Why does my husband keep talking to other women 50.2.6 to 62.

[Chaptershare]

I am extremely hesitant and a part of me embarrassed for even asking relationship question however a part of me feels so lost and trying to find truth and understand my current situation a bit better.

A year and half ago I saw a text that came through my husband’s phone and after many conversations and research on my behalf I found out that my husband was texting other random women. He said it’s more of an emotional outlet and that nothing physical happened. Through many therapy sessions I was able to better myself
And not be so emotional hurtful and toxic towards him(which he said was the reason why he needed the emotional outlet).

A year and a half passed by and I thought everything was going well; I haven’t cursed or used any toxic languages and working on myself to listen better and empathized more. He’s always had complaints that I’m always on my phone (I have a career that requires my phone usage and I have four younger sisters that I keep in touch with through texting). Of course I tried hard to not be on my phone all the time however he feels that I’m always on my phone and fail to pay attention to him or listen to him since he thinks he has to repeat himself multiple times. Just the other day, I saw a Skype number on his phone from another woman. I asked him immediately and he said it’s nothing. Finally got the truth from him and he said that she added him and somehow they exchanged several messages and she called him however he felt it was wrong and did not continue.

This saddens me that I was lied to again when he promised the first time around not to ever let this happen again. When we spoke about this he blames it back on me and tells me that I’m so vacant and makes him feel belittled at times. I’m always on my phone and he feels that I don’t treat him like he’s important. My response was no matter what the situation is, it’s wrong to lie and speak to other women when we are in a marriage.

I was crushed by this so I tured to the oracle and asked why my husband talks to other women? 50.2.6 to 62

Changing Lines

Line 2
'The vessel contains something real.
My companions are afflicted,
Cannot come near me.
Good fortune.'

Line 6
'The vessel has a jade handle
Great good fortune,
Nothing that does not bear fruit.'

50.6 is saying to be open about everything(Does this refer to me or my husband?)

50.2 is saying anxiety and communication (again is this referring to my anxiety and my lack of communication or his?)


62 is attention to details, again is this letting me know I need to listen more and pay more attention to him? Is he lacking attention from me?

To me this sounds like I need to be more focused on our relationship and really pay attention before it goes down a negative spiral?

Again I’m sorry for pounding my relationship on here but I guess this is my outlet so I don’t go crazy and overthink things. Thank you for not judging me and helping me through this.

 

[Trojina]

I know when you are right in the middle of a relationship you can't always see what's happening even to the point where you are being abused and yet you feel to blame.

My impression, well it is more than an impression, is that you are being made to feel the guilt for his appalling behaviour !

This is crazy - he talks to other women but makes out it's your fault because you talk on the phone ?

It's insane, it's mad, crazy.

Who needs a reading ? It's not your problem why he talks to other women your problem is why are you in this horribly abusive relationship ?

I can't even look at the reading to be honest the main thing for you to know is he is in the wrong, he is manipulating you and succeeding. You don't drive him to talk to other women because you talk on the phone !

I guess 50.2 shows he is affected by negative emotions that can't touch you. Well yes what a nasty piece of work he is and you are so innocent you aren't touched by it because, I don't know maybe you can't believe anyone could be such a total piece of shit.

Look after yourself
It's not you fault
You don't make him call anyone
Get away from him he sounds really creepy.


Maybe others can do the interpretation - but as for why he does it I don't care and neither should you what you should care about is that you are being emotionally abused, made weak by it to the point you believe his pathetic cowardly lies that you 'make him' phone other women.


Sorry but to my mind you need to either pack your bags or kick him out.


And don't be embarrassed this is serious -

I can't believe you think you should pay more attention to the relationship !

What ??

No he is being hugely disrespectful by calling other women in your home and hugely emotionally abusive by putting the blame for his sad shitty behaviour on you.

 

[Trojina]

A year and half ago I saw a text that came through my husband’s phone and after many conversations and research on my behalf I found out that my husband was texting other random women. He said it’s more of an emotional outlet and that nothing physical happened. Through many therapy sessions I was able to better myself

Are you kidding ? He phones other women and you think you need to better yourself ? What are you the lowest of the low that it's always your fault whatever it is ?

And not be so emotional hurtful and toxic towards him(which he said was the reason why he needed the emotional outlet).

Oh Dear poor little man - oh did he need to call other women because you were 'toxic'. Toxic indeed - there's a word to turn a human being into an inanimate object whilst maintaining he is pure himself....

What's he even doing on the phone to these other women that give him 'emotional release' ? What's in it for them - what do they think the relationship is about ?

