Why does he hate me so bad? 14.1.4 to 18

[eastern_girl]

Hello everyone!

My question - Why does he hate me? - is related to my ex, to whom I cut any contact about 6 or 7 months ago, after a huge, ugly fight, when I said some bad things about him (well, he deserved it). He didn't try to contact me either, at least not directly, though he wrote some texts on his blog (after the quarrel), obviously related to me, but with no mention of my name. I didn't enter the game and moved on with my life. Never tried to talk to him again, never gave any feedback on his blog etc etc

Today, after so many months, he wrote an article on his blog about what women shouldn't do if they wanted a long satisfying relationship. Although he claims this article is a lampoon and that he's kiddin', his text is full of hatred and cliches about women and it's pointing to sooo many moments we had together. No mention of my name, but the facts are there. I read it in tears.I can't believe he still holds grudges, I thought he got over it long ago. He never seemed to care too much about me. I don't hate him at all, on the contrary, I think we were both silly and childish and I wish him all the best.

Yi's answer to my question (got this cast twice to the same question): 14.1.4 to 18.
I have my own interpretation, I read various translations (Whihelm's text, Legge, Hilary's) etc. but I still could use some insight from experienced members. As I see it, something is broken, probably for good (18), he sees me as "harmful", someone who caused him suffering (14.1), but what about the envy indicated in line 14.4?

Also asked (well, in a way, it's almost the same question): what are his feelings for me now? - answer 44.4.5 to 18. Hex 18 again.

Does someone else have another point of view on how these lines reflect his attitude?

Thank you.

 

[kkappa]

Hello everyone!

My question - Why does he hate me? - is related to my ex, to whom I cut any contact about 6 or 7 months ago, after a huge, ugly fight, when I said some bad things about him (well, he deserved it). He didn't try to contact me either, at least not directly, though he wrote some texts on his blog (after the quarrel), obviously related to me, but with no mention of my name. I didn't enter the game and moved on with my life. Never tried to talk to him again, never gave any feedback on his blog etc etc

Today, after so many months, he wrote an article on his blog about what women shouldn't do if they wanted a long satisfying relationship. Although he claims this article is a lampoon and that he's kiddin', his text is full of hatred and cliches about women and it's pointing to sooo many moments we had together. No mention of my name, but the facts are there. I read it in tears.I can't believe he still holds grudges, I thought he got over it long ago. He never seemed to care too much about me. I don't hate him at all, on the contrary, I think we were both silly and childish and I wish him all the best.

Yi's answer to my question (got this cast twice to the same question): 14.1.4 to 18.
I have my own interpretation, I read various translations (Whihelm's text, Legge, Hilary's) etc. but I still could use some insight from experienced members. As I see it, something is broken, probably for good (18), he sees me as "harmful", someone who caused him suffering (14.1), but what about the envy indicated in line 14.4?

Also asked (well, in a way, it's almost the same question): what are his feelings for me now? - answer 44.4.5 to 18. Hex 18 again.

Does someone else have another point of view on how these lines reflect his attitude?

Thank you.

Hmm, eastern_girl, there is something off about this story, and maybe I am getting it wrong, but there are always two sides of the story, so hear me out before you cast my opinion aside. You are clearly upset about the things he is writing, but in the castings... they kind of make him look like he is not doing anything wrong in writing those things. It really makes me wonder - are you being honest enough with yourself in terms of what your role has been in bringing forth his words and opinions? In other words, are you refusing to see yourself the way he sees you, just because you can't belive someone believes that of you?

 

[meng]

Hi eastern_girl,

This is a great example of starting your question with a very big and important assumption: that he hates you. How could Yi give a direct answer to that if he doesn't hate you? It could, instead, give you a picture of what this matter really looks like.

For example, I see it looking like he is working on his own worth without dependency on you, and possibly without dependency in general. This makes him appear distant, but chances are he'll come around when he's ready, hopefully with some past things worked out within himself... called, maturity, I think.

