11.1.2.4.5 to 31 what should I do with my unstable GF

[cajlus]

11.1.2.4.5 to 31 what should I do with my unstable GF

My girl friend and I (2.7 year relationship) have been going through very rough times lately, mostly due to her personal problems. She is now very confused of her feeling towards me, says she loves me and cares for me, that I am the best person (literally, she admires me so much) she has met and would hate to lose me, but just doesn’t feel attracted to me in the same way as before (sexually speaking). She is very strange in terms of sexuality because she is not easily attracted by men and has told me that I am the first person with which she has really enjoyed sex (for 2 years straight we have had incredible sex).

The thing is that having passed 2 years with her, we started having some arguments (we seldom had before). I believe that she wasn’t able to forgive and let go of the fights, which created a lot of damage to her love towards me. That summed to the fact that she stopped taking anti depressants that year, and had a bladder operation because of repeated vaginal infections which kind of traumatized her with sex. This, added to the fact that she started to question her love towards me because she had no sex drive, made major damage to her love. Starting this year, she exploded asking me for a break in the relationship and telling me that a while ago she felt “those funny feelings” of a connection speaking with another guy which made her stop talking to him because she wanted to save our relationship. This obviously destroyed me and I started seriously thinking to break up and perform euthanasia to our relationship. Even though, I opted for a 4-day break to see how things progressed.

At the moment, she is still in the confused side of things, though she is taking anti depressants (the psychiatrist has diagnosed her a severe depression), which I hope will help somewhat. This is very emotionally deteriorating for me. Being with someone who emotionally is not there, doesn’t touch you, doesn’t give any affection whatsoever, and overall just seems to not care for you or if the relationship grows just scars me. She still says she loves me and cares for me, but only when I ask her (she has been really honest with me). Things do seem kind of on the brightside lately. Today I went to her house and she was kind of happier, and touched me a bit more. Although, I went to her computer and accidentally found an I Ching reading asking about a guy (she never told me the name of the guy she “connected with”) and another asking if she should break up with me (hexagram 26.4.5) dated this Wednesday. This hurt me and I just returned home making up some excuse of something I had to do. I’m really confused of what to do regarding my relationship. I’m starting to think that staying will just be more suffering, but on the other side, I have some hope that we will overcome these rough times. So I asked the Yi

What should I do with my relationship?

And for my surprise I got hexagram 11 with changing lines 1, 2, 4 and 5 changing to hexagram 31.

Any ideas on how to interpret this??

Thanks in advance!

 

[ginnie]

What should I do with my relationship? And for my surprise I got hexagram 11 with changing lines 1, 2, 4 and 5 changing to hexagram 31.

You both have a long-term relationship that is going through a rough time. I think it would help if you just reached out and held her hand when you are together. Being depressed, she is just not herself, and so it would make a lot of difference if you could reach out to her with a simple gesture like this, to let her know you're still with her.

 

[cajlus]

Thanks Ginnie! I have been doing so; been very comprehensive and loving. The problem is that it makes her feel guilty for not being able to give the love back, so these gestures get her on a negative thought spiral. This is what confuses me the most regarding how to act.

 

[psychonaut613]

This may sound cynical, but... Test, test... women are full of tests. And we all waste time on people who are unworthy.
Line 1: something about lemon grass and pulling up roots. This probably refers to the idea that you are trying to solve things(pull up roots) at every turn, when it is really up to her if she genuinely likes being with you to be happy around you(how many of us suddenly feel and act happy when we see our kids that we love; it's a choice)
Line 2: reckon with crop failure. even if it is difficult it's better for horse and river to cross icy river(know the difference between setback and failure)
Line 4: Not on guard because of inspired confidence. (You have been on guard bc of these things hitting you but be confident, you know you're a good dude and that even if she did leave you for that other guy, she would come back soon in an unhappy state)
Don't rely on others, but trust yourself! It might bring about disaster. But it also brings about that one can live without limits, without adapting to rules, completely according to one's own heart's desires(would you want to keep living this way, with someone who holds it over your head there might be someone "better"?). It is the strongest way to accomplish what you want. God helps who helps himself. this line changes to 34 : man of stone
Line 5: emperor marrying off younger sister changes to 5. I believe this refers to...
And they all change to 31

She has already hit you with the idea that she is thinking of leaving you for another man, and you have allowed this to change the balance of power between you. Now, I don't think that people should have power over one another in relationships, but when one loses *personal power*, the other feels it... so, hit her back, tell her you will give her what she wants(a break) and tell her use it wisely as it may affect whether you see one another again. Tell her you plan to see other people, that there are women out there who would dig a man like yourself and break it off. If she doesn't hit you back within a week about wanting you back or it being a mistake, then don't talk to her again. And be strong and do it, No Contact, no matter how hard.