 

[Trojina]

I can delete my posts if you want just let me know or PM me I know my reaction is quite strong but I am so appalled at how beaten down you are that you can even think this is down to you.

Do your sisters know about the way he treats you ?

 

[sylvia1ching]

xxx

 

[Chaptershare]

Trojina

Thank you for your kind words and input. No I don’t want you to delete your post. I have so much to digest right now and I’m unsure how to go about this. The first time around I forgave him since I felt his hurt and pain that I’m always cursing at him when angry and made him feel small however with this new development, I’m completely shattered. I’m heading to Europe by myself in a week and I feel like I need some time away from the relationship to digest what’s going on and why he feels the need to speak to other women behind my back. I asked him not to be a coward and speak up and take actions if he’s not in love anymore instead of finding other outlets and blame me when he’s caught.

I guess I just want to understand why he feels the need to do this and perhaps I should ask a follow up question on whether I should leave him.

I have four sisters, one knows about this and she’s very disappointed in my husband’s actions.

Sorry I’m rambling right now. I was so distraught last year and found a place in my heart to forgive him yet it’s happening again before I leave for my vacation.

Regardless of how bad I treat him, he doesn’t have the right to do this to me.

You guys are a world of help.

 

[sylvia1ching]

QUESTION: Why is my husband (continuing) to contact other woman via text/skype etc? How to proceed?

HEX 50: THE CAULDRON
Of all of the hexagrams The Cauldron and The Well (HEX 48) are the only hexagrams that represent an actual object. The Well is the source for water for all of life. It serves to serves to nourish the body. The Cauldron serves to nourish the e spiritual or higher consciousness of man. It nourishes the spirit of men through a refined and ceremonial way. Unlike the well which serves a basic need as in food, shelter, and water. The Cauldron enriches man in spiritually and energetically where man is beyond survival mode.

LI-clinging fire above SUN-the gentle, wind, wood. The idea is that wind and wood feed the fire. The fire to cook the food for the The Cauldron to feed men but also to feed man's spirit.

THE JUDGEMENT
The Cauldron. Supreme good fortune.
Success.

The wood and wind serve to nourish the flame as the food in the Cauldron is to feed the spirit of men. Man has now moved along in culture (Bronze Culture- the Cauldron is made of bronze) such that focusing on survival is not a day to life necessity. Society is organized, governments are in place NOW man can pay closer attention to his spirit and his relationship to the cosmos. The divine nature in man is explored such that man explores and educates himself on the inexhaustible dinivity that brings to a higher consciousness or enlightenment. Man's soul is now where the focus is.

THE IMAGE
Fire over wood:
The image of the Cauldron.
Thus the superior man consolidates his fate
By making his position correct.

Like the wood that serves to fuel the fire, man is fueled by his correctness in his position such that his fate moves in direction of a higher sense of awareness. Man defines his fate. One must choose to live the right was such that fate and one's life is in harmony.
Line 2: (----o-----)
Nine in the second place means:
There is food in the ting.
My comrades are envious,
But they cannot harm me.
Good Fortune

During this time it is important to focus on something significant. You are woman who has a lot going on for her. You husbands indiscretions are cheap and demeaning to you. You are focused on a greater purpose and his focus is on, I want to say, superficial intrigues that are meant to dismiss you. Your comrade, your husband, is envious, spiteful. It is as if you get to turn your attention away from this obvious disrespect. Because he chooses to act in a way that is of lowly and classes and impolite has nothing to do with you.

It is not about you. I doesvnot mean that it does not affect you I am just saying it is his issue and once it is realized that you are not less than…his actions of a man who apparently does not feel good about himself. I t is not your fault.

Line 6: (----o----)
Nine at the top means:
The ting has rings of jade.
Great good fortune.
Nothing that would not act to further.

This speaks to you. You are favored and received because you remain true to your values, spirit, to yourself. You are advised by the holy men, sage and you received. You actions and intentions are looked upon in favor.

Summary: My interpretation is that you keep doing the good, positive, outward focused actions. His indiscretions are below you and are not aligned with your intentions or vision. It as if he going out of his way to hurt you to derail you. His lack of respect is to call attention to himself and distract you.

HEX 62REPONDERACE OF THE SMALL

CHEN-arousing thunder/eldest son above KEN-keep still mountain/youngest son.

Strong lines are within and Weak lines are without. The weak lines are the ones that interact with the outside world. The strong lines press forward and out to make their will known. This is a struggle. What comes to mind is anger on the inside and hurt on the outside. It is as there is a desire to act out towards him…with revenge or just because your anger.

