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What was happening here? 18uc 29uc

Lodestar

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Everyone keeps telling me to put myself forward more, but it's often given without out any true understanding of me. A statement that's trotted out. Yet it's not always the right thing to do. I do need to do it more, but I need to do it in harmony with my own path and my own vulnerabilities..that realisation has been the hardest thing to come by, to actually listen to and respect my fears.

So today I had an opportunity to put myself forward and was trying to discriminate if the anxiety I was feeling was just outdated fear - or - was it telling me I needed to slow down and such a move was not in harmony with source..

So I cast is it ok to put myself forward now? I got 18uc

Without time to really ponder that I decided to go for it - I was ridiculously self-conscious, shy, stumbling on my words it was excruciating!! I asked iching after what was the energy of that experience I got 29uc

Tonight I asked: Stop putting myself forward like that? What's my best approach now? 5

18 could refer to correcting my life of being a wallflower. 29 could be describing the emotional experience of that for me, which is quite simply incredibly complex emotionally. 5 could be responding to that experience saying, protect myself, it's not safe for me yet to expose myself by reaching out.


How was I perceived by X? 15.2.6-18
Will anything result from this? 20.2.5-4
 
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diamanda

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Very interesting that you got three unchanging hexagrams.
18 looks quite significant, as you also had it for a similar question recently.

is it ok to put myself forward now? I got 18uc
The answer says, first of all, that you feel sort of 'poisoned'.
It can also mean bewitched or insane, but you don't sound like it, so I'll go with 'poisoned'!
18 is an image of festering, of a can of worms.
By avoiding putting yourself forward, you probably get stuck in some same old bitterness.
The advice of this hexagram is to yes, move, and move big.
However, not just like that, from one second to the next.
Prepare three days before, then move, then for the next "three days" be careful.
Carefully planned movement is needed here to dispel the 'poison' (whatever that is).

what was the energy of that experience I got 29uc
You felt you were in a pit, you felt endangered, you went through a crisis.

Stop putting myself forward like that? What's my best approach now? 5
Look after your own needs. Have a bath. Delay. Wait.
Don't put yourself forward in the near future.
 

Lodestar

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Thanks so much diamanda! Wow well that validates my feelings around this. Poison and danger!!
I think sometimes traumatic life experience/our ancestral patterns can act like a spell or curse upon us. Everyone is under some kind of curse and some kind of blessing.. I have been working my whole life with this 'reality' - the reality of my energetic world, it's invisible to others, so I constantly get advice that endangers me.

what is the poison? 9.3-61 ‘A cart losing its wheel spokes. Husband and wife avert their eyes. 9 taking care of details, refining outward appearance. 61 inner truth. So my inner truth and outward appearance are not aligned.

I asked can you tell me more about this poison & how it acts within me? But the answer seems more like advice for me?? 52.4.6-62

How can I heal this? 10.1.4.6-29 well there's 29 again and also your advice on moving carefully

What I would love to do, would be to Never promote or put myself forward again, to just focus on my art and let opportunities come to me.. To be the recluse I want to be, to avoid selling myself at all. Yet the only advice I get is the opposite..'put yourself out there' 'if people don't know about you'
 
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diamanda

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sometimes traumatic life experience/our ancestral patterns can act like a spell or curse upon us
Totally agree, so well said! Traumatic events leave scars, as real as body scars.
I also sympathise with you on the issue of dangerous advice.
If a person doesn't have first-hand experience of what you're going though, they just can't help.
No matter how well-meaning they are.

What I would love to do, would be to Never promote or put myself forward again, to just focus on my art and let opportunities come to me.. To be the recluse I want to be, to avoid selling myself at all. Yet the only advice I get is the opposite..'put yourself out there' 'if people don't know about you'
Well rest assured, I didn't see such advice in your I Ching answers. There was no 45, no 13, etc.
The advice said cross the great river, as in, perform a great deed, an adventure, and so on.
It did not say go out there and be the soul of the party!
And yet being a recluse, as you put it, does not seem to be the solution (read on).

what is the poison? 9.3-61
Either you're still hurting in your heart (61 heart) because of a break-up.
Or you're deeply hurt by your parents' divorce and you've internalised it (61 centre/inner).
Or you have sexual orientation issues which you've never admitted to anyone (61 truth hidden).