A lighthearted interpretation of what he thinks of you: he thinks you're a bitch, but you turn him on.

 

[eastern_girl]

Thank you Kkappa and Meng very much for your feedback.

Well, it could be my assumption that he hates me, but everything he wrote in that text reflects nothing but hate and criticism and I recognize myself in those situations he described. Even people who read the article and left comments told him the same thing. I'm not saying he doesn't have the right to think whatever he wants about me, neither that I was a saint in relation to him. We both were very immature, in my opinion. I just don't get it why he has such hard feelings after seven months. I don't feel the same as he does, I made peace with the past.

 

[kkappa]

Thank you Kkappa and Meng very much for your feedback.

Well, it could be my assumption that he hates me, but everything he wrote in that text reflects nothing but hate and criticism and I recognize myself in those situations he described. Even people who read the article and left comments told him the same thing. I'm not saying he doesn't have the right to think whatever he wants about me, neither that I was a saint in relation to him. We both were very immature, in my opinion. I just don't get it why he has such hard feelings after seven months. I don't feel the same as he does, I made peace with the past.

Some people hold on to grudges and negative feelings for much longer than others. I personally don't get it either - I am as quick to rage as I am to forgive and forget. I also don't understand when others hold and hold and hold on some more to something that is already long gone. Why not channel that energy for strengthening one's character? But that's the thing... we are all in this world for different purposes and with different capabilities. While he is working through his feelings, he is going to spew out everything that comes into his mind uncensored (while the rest of us only go as far as just thinking those things about other people but never put it in writing for the whole world to read), but do yourself the favor and don't take a seat in a recliner and watch it happen in front of your eyes. What would you gain?

 

[mirian]

Dear eastern girl,

I don't see the hatred in your readings either..I understand what you say about his article/blog, his opinions might be biased, he might have stereotyped views on women/relationships, but your assumption that he hates you is just not confirmed.

That the relationship deteriorated (18), that goes without saying. But when I look into 14.1.4 what I see is that he is trying to steer clear from pain and suffering, but that doesn't mean necessarily you, but just how relationships can be. He accepts the differences between the two of you and the fact that he cannot control the situation.
As for his feelings (44.4.5) he still might have an attraction, but things have gone beyond repair, and he can just carry on, leave things as they are, with no intention to do anything about it.

Hope that helps:bows:

 

[meng]

Guys typically cloak hurt as anger.

 

[gene]

Hi Eastern Girl

I just want to say something here, without going into the reading, that I think applies in general to male female relationships. And I do agree with kkappa to a certain extent that there is something more to this

First, I think that women need to understand, when they get into fights, that men tend not to forget what was said. Now they may or may not continue carrying a grudge, but they don't just forget. When women get into relationships, they tend to try to change the man. It is not going to work, it doesn't now, it never will. They will not change. Men tend to try to find someone that they like just the way they are. Women will feel chemistry for a man and think that they can change him into something that will work for them. It will never happen. When they can't change a man they become somewhat frustrated, and say things during an argument that they think will help him see himself as you see him, and he will learn and change. All it is to them is just criticism, and they think, "if you don't like me the way I am, then why are you even going out with me?" It is not that they can't accept criticism, they can, if it comes from the right quarters. But they want their girlfriends to like them the way they are. And criticism can be very, very damaging. They will not get over it. It is not that they hate you, they just think it is pointless to try to get along with you. They feel it is impossible.

I think this is not just for you in this reading, but information for both men and women as to how we are different.

Gene

 

[eastern_girl]

Yes, maybe I make to much fuss over this. Obviously the article upset me, but after all, it's his life, he can write whatever he wants. Thank you all for your answers, they really helped me.

 

[eastern_girl]

Thank you, Gene. You pretty much summarized the whole situation. And you're right, women always make this mistake, wanting to change what can't be changed (except if it comes from his own will to change). It was our problem too, I think.