This is not situation that no one is prepared for or has acquired a degree on how to handle BETRAYAL. It is important to keep yourself in check. “If a man occupies a position of authority for which he is by nature really inadequate, extraordinary prudence is necessary.” (Wilhelm, 1997, 240). You are not able to adequately handle this and you have authority over your actions.



THE JUDGEMENT
Preponderance of the Small. Success.
Perseverance furthers.
Small things may be done; great things should not be done.
The flying bird bring the message;
It is not well to strive upward,
It is well to remain below,
Great good fortune.

Do not make any big decisions. Keep your thoughts and actions close to the vest and grounded.

Be like the bird stay close to earth. Allow yourself to be embraced by the earth…be receptive to healing.
“Modesty and conscientiousness are sure to rewarded with success” (Wilhelm, 1997, 240). It is about quiet and learning to quiet yourself so that you make not create a situation such that you look out of control. Maintain your dignity and composure. It is not the time to act. It is the time to observe and calm the emotions. The time to act will come in time it is not now. Your armor is little damaged now (the weak lines on the outside)
THE IMAGE
Thunder on the mountain:
The image of Preponderance of the small.
Thus is his conduct the superior man gives preponderance to reverence.
In bereavement he gives preponderance of grief
In his expenditures he gives preponderance to thrift.

Revere yourself, grieve for yourself, and be thrifty in what you give away or allow people to see or have. Be focused on duty and focus on yourself to the extent that it may seem odd or unfriendly or petty. BE SELFISH.

The simply answer about your husband, according to my interpretation, it is not about you. What is about you is taking care of yourself and not allowing yourself be caught up in his drama. This is meant hurt and distract you.

 

[Chaptershare]

My follow up question:

Should I divorce my husband?" and Yi's answer, 17.6 to 25.



Line 6
'Seized and bound to it,
And so joining and connected to it,
The king makes offering on the Western mountain.'

I’m unsure what to make of this. Seized does that mean yes do it and stick to it?

Again thank you for letting me express my feelings.

 

[Chaptershare]

Thank you Slyvia1ching

Is my husband The Cauldron? He’s looking to fulfill his spirits and consciousness through these chats?

Your interpretation is so incredibly deep that it’s hurting my head deciphering the message.

Again thank you for your input, I’m extremely grateful.

 

[MeltingPot247]

As a newbie, I think the cauldron and well are confirming what your husband has been telling you...that he talks to these women for his own well-being. I have met a few women in my time who have been emotionally abusive towards their partners,belittling them in front of others and being physically abusive by throwing objects at them or hitting them etc - over a long period of time. I'm not sure if this is the case between you and your husband...but my brother and uncle were treated like dogs by their partners and eventually they left for someone better."Seized and bound to it" - sounds somewhat possessive, so I'm not sure which one of you has been seized and bound. Sounds like an unhealthy relationship, in which both of you might have unhealthy or unhelpful attachments to each other.I personally would never be with a partner who is unkind or one that acted like I didn't matter at all. Seized and bound does not sound like a call to divorce, but rather to seek counselling and get help to love one another properly. To remember what drew you to each other in the first place. To value and appreciate each other in your thoughts, words and deeds. Not to attack or retreat.

 

[Chaptershare]

Thank you Melting Pot. Yes you’re correct that I was verbally abusive to him before by cursing when I’m angry since I didn’t know how to channel my anger (stems from a very violent and absuive childhood but I’m not going to blame it on that) I’ve meditated and went to counseling to understand the deeper cause of my anger and for the past year and half; I Have not cursed or belittled him.

He tells me that I’m like Jekyll and Hyde and that I have the biggest heart however I have a problem listening to him and making him feel like he’s not appreciated. What we went through a year and half ago was a wake up call for me and I have Done many things to better myself which will allow me to be a better partner.

Certainly it’s not just him and I recognized that I am at fault as well however I don’t feel that it’s necessary for him to lie to me yet another time and find solutions with other women. Obviously my thoughts are if he’s not happy with the change or if he can’t change with me then perhaps it’s better to call it quits instead of pursuing an emotional relationship elsewhere.

 

[Chaptershare]

Sylvia1ching

Wow, that’s a very deep and Intuitive interpretation; extremely helpful indeed.

I’m extremely thankful. I have to read it again and think about what was written. Indeed you’re correct about being selfish; I’m very giving and loving and perhaps I’m not perfect but I never have ill intentions towards anyone. My husband and I are from different cultures and before I married him, I thought he was accepting to my family and to our big family kind of gatherings and loudness however lately he’s been critical about many things about my side of the family including my phone connectedness with my siblings.

