possibilities and to create space for a gf in your life. For instance, if you get a gf, will you abandon this group of friends? Will she have to compete for your time/attention? Just a couple of ideas, useful or not. I do want to wish you all the best in your search.
 

Tim K

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Where will I find my *Well* from which my life and experiences flow, including someone who will love me without me having to expend much effort to make it happen
Hah, of course you got 55 :)
h55 is about abundance inside, this well is You! The person who loves you unconditionally is also you. And if this is not the case - work on it.

Richmond:
This is a fullsome flow that is occurring within ourselves, the abundance is there in the way we experience but it is not at present an abundance of outer activity.
This is a time when we can feel gladly, the outside is secure and we could think this to be an inevitably good experience;
unfortunately our identity may be looking to outer achievement and this is a misunderstanding of where the abundance is ;
we are it, we have no need to seek, if we remain within, outer action follows in its natural course.

The inner identifying process which rules our identity is the king who has abundance, there is an abundance of material to identify amongst
...
It is all here and now, so we should be feeling complete like the sun at its zenith, but if our habit is to live for the future, planning always the next move and desire, we will be anxious.


Continue with transforming yourself (50.3), and realize that this well is inside you.
48 asks you to draw deep, there is water but you need a bucket and a long rope to draw it.
 

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