Should I contact him or should I wait? 30 1.3 > 34

[tien]

I dated this guy on again and off again for two years, we also very close as friends before we dated. I really miss him. I asked iching if I should contact him or wait until contact me? I have 30 1.3 > 34.

Any clarification would be very helpful.

Thank you,

T

 

[yxeli]

Tien,

Is there something up with communication or your social relationship with this man? Do you find it hard to cover up your feelings in public? I think this reading is indicating that you need to start wearing your 'social mask'.

You know that we all get along by wearing our armour socially, we learn with time the way to interact with people, but still keeping our essence, to protect ourselves from showing our true emotions and thus becoming vulnerable.

I think there might be a problem here with you needing to cohesively organise your 'appearance' to the world; how you talk to people, how much your willing to 'show', and whats acceptable in what you show.

I think your in a place where there's unfinished business about this guy, and in public, its quite obvious. 30 is a very passionate hex, full of emotion bursting out at the seams. You need to control the direction here. with 34 as relating this also indicates some very strong desires to clear this up, get it going, relaunch the relationship. Theres tremendous desire in you to rekindle this relationship.

Lines 1 means that your jumping from one idea to the next maybe, you, yourself are unsure? Maybe theres not one idea in your mind that you can believe in regarding this situation. Yi advises you that you, yourself, need to fix one direction, one central idea. I would say that maybe in this context of 'social interaction'. Decide how you are going to behave in public towards this man.

On the other hand, this line could be indicating the question you asked. Tien, the way we form question to Yi is very important.

I should contact him or wait until contact me?

Theres 2 questions in one here. This is very hard for Yi to answer. In future i would recommend asking 'what if i contacted him'? One question at a time.


Line 3

lise

If you are not able to use little events as cause for joy, happiness or togetherness, difficult times will be a disaster for you. Useless things can be extremely useful in another realm of consciousness, so open your eyes and look for them. If your heart stays young and open, so will you.

This line is dealing directly with the social element of this situation. Its saying that your not fully present to receive clarity to move forth, because when your with him, your feeling sorry for yourself, caught up in the past, and so unable to fully engage with the situation. You need first of all to accept all thats happened tien. Its not a big deal, i know it feels like it, but the past is the past. Focusing on it will only cause your present situation with this man to be affected. When your around him in public, try to stay present. Try to forget all thats happened, and rejoice in the time your in.

Overall, I htink yi is answering the undelying question here, which is your passion and sadness around this man. I have a feeling your young, tien (34), you have lots of strong power and the ability to use this power wisely, But youve got to first of all, think about how you are in public now with this guy. Your friendship you had before can be renewed, but youve got to untie yourself from the previous form of the relationship, and think about how you are socially with him, in a group or one to one- im not sure, but Yi is saying your mask needs to be updated.


Bests,

Yx

 

[tien]

Hi yxeli,

Thank you so much for your generous reply. I really appreciate it. It is true, I am trying to figure out this new phase of our friendship going be and how to direct my interaction with him, because he has a girlfriend now. I don't know how serious they are, but I do miss him. I really afraid that if I were to meet up with him, I might get my heart broken again.

And regarding young-ness , I'm young but not that young, I am in my early thirty, but he is a lot older than me, he is in his 50s, so maybe that might be part of what iching picked up.

As per your suggestion to ask iching questions. So I did.

One was: If I were to contact him, what would the result be ? and I got Iching 18

Another was: If I were to wait for things to take its own course what would happen with him and I? I got Iching 49.3 > 17.

Any insight you can give me on this new reading?

Thank you,

T

 

[yxeli]

As per your suggestion to ask iching questions. So I did.

One was: If I were to contact him, what would the result be ? and I got Iching 18

Another was: If I were to wait for things to take its own course what would happen with him and I? I got Iching 49.3 > 17.

Any insight you can give me on this new reading?