Perhaps there’s a side of him that feels less because I’m more successful which never bothers me but I noticed he would correct me if I forgot and say my house instead of our house. I’ve discovered many things about me that I’m unaware of before and I’m doing my due diligence to be better. The role in our relationship is somewhat reversed; I am so masculine and strong willed whereas he’s extremely sensitive and soft. I am working to bring our more of my femininity side out but not in a fake and unnatural way. You’re also correct in saying I need to be more selfish. I always think about is the US factor (when I’m shopping I think of him, when I’m booking our vacations I think of him, when I’m working extra I think about how it would affect him). I do need to think more of myself and allow myself to thrive and grow.

Sometimes people don’t understand what they have until it’s lost. I feel like at times he takes me for granted because I am very loyal and dedicated person.

I’m going to meditate on your passage. It’s very powerful and uplifting. Thank you

 

[sylvia1ching]

Chaptershare
No it is NOT ABOUT HIM. The Yi is offering you the Cauldron. Think of it as if Jesus was to wash your feet. The Yi in all of its wonders and grace and divinity is saying to you that you are not the weak or broken or worthless one. By serving you from the Cauldron the Yi is saying I am honoring you. The offering of the Cauldron represents the consecration to you by honoring the spiritual and divine nature of you NOT him.

Let me simplify

1. You must focus on what you are doing in this world. He is just a shadow of you.
2. He is doing these things out of some anger...it feels like an attack as way to distract you from you living and being great (Line 2)
3. Line 6 is focusing on you going forward and opening yourself to the spiritual guidance .. the sage or the counsel. If you open yourself up to the guidance of the Yi and all of the people who are giving you support you are precious like Jade...strong in nature but soft in luster.

The idea is to turn your attention away to his childish and inconsiderate way. The Yi is say you are greater than this and if you so accept this you will strong,beautiful and glowing like Jade.

Turn your attention away and focus on the greatness you do. It is not you that is sad and sorry it is he. It almost as if he is having a tempertantrum and the more you continue to turn your attention to him he will take away your strength and softness.. Do not let him do that

 

[Freedda]

Chaptershare, I too find myself questioning not only your husband's bad behavior, but also your reaction to it - which seems to be to take it all on and blame yourself. While there seems to be a bit of bad behavior on both your parts, you describe a willingness to work on yourself - but I wonder, is that seeming like a one-way or a two-way street?

Blame it on my lack of insight, but I don't really see that the I Ching is giving you a definitive answer, or at least one I can pick out.

Some common names for hexagram (gua) 50 are The Caldron, the Ritual Caldron, the Sacrificial Vessel. One author says that this gua is "more closely related to rituals of Dedication or Consecration than sacrifice." So, could one takeaway be to not look at what you have to sacrifice or give up to make your marriage work, but to instead see if both of you can in some ways re-dedicate and re-consecrate your relationship? Which might mean starting with the foundation or basics like trust, acceptance, and respect. After all, all good caldrons need a firm base to rest on.

Gua 62 suggests that maybe your relationship has become too filled with small stuff - small slights, lies, ignores, mediocrity - that have filled up the sacred caldron of your marriage so there's no room for any good stuff. It seems that you two, together, have a range of options here, from working on emptying the caldron of the small negative stuff ... all the way to breaking the handle and kicking the caldron over.

 

[sylvia1ching]

MeltingPot247
What do you do for a living? My experience of you is that you do something that is outward focused? I want to say that you are out there doing things that create value. It feels as if you have been surprised by all of this. I wonder if he has done this PURPOSELY to undermine you. He sounds as if he may be jealousy of you. Can you give me an idea as to whether I am somewhat right. I see you as a powerful woman who impacts those around you...

Thank you

 

[MeltingPot247]

I am a social work student, studying a psychology paper about families of origin and how our upbringings affect our relationships and in particular different conflict resolution/management styles.Thank you for providing more context re: your upbringing - I grew up in an environment with domestic violence/abuse as well and in the past have been completely autonomous, no partner. I think it is great you are so successful and if I was your partner, I would be so proud, encouraging and grateful for all the hard work you do. It does however seem though, that instead of messaging other women, he needs to make more of himself too. Is there any way he can become more involved in what you do? I met someone recently who I initially thought was more succesful than me, but instead of feeling less than - I did something about and found opportunities to improve myself, which I think anyone can do if they want to be taken seriously and stop feeling sorry for themself.I also wanted to say that in my previous post I forgot to acknowledge and commend you for all the good you are trying to do for the sake of your marriage - to me that demonstrates genuine love and devotion - even if your husband doesn't always see it.Best wishes.

