Which school for my son?

[veronica]

Hello everyone, I was just wondering if you could help me interpret two readings relating to my son's education. I have been wondering for a while if my son is happy in his current school (he is 10) Although he hasn't been complaining, I have noticed that he doesn't have many friends and seems a little of an outsider, whenever I have a chance to observe him. Some of his friends are quite clicky and my son often doesn't get included in play dates etc. Whenever I ask him, he maintains he is happy where he is but he tends to bottle things up sometimes. I asked today, what if I keep my son in his current school - and received hex 24.1.5 to 8 and also what if I move him to an alternative school (one particular one I've been thinking of) and received hex 28 unchanging. What do you guys think?

 

[veronica]

Any good souls out there willing to help? Pretty please?

 

[Sixth Relative]

24zhi8 looks better than 28. Maybe you need to approach to the issue (your concern about your son's sociability/happiness) from a different angle.

I'd use the following dialogue, in this order:
a) give me a picture of my son's emotional well-being in general
b) give me a picture of my son's sociability at school in particular
Only in case the answer to those questions point to some trouble, I'd add two more questions
c) What is the deep cause of this problem?
d) Give me a wise advice to help my son

Wish you the best.

 

[butterfly spider]

I had a dilemma like this some while back. The readings made no sense at all and I went round in circles. I got to the point where I was imagining taking my children to one school dressed in the uniform and then doing it for another one....One of my readings was 1UC which made no sense at the time.
In the end I didnt send them at all -

Point is that much of your answer is connected with how you feel about your child and could have nothing specifically to do with the school. The advice you get is, like the comment above, concerning your son's welfare.

It is a hard one - but if you concentrate on the child, not on the school, which in my experience, will be very similar to every other school, then your decision might make more sense.

 

[butterfly spider]

I have found that by having a third choice, you can see things in a bigger frame. For example - could you teach your child at home, do flexi schooling, boarding school - just putting things out there. Could you join forces with another family going to a school further afield. These are all options - and by considering them you could be exploring what it is your child would like...you could even put the suggestions to him. Even if he says that he wants to go to a boarding school 1000 miles away, as quickly as possible, at least you would know that perhaps you shouldnt be worrying at all!!
x

 

[butterfly spider]

I just remembered that I had posted onto the hex 28UC thread some time back - about being in a 28UC situation - go to the unchanging thread 28 posting

Oh my, what am I doing - Oh no, what to do, oh deary me......
almost like I should get out of my canoe and sit and sunbathe on the bank for a while.

Have a read - it makes me think that you shouldnt be worried at all about your son in 28 - ask him what he thinks about it.

 

[veronica]

Firstly many thanks Sixth Relative, your advice really helped in many ways, firstly I agree that 24.5 to 8 is more auspicious and I do know that my son is struggling emotionally due to many reasons, which is affecting his behaviour and sociability at large so I skipped to your last suggestion and asked for a wise guidance regarding help for him and received 50.5 to 44, which is equally as confusing. I have, however found a very helpful comment by Hilary from 2002, which made a lot of sense in my case, but if anyone has anything else to add please feel free:

From Hilary: "I think this reading is about finding a sympathetic way to manage the change both you and G are experiencing. The Vessel is solid and strong, and it contains things as they transform. Accepting the symbol of the Vessel means holding your feelings and his, the whole relationship, as it develops. It suggests finding what is stable, offering G something he can rely on for continuity.

The ancient Chinese used the Vessel for sacrifices - by changing the nature of what they cooked in it, they kept the channels of communication to the spirits open. For them this meant it could represent founding a new dynasty, resting secure on this flow of communication. For you, I should think it represents a new way of being in the relationship - and like the Chinese dynasty, it has to be founded on deep communication in order to last.

Hm - this describes the ideal you are looking for, but I imagine what you want to know is how to attain it, no? The Commentary offers a strong hint - this is also about nourishing your own perceptiveness. You can hold the relationship and become acutely sensitive to its subtle inner changes. In other words, see and hear him. It?s less a matter of reaching his feelings, more of finding ways to let him know they are all heard.

