Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom
Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).
Rosada, I just posted that long response and saw this recent thought from you. Thanks for thinking of me. You are truly insightful. I see his abusive mother's most negative traits come out in him. I literally see her in his meanest of responses echoing how she treated him and his 3 siblings. Wow...he never went to therapy and has said how he should have when his sister died (he was only 22! and he was her protector) and how nasty, vile, horrific his mother has been and always was. He was a beautiful boy, innocent like all of us. She hit him so badly. She has never to this day apologized for being so hurtful or even acknowledged her acts. She really damaged his faith/view of a woman, then I come along and I'm a beautiful, loving little bright light, and I just had to go and be so stupidly promiscuous and then lie about it to him when we met. He thought I was 'his' only to have already been used and abused......that has been a big crusher of his belief in a good woman. He gave me opportunities to earn my worth back, the 'efforts' I keep speaking of, and I basically failed in doing them. My claim is that I was being subtly abused by him and it made it hard for me to actually get these things done...I was suffering emotionally. I turned to the iching and it brough me out of my darkness and gave me stregnth to even make sense of things especially in my actions with him and my words. To this day he is still giving me a 'chance' to show and prove I'm worth it.Evolving thoughts... Thinking now about how 36.3 says a great discovery saves the day although it still will take time...
It seems to me now that by taking on the role of "house mother" Veronica's husband is revealing to her how truly abusive his mother was to him. Of course he is unconscious he's being manipulated by these old energy imprints or even if he is, he isn't strong enough to resist the magnetic pull of the old thought patterns. You might say he has a mental disease. Unfortunately for Veronica she feels a pressure to maintain the family at all costs which limits her ability to openly respond to his uncontrolled behavior, tell him he's acting out what his mother did to him and that he needs to seek therapy or she'll quit her job and file for a divorce and get a restraining order put on him. Nope, that would be a little too extreme. Instead, she must 36. Hide her light, but recognizing what's triggering her husband - his unresolved issues with his mother - can be a great aid in recognizing what she should do next. Veronica mentioned how she and he have had good chats over the phone. Recognizing what sorts of environments support support the relationship and which situations trigger blow ups might be a good place to start. Also consider that moving out for awhile might not have to mean you are divorcing. Done in a reasonable way it could lead to reunion.
That's not accurate. Some people are born with sociopathic/psychopathic personalities, which means they do become physically violent against others. The reason 'why' violence happens is irrelevant. There is no excuse for it. If you have a look at domestic abuse forums, you'll see that the violence only gets worse as time goes by. Because of the violence, you are fully justified to fear for your life (if you stay, and even if you go).He was a beautiful boy, innocent like all of us.
You just said you weren't unfaithful to him though ?She has never to this day apologized for being so hurtful or even acknowledged her acts. She really damaged his faith/view of a woman, then I come along and I'm a beautiful, loving little bright light, and I just had to go and be so stupidly promiscuous and then lie about it to him when we met.
This is true... It has been progressively worse and there is no excuse for it. I will.That's not accurate. Some people are born with sociopathic/psychopathic personalities, which means they do become physically violent against others. The reason 'why' violence happens is irrelevant. There is no excuse for it. If you have a look at domestic abuse forums, you'll see that the violence only gets worse as time goes by. Because of the violence, you are fully justified to fear for your life (if you stay, and even if you go).
Save yourself.
He thinks I’ve been unfaithful, but I haven’t been.
She really damaged his faith/view of a woman, then I come along and I'm a beautiful, loving little bright light, and I just had to go and be so stupidly promiscuous and then lie about it to him when we met.
He says it sarcastically. Maybe I actually could go to therapy, but that would be very threatening for him because everything would be exposed. I've never considered your alternative forms though.... I think we would need to go together. He feels it's for someone who is mentally weak, also that it's wrong to divulge personal information to a stranger who you know nothing of their personal info (their beliefs/views, etc). Besides clarity, I've read from the Cafe soul interpretations...where else is a good iching translation that I can read like a bible almost? I agree it's very balancing...just very good for me and the way I like to think and feel.He told you that you needed therapy? Jump on that! Do it! It will give you insight into yourself and strengthen you and whether he realizes why it is happening or not, as you gain clarity he will too. Also there are many types of therapy. I recommend tuning fork therapy (google it), or if you prefer someone you talk to go to a therapist who uses astrology. Massage therapy also helps. Feng shui! Lots of options.
Meanwhile, so good you have found the I Ching. Not only does it give you guidance but just the mental state of calm openness it encourages helps even if you don't always trust your understanding. Engaging with angry people becomes much less important. Defending yourself seems less and less important.
Welcome!
Okay, that's really not what you said earlier.He says it sarcastically.
He would take my phone, physically harm me, destroy all of my things…I don’t even know. I just don’t know what to do.
The oldest 3 he wants them to physically hit me when I get out of line. It’s horrific truly. He’s teaching the boys to become bullies and I feel powerless.