Sorry, but it seems to me she opened this can of worms...Why be with someone who isn't attracted to you sexually, there are others who will, she will either realize what she can lose or move on... seriously stop being a puppet. Her confusions and problems aren't yours to solve.

And don't anyone misunderstand me... I have personally been through this more than once. (And I've also been with women who always loved hanging out w me and having sex w me and were strong emotionally by accepting my support when needed and just letting go of sh**(not continually kicking a dead horse on the same emotional problem!))This girl will most likely keep obssessing about it and thinking about it and eventually cheat on you or leave you. You'd best pull up that lemon grass now...!

Most of these are quoted from LiSe

 

[precision grace]

Please don't listen to psychonaut613 whatever else you do!

I think you got a very auspicious reading for the prospect of saving the relationship but it does point to the need to examine all the details of the problems coming up (line 1) and a need for you to undergo some major transition (line 2) without a compass or bearings (cross the river without a boat). Eventually, the line 5 takes you to the place of marriage but after a long wait so patience and waiting with purpose are advised.

However. I must say that I am really wondering here whether this reading was simply a reflection of what you desperately WANT to do in your heart about this situation (although it can easily be both, what you want and what you should do).

Being depressed is a major illness. It's not easy to live with at all and for some people it never really goes away. You cannot rationally expect your girlfriend to be able to work on your relationship when she is that ill. It's an equivalent of wanting someone who has broken both legs to play in a football tournament.

Whatever you decide to do just please make sure that you do it with kindness and care for both you and your girlfriend. Even if it means that you both must find happiness elsewhere, because forcing things can never lead to good results.

 

[cajlus]

She has already hit you with the idea that she is thinking of leaving you for another man, and you have allowed this to change the balance of power between you. Now, I don't think that people should have power over one another in relationships, but when one loses *personal power*, the other feels it... so, hit her back, tell her you will give her what she wants(a break) and tell her use it wisely as it may affect whether you see one another again. Tell her you plan to see other people, that there are women out there who would dig a man like yourself and break it off. If she doesn't hit you back within a week about wanting you back or it being a mistake, then don't talk to her again.

Thanks Psychonaut! Yeah, I did do something like that a month ago and she did come the next day crying, with no sleep from the night before, telling me that she does want to be with me and wants to sort things out (that same day we had sex and she started it). The problem is that I really dont like pulling those kind of games. I believe a relationship should be mature enough to handle stuff with comitment, not playing jelousy games. I am also aware that I am with a emotionally inmature girl though, so Im not sure how to handle this. At the moment she is an emotional rollercoaster: she might feel something one day, and the next day fell completley the opposite.

 

[cajlus]

Thank you Precision Grace! I also believe that waiting things out might be the key here, just dont want to wait forever and become a "puppet". Im really hoping that her doubts towrads her love are because of her depression and not because she truly has stopped loving me (although thats what I would like to hear). My problem right now is this ambigous situation because, if we did break, it would hurt but I would be able to move on. The problem is that all this time of "I dont know whats going to happen tomorrow" is really emotionally deteriorating.

 

[psychonaut613]

It is not about games. If anything, the way she talks about wanting to be with someone else is also a game.

Not about games, sometimes you have to force someone to make a choice. You are focused on her needs and meanwhile, what about your needs being met?(It's been proven that cuddles and touching and stuff make people feel better about themselves, so she would benefit also)

I recommend you read this also: http://www.reuniting.info/science/coolidge_effect

I have learned that when I take care of my needs first, women appreciate me more and realize because I say "no" sometimes and know my limits that I actually genuinely like them, that I'm not just another yes man in their life that goes along with everything bc he's hoping to get laid or something. As you said, she's emotionally immature and sometimes with women like that, they need to realize you will leave rather than take their bullsh**. When you have no tolerance for BS, it's like people can just feel it in your aura or something and the BS happens much less often.

I saw this great quote awhile back, don't remember where, "If you always give someone want they want, they won't realize how much they need you."

