Why can't I find mutual love? 21 1.2.5>6

[kivikik]

Hello there!

I am in a state of devastation - it seems like the love life is just not working out for me.

I dated a person - urned out that for him we were just friends and he had a fiancé waiting for him back in his home country.
I got over it. Got happily married, but that ended in ugly divorce after years of knowing each other.

I am very depressed and giving up on love. It seems like I am not bound to find true mutual love, me loving him and him loving me.

I asked Iching to shed some light on this. And it gave me the following answer
"Why can't I find mutual love?" Received 21 Biting Through with lines 1.2.5 moving to 6.

How should interpret all of this especially the question Hillary gives for Arguing "If you can’t win this one, what else can you do?" So I am not to meant to find this true love, I should just come to piece with that and find something else in my life and have it loveless?

Thank you!

 

[vikk]

Hi kivikik!

We have almost the same name - same letters!

Sorry you are devastated!

This is a really tough one. Everyone in their life feels the same at some point.

I am not an expert in IChing, but I would like to share some thoughts.

Unfortunately, not everyone can serendipitously find mutual, some people need to have a journey and go through some amount of jack asses to find it. When you bite through those jack asses you will find it. To some this love is simply given once and for all. Some people have different path and need to have series of the relationship to understand who and what qualities this true man has. You also need to understand through this journey what are the signs of mutual love.

For example, were there any signs that the first guy wasn't into you which you probably didn't notice or noticed, but in the fear of acknowledgment you just gave it different interpretation. Take this life experience as a first jack ass you bit through. Now you know all the signs of untrue love.

Your second relationship was another obstacle you bit through and learnt from it. Now after knowing what ruined your marriage you gather the experience and will not make the same mistakes again. I am sorry this may sound harsh - but everything in life is a two way street, there is a little bit of your fault too that your marriage ended.

Hexagram 6 is a backdrop to the initial hexagram. I like to interpret it as what you feel right now. You are in a state of arguing, disagreement with your own self.

Thank you!

 

[xuesongyu]

Hello friend:

When there are 3 changing lines, you should consider the hex codes of the base hexagram(Hex 21) and the changing hexagram(Hex 6).

The hex code of Hex 21 says "It’s a good time to take action to punish the rebel", and the hex code of Hex 6 says "A lawsuit is due to lack of sincerity; Reaching a halfway accommodation, you will have good luck; fighting a decisive battle, you will have ill luck. "

So perhaps the reasons why you can't find mutual love are as follows:
1. You partner is disloyal to you; (Suggestion: You should try to find a loyal partner, this is the most important fact for mutual love)
2. You don't trust each other;(Suggestion: If you make sure that he is a good man, please trust him)
3. You often quarrel with your partner(Suggestion: You should be tolerant of little problems, because a good marriage needs mutual love and mutual tolerance).

Good luck!

---------------------------------------------
The Wisdom of I Ching: http://www.amazon.com/dp/1500859788
I Ching Codes Predicting the Future: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00KRPT8G0

 

[Tohpol]

"Why can't I find mutual love?" Received 21 Biting Through with lines 1.2.5 moving to 6.

Some further thoughts to the good advice that's been given already.

H.21 appears to about penalties and punishments on the face of it, but that's only half the story. It's also about learning to cultivate discrimination and discernment so that you naturally find your partner in this life. As Vikki mentions, sometimes there are those of us (I'd say most of us) who need to experience a few relationships to forge the qualities that we need to allow the other mate to hove into view.

Line 1 means that you are "shackled" right now for your own good, although it may not seem like it! The devastation and depression that has claimed you is only temporary but there's a lesson that lies within this pain and suffering - it can be your stepping stone to a nourishing partnership provided you allow yourself time to heal, to let go of the whole idea of desiring someone and to see your own part in the breakdown of previous relationships.

It's a time for contemplation which also includes not allowing yourself to slip into the archetype of the victim. If the latter is still lodged in your heart then you will only attract the same dynamics. An intellectual understanding of your own role in these situations is important but the emotional healing is crucial.

Line 2 reiterates this idea of "punishment" although it's not really like that. It's more about shocking us awake so that we can see where we are going wrong. Often that means we have to be going down for the third time to really get it! To put it another way, sometimes we have to go to the other extreme (complete isolation for instance) in order to facilitate a real transformation, to get back on track. No need to be too hard on yourself either. Time will see you right.

Line 5 shows that you have to make a decision as to who you are and therefore who you attract. It requires effort and determination (biting through old conditioning and learned behaviours) but in the end, you can bag a prize - i.e. a partner who is suited to you, and you to him. What's more, it will be based on the real you.

So, overall I think the Yi is showing you that this period is indeed very challenging and you may feel that you have reached rock bottom but that this is strangely enough a potential blessing in disguise. You have the resources to get through it and actually transcend not only the conflict (shown as the background H.6) but your whole self-concept.

I wish you all the best.

 

[ginnie]

"Why can't I find mutual love?" Received 21 Biting Through with lines 1.2.5 moving to 6.

For mutual love to flourish, someone in the relationship has to choose peace over power. Often in day-to-day relations, we don't feel that our love is reciprocated. However, that is only a feeling or a mood, and you cannot base a relationship on feelings, which are by nature changeable. You cannot base a relationship on fighting for your rights, either. A relationship is based on choosing peace over power, and being in it for the long term, not just this week, this month, or this year.