Never thought I would be someone that just took it. But my husband isn’t the average person. I stay now it seems to be with the children, because he’s going to take them from me and maybe kill me one day or at least physically hurt me very badly?
Ah well controversially I think the very last thing you need are I Ching interpretations. If you're living with a murderer which you said yesterday you need proper help, that is legal etc .Besides clarity, I've read from the Cafe soul interpretations...where else is a good iching translation that I can read like a bible almost? I agree it's very balancing...just very good for me and the way I like to think and feel.
I was quite promiscuous before I met him and lied as if I hadn't been. I have been completely faithful to him...he thinks that I haven't though. Yes, it's been very intense, 11 babies in 18 years. 10 births because the last birth was a set of twins. I think I said, "maybe kill me one day..." It's an abusive relationship, it checks off all the boxes, but he's not physically violent with me too much and when he is, I definitely push boundaries I know that I shouldn't. I believe the relationship could be one that could be turned non-abusive one day, these are very rare....it's primarily verbally abusive at this point...it is very controlling, I do work but nothing else really, I don't have freedoms to do whatever or have friends or anything like that. I've explained some more about him since he is far from a monster, but he is doing very hurtful things. I haven't been perfect, but I would like for him to be able to glimpse inside my soul for a few minutes to see that he's wrong and needs to love me and be kind. I have very rose-colored glasses and am not always in touch with reality and what is actually happening.11 babies in 18 years must have been pretty intense, that's a baby every 18 months?
Am I wrong?
You say you were not unfaithful but then you say you were promiscuous so which is true?
I am getting very confused and am going back to the post where you described the abuse.
but I would like for him to be able to glimpse inside my soul for a few minutes to see that he's wrong and needs to love me and be kind.
I didn't say I was living with a murderer. I said I can and do sometimes have fear of him. I was describing how he may act if I said I was leaving when I said he would take my phone, probably destroy my things, maybe hurt me physically. I said the oldest ones are girls so you could get an image of teenage girls instead of grown men who would be my sons beating me...it's not that at all. I said he was sarcastic in saying I should get therapy since he would feel threatened if I was to go to therapy and tell a stranger all of our intimate problems. I also said this is 15 years of information in a nutshell so the iching has helped me quite a bit even if I do need professional help as well.On the one hand you agree with Rosada that chatting and therapy and psychoanalysing him will work just fine but on the other hand you agree with diamant that he is a threat to your life and you need to get out.
I find this pretty confusing but you posted again hang on
Okay, that's really not what you said earlier.
Earlier you said these things
Now you're saying he was just being sarcastic? Really, it didn't sound like that earlier
You said he wants the oldest to physically hit you but then later say they are girls as if it didn't matter...
You can't say serious things like this and then say 'it was just sarcastic' because it's not making sense
Ah well controversially I think the very last thing you need are I Ching interpretations. If you're living with a murderer which you said yesterday you need proper help, that is legal etc .
I'm very confused, you said some very serious things yesterday you're denying today.
Well you must do a lot else such as taking care of your twin babies when you get home so your husband can have a break. Then there's the other 9 to look after. I mean your life must be jam packed. Couples who work with one baby are exhausted let alone twin babies and 9 other children. I'm amazed you have time to look on the Cafe au Soul website or this one, how do you manage it ?I do work but nothing else really,
Ooh it looks great, definitely getting it, thanks.When I first discovered the IC I really enjoyed The I Ching Made Easy. You'll want to read it cover to cover in an afternoon.
The best we can. I feel like a failure quite a bit. My husband...does a lot! He is literally tired and mentally as well, so he's lashed out quite a bit hasn't he...but he wasn't always this way. I was supposed to be recruiting help (in the form of a gf/ sister wife but that is waaay harder than it seems or has been for me/us) and now we have all of these issues that need to be fixed before anyone would ever want to join our relationship...but the older children do a lot, but everyone needs more. More time, more love, more attention, etc. I said...we have a great family, it's just a little off...The childcare is so exhausting, the cleaning, the food prep! LOL. He's a natural though, a very good dad. Obviously you will say it's no good to be angry/ abusive...of course that is bad...but everything is not black and white.Well you must do a lot else such as taking care of your twin babies when you get home so your husband can have a break. Then there's the other 9 to look after. I mean your life must be jam packed. Couples who work with one baby are exhausted let alone twin babies and 9 other children. I'm amazed you have time to look on the Cafe au Soul website or this one, how do you manage it ?
He's a natural though, a very good dad. Obviously you will say it's no good to be angry/ abusive...of course that is bad
Im horrified about my children experiencing this, suffering and being molded and shaped now by so much negativity. I feel like he has all my power. The more I do, it’s like the worse it’s getting. It’s so embarrassing and shamefully bad, I don’t even know how to deal with this. He belittles me so badly in front of the children now (and it’s increased over the years) that it’s normal behavior in our house and he’s been filling their brains with his negative feelings about me…and is purposefully turning them against me, while giving them the verbiage to “observe me and see it for themselves.” So they think this is how they themselves feel about me (the older ones), of course I know the truth. When I get home from work, the little ones won’t even say hello, they don’t want me to touch them, they repeat that I don’t care about them, that I abandon them. The oldest 3 he wants them to physically hit me when I get out of line. It’s horrific truly. He’s teaching the boys to become bullies and I feel powerless.
