39.5.6 > 52 action or inaction on a crush

[Lola1986]

Hi all,

I have a crush on a friend, it's been ages now, like over a year. Anyway I have no idea how he sees me other than obviously as a friend, we are not super close but in the same group. I thought perhaps the best thing to do, to free myself if nothing else, might be to just ask him. But now this reading makes me wonder whether that's a good idea at all. Perhaps I need to just leave things to roll as they will?

Please advise on asking X and telling him how I feel at some point in the near future?

39.5.6 > 52
39.5 > Greatly limping partners come - I guess this could be him (saying no, he just wants to be friends) or else a friend informing me of something that helps me (like he's not into you, or he is into you or he's into this other person) or I'm sort of waiting for him but then someone else comes along (there is a different one for this though, meeting your partner and lord so I don't think it is this one). So maybe this seems like affirmative? Do ask?
39.6 > Don't pursue this course of action. Leave it be. If he likes you he will do something, it will become clear, and the 'great mastery' will have been in slowing down and not always feeling like I have to be in control and be the instigator?
52: somehow if I do these two things, stillness, or what?

I'm struggling with where the action or inaction is... is it like you're stuck (limping), these are the two choices, you don't know which, so just cultivate stillness?

any ideas appreciated

many thanks
Lola

 

[marybluesky]

Hello lola;

Please advise on asking X and telling him how I feel at some point in the near future? 39.5.6 > 52
I have a different take. 39.5 means help in the time of difficulty. 39.6 is a fortunate line. Here you realize that a path leads to impasse and change the way. Whether it means the end of your passive approach or your crush for this guy it's good. 52 means keeping still, or maybe stopping. The stop of difficulties (39).

 

[Lola1986]

Hello lola;

Please advise on asking X and telling him how I feel at some point in the near future? 39.5.6 > 52
I have a different take. 39.5 means help in the time of difficulty. 39.6 is a fortunate line. Here you realize that a path leads to impasse and change the way. Whether it means the end of your passive approach or your crush for this guy it's good. 52 means keeping still, or maybe stopping. The stop of difficulties (39).

Ah, ok, cool. Ok, so that's encouraging then. You're good at this ; ) I always get stuck on the sort of literalness of things, of the readings, and maybe it's because I need to let them wash around a bit more first. Or maybe that's just what happens when it's your reading and you feel stuck (very 39!)

I do see on reading it again that 39.6 is about tenacity in the face of obstructions, so that makes sense. Anyway, I'll brave up and fess up, hopefully in the next few weeks and report back on the outcome.

Thanks

 

[Hans_K]

Hi Lola1986
H39 is the hexagram of the obstacle, the impasse.
Trigram Water over Mountain.
The nature of Water and Mountain are opposite. Water is fluid and formless, while Mountain is immobile and solid. That is the obstacle or impasse, Mountain does not give way to Water. Here is a situation where very careful thought should be given to how to resolve it.

The question is to what extent does this apply to you? Are you 2 totally different personalities?
Is one very closed and the other easy to show emotions (Water)? Is the impasse here perhaps that you are 2 totally different personalities?
H52 is trigram Mountain doubled: Holding Still.
Trigram Mountain is closed and turned inwards. Emotions are not shown here and nothing penetrates.
Looking at H39 and H52, it seems to me that any feelings that are shared do not enter, do not penetrate.

The advice in the text of the Image of H39 is to reflect on yourself:

Beyond the mountain, there is water:
This is the image of Obstruction.
Thus the superior person reflects on himself
And cultivates his character.

Seen from this perspective, I believe the lines of the text take on a different meaning:
39.5 In the midst of great obstruction Friends come
Here you get support and help in the impasse you find yourself in. People with whom you can talk about your feelings, who can help you with self-reflection.

39.6 Going forward means obstruction,
Coming back means great achievement.
Good fortune.
It is beneficial to see a great person.
This indicates that taking action, or making your feelings known to this friend, will only worsen the impasse.
H52's Image text gives more or less the same advice:

Thus the superior person
Does not allow his thoughts
To go beyond his situation.

If the question is:

Please advise on asking X and telling him how I feel at some point in the near future?

then the answer seems to be not to share these feelings with this friend because you are talking to a wall, so to speak. Instead, work on yourself so that you can overcome these feelings and, if necessary, ask for help.