 

[MeltingPot247]

"I am a social work student, studying a psychology paper about families of origin and how our upbringings affect our relationships and in particular different conflict resolution/management styles" - (answering Sylvia1Ching's question).From "Thank you for providing more context re: your upbringing - I grew up in an environment with domestic violence/abuse as well and in the past have been completely autonomous, no partner..." onwards - responding to Chaptershare, just to clarify.

 

[Chaptershare]

Freedda,

" It seems that you two, together, have a range of options here, from working on emptying the caldron of the small negative stuff ... all the way to breaking the handle and kicking the caldron over. "

You've pointed something very great and insightful here. I had a long heart to heart with him earlier and agreed to take the small steps towards making our relationship stronger. We agreed to going therapy again; we were consistent before with our weekly sessions however our last few recent vacations set us back a bit.

He always say that we're so good when we're traveling and he wish that we're like that on a daily base. Of course, when we're traveling, we're stressed free, curious and yearning for adventures which enhance conversations and alleviate all kinds of beautiful sensation. We just need to find a way to embrace that kind of understanding and love for each other when we're not traveling. And yes, I do agree with you that it's not just me but he needs to show me that's he ready to dedicate his time, heart and be more motivated towards building on those core foundation.

Thank you for reminding me that it takes two to tango

 

[Chaptershare]

Sylvia1ching,

I'm in sales and I'm extremely grateful for the success I've had throughout my career. I'm not the typical pushy kind of sales person instead it's more about relationship building, listening and finding the appropriate solutions for my clients. My career gives me the flexibility to travel and pursue my deeper passion. When I travel, I usually incorporate a week or a two with this non-profit that I'm a part of to volunteer and help the community in any way that I'm capable of. Because my husband has limited vacation time, he usually pass on volunteering with me and will meet me after the fact to continue on our vacation together. I lost three siblings growing up so there's a part of me that feels like there's more to life than just money and work. Because of this, I'm aware that life is ever-changing and nothing is permanent therefore I can't force someone to stay with me or be like me. I'm not sure if there's a difficulty expressing our deeper feelings towards each other since English is both our second language. I don't feel like he's jealous of me since he's a highly educated person but perhaps there's an element that's missing that I failed to understand. I am the eldest child and family is extremely important (this could be the hidden jealousy part) since he constantly complain that I'm always texting and updating my sisters (there's 5 of us girls now so you can understand the stream of text messages that we're exchanging everyday). At the end of the day, I guess I have to be sensitive to his needs, which is to listen more, not interrupting him, and being on the phone less. I'm quite surprised by all this indeed because I feel he's better than this. Perhaps he is doing this purposely to get my attention; I'm not sure, I'm not going to excuse him for his actions nor will I allow him to make me feel any less. Sometimes things have to happen for you to open your eyes and see the bigger things. Hmmm, I'm still contemplating things and allowing myself to gather my words and thoughts. I mentioned in my previous post that I'm taking a trip alone this coming week and this will allow me to think things through and give him some alone time to dig deep inside and understand what it is that he lacks.

You've been so helpful with your response and I can't thank you enough.

 

[sylvia1ching]

Trojina

Be strong. I get being polite. Sometime we get to take a stand even if it offends. One should always offend gently and with the intention of not necessarily being right but for the authentic reasons. Thank you for taking a stand.
Sylvia

 

[sylvia1ching]

As a newbie, I think the cauldron and well are confirming what your husband has been telling you...that he talks to these women for his own well-being.

I have a strong suspicion that this is not one of those cases.

 

[sylvia1ching]

I can delete my posts if you want just let me know or PM me I know my reaction is quite strong but I am so appalled at how beaten down you are that you can even think this is down to you.

Trojina

Be strong. I get being polite. Sometime we get to take a stand even if it causes one to take notice. One should always gently cause one to take notice and with the intention of not necessarily being right but for the authentic reasons. Thank you for taking a stand.
Sylvia​

 

[MeltingPot247]

In hindsight I agree Sylvia... different perspective/angle to majority on this thread, based on own previous knowledge, life experience - but it has become more clear and I often say this to myself, that it doesn't truly matter what others think because at the end of the day, each one of us as individuals will make up our own minds on every topic under the sun based on our own thoughts/feelings...however it is good to have these discussions, share ideas and differing viewpoints as sometimes another person will share something we haven't thought of before and some of it we may take on board, and other parts we can simply ignore. ---- at the end of the day, I empathise with the personal sufferings of others and always hope that things change for the better for them.

 

[Trojina]

As a newbie, I think the cauldron and well are confirming what your husband has been telling you...that he talks to these women for his own well-being.

