Wondering about an ex I cant seem to forget - 32.6, 61.6, 38.5

[Juniperist]

Dear all
There is an ex in my life that I can't seem to forget. I actually am trying to forget about him and do not ask about him as he is not in my life anymore, but this week I had 4 different dreams about him (very unusual) and since I cant seem to stop thinking about him I asked a series of questions. It has been three months since I have seen him, and two months since we last talked. He lives in another city, and he wanted to remain friends (and I did not doubt his sincerity). But after we last talked, I decided (by myself) that I wasn't going to contact him anymore as talking to him made me sad. He, however, did not contact me at all either. Strangely though, while he used to like everything I posted on instragram, he stopped doing this abruptly a month ago. Now this might not mean anything, but I know he is still active as we have common friends and I see that he likes their photos, so I cant stop thinking that it is intentional. I know this is trivial, but my self-confidence was really shaken by our breakup so this bothers me and I think my ego and confidence wants that he still remembers/thinks of me. Anyway, I asked a series of questions about him to get a full picture of what is going on with him (though I am not sure whether this is legit).

Here they are:
First I asked - Why do I not hear from X anymore?
32.6.50

Second, why does he not respond to my instagram posts?
61.6.60

Lastly,
What does X think/feel about me now? (which might be meaningless if he does not think/feel anything about me at all now)
38.5.10

I have failed to put these three into a meaningful narrative. I find both 61.6 and 32.6 confusing and I wonder how you would interpret them. I have had 32.6 before, and I can interpret it as him being on the edge and stressed; and maybe that is why he just does not have any energy to keep contact with me? This is fitting as he was busy getting a new organization up and running and was worried about financial issues. 38 is about estrangement, so in this context it is fitting, but the text of line 5 I looked at is about making contact (right? see below). Is it suggesting that it was me not contacting him that caused the estrangement with someone who was actually sincere? But it leads to 10 - which can be seen as a warning?
Any ideas as to how to make sense of this?
Also, is it wrong to ask about what is going on with someone else?

Maybe I should ask about how I should move on/forget about him - but he is not leaving my mind. Maybe this is because I actually could not decide how I should tell myself the narrative of what happened between us (and whether I should be angry at him or not). If you have any suggestions on how to use iching to help me in a situation like this, I would appreciate that as well.
Best wishes
J

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Remorse disappears.
The companion bits his way through the wrappings.
If one goes to him,
How could it be a mistake?

Coming upon a sincere man, one fails to recognize him at first because of the
general estrangement. However, he bites his way through the wrappings that
are causing the separation. When such a companion thus reveals himself in
his true character, it is one's duty to go to meet him and to work with him.

 

[Juniperist]

Anyone who would like to offer some insight?
I know it is not the most important of the matters - but it is something that pains me...
Best
J

 

[rosada]

32.6 The last line usually indicates the energy of the hexagram has played itself out so I think you are being advised that you don't hear more from him because he no longer has any feeling to continue - Endure - as a couple. 50 might indicate that he still recognizes that you are still one of the group.

He no longer responds to your posts because his heart isn't into it. To respond would be like a cock crowing, a lot of noise when the 61. Inner Feeling has run it's course.

How he feel about you now? He thinks of you like a sibling - there is a fondness but you are going off on different paths.

All together these hexagrams, particularly 38.5, make me think he would like to feel you have a friendly connection but for now it appears there needs to be complete separation because you were once lovers but perhaps you will be able to reunite when you no longer want to reunite as lovers.

 

[Atalanta]

I see a common thread with these questions and readings. I think there's a potential that this reading is not so flattering, but I think a few different interpretations make sense so I'm going to try to keep things open-ended:

Why do I not hear from X anymore: there's an image of burnout, exhaustion. Someone has been in a state of agitation for too long and simply can't devote the energy anymore.

Why doesn't he respond to my Instagram posts: someone is trying too hard, putting up a front. Someone is acting out of pride or vanity. Could be he views your Instagram posts as a front (thats the stereotype about social media, right?); on the other hand, maybe he's the one putting up a front, or maybe it's both of you. But certainly at least one of you is projecting a falsely inflated image of what they *wish* was true.

What does X feel about me now?
He sees you in a new light, he now understands something about you he never understood before. Generally within the context of the hexagram this is a positive thing, but I can't help but wonder how this might relate to your previous question.

Most neutral reading: he's been thinking about you too much, he's trying to convince himself he's more over you than he actually is, but he's also gaining deeper insight into the relationship.

 

[Juniperist]

Rosada, Atalanta, thanks for your replies. They are rather different from each other, so I will look at the texts and reflect a little more. There are elements in both that resonate for me. I can imagine him feeling burnout and exhaustion (he is involved in a project that he is really into but stresses him greatly about his financial situation), I can also imagine him just not having any feelings for me anymore, and not seeing a point in contacting me. It can be both. At the end, it is impossible to know - and that is the problem about asking about another person's feelings/actions I guess.

