Why do people (mostly women) seem to hate me? 30.1.4.6 to 15

[Mountain Girl]

Hello all,

First, I'm new to this community so hello, and thanks for this. Having a place to explore the Yi and all the raw, tender questions we have is pretty darn cool.

Here's the story of this reading: The women of my family and I have never been close. My mother was abusive and my sisters continued that trend after my mother passed away. On his deathbed (literally) my father told me to get as far away from it all as I could. I took his advice -- I saw it as permission to finally leave what was a very toxic and hurtful situation. My sisters twisted the story of my "leaving town" and have convinced my extended family that I'm just a shallow human being who has no regard for family. As a consequence, I've essentially been ostracized by even my cousins for years. I've recently made attempts to mend fences, reaching out to cousins via Facebook (because we all live so far from each other) with a simple "hello, it's been years" kind of thing. Not only did all of the women not respond, but several of them blocked me straight away without so much as an acknowledgment.

When I look back over my life, I can see a pattern with this sort of thing. Women seem to really bristle with me. I've done a ton of inner work on myself throughout my life to find the "why" of this. After a recent accident that nearly killed me, I want to heal the family division more than ever and be able to be around women in general as friends and not as constant combatants.

30.1.4.6 to 15

If I go with the middle line: 30.4 --> with regard to my family, this suggests to me they still see me as the little girl who was irresponsible and reckless (Legge, "excitable and restless"). I've been told some of the gossip my sisters spread about me is essentially regurgitated stories from my childhood -- mistakes I made when young -- blown up to make me look like a horrible person who's still making those same mistakes today.

15 --> this is where I'm stumped. 15 says "a modest approach is needed; allow oneself to be led". Does that mean, let it go? If they're not responding, I should follow their lead and just let go?

If you've made it this far, thank you! Any insights would be greatly appreciated.

 

[maggie may]

It seems like you answered your own question in your description. The main women in your life abused you. That 'seems' like hatred. Your sisters continued it: more hatred. You saw your mom and sisters as toxic and hurtful: also feels like hate. You grew up with feeling unloved (or hated) by the women close to you. Your father told you to get away from it and you took that advice, feeling that it was the right thing. I think it would be predictable that you would find it difficult to trust women, because of your early past, difficult experiences. This is not from the Yi answer, but from your own words.

H30 is fire over fire. One of the main attributes of the trigram fire is 'clinging.' It is the exploration of what we cling to for fuel and environment. It is natural to look to family, or blood relations for this. I think that was what was behind your question 'Why do women seem to hate me? The inner trigram is you, the questioner, and your inner feelings and motivations. You are reaching out for your 'clinging.' The outer trigram is also fire. It represents the outer situation, the other people, and / or the question. This is also represented by fire. The family clings to its own ideas, beliefs, family ties, economic resources, etc. In one way, you are a separate flame from them. These are two separate flames, the inner and the outer.

Line one is about intentions, beginnings, and first steps. It is yang with too much yin. It has no correlate in the fourth place of assistance. There is some imbalance in your original intentions concerning these actions to reach family. There is much you do not know, because you have not been there. There is not full clarity in the situation. Clarity and vision is another attribute of the trigram fire. Here, it as at he beginning and has little to go on.

Line 4 is in the outer situation of fire. You seek assistance and help, and there is no ally to get you back in this outer situation of 'clinging.' There is a feeling of failure because it is connected to your original intentions in this situation. You are looking for love and acceptance in a place where there never was any. And then, you are feeling like a failure because you did not find acceptance there.

Line 6 is the place of being above the ruler. It is the a place of being able to be in it but not of it. Look back over the situation and take the positive elements, the clarity you can get from it. Take that with you into the next phase. It is the upper reaches of the flame. Are the intentions you set at the beginning still worth it? Take what you can out of it and move forward.

You have three moving lines, all yang. These are basically places of imbalance, or too much yin within that place within the situation. It may be telling you about your own intentions with the question. You feel hated. Too much yin means you are absorbing it, taking it in. The three moving lines make the trigram of heaven. This is the creative, the potential for what can be manifested. It is the dragon. The dragon cares not what others think. Their beliefs and intentions do not effect the dragon. You need this idea to balance your thinking. Be who you are. What truely feeds your fire, your passion? Follow your creative passions.

These are challenging lessons. I applaude you for the courage it takes to face them. You do not need approval. Live your truth. Be your authentic self. In this way you will feed your flame and tend your own fires.

Warm wishes,
Maggie

 

[diamanda]

Hi Mountain Girl,

Totally agree with Maggie May. You've been abused. Just to add a slightly different take on 30.1.4.6 > 15:

The changing lines of 30 describe the course you have followed so far. Very confused in the beginning (30.1), bewildered and burned out later (30.4), and finally having the courage and authority to cut them out of your life (30.6). In this way you have achieved 15, which is not a 'spectacular' hexagram, but it is true, decent, authentic, genuine, balanced.

The reason those people hate you is because you 'woke up', stopped accepting the abused victim's role, and cut them out. They hate you because you are true, decent, authentic, genuine and balanced.

I believe you did very well to stay away from them. I know how bad it feels to be forced to stay away from particular family members, but (as I'm sure you can sense) you will feel much much worse if you do go back close to such underhanded people.