This would be my interpretation. As always, take what resonates and leave the rest

 

[Hans_K]

Addition because part of the text was omitted.
H52 is Mountain above and Mountain below and thus shows 2 individuals who have no contact with each other. They are 2 independent personalities, not a unity.
The same goes for H39. Given their opposite natures, there is no contact between Water and Mountain.

 

[Lola1986]

Hmmm interesting. Quite a different reading. For me, I'd say there's not much of a split personality or contradiction going on, I like him, I have for ages, I have my doubts here and there about compatibility but they don't seem to be high enough to stop the feelings. So if there is some kind of split, I'd say I'm the water and he is the mountain, in a way. And yes perhaps at the moment that is the impasse, it's not penetrating or getting through (or I'm not). Perhaps.

On the other hand, thinking about it more, I am torn between sort of self-reflection and inaction, 39.6, and also having already told friends, who have various opinions on whether we'd be a good match, he'd be a good partner etc... 39.5

So the 39.5 and 39.6 could simply be describing that I have done both these, spoken to friends for support, reflected on my self and so on, tried to study my desire rather than act on it, and what has come from that is 'nothing' or stillness, no movement at all. So perhaps Yi is just reflecting back to me what has been going on inside of me so to speak. And then it is up to me what I do next and what will be the net result.

Anyway thanks for your response, I've set a deadline to do something about it, whether that's tell him or date someone else or both so we'll see what happens by the deadline and I'll report back if there's anything to report!

 

[my_key]

Please advise on asking X and telling him how I feel at some point in the near future?

39.5.6 > 52

'Hardship' through 'Keeping Still'

Telling X, in the near future, about how you feel towards him will be a difficult thing for you to do, There is a sense in the reading that this is something you really want to do after keeping the secret, of your feelings, caged up and within yourself for a year.

Behind this aspect of 39 are the deeper motivations of 64 that asserts that matters have not yet been fulfilled for you. You are advised to reflect and go within to find the wisdom that resides there. For the best outcome, Yi advocates that you stay steadfast and upright during this time. Yi seems to be advising that this is not a time for wobbling, going off half-cocked or shooting from the hip.

This is clarified through 39.6 where you are asked to find what is right for you. Rewards come to you by staying true to yourself. Anything else can be considered as contributing a huge disservice to you and your future wellbeing. However, be aware, it may be a gradual process for you in reaching this certainty. You will eventually reach the place of making a wise choice through finding the undistracted leader within you; not getting ahead of yourself and continuing along as you have been doing in connecting to your truth. Stay centred as much as you can as this process that you are going through will not necessarily be an easy time for you (39.5).

Eventually, you will find a place of calmness within and around you (52). The noise you are experiencing has been turned down and from there you will be better placed to see, with a certain clarity, what is the best course of action for you too take.

... or there may be other interpretations that meet more with your liking.

Good Luck

 

[rosada]

Before you take these hexagrams too seriously consider that you didn’t ask for a full on diagnosis of the relationship or its potential. The I Ching was only answering the question should you tell him how you feel about him sometime in the near future? And while 39 seems to be the IC acknowledging your progress seems to hit the wall, still it seems to advise you 52. Keep Still and not spill your guts. But it’s not saying abandon all hope! How about asking a different question like ”What is our potential?” or ”What can I do to further our friendship?”

 

[Hans_K]

The I Ching was only answering the question should you tell him how you feel about him sometime in the near future?

It is really a misconception that the Yi as a kind of robot only answers the question or a question formulated in a certain way.
The Yi does not answer questions, but gives a representation of a situation and everything related to that situation. The question is not meant for the Yi but only for the person consulting the Yi, so that there is a framework within which the answer can be interpreted.
The Yi's answer is a multi-layered one.
So in this case, the Yi was not just answering the question of how to tell him how she feels, but everything related to that situation.

 

[Hans_K]

Before you take these hexagrams too seriously consider that you didn’t ask for a full on diagnosis of the relationship or its potential.

She did not ask about it but got an answer from the Yi on that anyway

 

[Liselle]

I posted a segue here in response to Hans, in which I even said it's a segue, and then thought, well, someone's thread is not the place for segues. So here's a new thread.

https://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/index.php?threads/about-questions.35460/

 

[moss elk]

Please advise on asking X and telling him how I feel at some point in the near future?