Atalanta - about putting up a front and social media. I have been using instragram for a long time (since 2012) and it is like a visual diary for me, it is also a little creative outlet. I am an academic and deal with words and analysis all the time which is pretty dry and I really enjoy taking photos of all kinds of things I see and posting little colorful pictures on my account. I dont post selfies and stuff and I do write things down as it is - like when I am depressed. I was in quarantine for covid last week, and I wrote down that I was home alone in isolation, feeling lonelier than usual because I was sick, and because of that I was going down my photos and posting colorful things to cheer me up. But of course, there is an element in which my life probably looks better than it is in reality in that account.

Moreover, my ex stopped liking my posts after I went to his city and posted things from there. I did not contact him. Of course, I did not contact him because I knew he was overseas (he told me this before) - or rather, knowing that helped me not to make a decision about whether I should contact him or not. Can this be seen as me posturing? As if I did not care about him to contact him? I dont know. I definitely do care about him and me being in his city while he was gone was coincidence/unplanned (I actually was going to be there before, but my friend got covid) but at the same time, if I be honest, I wanted him to see that I was there, that I went there knowing he was not going to be there. Could this be the posturing? Is this the thing that made him see me in a new light?
Alternatively maybe him not liking my stuff anymore is a form of posturing.

It would make me happy to think that he is thinking about me a lot - but I doubt that is the case.

Thank you for your comments....

 

[isacosmo]

Hi Juniperist

Yes, we have all been there before.
I can give you one advice: ask the I Ching what do you have to have on your mind re. your sorrow that will help you right now.
It always helps me. It is far from asking 'how do X feel about me" (and, believe me, I have asked this hundreds of times), and of course far from enough right now. But I know it will help you clear yr head a little.
My best regards.

 

[Juniperist]

Hi Juniperist

Yes, we have all been there before.
I can give you one advice: ask the I Ching what do you have to have on your mind re. your sorrow that will help you right now.
It always helps me. It is far from asking 'how do X feel about me" (and, believe me, I have asked this hundreds of times), and of course far from enough right now. But I know it will help you clear yr head a little.
My best regards.

Dear isacosmo, thanks for your kind words. I'll follow your advice but let me try to understand it first, I am not super clear by what you mean "what you have to have on your mind regarding your sorrow that will help you". You mean as in "how should I think about my sorrow?" or "what should I think about instead of my sorrow"? or something else (like what should appear in my mind like a vision or symbol or feeling that might help me?)
Thanks again...
J

 

[isacosmo]

It'd be more like
"What advice the IC can give me so that I can stand my sorrow".

 

[Juniperist]

It'd be more like
"What advice the IC can give me so that I can stand my sorrow".

Thanks isacosmo...
Best
J

 

[Atalanta]

I totally get what you mean re: showing him that you went there knowing that he wasn't there. Maybe it's not posturing as much as "showing your work"? Like, "look, I'm healing, I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing". It's pride, but a healthy pride, almost like a child showing off a drawing to their parents (hope that doesn't come across as condescending, more to illustrate that I think there's something really natural in the urge to want our efforts to be recognized).

Or, another idea: maybe the inner truth he realized was about himself, that by liking your posts he was posturing, pretending nothing had changed?

 

[BlindedFox]

Why do I not hear from X anymore?
32.6-50, necessary change is being avoided, but in your innermost you know its time to throw out the stale remains (pain, suffering, attachement, despair, shock) of the relationship and start to cook something fresh and wholesome for your soul, this time with the right ingredients (joy, gratitude, detachement, hope, peace of mind). Stop running.

why does he not respond to my instagram posts?
61.6.60, listen to yourself, dont get carried away, here are limits preventing further harm or mistakes, take the advice, work on yourself, change, because if you look for him, it will be suffering over and over again. Look at your dreams, there is probably a common theme of unresolved needs you are projecting on him, as your former supply.

What does X think/feel about me now? (which might be meaningless if he does not think/feel anything about me at all now)
38.5.10, this is in regard to you, you were probable always looking for someone more mature, more capable of meeting your needs, but this fatherly kind of love (protector/tyrant) is also scary because it left you sometimes feeling helpless and without confidence. After you pass this test (keep focused on improving your life), all the suffering and hurt, you will find joy again and look with pride and rejuvenated selfesteem at the whole situation.

 

[Juniperist]

I totally get what you mean re: showing him that you went there knowing that he wasn't there. Maybe it's not posturing as much as "showing your work"? Like, "look, I'm healing, I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing". It's pride, but a healthy pride, almost like a child showing off a drawing to their parents (hope that doesn't come across as condescending, more to illustrate that I think there's something really natural in the urge to want our efforts to be recognized).

Or, another idea: maybe the inner truth he realized was about himself, that by liking your posts he was posturing, pretending nothing had changed?

No problem Atalanta, what you say does not come across as condescending. Yes, I think there was a sense of showing off - but mostly to myself - saying "look I am here" "I can be here, I have an history with this city, I have friends, independent from him - I am fine", and sure, I felt a little pride but it was also actually pretty painful for me to be there and not be in contact with him. So that was a form of posturing as well.

And yes, maybe he gave up on pretending nothing had changed...
and thinking that still makes me sad. It is like losing the last bit of (meaningless) connection I had to him.
I guess I will go ahead and ask isacosmo's suggestion when I have time to think...
Thank you,
And Thank you BlindedFox, it is a different perspective to think of these lines as talking to me...
J