And, yes, my advice before was colored by my negative mood at that moment, so take it as you see fit :bows:

 

[goddessliss]

Thank you Precision Grace! I also believe that waiting things out might be the key here, just dont want to wait forever and become a "puppet". Im really hoping that her doubts towrads her love are because of her depression and not because she truly has stopped loving me (although thats what I would like to hear). My problem right now is this ambigous situation because, if we did break, it would hurt but I would be able to move on. The problem is that all this time of "I dont know whats going to happen tomorrow" is really emotionally deteriorating.

Well in that case move on. There's nothing worse than what's going on here. The best thing you can do is remove yourself from the situation and start creating a life without her and then see if you get drawn back together in a healthy, equal relationship.
Her issues are not yours to deal with, they're hers. The article psychonaut suggested is well worth reading. - Liss

 

[ginnie]

If your gestures of love, like holding hands, cause her discomfort because she just cannot reciprocate much right now, you might tell her you're not expecting much of her right now, as she's not feeling well. And just keep on holding her hand and being there for her. I know these matters are very complicated and there is no easy solution. On the other hand, isn't being there for each other in our hours of need an indication of caring in the deepest sense? As a man, if you don't have that steadiness of will, then what do you have? Also, you might do well to help her understand that you're counting on her to get well again, and you're sure she can do that.

 

[anemos]

11.1.2.4.5 to 31 what should I do with my unstable GF

Can't think of a more clear advice than the one yi gave you and especially hex 31...

It's not easy being a partner of a person with similar with your girlfriends condition, so youneed to decide wheather you wish and be able to stand by her during those difficult times. In many ways your intepretate things she does or says as rejections...my impression from your sayings is that some things are -might be-not very clear of what severe depression means or the side effects of medication.



@ psychonaut : are you serious?

 

[blue_angel]

Its a good reading. 11>31. How do you see 31? How do you see 11? You got not one, not two, not three, but four changing lines. Not to say you should ignore those four changing lines. However, when receiving four or more lines changing, it has been said to pay more attention to the actual hexagrams. Which are 11 and 31. It has also been said with four or more changing lines, it can show there is a lot of emotion or a lot going on.


"What should I do with my relationship?" 11>31 Objective readings I personally feel are best. You know... the kind where people objectively look at another's reading and give their take on the reading? Without placing their own negative vibes or judgments due to their own state or current experiences. That is what you came here for right? And of course one can't help but take notice to some of the things you shared...


1. "She may not be over or have forgiven some of the past arguments or fights" in fact they may have been so damaging that you feel "they may have damaged her loving feeling towards me" 2. "She has been really honest with me" 3. She's had surgery 4. She's been depressed enough that she's seen a psychiatrist and is or has been taking medication.

I like what Ginnie has said. I also agree with some of what Precision Grace has said on depression and how debilitating it can be. I don't see how psychonaut's post is helpful. To say the least, after all his advice is working so well for himself? He's not bitter or cynical at all... He totally seems to be coming from a place of contentment, peace, love, understanding, and wisdom... Or does he?

There's a million studies and a million counter studies, and this IS on the internet... Surely, you seem intelligent enough not to believe everything on the internet or believe that every person's opinion applies to your life. Anyhow, that's not what you came here for. You came here for help interpreting your reading, that you received from the Iching. If you need or want therapy go to a licensed therapist, like your girlfriend has done. Since she's so willing to take responsibility for her own life, maybe she would be willing to go to therapy with you, as a couple. That, in my opinion, would be a lot more helpful to you, then taking advice from some stranger on the internet, and reading one of the millions of studies on the internet, and trying to apply it to your own life.


Best wishes on your journey

 

[cajlus]

Ginnie, I am having that attitude towards my relationship right now, but Im starting to doubt if its the correct one. Im really getting frustrated and starting to think that this wont work out and I must break up. My question is if I should continue that way, or end it. After all, it is important to have deep caring for your partner, but I must have deep caring for myself too, right?

 

[cajlus]

Thanks Blue_Angel! So maybe the Yi is telling me to keep calm and have an understanding, loving and caring attitude? This reading really confused me and its a big challenge to mantain such attitude.

 

[ginnie]

11.1.2.4.5 to 31 what should I do with my unstable GF

One way to interpret the I Ching is to look at the yang change pattern and the yin changing pattern. In this case the yang changing hexagram, the way in to the question asked, is 58, talking and mutual exchange, joy. The way out, the solution, is 52. Hexagram 52 means stillness and mediation. It is against taking action. It is going deeply within oneself and holding oneself still.

