Will he ever understand? 16.2.3.6 to 50

[AylaXIvy]

Someone betrayed my trust a few years ago, things are good between us now but I'm always aware they could be lying at any given moment. Searching through emails I found some of the things they were lying about a while ago and it made me wonder if at any point they will understand why I was upset, and possibly regret their choices on a more serious level. As in, they mature and become emphathetic in regard to their behavior, and or karma/life events cause them to become more aware and understanding of how it feels to be on the receiving end of such behavior. I understand it's a long shot, but it does happen. I say that because I am someone who has felt regret over my own behavior from time to time and come to change it through awareness. I see that this is rare in others though. I don't expect it, but I want it, so I couldnt help but ask Will he ever understand, or have a deeper awareness of how that felt for me? I got 16.2.3.6 changing to 50. I see 50 as being positive, a vessel for transformation, which seems auspicious in terms of the question. Secretly, I wonder if the Iching is speaking to me about how I feel instead of commenting on how this situation may or may not change. does anyone have any thoughts they'd like to share?

Thanks so much
AylaXIvy

 

[ginnie]

When three lines are moving in the response, I like to focus on the middle line, which in this case is 16.3. I want to say I totally sympathize with you asking this question, because something similar once happened to me and I got the same answer from Yi.

You are hoping they will take responsibility for the pain they caused you and decide to change for the better. Well, the I Ching does not address that but it looks rather at the state of mind you are in yourself.

You are depending too much on them when you are thinking this way. You are actively dependent upon them for your own happiness or unhappiness. And I would say this is the price you pay for still carrying the hurt around with you. Let it go! And maybe avoid this person in the future, since they have this enormous blind spot -- and that is a major character defect. In any case, you must realize by now that he or she is not the person you once thought; you are always on guard and expecting lies from this person.

As for 50, Transformation, I think in this case the 50 is more the context of your question: Can the person change? It is now up to you to lower your expectations of this person, because he or she is probably too self-involved or too self-satisfied -- or too irresponsible -- to even consider changing like that.

 

[GoldenN]

Editing on my mobile means this. Give me a minute. My apologies.

I see 16 as the hexagram of the staged show (a gig, the movies, theatre) but in personal relationships, more often, it's lies and deceit. The illusion. More the persona at play or work, playing it's games than what 22 (Persona) presents.

I like James De Kornes overview of line 2:

Editor: All translations except Legge and Cleary's render the second sentence in the imagery of "not waiting for a whole day to pass,” which suggests action taken on the basis of foresight, premonition or intuition. This line is sometimes an injunction to follow your common sense -- saying in effect, that an oracle is unnecessary to proclaim the obvious.

You know what it is. This steadies your principles within you. You know what you live by.

Line 3 from Wing: Wing: You have waited complacently for a cue from someone else to motivate you. Whatever the reasons for your hesitation, whether it is idle pleasure in the present or simply inertia, you are losing your independence and self-reliance. You can still save yourself. Move.

It doesn't matter. Don't watch the behavior of others once you've found your ground. Save yourself.

And 6 from Wing: Wing: The person in this position is lost in the memory of a compelling and harmonious experience. The time is past, and what is left is empty egotism. Fortunately, reform is possible. There is an opportunity to move on to a situation of new growth.

Take this as yourself. Don't hold his past behavior. Holding onto the idea that he lied becomes an egotism on your part. Yes, it sucks he lied. But you can probably be more like the alchemical vessel of 50 in your relationship with him, if you allow him to change on his own. The compelling memory can be like the idea, your expectation, that there would be no lies. Fair expectation. But as the 6th line suggests, people can change.

That you ask the question means you're going beyond your center already. There is nothing really wrong with this but don't take it further or it will become line 3 or the negative aspect of 6.

Hope the alchemical vessel transforms well

 

[AylaXIvy]

Ginnie and GoldenN, I've read both of your responses many times in the last few days. I had wanted to reply but I just really didn't have the words yet, not sure that I do now but I don't want much more time to pass by without thanking you guys.

Ginnie, I agree that I depend on him too much for my happiness. It is paramount I let this go. Thanks for sympathizing with me, I'm sorry you ever went through the same thing... but I'm glad you're able to help me now which I guess is the upside of the negative. it's very uncomfortable, but your words are very helpful. Structuring my understanding of this person with the awareness that they have a blind spot in regard to such important matters helps me to see that this is indeed a character flaw of his and/or a severe incompatibility between us. Coming to terms with that hasn't been easy but you've shed some clarity on the matter and I thank you for that. It may be some time before I am able to distance myself from this person, but I respect that you suggested that because the idea has crossed my mind many times... Thank you Ginnie

GoldenN, your breakdown of the lines is extremely helpful, and I agree that 16 in reference to other people and relationships can sometimes have to do with appearances. I also agree with your interpretation of each moving line... your breakdown was spot on. I also agree that it is egoistic to focus on myself in this way. It is difficult to accept that at times, but important to know in order to move forward. Thank you for the kind words, it did help.