Why?/ Insight please??

[kdedeaux4]

Really thought I had gotten somewhere in repairing a very old friendship/ex-relationship with a man who was very important to me for many years... we've had a rocky and difficult time with each other for so very long and things really seemed to be settling into a genuine friendship (not super close or anything, but at least not "hateful" anymore...or so I thought....so I sent him a message telling him we are moving in June. I was really hoping that we could spend some quality time before we leave, just enjoying being friends and remembering the many good things we have shared over the years...minus the sad, hurtful stuff....was so hoping to kinda leave it in a really good place so as to not feel like all the crap from all these years was a total waste....
Anyway, at first he was very apathetic, like, "good luck..wish you well..." which did kinda hurt after everything for so many years...guess i hoped he'd kinda care even a little that we very likely will never see each other ever again (not really a *bad* thing i guess, but still..lot of time and emotions were invested in this thing, you know?!).
But then after the first very apathetic generic "wish you well", he then came at me blasting with mean stuff and old accusations of our break up, and denying there has been any good things between us since the official split so long ago. It was terribly disappointing and honestly, unbelievably and surprisingly hurtful
To be totally straight and forthright, I was more hurt than I can say...and surprised too, to realize I guess our relationship hasn't gotten repaired in ANY way at all even after everything
Asked the IC..why was he so mean?

Response: hex 24.1.2 changing to 7

I would really appreciate any thoughts into this in relation to my question:bows:
Having a tough time with most of my "relationships" lately it seems and I am very saddened about it....
Namaste':bows:

 

[arabella]

Just my opinion, by I think the IChing is saying to return to yourself and don't tax your brain in 24.1.2

A person who, years later, has to vent in this way is a few bricks short of a full load. In direct relation to your question, why is he so mean? Because you will put up with him being that way is my guess.

So far as the Hexagram 7, LiSe's interpretation of the overall hexagram says, among other things, "Have the guts to act worthy of yourself." Again, I think this hexagram is about you, not him. Because he's simply not worth being concerned about. Let's put it this way, a person who acts so inane wasn't likely to be pleased no matter WHAT you did in the past or now. Essentially, you have lost nothing. I'd just be glad I was moving away and could truly drop the subject.

 

[willowfox]

Asked the IC..why was he so mean?

Response: hex 24.1.2 changing to 7

It suggests that you have tried to hard to repair the damage and in doing so have innocently overstepped his self imposed boundaries.

This reminds me of the arrogant bully who basically is a nasty piece of work when a bee gets in his pants, a person who has a tendency to lash out at anyone within range and as you crossed the line, you have become the target of choice. This is the unstable dictator who rules his subjects by fear, some days sweet and some days sour.

No.7 sweet and sour pig.

 

[gene]

Hi KDE

Hexagram 24 is one of the few hexagrams where I have trouble getting anything out of the Wilhelm/Baynes translation. Therefore I went ot Hua-Ching Ni and Alfred Huang. The Hua_Ching Ni commentary on line one says, "When one has lost ...love, ...time is appropriate to let the period of loss or suffering to end and return to normal." In this case it is clear that he is not worthy of anyone who has an element of maturity about them. Line two sees line one return and follows suit. The commentary says, "To return to one's OWN nature is the true revival. IN otherwords, you have to find yourself, and your own path. Hexagram 7 speaks of martialliing our inner resources, collecting ourselves to be inwardly whole and complete.

Sorry to hear about such cruelty.
Gene

 

[kdedeaux4]

Thank you all so much ! I feel all of you have really hit the situation for what it must actually be. I must have been kidding myself (in denial) to think that our "new" relationship had actually transformed into anything sincere or worthwhile. I guess I should just be grateful to know. Didn't expect it to hurt so much...he's done way worse over the years... I shouldn't have felt a thing really nor allow myself to think there could be any semblance of kindness or respect on his part even of the most basic sort.... I will just never fully grasp the concept of cruelty or mean-ness merely for the sake of having the ability to demonstrate such and power to hurt another. But then there are many, many things I don't suppose I'll ever understand
I do know that 24 typically indicates a return to self, which it's probably the best I could ever hope for in this whole long enduring ordeal. In genuinely caring for him, it seems the only thing ever accomplished was giving him the power to hurt me even after I believed he couldn't hurt me any more...and hopefully his nasty cruelty will help me to accept this and let go of any and all love for such a hatefully cruel and ugly human being. Maybe this will really sink in finally and make that task a bit easier...
Thank you all so much for your insight!
Namaste'

 

[arabella]

Seems unanimous. By the by, I've had a similar discussion, asked similar questions, of a clinical psychologist friend who is extremely astute. He tells me that only women ever get into this position in his experience -- men rarely if ever. That is to say, somehow women feel compelled to heal people who are just plain mean.

And he assures me that men who act this way -- like bullies -- are cowards who can only impress women with their pathetic behavior. They wouldn't try it on with men they know. And over time, he says, he has discovered that men who are bullies can sound out their victims way in advance and choose them for relationships knowing they can have an endless psychological "kick" or "rush" from continally hurting and abusing those women by shocking them, just by throwing a "relationship" [so called] into the air and watching it crash -- to the woman's dismay. It's entertaining for them to watch you run in circles trying to "fix" things.

I asked him what women should do with this type and he said, the first time you see this behavior -- meanness, rage, tantrums, bullying, emotional cruelty -- you show him the door, and once he is out, you shut it. And you never invite him into your space again. Period.

The only additional question I raised was, isn't there something in the Bible about "turning the other cheek" when people are mean? And he said, go ahead and feel a moment of pity if it helps you to overcome your attraction by recognising how pathetic they are -- no harm in it if that's the purpose -- but put all your energy into protecting yourself. And that means -- don't socialise with them, date them, marry them, or have any ongoing concern with them. They are sick.

 

[kdedeaux4]

Arabella,

This was very insightful and I'm so grateful to you for sharing this!!! He wasn't always this way, which is sad and kept me (and him!)blaming myself for the character "shift", but I suppose I just have to accept what he is today and forget the rest. Seems the whole thing must have just been some sort of sick game for him and I really have to stop giving people like that access to my spirit because it's just damaging! It's funny you mention "turn the other cheek" because that's part of the reason I accepted his cruelty...thinking mean people just need more love and acceptance in order to get back to being a good person..but we only have two cheeks, right?! And as both of mine are pretty bruised and beaten, I suppose at some point it's just time to give up and let go of the childish notion that everyone at leasts *wants* to be a good human being....it's clear that some just don't place that as a priority of any kind. Sad lesson...but very necessary I suppose.
Thank you so very much for sharing this wisdom and experience with me. It really means so much And is just what I needed to hear and know
Blessings to you:bows:

 

[arabella]

No, mine wasn't like this to begin with either. After four years of courtship and a few years into marriage it all manifested. It's when they are very sure of you that this becomes the case, when it's been successfully tested a couple times, and when there is so much invested in the relationship and sacrificed on their behalf to prove you'd turn the world upside down for them, then the worm turns. These fellas are masters of making you feel guilt, responsibility. And it gets much harder to control as time goes on. This part of the personality just takes over.

It is the one thing that makes tragic memories worth having: to have learned and to be able to share that learning with someone else who would benefit and be spared a bit of heartache. You are very welcome.