Why is she doing this? 32.4.6 to 18.

[Flax90s]

Hey folks,
A week ago, my ex and I had an argument over text. She told me to leave her alone and I replied that she won't hear from me again. Today she texted me as if normal. I am confused. When I'm around, she hates me so much. When I make a decision to leave, she'll be friendly. I want to know why she reached out to me.
I asked I Ching: why is she doing this?
I got 32.4.6 to 18
I don't know what is going on in her life. To try and speculate something like that probably won't be very accurate. However, I see myself in line 32. I love her and I am definitely consistent in reaching out to her, expressing my feelings to her. However she never returned those feelings (.4 - no game in the field). Its extremely exhausting to chase after something that's not there but I remained consistent (.6 - foolish consistency). Although my effort is not a success, it is not a complete fail. My foolishness may have triggered a sense of sympathy. Perhaps she is interested repairing our friendship (18)?
I appreciate your help.
Thanks,
Flax

 

[goddessliss]

Sounds to me like she'd like to continue some sort of relationship with you - what is your relationship now? but the decay keeps messing things up. She'd like to work on what spoiled your relationship.

 

[Flax90s]

what is your relationship now? but the decay keeps messing things up.

We tried to remain friends. I guess now we are back on friendly terms because she texted and I responded gently. However, its on and off because we argue a lot. We just can't seem to understand each other. We fail to communicate. Usually, she'll get mad at something I say or do, I would be confused and wouldn't understand, she'll get even more angry and starts yelling, and we just stop talking. After a month or two, one of us will reach out and the cycle repeats.

 

[goddessliss]

So the hex 18 the corruption needs to be dealt with or things will stay exactly the same. I had a marriage like this - we just couldn't seem to sort out our differences and we split up permanently still loving each other very much.
That was over 7 years ago. I've sorted out my personal issues in the hope I'll have a healthy long term relationship with someone one day. He's unfortunately for him, made no changes....so as sad as it was to end the marriage, lucky for me it ended.

 

[Flax90s]

Thank you for your insight, Goddessliss. Hopefully it all works out.
Good luck to you as well.

 

[steve]

Hi There

Just to add to the thread, whenever I get 18 its usually quite clear that something needs to be done the hard part is finding exactly what. Try and look at where the lack of communication starts and you may have a chance at rooting it out. Example I had argument the other day over what we were having for dinner (hamburgers would you believe it) The point was she was not feeling well, i asked if she was hungry and she said no and she would eat later, so i didnt cook as I thought i would wait, so this was about 7pm i asked about 2-3 times over a 4 hour period and thought this is getting stupid. The fact was when she meant later, she actually meant for me to cook and she would eat later, so now i know if she says later that doesnt mean not to cook anything. If you are from the west you dont usually cook a hamburger and leave them to eat hours later, that part she didnt understand.
I realised the argument was simply about the lack of communication and pin pointed where it began. There is a cultural difference as well as to what things mean.
So i guess what i got from it was to find out exactly what she means and dont assume what she means.
Look back and try and see when the tension is starting to build you may then have a clue as to where you can root the issue out.

If she is getting mad at the things you say and you are not doing anything on purpose then she is misinterpreting what you are really doing and maybe thats where you could start.

You could try explaining at that point.

When ever 18 appears for me i find its a good place to start as i think its really like getting to the bottom of it, if the reading was about a messy house then 18 would be the spring clean, in the reading as Liss mentioned if 18 is not dealt with you wont get off the merry go round possibly until you are thrown off.
The fact is you are getting 18 in the reading so you are not being told the situation is hopeless.

In summary try to find the real cause of the arguments and possibly other things may fall into place.

All the best
Steve

 

[loverofknowledge]

Flax, It sounds like you are exasperated -- rightly so -- and that both of you want the relationship to work, but you get pulled into stressful arguments.

The first question: how important is it to you to save the relationship and work on the difficulties (hex 18)? Hex 32 indicates a desire for constancy, and a good relationship, but the changing lines say that this desire is getting thwarted, by stressful and no-win conflicts. I wonder if you step back from the problems, asking yourself about your commitment to the relationship (how much it's worth saving the relationship), then you might get a new perspective. You could approach your partner with a new outlook.

 

[Flax90s]

Hi Steve,
I understand what you are saying. It's going to be an impossible task but I will try. Thank you for pointing out the issue. It never even crossed my mind that our arguments came from a source.
Flax

 

[Flax90s]

Loverofknowledge, I am indeed a little irritated. To answer your question, I am not ready to give it up. No matter how many times I try to convince myself to let it go, some parts of me will always refuse. I will take some time to straighten out my thoughts. Thank you for your insight.