39.5.6 > 52

Yi advises against it.

39 is you being blocked, 52 is you keeping still.
Line 6: this way is not go-able, turn around.
Line 5: companions will come when you feel the worst. (Friends, may or may not be this friend)

It reminds me of the expression
"don't spoil a good thing"

If the hexagrams were street signs,
You got 52
And

39

 

[rosada]

I agree the I Ching has frequently directed one’s thoughts to consider a wider focus. I think of the expression “How you do anything is how you do everything” and indeed the way the I Ching responds to a person’s specific question can often also be applied to many things in their larger situation. Thus knowing how broadly an answer should be interpreted is an important part of the reader’s challenge! Now here to take the I Ching’s answer to Lola’s question about whether she should speak to her co-worker and to stretch it into a whole analysis of their relationship struck me as an example of applying an answer too broadly, particularly because the response, “Keep still!” seems to so neatly fit her question, “Should I say anything?” Plus to use this lady’s question as an excuse to tell her - unasked for - all the reasons the friendship wouldn’t work just strikes me as unkind. Anyway, in hindsight I realize I should have prefaced my remark with the disclaimer “IMHO”. Sorry for the confusion.

 

[Jeremaiah]

Hey Lola, just wondering when you planning to do this and whether you could share the results for learning purposes.

 

[Lola1986]

Hi all,

Wow, what a discussion and what an interesting discussion. Thanks for all the comments and also I guess I'm trying to figure out how I take a reading more generally..I think I usually take it just as I've asked, like it might be telling me more, and I may or may not 'see'/'hear' that in the reading at that moment in time, but I often take it as a more immediate answer to whatever I have asked. I have however found old readings which in hindsight do sort of speak to a wider thing, but I wasn't able to see it at the time.

Anyway, as for what I will do. I don't know! haha, because if I wasn't sure before, now there does seem to be many different opinions and so I guess my feeling was wait and see, wait and see if the right opportunity presents itself, or somehow it feels right timing wise to speak about it, so rather than going out of my way. Just to clarify he is a friend, or in a friendship group, not a colleague/co-worker. It's a newish thing for me to wait and not push, I tend to feel very impelled to action when I have strong feelings about anything or anyone, so it's sort of been and is an interesting experiment for me. My counsellor did say though, that hanging on/around in a sort of ambiguous not-knowing state is maybe a way of actually avoiding not just rejection, but also acceptance, if not from him then another. So like by leaving it I am not available to others nor seeking the clarity that might make me be so, or to him. So am chewing on that.

I think the idea of staying true to myself is most appealing, what this looks like exactly I haven't figured out yet.

I will let you all know as and when something does or doesn't happen, when a little more time has passed. Another reading I wrote spoke of great possession in not telling, moving to 51 - shock - which always terrifies me! But perhaps a shock is needed, either good or hard, to get the water flowing past/through/around the mountain again

Many thanks
Lola

 

[Lola1986]

Hi all,

Wow, what a discussion and what an interesting discussion. Thanks for all the comments and also I guess I'm trying to figure out how I take a reading more generally..I think I usually take it just as I've asked, like it might be telling me more, and I may or may not 'see'/'hear' that in the reading at that moment in time, but I often take it as a more immediate answer to whatever I have asked. I have however found old readings which in hindsight do sort of speak to a wider thing, but I wasn't able to see it at the time.

Anyway, as for what I will do. I don't know! haha, because if I wasn't sure before, now there does seem to be many different opinions and so I guess my feeling was wait and see, wait and see if the right opportunity presents itself, or somehow it feels right timing wise to speak about it, so rather than going out of my way. Just to clarify he is a friend, or in a friendship group, not a colleague/co-worker. It's a newish thing for me to wait and not push, I tend to feel very impelled to action when I have strong feelings about anything or anyone, so it's sort of been and is an interesting experiment for me. My counsellor did say though, that hanging on/around in a sort of ambiguous not-knowing state is maybe a way of actually avoiding not just rejection, but also acceptance, if not from him then another. So like by leaving it I am not available to others nor seeking the clarity that might make me be so, or to him. So am chewing on that.