Since you have one foot in this relationship and one foot out of it, I think Yi is saying not to take a step; do not act. Find a good I Ching book and read the text of hexagram 52.

It is interesting that both you and your girlfriend are into the I Ching . . .

 

[blue_angel]

This is what I got from the reading. Although now that I've written it up, and seen what Ginnie has to say, I feel her take on it is better to follow. I will share anyway, in case it should be useful.


Learn to decrease your desires of the outcome you want or the way you would like things to be. Learn to control your emotions. Learn to be humble. Peacefully accept her and this relationship, as she is now, and as it is now. Allow natural interaction, allow the relationship to unfold naturally.

Be prepared, in the case the relationship does not turn out the way you wish. Be prepared there will be downs, as well as ups. However, yes, persist in having a gentle loving attitude in your interactions. In this way, even if it does not work out, you will grow, and be blessed. Also while doing this, know you are aiding her in her own growth as well. Still, I feel there is a high possibility, the reading favors the relationship can progress.

To me 31 is a very natural influence. Similar to how Ginnie described, simply hold her hand. Its like sitting next to someone, and you naturally put your hand in theirs, without having really thought about it. You did it cause it is what seemed natural to do. And it works out and is reciprocated, because it was indeed natural. It is this unspoken, natural, influence. Its like how they say two hearts connect. Or two minds connect. That's not something you can see or force. There has to be an openness, a willingness, and good timing. There will be times of 44, when one wants to control the other, or when one is tempted by another. Over come these times. And then there's 41, some say the more you give, the more you get back. Some say it is simply cylic, decrease and increase.

11 feels like good, natural timing, and flowing with it. Allowing what's not useful to fall away, and being open to what is good, allowing that to grow to its full potential. There will be time for 12 where things do not progress. You can not control either, you can only 54 assist in the flow and growth.

Still, after having written/typed it out, Ginnie's advice is what I personally would follow. Especially since 58, mutual communication is needed for any relationship to grow. And 52, inner growth and meditation is needed for the self. 52 is like keeping your own individuality and awareness with or without relationship to another.

You're finding it challenging, I think that's good. Challenges can bring good growth.

Best wishes on your journey

 

[ginnie]

Being with someone who emotionally is not there, doesn’t touch you, doesn’t give any affection whatsoever, and overall just seems to not care for you or if the relationship grows just scars me. She still says she loves me and cares for me, but only when I ask her ...

I am wondering if you know that patients on anti-depressant medication often lose their sex drive, their libido. This is a well-known side effect of that type of medication.

 

[cajlus]

I am wondering if you know that patients on anti-depressant medication often lose their sex drive, their libido. This is a well-known side effect of that type of medication.

Yeah, Im well aware of that, but her sex drive started to lower while she was off antidepressants. I believe that depression can be a much bigger threat to sex drive than the pills.

 

[cajlus]

One way to interpret the I Ching is to look at the yang change pattern and the yin changing pattern. In this case the yang changing hexagram, the way in to the question asked, is 58, talking and mutual exchange, joy. The way out, the solution, is 52. Hexagram 52 means stillness and mediation. It is against taking action. It is going deeply within oneself and holding oneself still.

Ginnie, how did you get these hexagrams? I dont understand how you calculated them.

 

[ginnie]

To get the yang change pattern you put a yang line wherever there's a moving line and a yin line for every non-moving line. So with 11.1.2.4.5, you would put a yang line at positions 1, 2, 4, and 5 (and a yin line at positions 3 and 6), which forms hexagram 58, Pleasing or Joyful Exchange.

To get the yin change pattern, you put a yin line wherever there's a moving line. So with 11.1.2.4.5, you would put a yin line at positions 1, 2, 4, and 5 (and yang lines at positions 3 and 6), and this will form hexagram 52, Stillness or Meditation.

I find this method helpful sometimes when there are numerous moving lines.

 

[cajlus]

Some update on the situation: she broke up with me. The break up was pretty smooth, we ended on very good terms, although I told her I wouldn't want to talk to her for a long time so I could heal. She seems to want to be with me in the future, because she knows that she isn't stable at the moment, but considers me deeply. The strange thing is that, after breaking up, we spent some time together and it was just as "the good old days" (we had very intense break up sex).