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54.2.3 > 55 Relationship with wife question.

ariyeh

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Today I asked:
Can I or anyone do anything to improve relationship with my wife and will it improve in future?

and I got 54.2.3 > 55

The first part seems to be clearly saying there is nothing I can do at the moment. And I am not clear about 55. Is it saying If I become wealthy things will improve. Or is it saying even if things improve(fairly soon line three) things will then deteriorate again (if I don't keep guard). Could 54, 55 combination depict a vicious circle? 55 talks also about having many options.

I am keen to have the marriage work as we have kids. I grew up to a single parent and would not want that for my kids. Sure kids adjust - but it breaks my heart to think of the kids seeing their parents separate at least while they are still fairly young. Sure I'd like to be in a 'happy' marriage but no way at the expense of my children's emotional well being.

I also read someone saying that 55 is often saying to appreciate what you have now. Even if there are many options that lead to 'abundance' or 'success' in the short term (future remarriage or relationships) these too may would be also subject to the natural laws of rise and fall. Perhaps I am being consoled?

I wonder sometimes if my stoic attitude stops change that is inevitable and that forbearance is not always the 'right' approach - I suppose that's why I have asked this question.

Some interpretations on 54.2.3 > 55

Anyone?

Thanks in advance!
 

solun

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Hello ariyeh

First let me say how sorry I am for your current discontent in this relationship.
I sincerely hope things work out for you all for the best, and I believe they will.

The reading seems quite hopeful and full of possibility actually. But not without due diligence.
Good relationships must be founded and maintained on the right principles.
Have you considered, or is it possible to see some type of marriage counselor?
 
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ariyeh

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HI Solun - thanks for responding. The short answer to that question is - no. She does not believe in marriage counseling.
 

em ching

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Could the combo of 54 and 55 be saying that you're out of sync with each other at the mo? As 54.2 says 'man and wife ought to work together like a pair of eyes'. Does she feel resentful that perhaps you're not supporting her in an opinion or action at the mo? Not so much a team? But seems also hopeful here that she will remain loyal to you - perhaps she feels too that this is just a temporary blip which is more on the surface and the deeper connection is still felt? And yes perhaps the third line is trying to remind you that nothing can ever be perfect - echoing the waxing and waning message of 55 - and that is the here and now always subject to change. So perhaps the reading is reminding you to remain loyal and not jump to the worst conclusion about your marriage which - from both hexagrams - seems to still have plenty of potential and importance.

Perhaps it's just reminding you to keep working at unity.
Read a poem today by William Blake which struck me and kind of relates:

It is right it should be so,
For man is made for Joy and Woe,
And when this we rightly know,
Thro' the World we safely go,
Joy and Woe are woven fine,
A clothing for the soul divine.


Hope that helps/ gives a positive spin on your concerns.
:bows:
 

chiahsieh

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I will do my best to try to help you. I made the following assumption before I interpret your reading. First, I assume that you make your i-ching coin toss today May 17, 2009. 2. I am assuming that all of your method is correct. 3. I assume that you want to find out the future of your marriage with your wife, and you want to find out what the problems is.

Here is my interpretation:
There are many things that run across your mind that you are unsure about, there are many doubts but you still want to work for your marriage. Your wife based on the result still has her heart on you, she's a fine woman, not the most beautiful lady in the world but she was with you during the good and bad times. However, it seems that there are many argument that runs between you two, and many conflicts occured. I will say you are the one who often start the argument, or the main reason that a fight may even begin. When something occur she's not someone who easily give in, she's a strong lady and has her own strong position. In fact, your doubts about things already cost a lot to your marriage. Remember marriage needs to be maintain, she will feel your unsure to the future, too. The real problem to your marriage is probably financial reason, it weakens your marriage relationship. Also I'm not sure if you are aware, but I've already see signs that there are many men around your wife who still think she's great. If you back of, there are very high possibility that they may win her heart. I will also be honest with you, your marriage situation doesn't look good through i-ching, but it is not completely unsolvable. I-ching already identifies what your problems are, it is really time that you work for it. Things may be hard, but she still loves you and you both are still in this together. Lastly, I need to warn you, please try to keep your children's interest in mind. I know that you've said you cared, but when you are having problems with your wife, readings told me that your kids don't take it too well. Maybe it's also time that you and your wife have a bit of talk with your kids and find out what they are thinking.