I think the idea of staying true to myself is most appealing, what this looks like exactly I haven't figured out yet.

I will let you all know as and when something does or doesn't happen, when a little more time has passed. Another reading I wrote spoke of great possession in not telling, moving to 51 - shock - which always terrifies me! But perhaps a shock is needed, either good or hard, to get the water flowing past/through/around the mountain again

Many thanks
Lola

Hey Lola, just wondering when you planning to do this and whether you could share the results for learning purposes.

Hi all,

Just a little update. So I never did tell him, and in the end I think this was a good thing. I gradually accepted that he wasn't interested and we remain in the same friendship group so that's all ok. I now think that this reading was saying:

39 - impasse, and then
39.5 - help with the impasse - well I guess I did get this in various forms, from friends, from my therapist and so on. So I told people and in a way that was helpful, at least I didn't feel so alone with it.
39.6 - don't go there, leave it be
52 - being still - well essentially this is what I did and slowly slowly the feelings of acceptance, getting over the feelings of rejection and also the need for action on it passed and I now see that if he wasn't interested or available, which I don't think he was, then that's for the best that I didn't say or do anything- so stilling was indeed good advice.

So in case that's helpful for some feedback @moss elk and pretty much everyone else, I think you were right on. Sometimes it's just so hard to hear what you don't want to hear isn't it, but luckily I did stop and didn't do anything and I think that was the right choice. So thank you all for your helpful interpretations!

 

[Sofocles]

Hi all,

I have a crush on a friend, it's been ages now, like over a year. Anyway I have no idea how he sees me other than obviously as a friend, we are not super close but in the same group. I thought perhaps the best thing to do, to free myself if nothing else, might be to just ask him. But now this reading makes me wonder whether that's a good idea at all. Perhaps I need to just leave things to roll as they will?

Please advise on asking X and telling him how I feel at some point in the near future?

39.5.6 > 52
39.5 > Greatly limping partners come - I guess this could be him (saying no, he just wants to be friends) or else a friend informing me of something that helps me (like he's not into you, or he is into you or he's into this other person) or I'm sort of waiting for him but then someone else comes along (there is a different one for this though, meeting your partner and lord so I don't think it is this one). So maybe this seems like affirmative? Do ask?
39.6 > Don't pursue this course of action. Leave it be. If he likes you he will do something, it will become clear, and the 'great mastery' will have been in slowing down and not always feeling like I have to be in control and be the instigator?
52: somehow if I do these two things, stillness, or what?

I'm struggling with where the action or inaction is... is it like you're stuck (limping), these are the two choices, you don't know which, so just cultivate stillness?

any ideas appreciated

many thanks
Lola

Hello
This is a 4 year old advice, but this is what I would have said:
I had an almost similar situation, but me and the person became close through friendship. I'd say you don't pay any attention to these readings and actually try to pursue this closeness/friendship. Make a deadline in a calendar for the date you will confess your feelings if nothing progresses until then. Honestly. We don't know what the blockage is sometimes, maybe it's just shyness. So if you went ahead and actually said something that wouldn't have been bad necessarily!

 

[moss elk]

I'd say you don't pay any attention to these readings and actually try to pursue this closeness/friendship

Ignore the clear message in the oracle and do whatever you want to?

Terrible advice there, young one.

 

[moss elk]

The Yi does not answer questions

Except for the times it does.
You haven't noticed that yet or you would not have said such a thing.

 

[moss elk]

Plus to use this lady’s question as an excuse to tell her - unasked for - all the reasons the friendship wouldn’t work just strikes me as unkind

IMO, giving false hope or pointing someone in the wrong direction are greater harms than giving a clear view.

Querent didn't ask if a friendship would work!
Querent had warm, fuzzy, hot, steamy, drooly, intentions for the person (which are great when for the right person at the right time.)

 

[Lola1986]

Well I think, for various reasons, it was a good idea not to tell this person at that time since I subsequently found out that they were already involved with someone else, (not anymore but at that time) and that the reason they stopped with that person was that they didn't want a relationship. So I may well, if the feelings remain and I haven't managed to find a partner by the end of this year, brave up and 'fess up. But at this moment, and definitely at that one, I think it was the right thing not to tell them. Thanks all for your advice! If it changes again I'll update : )