Thank you,

T

18 is a good hex to draw around this, if you contact him, it maybe the beginning of the healing process for the both of you. However because this is an unchanging hex, I wonder if theres not much growth in this option. First of all, the Nuclear hex is 54, which is often associated with being in a relationship where your not number one. Your second best. This makes perfect sense, as this guy is now with another girl. your in 54 here Tien, and god can i ever sympathise, its really heartbreaking to see the man you love with someone else. envy, lust, anger, sadness, all of these things crop up which is exactly not the frame of mind you want to be in when your trying to heal (18). I think you should not contact him Tien, i would read it differently if you had received some changing lines in 18, but you didnt, so i think Yi is saying if you contact him, your just gonna be wallowing in all the gu.(18)


49.3>17 has so much more potential Tien.


wikiwing

Line 3


‘Setting out to bring order means pitfall,
Constancy means danger.
Words of radical change draw near three times,
There is truth and confidence.’

Not time to make it happen. ‘Setting out to bring order’ is a military term; means imposing order on an unruly region. That’s a conquest; you are aiming for a revolution, which is different. Trying to fix things/ people in the way you’d like them to be would be disastrous; persevering with your own ideas is dangerous. Instead, let the talk of change go round again and again. (Just bringing the news once is not enough; people need time to incorporate the idea into their thinking.) Bring the need for change to the forefront of awareness first.

49 zhi Hexagram 17, Following. Radical change enlisting the power of following, of natural desire, rather than enforcing change.

Its all about how with time, if you wait, things are going to be so much better between you. The advice is to wait, with confidence in yourself, in your own potential, keep on keeping on for awhile yet. It says that over the coming months, if you really discipline yourself, develop this social mask when your around him, that theres gonna be 3 developments in the situation, which is going to give you great insight into your relationship with him. Believe in yourself, believe that this radical change is for all the right reasons. Maybe while your laying low, developing a new skin in how you interact with this guy (no calling,no texting, no showing him as to how you actually feel about the situation etc) youll be told a few interesting facts that will change the way your perceiving this, either your own aims will change ( and i know at the moment you dont wanna hear that, you just want him back!! but have faith in the book Tien!) or the change will lead you to follow(17) him again.

Theres no indication in which way this change is going to go tien, you could get him back or you yourself will change due to the uncovering of some things you currently arent aware of (line 3), either way, Yi is saying to you to not contact him, wait instead, develop yourself, your outward behaviour towards him, and how you interact with him, keep it all schtum, laugh and be present, dont flirt, or throw this new girl an evil look or anythign like that. Stay strong in yourself, develop your protection, I often imagine in bad situations that i'm emanating pure white light, thats my armour, no one can penetrate it, im penetrating others instead with a white haze of love,acceptance and respect for all involved. Youll be surprised with how much your confidence grows with each new social activity when he and she is present, how proud of yourself you will become, by remaining quiet for the time being, and accepting this new situation. theres gonna be revelations without you having to push for them, they are going to drop into your hands. have faith in that, sit back, and watch the show in complete self confidence and trust in your natural path.


Bests,

Yx

 

[yxeli]

oh! and BTW;

I really afraid that if I were to meet up with him, I might get my heart broken again.

You may well do at this point in time, (30>34) at the minute theres so much strong emotions round this Tien, in your own heart.

I dont think Yi is saying to stop interaction completely, its saying not to bring up anything to do with you and him, the past, and not to wallow in that yourself. Thats the social mask thing im talking about with 30>34. He's obviously in your circle, as you were good friends before. I dont think you should stop yourself socialising because of this new relationship he's in, do you see him in a group setting?

First get your ACT together, decide that your going to hide your raw emotions , and in public laugh it off, WHEN you get this down tien, and you can feel confident your new armour is tightly secure, THEN get back out there.

