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what was the point in leaving Hex 12.2.3>44

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goddessliss

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I split up with my husband over 5 years ago because he was making mine and our kids life miserable, so obviously I thought leaving was only fair on me and the kids but now I realise I've achieved nothing by doing that.

I've tried and tried over the years since leaving to better myself and my life but I've got nothing.

I have no home, no income, no partner, no friends really, no job, not even a car and still struggle to makes ends meet.
At least when I was married I had my own home and a way to make an income as well as being able to be a mum with my family around me and able to afford things least of all a car. Even though my needs weren't getting met by my husband at least with him in the picture I had something.

What was the whole point in me leaving him to end up with nothing

Hex 12.2.3>44

Even with that reading, what better path, sure I've sorted out a lot of emotional and spiritual crap I was holding onto but what's been the point in that - I've got nothing, I don't understand what it means.

- Liss
 

oponopono

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What was the whole point in me leaving him to end up with nothing

Hex 12.2.3>44

Dear Liss, I hear you reflecting on your life path and comprehensibly weighing the pros and cons of some past decisions, that is great, but do remember, what is done is done and perhaps your energy will better serve you looking at what you do have and what lies ahead for you. It is great to have nothing for a while: there is immense space for new things to appear. Did you really want those things you had, at the cost of being with someone that, in your own words, made your and your kids' life miserable?

You have your kids. You have integrity. That's not nothing. Perhaps 12 is referring to the life of disconnection you left behind, perhaps it is just describing the ability you had to say no. You are feeling that you are at a Standstill right now...

there is a suggestion in 12,2 to embrace or accept this dryer task. It is a situation in which you can choose to frustrate yourself or grow from it. Perhaps first of all finding peace with how your life is right now, with focus on the HAVE's instead of what you lost.

and 12,3 is very poignantly a recommendation to embrace "disgrace"

Looking at it I feel the answer describes how you feel about your life right now and suggests an attitude to develop towards the overall difficulties.


I hope this helps somehow,
Y
 
S

sooo

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When I left a toxic relationship I was supposed to meet a fine woman around my age, and we'd equally share the responsibilities of daily living, share common interests, have a renewed sex life, get back on my feet financially, and start a new bright future. Instead I found loneliness, poverty, sickness, so-called friends and business associates that threw me under the bus and judged me, kids who resented me for leaving their mother.

But, if I had it to do over again, I still would have left, because I refuse to be a victim. For the last 14 years I've had no one to blame, and eventually I've learned to stop beating myself up over it, and have realized that no matter what road one chooses, there will be unexpected hardships, and that it's the hardships which shape our character and strength. Life is a course in resistance training. Those who have it easy get weaker, more dependent upon others and their "things" that own them. But we have those things only when we claim them, and from that we become stronger. If we crumble under them, we might as well be a fly born after the rains, that live searching for anything to feed on, and soon get swatted while innocently squatting on someones refrigerator, and swept into their garbage container.

In the big picture, we're all little more than those flies, unless we use our mind and our will to become more during our life, and that's not determined by our physical possessions or our popularity. If we have made our peace with life and ourselves, we will be healthier and truly more prosperous. Don't bear shame, claim victory over sorrow, and that enables those other things to come to us. 'Seek first the kingdom of heaven (which is right here) and all its purity and power, and all these (other) things shall be added unto you.' Or in 44's terms: Thus does the prince act when disseminating his commands and proclaiming them to the four quarters of heaven.

In looser terms ~ Get on the good foot - get on up!

[video=youtube;FjBj0-KoT2Q]http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&list=RDEk9-HGHT1Pk&v=FjBj0-KoT2Q#t=220[/video]
 

rosada

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What was the point in leaving him to end up with nothing?
I think you are suffering from the universal problem woman face on this earth. To be a strong passionate independent woman - a 44! - is no easy task in this society run by stereotypes of what a woman - make that wife, mother - ought to be.

!2. Blocked - you were totally blocked in that relationship because it would not allow you to be you.

12.2 While a small person might have said, "Well, it's hell but at least I've got a roof and a car," you said, "i am the master of my fate - I will not settle for the life of a non-person!"
12.3 Yet for all your efforts to be an emancipated woman you have somehow on an inner level "embraced shame" meaning you feel you deserve nothing so you have nothing. Society and the kids don't have to beat yourself up for divorcing your husband - you do it for them!

44. A strong independent passionate woman. Can you accept that side of yourself? This is what you left your past behind to become. Until you can you will be constantly comparing yourself to someone else's standards - and feeling abused.

Agrimony is the bachflower essence for healing abuse, btw.

rosada
 
G

goddessliss

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Thank you yoana, sooo and rosada each of you makes such valid points and helps me remember why I left and what I've become since.
Having said that though, I did embrace shame and abuse about my circumstances for a long time but in recent times I've let that go. Definitely. I don't feel ashamed I don't have the things I mentioned I feel more sad, perhaps is the right word, about not having my own home and garden to nurture and make my own.
As you say society does a great job of making one feel less than for not having 'things' I have also copped judgement and abuse from so called friends who above all are very money orientated. They are no long my friends.
So I'm wondering, because I asked the question 'What was the point....' one of the points is that I was embracing shame by allowing myself to be married to a man who felt shame about just being him. In the family I grew up in I was made to feel ashamed about who I was on a daily basis, as was he, and I guess we were naturally attracted to each other for that very reason.
All your responses are helping me sort things out for myself. :bows: I love that you know all the Bach remedies Rosada, they are such a wonderful tool to work with.
Thanks for reminding me yoana that I do have, and have always, maintained my integrity during and since this divorce.
My children I guess all have their own take on things but as times gone on and emotions have calmed down I know that they have the utmost respect for me including the oldest, despite his mission to belittle me because I'm not of the Christian faith. One day, when he put that aside, he said to me 'mum I realise now just what you were dealing with and putting up with being married to him'.
- Liss
 
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goddessliss

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Thanks for the video sooo!! I surely cannot dance like those guys though when there's noone around I could pretend :rolleyes: they are so, so amazing!
 
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sooo

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“Even in poverty I lived like a king for I tell you that nobility is the thing that makes a king”
― Ludwig van Beethoven
 

Liselle

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I agree with what people have said about your life not being over yet :). You don't know how it will turn out when all is said and done. (Which is vastly easier to say than to live through, of course, but it might still be true.)

12.2 might just be saying that "the point" is different depending on what aspect you're specifically talking about, and when. IOW there are probably times when you feel you're better off not being married, and other times (like when you asked this question) when you feel the opposite.

I don't know if this is just an American expression, or if you're familiar with it? "The grass is greener on the other side of the fence."

Sometimes it is, and sometimes it isn't. The grass may be a similar dismal shade of brown on both sides. You may have simply traded one bad situation for a different sort of bad situation, and which one you think is better may change daily or weekly, depending on what is happening, or just the usual fluctuations in your mood.

That may be one way to interpret the "great person...this" vs. "small person...that" dichotomy in the text, allowing for the fact that you are probably both of those archetypes at different times.

But to repeat - it's not over yet.

I can see how that's not a very satisfying answer to your question, though...I'm hoping this reading is just Yi acknowledging your feelings, and that maybe it has addressed the substantive issue in a different reading? For example, IF your 58 > 52 reading was encouraging you to pursue adult education, that might be more the answer.

(I'm saying "IF." That was a very strange reading, and when someone is having a very long conversation with Yi, it may not be a good idea to pull one reading out and make too much of it. All I'm trying to say is that maybe in THIS reading you didn't so much get a substantive answer as a hug and a listening ear.)
 

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