Why can't I stop using nicotine?

[vanland]

7.4 > 40
The Army's Deliverance

I have been back and forth the last few weeks trying to decide whether to quit nicotine use or not.

I set a quit date, and did alright nicotine free for 43 hours. I had told the group I was in, that I was definitely going to make it, but I failed, and now I'm finding myself defensive about returning to the group, not to mention pretty prideful and ashamed.

The reading suggests I take it easy and not let one hard core member who came down pretty hard on me deter me from rejoining the 'commoners'.

It also suggested that I shouldn't feel a moral obligation either way, but that if I didn't have a better plan, then I should return guilt free.

I would like to discuss this situation some more on the 22nd, if possible. I like the idea of having this forum to air my grievances without judgement.

Thanks!

 

[ontheroad]

It says Change the way you're looking at things.....

 

[Trojina]

I would like to discuss this situation some more on the 22nd, if possible. I like the idea of having this forum to air my grievances without judgement.

Then you'll need to provide a link to this thread in the Well thread otherwise I doubt Hilary will see it here

 

[Trojina]

Well I just posted a link there for you but saw you had already done that but deleted so I may be making a bit of a mess of it but still.

Will look at your reading here a bit later.

 

[Trojina]

The question is 'why can't I quit nicotine?' well it's addictive so it's not easy but you have interpreted the answer in the light of the group thing.

I'd think it's a clear indication to cut yourself some slack, maybe take a week off. Most people give up about 10 times before they actually stop so the fact you have 'failed' is quite normal. You'll get there in the end. The important thing is not to feel shame, that will make you want more nicotine, but to praise yourself for efforts thus far acknowledging it is a hard thing to do and trying to stop is so much better than never trying at all.

The lines says 'the army camps on the left' meaning they have a rest. They haven't given up their objective altogether but they are taking a minute to regroup. When they continue they might approach things a bit differently, perhaps a bit better.

 

[my_key]

'Why can't I quit nicotine?' 7.4 > 40

Nicotine is highly addictive and any addiction is difficult to break when tackling it alone. The reading is calling for you to become a bit more open and to relax more into the situation of quitting (40) and all it means for you. 40 calls to you to overall find the right direction home.

7 advocates that you gather the right external support around you and also support the weaker aspects of your character (the commoners) to make this a success. Perhaps most importantly is to show love and care towards those parts of you that have become reliant on having their regular fix. Look for ways that make their reliance less demanding of you. Quitting any addiction is an emotional as well as a physical journey and conditions have to be manufactured and correctly positioned in order for your relationship with nicotine to become balanced.

7.4 speaks to the way of you finding the right road. Huang translates as 'the multitude retreats, no fault' and comments about when believing that a conflict cannot be won and that things will procced along their normal course then the only course of action is retreat.

If this was my reading I would take great heart from this. Right now I am doing the best I can and will have learnt things from this retreat. Use them and other insights to become more successful in quitting nicotine in the future. There is more emotional and organisational work required so that any future attempts to quit are better supported.

Good Luck

 

[Liselle]

I agree with Trojina but also wonder if 7.4 could possibly be a very literal and very direct answer?

Q: "Why can't I stop using nicotine?"
A: "Because it's too easy to retreat." (From your goal of not using it. This is a quote from Hilary's commentary: "To camp on the left is to pull back to a position with an easy way of retreat.")

For instance do you still have nicotine in the house? If you got rid of it, it'd be a lot harder to start using it again since you'd have to go out to a store on purpose to get more and so on.

Of course that might not be it at all, in which case back to what Trojina said.

Everyone in your group will know (or ought to) that things like this are really, really hard. If someone is making you feel bad for trying and failing, please don't take that to heart. I don't think there's anything wrong with feeling confident and even declaring you're going to make it, but then still backsliding.

Come to think of it, telling yourself something more realistic ("I might not succeed right away") might also be an easy way of retreat even if it's probably true. Maybe you have to actually keep resisting the thing that's bound to happen (backsliding). Forgive yourself for it (40) and fight against it, both at once.

 

[Trojina]

For instance do you still have nicotine in the house? If you got rid of it, it'd be a lot harder to start using it again since you'd have to go out to a store on purpose to get more and so on.

For me personally it was much easier to stop whilst having cigarettes in the house. I gave up in 2005 and I still have the packet from that day in my drawer. The whole psychology of 'don't have it in the house' just wouldn't work for me. If I think I can't have it I might have panicked - the fact that I can have it but choose not to works much better for me so I never agree with people who think it's best not to have the substance in the house. It's different for different people but for me the extreme approach never worked. The level of addiction wouldn't be diminished by having to go to a shop - it's more important to be clear what you are choosing rather than treat yourself like a badly behaved animal.

I stopped a pretty long term heavy smoking habit gradually using nicotine gum, but before that reducing amount of cigarettes each day. I think that's contrary to most 'official' stopping smoking advice but it worked for me.

My tip is don't think of stopping as depriving yourself, which we tend to do, but as being on your own side, fighting for team Van. Every time you don't smoke your playing on your own side against all those things in the world that hurt you. If in your efforts you stumble, it's just a stumble not a cause for self condemnation. Of course it does take self discipline but it helped me to think of it in terms not of 'I really want these but can't have them' but 'I'm on my own side now'. Smoking is an act against the self and we want to be on our side don't we.

 

[Liselle]

Yes, I remembered that afterwards, your story (you've told it before somewhere).