 

[rosada]

Some further thoughts on these hexagrams...
You have asked a very broad question here which may be why you received two hexagrams that refer to people in a very general sense. 15. Modesty refers to a single solitary person proceeding on their individual path alone and 30. Clinging gives an image of two single solitary flames that may or may not fuel each other. So you may be getting advice here about relationships in general.

30.1
"The footprints run crisscross. If one is seriously intent, no blame."

Relationships are complicated things. Lots of mixed messages. What we label "hate" may not be hate at all. It may be we simply don't know each other very well. Maybe we think we should have close ties with family but that isn't our soul path and they don't really have any fuel for us this lifetime. Who knows? The important thing is that we stay focused on our own intention, our own soul purpose which is to spread love and brighten the world.

30.4
It's coming is sudden,
It flames up, dies down, is thrown away.

Several possible interpretations suggest themselves here. Do you tend to come on too strong, do you think?
Do you expect more of others and then are disappointed when the relationship burns out? This could be advising you not to give up too soon or alternatively perhaps you should be considering would you really want these people in your life if they said let's be close? Perhaps if you were closer you'd suddenly realize you didn't want the connection after all. As 30. talks about fire needing something to cling to, it may be that you are looking for support from relationships that really don't have anything much in common with you.

30.6
"The king uses him to march forth and chastise."
On his death bed your father told you to get away from these folks. Hmm...
"Then it is best to kill the leaders and take captive the followers."
It does seem there are some folks you should just eliminate from your Christmas card list but also perhaps there are "followers" who like you grew up in an environment where they were not shown love and respect. Realizing this may help you understand what's going on better.

15. Modesty. "He weighs things and makes them equal."
Maybe advice to count your blessings and not give these frustrations more attention than they deserve?

All in all I think you are being advised that you must be careful not to bunch all your relationships together and decide people/women/cousins hate you. Choose potential friends individually and look for those who share your interests, friends with whom you can be mutually supportive. Don't expect great things over night, aim for gentle long term sustainability. There will be those who are toxic and certainly you should eliminate them but hold out hope those who have thoughtlessly ignored you, especially your cousins. They may have been raised in the same sort of difficult family dynamic you endured.

Finally I just want to suggest you ask the I Ching a new question. What we focus on we make more real. For example, if you ask, "Why can't I find my hat?" you get an answer that has you looking in all the wrong places until you realize "The reason I can't find my hat is because I'm are looking in all the wrong places." When you ask, "Why do people seem to hate me?" you get all sorts of experiences of being hated. Interesting to know but maybe not the most fun to focus on. How about asking, "Why is it people love me?" Now that could launch some real change!

Best wishes,
Rosada

 

[Mountain Girl]

Thank you Maggie May & Diamanda!

Maggie May, when you pointed out "intentions" and "clinging" with regard to family it totally resonated with me. For years I tried to make them love me, to sort of force a place for myself in the family -- not because I loved them but because I believed family was always right and if I didn't have them, that meant there was something wrong with "me" (a response, I've since learned, which is text book for people who have been abused). The dragon also resonates deeply. I had a message in a meditation years ago that advised me "learn to fly above it", not in an egotistical way but in a very practical, "this is what's necessary" kind of way. And of course, my father confirmed that message.

Diamanda, your insights about having "woken up" are something I've felt in my gut but have been hesitant to truly own -- an artifact of years of being told I'm worthless and consequently not trusting myself. Your encouragement to stay true to myself and not go back is like a salve to my soul right now.

Thank you both!

 

[Mountain Girl]

Rosada, yes on all of that! From the "coming on too strong" to the "don't bunch all relationships" to asking a different question. Such true and helpful insights, I'm genuinely excited to be looking at this issue again and working through it. After all this time I had reached a point where it was like an Albatross around my neck that I simply wanted to discard rather than genuinely work through. Thank you for helping me dig through and decipher this

 

[Olga Super Star]

Do men like you a lot?

'cos that is usually the big main reason why a woman is not so welcome by all the others

 

[oceangirl]

Mountain Girl I've lived the same road in many ways as you on the subject of family. I was made to feel worthless but when I was about 40 I said enough is enough and no more - it was the best thing I ever did although clearly from my most recent thread I haven't quite got over the ingrained worthless thing yet.
I grieved the loss of the family dynamic I always wanted never happened - I didn't grieve the loss of them AT ALL!!!
Someone told me years ago - People always want to 'bring down' the brightest star - Hex 30 and make you fall from Grace - Hex 15...that's my take on why women hate you as invalid as it is.

I also feel you've been given Clarity by your dad and he see you as the one with Integrity.

It takes courage to move forward from our desires, you know I know that but it can be done.

from one girl to another.

 

[Mountain Girl]

Olga, it certainly seems that way! It'd be comical if it weren't so exhausting -- always bracing myself for impact with women while getting along with men is effortless and drama free, which seems to p*ss off women, and round-n-round it goes. Ugh! Haha!

Oceangirl, I was going to reply to your other thread because it's so darn similar to what I've experienced. While it's a bummer to hear you're living a similar story, it helps a ton to have someone out there who knows what it's like. Thanks so much for the encouragement. I'm sending it back atcha! Stay true to you.

 

[Olga Super Star]

I have personally stopped trying to impact with women and have turned to an all-boy working environment. The moment I stopped begging for their (women's) friendship, they started to leave me alone.