Another insight from ancient China - before the new dynasty can be founded, the old one has to be completely overthrown. The old patterns, that haven?t brought about the results you wanted, have to go - then you can ?grasp renewal?. The Vessel represents a positive connection to what is really worth having from past and future - but it also relies on you getting rid of whatever is no longer useful.

So it could be that the process of reaching G, renewing the relationship, starts with your own inner work to make your own foundation new and firm. The Vessel is also an opportunity to ponder these things in your heart.

Hexagram 50 seems like the ideal - but Hexagram 44 is exerting a strong ?pull? on it. It is also about change, but the kind that works outside and beyond your control, with unpredictable results. I would guess that you - and probably G as well - feel that a strong new influence has entered your life, bringing change you can?t quite get a grip on. The rise of new emotions can feel like hugely fertile potential, or like a threat to everything you thought you knew. The winds of change are blowing under heaven! How can you deal with these forces of change and fit them into your life?

The I Ching is more than hinting that this relationship will not just ?fit in? with normal life. It says quite clearly - ?no use to grasp the woman?. (The woman, I think, is the power of emotion, ?chance? and change who challenges everything that seemed secure.) If you don?t seek to grasp and control this, it can go a long way and bring about profound change.

The traditional reading of this hexagram is that such huge disruption and change, undermining all the established structures, is something to be feared and fought. Stephen Karcher thinks it is something to be welcomed. The I Ching doesn?t actually say whether it?s good or bad? How does it feel to you? And how do you suppose it feels to G?

Unpredictable, alarming change coming in?
sacred change you contain and cherish?

50,5 shows how the Vessel can contain even the raw power of Hexagram 44. It has ?bronze ears, a golden handle? - this is truly something of value. The ?ears? of the ancient Vessels are rings to insert a carrying rod: the Vessel is ready to be moved, and that makes it genuinely useful. But yes, ?ears? also means human ears - the I Ching is punning gently! What makes your ?holding? of the relationship truly valuable is your ability to hear G, your openness to be moved by him. (Lao Tzu wrote it is the space at the hub of a wheel that makes it move, the empty space in a clay vessel that contains. I wonder whether he?d just received this line?)

I hope this helps, at least as a beginning. I expect there will be more people gathering round to help very soon!"

 

[veronica]

Many thanks Butterfly spider, for your comments as well. What do you mean I should not worry about my son in hex 28UC? Do you think changing schools for this one is a viable option or that I should not worry about it at all? I do think that perhaps I should tackle his emotional state and try to support him the best I can first perhaps... just so difficult...

 

[Sixth Relative]

Hi Veronica

There is an often neglected text in the Dazhuan (one of the 10 wings in the Yijing) about using different sections of the text for different questions. My personal experience has found this practice very accurate: one doesn't read every answer in the same way, on the contrary different questions demand different methods. Regarding questions about "how to..." or "advise" I've found very useful to focus on the Xian text (both the text named "Image" in Wilhelm's translation and the text of the individual lines).

50zhi44: what your son needs and what you can provide him is "stabilization" and a healthy "emotional framework".

Your son is defined as a talented person, who needs to be nurished. The Ding (hex 50) is a symbol for stability in oposition to the revolution (hex 49) but by means of rectifications to secure one's stability and one's own TianMing (Mandate of Heaven or Fate).

In 50zhi44 one is between an impulse to follow temptation (44) and an impulse to maintain correctness (55); success lies on correctess, of course. But the image of the individual line warns to maintain correctness in a moderated, "humbled" and fair way (meaning: avoid excessive firmness, avoid to be rigid, to force, to impose but be centered). The commentary on the Judgement advise to use Xun for the eyes and ears to see and listen clearly.

I'd say this answer confirms that is better not to change him of school; he doesn't need another change (hex 49) but stability (hex 50). He needs to see you as a reliable source of both emotional security and guideness on learning clear limits.

Wish you all the best