I think yi is saying that if you just relax into this new time, just accept it like you would the rain falling. aint nothing you can do about the rain falling, but the rain falling aint gonna make you hide in your house for hours and feel gloomy, is it? Its raining! big deal! right? When you can be around him socially and keep up this act, keep up your i dont give a **** attitude, smile, be friendly, dont involve yourself in any arguments, or start crying etc, then these revelationsof 49 are gonna slowly, but surely. appear.

I got 49.3 recently to do with a very similar situation. Its all about time. I changed greatly in the previous months around my guy, and so will you. New insights take time to form in your head. you have to go through 30, passion, envy, sadness, all that, and then woah! the suns out again, the rain dries up, dissappears completley, and you have this new way of thinking about the situation. and you will start thinking differently about this, thats what 49>17 is all about. You dont need to affect the change, its just going ot fall into your lap tien.

Yx

 

[tien]

Hi Yxeli,

Yes, we do share the same group of friends, but the one friend that is close to both of us have been out of the country since he got himself a girlfriend. This girl will be coming back to town soon in about two weeks. So, will see if there might be a 'get together' when she gets back. This girl is his 'best friend', who I have always been suspecious of what-is-going-on-with-them, but apprently I'm totally wrong about them, because he is now with an entirely different gal than I suspected.

Anyways, last time I was speaking to him on the phone, I was really good at avoiding talking about 'us' at all cost, but he is the one who keeps wanting to rub in my face that he has a girlfriend and how hard it is to find a pair of tickets to go to a concert and how he might have to picnic outside (blah blah blah). I was so angry, but I managed to stay calm. I'm not sure why he has to rub it in, or maybe he tried to get my reaction OR he just want to show off, not sure which. So, I just hope that in the party setting he is not gonna be doing any of that....I just don't want to loose my cool. I have always been struggle how to be sincere without being over bearing OR to be protective of your heart, but not completely close off. But I think, I'm learning now that there are time and places for everything, and in group setting might be a good place to start. Let's hope he behave this time .

I will take you advice, work on myself, and discover the life I want....and if it's meant to be, it will work out at the end. If not, so what? right?

Can't stop the rain, but I don't have to let it flood my house!

Thank you once again.

T

 

[tien]

Btw I also asked the iching if I see him again how I should act? I got
50.2>56.
Then I make it more spacific:

Him alone? 53.6> 39

Him with her? 17

You mention something about getting my armor tight and secured. From your experience can you share with me how can I go about it in from day to day practical basis? Thank u.

 

[yxeli]

I was really good at avoiding talking about 'us' at all cost, but he is the one who keeps wanting to rub in my face that he has a girlfriend and how hard it is to find a pair of tickets to go to a concert and how he might have to picnic outside (blah blah blah). I was so angry, but I managed to stay calm. I'm not sure why he has to rub it in, or maybe he tried to get my reaction OR he just want to show off, not sure which. So, I just hope that in the party setting he is not gonna be doing any of that....I just don't want to loose my cool.

Sounds to me its the rawness of that 30>34 reading manifesting in your ex. Your doing everything right as far as i can see tien, first of all, you didnt show him how you feel. at this point, either responding to his jibes or making some of your own will only damage your relationship more. again, you wore your social mask on the phone to him, this shows that you already are capable of controlling yourself, even if it was just a phonecall, these first steps are incredibly important, and i hope your sense of self esteem is rising, knowing that he showed his lower characteristics in himself (rubbing it in) and you took the higher road, friendly dissinterest and a seperation from your raw emotions int he way you spoke to him. This is exactly what yi knew you were capable of, and your now manifesting it. give yourself a massive round of applause.


Now, 50>56 is also suggesting a similar take. I often associate 56 with the people in my circle who are there when i go to a gig, or to a party, but I dont really know. Chris Lofting calls 56 'restrained joining, loyalty at a distance', its friendships that are loose alliances, people that come and go, and that sometimes can help you out a bit socially, but nothing to depend upon, because in 56, your an intrepid adventurer, searching for your right home, moving on, being nice and conducting yourself according to socially acceptable paths, but its the kind of relationships that you will have a chat with them, catch up, then move onto another person that you feel closer to or can have a laugh with.