How can I heal this? 10.1.4.6-29
The answer describes you, going about your daily life in a simple manner.
Then you accidentally come across a tiger and step on its tail (an everyday occurrence lol).
Well obviously tiger is a dangerous person, someone with an arrogant attitude perhaps.
And once this happens, you become fearful, you watch your every step, you feel drowned in danger.
So I guess the key here, of how to heal, is to learn how to deal with such "tiger" types.
How to stop feeling intimidated by them, how to diminish them in your way of thinking.
Because the situation described here results in the recurring danger of 29.

No matter how much you try to stay away from such confrontations, they will never go away - the tiger type, the bully, the arrogant gnarling type, is quite widespread. Staying away is not the answer, because even if you go about your life in a simple manner, you'll always come across them accidentally (they're everywhere, in my experience, and they do need to be cut down a few notches, otherwise they can be dangerous).

And also to your other questions, which I noticed later:

How was I perceived by X? 15.2.6-18
X appreciates the fact that when you talk, you talk straight and your words are modest.
However, X perceives you perhaps as a bit too aggressive in your behaviour (or words).
This probably refers to your words - as they are mentioned in both lines.
X could see that you were perplexed.

Will anything result from this? 20.2.5-4
By "this", do you mean your interaction with X? If yes, X didn't really 'get' you.
You have no blame in this (20.5), as your suffering doesn't let you act normally (hidden line 59.5).
4 shows that nothing substantial will result from this, there was no maturity in this interaction.
But if you're after some frolicking, X could be just the person to go to.
 

Lodestar

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Thankyou diamanda. Parents never divorced, sexual orientation not an issue but I experienced quite a bit of abuse as a child and young adult. So that's got to be the poison in the heart area. Therefore arrogance and aggressivity from others have always been a huge huge issue for me. So it's interesting that learning how to deal with these people should be part of my healing.

It's unlikely he found me aggressive as I spend most of my energy trying not to be that way, trying to be as unthreatening as possible to avoid danger. But by nature I'm a much bigger person than that, as in I'm quite charismatic, but I'm always trying to downsize myself because my life experience of other people's reactions to me, from jealousy or competition or covetousness - have had devastating impacts on my life. Yet being afraid to be powerful (which I can't seem to separate from arrogance) really stops me moving forward in my life. Sigh!! I'm exhausted even thinking about this. But it's clarifying and helpful..thankyou for listening :bows:

In fact I think this is getting close to the core of why putting myself forward is dangerous for me. I do not have the skills to protect myself from arrogant dangerous people. I become drowned in danger (exactly how it feels!) because it's triggering past experiences of abuse and being disempowered by this character type.

So from now on I will ignore conventional advice and I will move forward much more slowly. 5

Many things come by waiting, rather than by acting. As if one opens a cosmic door for them to enter. One’s own attitude is the door, if one waits in the right feeling, one acts at the right time. But there is also something inexplicable, which makes things happen without any action on them.
To rush anything, or impatiently force results, stimulates resistance and causes setback

But I find waiting so difficult - dear Yi - please give me advice on how to move forward slowly and still meet my financial needs; or what is the key piece of insight that will help me have faith in this path and do this? 22.5.6-63

I think this is telling me to trust in the unseen worlds..grace, energy,
 
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diamanda

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Yes I know how crippling it feels to strive to downsize yourself out of fear.
This definitely has a devastating impact and stops one from moving forward, as you said.

However being powerful is the exact opposite of being arrogant in my opinion.
If you look closely, you'll see that the more arrogant the person, the more inadequate they are.
That's why they 'roar' so much.
True power, on the other hand, never makes much noise, it doesn't need to.
Arrogance is a sign of weakness and worthlessness (and serious mental health problems too).

So from now on I will ignore conventional advice and I will move forward much more slowly. 5
It's amazing you got an unchanging 5 again.
I don't know where you're quoting from, but you're quoting a commentary, not a translation of 5.
The text of 5 does not say just sit there doing nothing and just gaze at the walls.
The character for 5 means rain arriving slowly. It also means need and nourish.
We can't force the rain to fall, but in the meantime, there is "trust", "light/bright", "prosperous", "luck".
And it is "favourable to wade the great river" (again, as in 18).
So there are things to be done.
Perhaps what you need to do is strengthen yourself and get out of the 18 frame of mind.

advice on how to move forward slowly and still meet my financial needs; or what is the key piece of insight that will help me have faith in this path and do this? 22.5.6-63
Small sincere gifts, grace in hills and gardens - this shows some reclusiveness for sure.
And 22.6 speaks of pure/white brightness.
So I believe this says that best to leave aside your financial worries, just for now.
And aim for some "light".
63 is a great indication that you'll be able to do just that, successfully.
 

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