If a man finds 'random women' (Chaptershare's words) to 'talk to' for therapeutic purposes one wonders why it needs to be a woman and what the 'random' implies. I got the impression from Chaptershare that he was getting them off the internet or something like that . If that's the case then one has to wonder why it has to be a woman to give him this 'emotional release' and of course whether he actually means sexual release which I'd assume. After all he could speak to his friends or family or a therapist for emotional release so who are these women ?


What women are they ? Talking to women from various dating sites etc would surely indicate this is not 'therapy' it's a form of cheating for kicks nothing more.

Who these women actually are that he talks to, what their role is, what they get out of it makes quite a big difference. I mean if they were his female friends then it wouldn't seem so bad although I'm sure no wife would like her husband to be discussing his marriage with his female friends much.


Sylvia I offered to delete because I thought Chaptershare may not like me denigrating her husband in public since she has not denigrated him herself. Also reading her post made me angry on her behalf but I can't see the whole picture.

Like Fredda my main concern is the readiness to self blame on Chaptershare's part, I found that worrying though I don't have the whole picture.

Going on to the 17.6 if I can find it

 

[Trojina]

My follow up question:

Should I divorce my husband?" and Yi's answer, 17.6 to 25.



Line 6
'Seized and bound to it,
And so joining and connected to it,
The king makes offering on the Western mountain.'

I’m unsure what to make of this. Seized does that mean yes do it and stick to it?

Again thank you for letting me express my feelings.

I think this line refers to devotion, the bonds of devotion. Looking at this line I don't think you will divorce your husband but rather become even more enmeshed with him which to be neutral is a good thing according to this line.


But I could read it another way and see that you do divorce because of your devotion and connection to higher ideals and goals in your life. I often find this is quite a religious line where one offers up everything in service, in devotion and this binds one more closely to that which one seeks.


What is your highest ideal here and what are prepared to do for it ? Most importantly do you want to get divorced or do you feel the relationship can still work ?

 

[MeltingPot247]

"If a man finds 'random women' (Chaptershare's words) to 'talk to' for therapeutic purposes one wonders why it needs to be a woman and what the 'random' implies. I got the impression from Chaptershare that he was getting them off the internet or something like that . If that's the case then one has to wonder why it has to be a woman to give him this 'emotional release' and of course whether he actually means sexual release which I'd assume. After all he could speak to his friends or family or a therapist for emotional release so who are these women ?"Your reasoning here, is part of the reason I don't get why people get married in the first place - as someone who has refused marriage twice - I see each human being as an individual, able to choose how they will seek out their own well-being irrespective of what others - including a partner, husband or wife would expect them to. If said partner, husband or wife is not happy with how they are, then they are free to leave that person. My interpretation is just as possible or relevant as anyone else's even if I am new to this. Because he told her it was for his own well-being, and guess what a WELL showed up in her reading. It might not be what anyone else wants to believe it means, but I'm guessing he would say that talking to all these random women makes him feel good...the only issue is it does not make his wife feel good, and only they can sort that out together in real life.

 

[sylvia1ching]

17: FOLLOWING
TUI-Joyous Lake/youngest daughter above CHEN-Arousing Thunder/eldest son
JOYOUS IN MOVEMENT

The idea is that the elder or more experienced man concedes to the younger more inexperienced girl. In doing so she follows him. It is a gracious way of encouraging someone who is eager bolt ahead to listen to the wiser one and follow.

THE JUDGEMENT
FOLLOWING has supreme success.
Perseverance furthers blame.

To follow someone of more experience or an encouraging/enthusiastic leader has no blame. If the intention of the one you follow is without ulterior motives and seeks to lead for the benefit of the followers then it successful. In this case preserve further.

BUT the one who leads must learn how to adapt themselves to the people and circumstances. He must be willing to meet people where they are at. “If a man would rule he must first learn to serve” (Wilhelm, 1997, 72).

In Summary, it is important to understand what you are following and who are following. This includes advice, friends, Dr. Phil, the general consensus, electoral college. It is important to follow what is best for you and regardless you know the answer. To follow is about following what you want and for the right reasons.

Also when you chose to leave with a man and marry him you are expecting that he is leading you in the right way just as you would lead him the right way. Is he leading you in the right way. In order for him do so he get to have you feel secure, not forced or manipulated, or making up false or imposing on you his responsibility to do the right thing. If he is not doing these thing then all security in the relationship is compromised and the union begins to dissolve. It also undermines your self worth.

The other thing he is unable to lead himself. If he cannot be in integrity with himself he is unable to be in integrity for anyone. One would have to believe that a person who manipulates and blames someone else for their dissatisfaction with their life is insecure and has low esteem and see themselves as worthless. He is somewhat of a sad soul.