So Yi is saying now, that your transforming (50) into the adventurer. someone who moves along socially correct paths, but with no major alliances. This is what Yi suggests in your future behaviour towards this guy. and if you think that sounds kinda lonely and your not really tackling him or the situation properly, doubt not, cos i love getting 50.2. Its a real vindication of your own worth, it means someone is jealous of you, of how much you can transform. And by the sounds of your exemplary conduct on the phone, your ex is envious, because your refusing to lower yourself to these jibes he's giving you. chances are, he'll try to get you to give him an emotional response, but the more you transform into 56, the better.

Smile, keep your emotions close to your chest, be friendly to both of them, ask them how theyve been, then walk away, still grinning from ear to ear. the magical and greatly auspicious 50 is giving you your strength here. You can do this. I recommend getting right into the different translations of 56 to figure out exactly how you can manifest this socially towards him.

53.6 is one of those most elusive of Yis responses. At first glance, its 53, the marraige of the maiden, gradual progression of a marriage ceremony, but 53.6 to me has often cropped up as the higher understanding of what seperation, or ending of a relationship means. I cant really talk much more on this, because the translations differ greatly, but i would suggest that when you are alone with him, that you look back on your relationship with fondness, but with an awarness that now this relationship is moving somewhere else. its a good line to draw, but when you get it it feels kinda shitty. the past is gone, never to return, but there is a spiritual learning curve involved with this line that hsouldnt make you want to curl up and cry. The relationship has changed, but in 53.6 its a beautiful, mystical change. doesnt mean your gonna end up jumping into bed with him again, its never meant that for me, but it does have this higher potential about it.

17 when they are together, means just go with the flow. you dont have to start the conversation, or intitate anything in 17, just follow. follow what they are saying, and respond. Its a very good hex to draw, but it means completey allowing yourself, in this new time, to interact with them in the present, and move with the time, if they talk about cholocate, talk about chocolate etc. let them lead.

You mention something about getting my armor tight and secured. From your experience can you share with me how can I go about it in from day to day practical basis? Thank u.

Listen to Yi. Thats how I did it. your 49 reading suggest you dont need to initiate anyhting, you dont need to act, and so does 17. with time, (and thats the key here) while listening to all the advice and practicing it above, your armour naturally grows stronger. knowing that this man (hes 50? sounds like a teenager! ) is acting like a hurt kid and trying to get you to plead and cry and show your emotions, whilst he is happily ensconced with another girl, is just exactly the kind of primal behaviour you should completely shun from yourself. let him act the (sorry irish) eejit here, your bigger and better then that, and Yi back me up by giving you 50.2. your own confidence and courage, your armour, will naturally grow strong, when you see this behaviour manifest in him, because your not allowing yourself to be involved with that nonsense, your transforming (50) into this new identity with him, restrained loyalty, keeping it distant.

can you imagine how crazy this will make him! He's dying for an emotional response from you. dont give it, be bigger. practice the advice yi gives you. keep your physical interactions, and phonecalls, short, and at a friendly distance. He wont know his ass from his elbow.


Yx

 

[tien]

This is exactly what yi knew you were capable of, and your now manifesting it. give yourself a massive round of applause.

Thank you so much. It was hard, but something in me knows that he tried to provoke me to pick a fight with him, and I refused to go down that path and let him hurt me further.

And by the sounds of your exemplary conduct on the phone, your ex is envious, because your refusing to lower yourself to these jibes he's giving you. chances are, he'll try to get you to give him an emotional response, but the more you transform into 56, the better.

I still don't know why he want an reaction from me. Maybe it is his poor attempt of trying to get me to 'talk about it'. He is the one that broke my heart, not the other way around. Maybe, like you said there is some strong emotion on happening to him (30) to while we were talking and having a great time, but instead of owning it, he rather bring up the girlfriend as a way to protect himself and feel that he is in control.