In retrospect, you are a bit of a bully yourself TROJINA. Like, read the thread in order, then you wouldn't be confused at all. You kept quoting things I said and were unclear and ACCUSING me of saying something different the next day as if I'm under investigation for posting something that you can or don't have to comment on. Don't comment if you are so confused. It's actually all very clear as I wrote a lot. I don't like you or your style at all and I think you're distasteful in the least. I don't think you even commented on any of my actual castings! Is this one of your paid job? Even if you are a volunteer, at least read the post before commenting, do your job and do me a favor, don't comment on ANY of my posts, thanks.On the one hand you agree with Rosada that chatting and therapy and psychoanalysing him will work just fine but on the other hand you agree with diamant that he is a threat to your life and you need to get out.
I find this pretty confusing but you posted again hang on
Okay, that's really not what you said earlier.
Earlier you said these things
Now you're saying he was just being sarcastic? Really, it didn't sound like that earlier
You said he wants the oldest to physically hit you but then later say they are girls as if it didn't matter...
You can't say serious things like this and then say 'it was just sarcastic' because it's not making sense
Ah well controversially I think the very last thing you need are I Ching interpretations. If you're living with a murderer which you said yesterday you need proper help, that is legal etc .
I'm very confused, you said some very serious things yesterday you're denying today.
Like, read the thread in order, then you wouldn't be confused at all.
Veronica I see how deeply you love your husband, and therefore, how hurtful can words like domestic violence & bully sound to you. If you remember I had a rather positive view of your family in the first thread. However I was shocked by your fifth post here & think many others did, too. You've written it in a bad day that may not mirror all your experience with your husband. It's indeed confusing to be in a situation where you want to voice your hidden thoughts and feeling on one hand, but don't want your dear to be offended, on the other hand.He was a beautiful boy, innocent like all of us.
The woman has an upright husband & there is no blame, no praise. Doesn't seem like a difficult thing to do.“how can I convince him to go to marriage counseling / therapy with me?” 28.5 to 32
I think 11.3 is about accepting the life's ups & downs. The context hexagram is 19: the approach, or as Bradford says, taking the charge. Face the reality of this rather unpleasant situation, and find happiness in nourishment- anything that makes you deal better with hardship.Mary Blue Sky said maybe consult the iching about how I go about rescuing myself…great question and I asked that. I got 11.3 to 19! ?? Also, what will happen if I leave? 26.1.6 to 46.
I don't know how to interpret 22.2. The next line says: constancy, good fortune. Hexagram 27 is about being careful of how you "feed" your mind (and here, I think others').will my efforts ever really change his emotional response to me? 22.2.3 to 27
Hello,Thanks all of you. Feeling very low at the moment. Have taken the week to really be present and observe what is going on in my home, with my husband. It's quite bad & sad....this has all been very insightful to help me navigate even my own thoughts, and I feel more empowered than ever. It's like I'm so far from my strongest self, I'm angry. I'm so angry and pathetic to have let this happen. My husband is not a monster, but he has told me now for a while his feelings, his intentions...dumb me...of course, asks aaagain, is there aanything I can do to make him trust me or change his mind....23 unchanging. Its over. But yet, we are living together going on about our horrible daily routine and lives and there's no hope. I feel bad for him, he's so sad and me too. He's sad, not for hurting me, but for his own life resulting in shambles. I'm utterly lost as to what to do, how to mooove on? Since it's really over it seems. We don't have a kid or two...there are a lot of them. It's so weird because things can be copasetic and we are like planning the future....but I want the happy life, the life full of a loving man who thinks I'm someone special, I don't even know what that could feel like anymore. I keep getting readings like, How to do this without it being so painful...is there a less painful way for this to go down...I forget what the actual readings were, but having a heart-to-heart with him last night (a limited / somewhat superficial one, but guided based on what I know now..and he calmly clearly stated his intentions and that I can leave if I don't like xy or z...but as calm and as pleasant as could be.)...it's like I wish we could be friends and stay in each other's lives...and co-parent. Maybe one day, but where it stands, in my mind based on his words and actions, has been that he keeps all the children and I can fight in court if I wanted to, but I better watch my back when I least expect it and don't try to get custody of the boys ever....saying the word custody is like sick to me. So, that's not even a real thought or possibility. We are not court people, we are not even traditional society people, so I don't trust this system and don't trust anything, him and my little family was all I had even though it's not healthy for me really. I asked "Which direction should I go"...not sure if I mean mentally or physically, both I guess. I can't even figure how I would ever actually physically leave. Mentally I'm lost as well as what to focus on. I got 8 unchanging.....
Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom
Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).