Given your circumstances there is some confusion for you. Just as the hexagram suggests you get to adapt – adapt to the right mind set. It is important that you are not making big decisions out of anger or confusion. The idea of divorce sounds like a way to maybe hurt him back and as you said before “he does not know what he has until is gone.” Be sure that you following the grounded and right instinct or passion.


Remember in the last reading HEX 50.2.6 > HEX 62. Hexagram 62: PREPONDERANCE OF THE SMALL
It specifically warns to not allow the two inside strong lines (line 3,4) impose their will on the yielding line of positions (1,2,5,6). This means that you must restrain from impulsive decisions. Be like the bird who needs to fly close to the earth and now fly so far out allowing you time to stay grounded and find clarity. It is not the time to take on great tasks thus your preponderance should be in the small. The question of divorce is too soon.

THE IMAGE
Thunder in the idle of the lake:
The image of FOLLOWING:
Thus the superior man at nightfall
Goes indoors for rest and recuperation.

Take the time to meditate on it. Find a therapist that can support you in making decisions from a position of strength and not from feelings. SLEEP ON IT. It does not mean that divorce is the wrong decision it is in your best interest to not make decisions or allow other people to excite that way.

I think you get experience compassion from those around you. The women on the discussion are expressing their concerns from a place of being appalled. You get to hear that what you are experiencing is not okay. Advice is not appropriate but to stand for you is appropriate. This is following too. Those who are here to support you will not tell you what to do based from their experiences. What I am trying to impress upon you without judging anyone. Becareful as to not be swept up in someone else drama.

The idea of thunder in the center of the lake suggests the time when spring and summer has passed the KUN embraces the electrical energy of CHEN for winter rest. Darkness is here. The eighth month has passed into the Fall Equinox. This is the time when you really need to take a moment and not make an hasty decisions. No decisions or actions can be made correctly or the best of your ability unless you rest on your situation otherwise you may make a mistake.

Line 6: (----x----)
Six at the top means:
He meets with firm allegiance
And is still further bound.
The king introduces him
To the Western Mountain.

When you take this time to retreat and contemplate your situation. It is the time where you can find therapy or a women’s group that can support you. The idea of the Western Mountain is to from the nuclear triagram KEN – mountain. KEN is about keeping still and in this case it is to retreat and stand still and allow yourself to quiet yourself. Just as in HEX 62 the time to assert ones self is not now. The time will come and you will know when the right time is.

HEX 25: INNOCENCE/UNEXPECTED

CHIEN-Creative Heaver/Father above CHEN-Arousing Thunder/eldest son. Heaven above Movement below. The idea is that CHEN as he follows the law of heaven he acts accordingly. CHEN is responsible for any life force the is created. CHEN is directed by his father when time is right to act. CHEN also represent SPRING and the East. The right time to act is in harmony with heaven and bring life’s energy into the world in the Spring.

When you are ready to make the decision that is before you, you will come about it honestly and innocently. It will not be perverted by other peoples thoughts about what you should do….you will approach that decision on your own.



THE JUDGEMENT
INNOCENCE. Supreme success
Perseverance furthers.
If someone is not as he should be,
He has misfortune,
And it does not further him
To undertake anything.

This is the same message as HEX 62 of your last question. You are not as you should be meaning you have much to think about and your not feeling the most grounded person right now .. I would feel same way if I experienced what you experienced.

At the same time, the JUDGEMENT implies that someone is NOT INNOCENT. “If someone is not as he should be” in your case it suggests that you have been knocked off balance but as it relates to your husband…it suggests to me he is NOT innocent and therefor he is not as he should be.

Because man is innately good and innocent when he comes into the world the only thing that could change this is man himself. Man is the only being capable of evil thus losing his innocence. This loss of innocence comes from the fact that God gave us free will. Man adulterates, molests, and butchers free will into evil.

The Yi is aligned with you and recognizes that your husband is not being a superior man and is falling into the ways of evil because he is following his wishes without determining if they are the right reasons or if they are in harmony with heaven. You husband is arrogant and believes he is justified.

At the same time the Yi is saying you are not ready to fully engage and the time will come when you are back on you best game. Take the time to help yourself so that he can never influence you to question your value and self worth ever again.

THE IMAGE
Under the heaven thunder rolls:
All things attain the natural state of innocence.
Thus the king of old,
Rich in virtue, and in harmony with the time,
Fostered and nourished all beings.