The relationship has changed, but in 53.6 its a beautiful, mystical change. doesnt mean your gonna end up jumping into bed with him again, its never meant that for me, but it does have this higher potential about it.

I am looking forward to what I will learn or what this is going to turn out. If anything I am learning a whole lot about myself.

knowing that this man (hes 50? sounds like a teenager! ) is acting like a hurt kid and trying to get you to plead and cry and show your emotions, whilst he is happily ensconced with another girl, is just exactly the kind of primal behaviour you should completely shun from yourself. let him act the (sorry irish) eejit here...can you imagine how crazy this will make him! He's dying for an emotional response from you. dont give it, be bigger. practice the advice yi gives you. keep your physical interactions, and phonecalls, short, and at a friendly distance. He wont know his ass from his elbow.

Right? he is sure acting like a teenager. Funny though while we were together, every time we get 'too close' ( according to him) he always talk about "how this is not supposed to happen" or "I am not a teenager anymore, I shouldn't be feeling this way" odd huh? BTW, Iching number 8, came up a lot in my reading with him in general, especially when I asked "why it didn't work out?" also in did a reading once not too long ago "If he misses me, and what I am to him?" Iching 30 > 50 came up ( Weird how the same numbers keep coming up huh?). Someone once suggested to me that maybe we have some kind of past life together or some type of "twins flame/ soul mate" situation, where sometime they need to be apart, learn their own lessons, then be back together again...but it may or may not be in this life time.

Thank you so much, you TRULY have been a great blessing. what you have been saying ring many truth and bring a lot of peace into my heart. Thank you, blessings on to you and all that you do. I will keep you posted, on my journey of transformation

T

 

[tien]

OMG! I just have a realization... 30 1.3 doesn't = 34, but a 35!! But I think the message still remain pretty similar at the end, just slightly different energy.

THANK YOU SOOOO SOOOO MUCH for your generous help! Your kindness and compassion really change my out look into this situation. You have been more than kind, no need to respond to this one ( unless you want to), I simply want to say THANK YOU...and send out wonderful energy your way!

 

[yxeli]

OMG! I just have a realization... 30 1.3 doesn't = 34, but a 35!! But I think the message still remain pretty similar at the end, just slightly different energy.

I still don't know why he want an reaction from me. Maybe it is his poor attempt of trying to get me to 'talk about it'. He is the one that broke my heart, not the other way around. Maybe, like you said there is some strong emotion on happening to him (30) to while we were talking and having a great time, but instead of owning it, he rather bring up the girlfriend as a way to protect himself and feel that he is in control

ah! well i think that the message hasnt changed that much, in 35 your 'granted audience 3 times', which makes sense as far as your worrying about physically being in his company again. This whole reading is full of light. Of realisations that make you have strong emotions. And its exactly what people show after a breakup. Everyone worries, is angry, is sad, is depressed, when a breakup happens, and everyone always falls into the trap of remembering the past and making that larger then whats happening in the present in these situations. Its perfectly natural for you, and your ex, to be feeling these things. But the choice (8) is yours in how your going to respond.

BTW, Iching number 8, came up a lot in my reading with him in general,

8 is one of those hexs when your feeling 30, that makes you think 'Oh! Union! maybe theres a chance to get back together' type responses from Yi. Its actually often Yi throwing the question back at you. And 8 often suggests a group of people who are joined together around a central 'leader' type personality. Did you find that when you were with this guy, that you saw him as a kind of leader, a father figure? This is just a suggestion, But sometimes it does play out in romantic relationships that the balance of authority gets skewed up in our heads. Receiving 8 as a relating hexagram often implies that its up to you to decide. But not knowing the exact readings you received, i cant really tell. I have a feeling you were getting 8 mostly as a relating hex, and if this is so, i wouldnt pay all that much attention to it. It can often just mean the 'theme' of the question you are asking about, which is about union with this guy, or about the past, which would make sense as you were together with him before.

Yx