In HEX 17 thunder returned to earth to rest and recuperate --- Autumn
In HEX 25 thunder has returned to be guided by heaven to bring life into the world --- Spring

So when you retreat to find clarity you will return new, fresh, full of life and innocence just like the thunder brings life during the Spring

 

[Trojina]

Your quote of me

"If a man finds 'random women' (Chaptershare's words) to 'talk to' for therapeutic purposes one wonders why it needs to be a woman and what the 'random' implies. I got the impression from Chaptershare that he was getting them off the internet or something like that . If that's the case then one has to wonder why it has to be a woman to give him this 'emotional release' and of course whether he actually means sexual release which I'd assume. After all he could speak to his friends or family or a therapist for emotional release so who are these women ?"

You said

Your reasoning here, is part of the reason I don't get why people get married in the first place - as someone who has refused marriage twice - I see each human being as an individual, able to choose how they will seek out their own well-being irrespective of what others - including a partner, husband or wife would expect them to. If said partner, husband or wife is not happy with how they are, then they are free to leave that person.

well what your view of marriage is or what mine is isn't especially relevant here as far as I can see.

We are dealing with someone who's husband is calling other women and it upsets his wife.

My interpretation is just as possible or relevant as anyone else's even if I am new to this.

I don't think I have said your interpretation isn't relevant I simply questioned part of a statement you made, not anything to do with the reading just the idea that it's somehow her fault and she drives him to this as therapy.

Because he told her it was for his own well-being, and guess what a WELL showed up in her reading. It might not be what anyone else wants to believe it means, but I'm guessing he would say that talking to all these random women makes him feel good...the only issue is it does not make his wife feel good, and only they can sort that out together in real life.

Yes I think I grasp it is only they who can deal with it.

It isn't realistic to expect someone to be happy that their husband/partner/significant other is routinely calling 'random women' and then says it's her fault and she drove him to it as therapy. No one is going to be happy with that.


It is okay to disagree about readings and I disagree with you. But of course you have the right to share your ideas on the cast. I don't know how you can augment his position here, not as it's presented anyway as his behaviour doesn't appear reasonable at all. But no one is stopping you expressing your thoughts

 

[sylvia1ching]

MeltingPot247

I am really confused to what you are saying. Are you saying that maybe the husband needs support from women who are not professional board certified therapists because it supports his well being?

I also hear that in your experience your brothers have been abused by their wives and therefore you can sympathize with the husband?

Because we are individuals he can make his own choices and your experience of him he simply getting support.

Can you explain yourself.

What I hear from you and I am going to be REAL honest...I am experiencing you projecting your past onto this discussion and I want to say I feel as if you are almost confusing with yourself and it is very personal to you. I feel like your pain right her e NOW

PLEASE EXPLAIN

I support Trojina because I did not want her to delete her post because someone got a little miffed at least that is what I heard. I do not believe Trojina would intentionally and maliciously do something to hurt someone... and I have to assume no one else would... I was encouraging her to stay strong and ride the wave because someone is going have a breakthrough and lesson will learned.. win-win

 

[Trojina]

PLEASE EXPLAIN

...or don't because it's not Melting Pot's thread and it might be a bit of a derailment of the thread if we focus on why Melting Pot has her views...


I think Melting took my comment to her as some kind of attack, which it wasn't. It wasn't anything like an attack in fact, it was a reflection on the situation of who these 'random women' were and so on.

People do disagree Melting , it's a forum and as long as they are reasonably polite they can disagree

To be clear the post you interpret somehow as saying 'don't post here' was this

If a man finds 'random women' (Chaptershare's words) to 'talk to' for therapeutic purposes one wonders why it needs to be a woman and what the 'random' implies. I got the impression from Chaptershare that he was getting them off the internet or something like that . If that's the case then one has to wonder why it has to be a woman to give him this 'emotional release' and of course whether he actually means sexual release which I'd assume. After all he could speak to his friends or family or a therapist for emotional release so who are these women ?


What women are they ? Talking to women from various dating sites etc would surely indicate this is not 'therapy' it's a form of cheating for kicks nothing more.

No attack there at all as far as I can see then this is the response from you

My interpretation is just as possible or relevant as anyone else's even if I am new to this. Because he told her it was for his own well-being, and guess what a WELL showed up in her reading. It might not be what anyone else wants to believe it means, but I'm guessing he would say that talking to all these random women makes him feel good...the only issue is it does not make his wife feel good, and only they can sort that out together in real life.

like I haven't even said your interpretation isn't relevant I'm not even talking about you I'm discussing the subject of this thread.


Now I am derailing the thread by talking about this misunderstanding - so we should get back to the situation of the person who started this thread.