西元 2009 年 5 月 17 日 10 時 44 分  陰曆 98 年 4 月 23 日
時日月年  空 驛 桃 貴 羊
亡 馬 花 人 刃
乙壬己己  子 申 卯 卯 子
巳戌巳丑  丑     巳
         兌金歸魂卦:雷澤歸妹      坎水五世卦:雷火豐

【六獸】【伏  神】  【 本  卦 】       【 變  卦 】
 白虎        應父母— —庚戌土      庚戌土 父母— — 官鬼
 螣蛇         兄弟— —庚申金      庚申金 兄弟— —世父母
 勾陳 子孫 丁亥水  官鬼———庚午火      庚午火 官鬼———  妻財
 朱雀        世父母— —丁丑土 ╳ ——→己亥水 子孫———  兄弟
 青龍         妻財———丁卯木 ○ ——→己丑土 父母— —應官鬼
 玄武         官鬼———丁巳火      己卯木 妻財——— 子孫
 

solun

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Well ariyeh,
I am not a marriage counselor, just another i chinger here.

Sorry your wife doesn't believe in it so to speak. It's true that it will be between the 2 of you, but third parties can be helpful in an objective way, they have the luxury of distance.
You, however, can still visit one, a counselor, that is, if you desire, w/o her for now and see how that develops. It may say to her, 'hey, I'm willing to work this out ... won't you join us/me?'

Just a thought.

As far as the interpretation of the hexes goes:

The possibility or wisdom in 54 is present in not trying to escape the situation or in trying to solve it right away. It may take years. It may not. The primary lesson in 54 is in developing discipline, balance and inner strength and inner independence - which message may apply to each of you.

Line 2 recommends that inspite of the appearance of the situation, look for the best in it and hold to that.
Line 3 is an admonition against egoistic desires and indulgences. There should be no taking things for granted.

Hexagram 55 I think generally says be prepared for anything, but that actually you are at a place of abundance already, that things must ebb and tide, cycles are part of life. We must meet these changes with a certain humility, modesty and even detachment to a degree, knowing that if we focus on what is good, others are more likely to be receptive to us. But don't struggle if the time is not with you so to speak. Not necessarily in a permanent sense as far as conditions go, but just that for now, be happy enough, and understand that your children will learn from whatever happens about life in regard to how you behave.
If the marriage dissolves - AND I am not saying I see this or anything like it necessarily, but IF - the children will respond to the nature of the separation. Amicable or disastrous? Just be strong no matter what. Find good friends if you have them and get support as is fair.

Relationships, marriage and children are part of karma. Even if you don't believe in karma in the traditional sense, it refers in a sense to ancestral energies too

No one can tell you what to do obviously, except to do your best, and that's all you can do.
Stoicism is helpful as a protective mechanism to a point ariyeh. But it's not helpful if it's destructive. You know your limits. Everyone has them. You must respect them. If you don't, who will?

I don't take the hex descriptions so literally. I don't know you or your wife. But Marrying Maiden refers to relationship situations represented by strong, unbalanced desires (not referring only to sexual necessarily, but also maybe ego related, etc) at the outset, when it was initiated and as it goes now, things often enough come under less than superior influences. Interesting combination of hexes in your reading though. I used to get these two a lot for a 'relationship' question...

In sum, I don't see this reading as saying it's over necessarily, or make more money or anything like that. Just that issues need to be addressed and all relationships go through hard times and difficult years. And they change. Even as they endure, they change.

Ultimately, I wish you all well.
 
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solun

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Marriage is such an awesome undertaking. I respect those who take it on. But it is amazing to me, as I never married. I never felt like I understood myself well enough and that I knew that I would change. What were our goals and expectations? Children? My God, that's even bigger!
It isn't that I don't believe people can stay together. It's for the best if they can, it is a sacred union for the divine crafting of souls. As are all relationships as any relationship is profound. All life is relationship. Who we are affects what we touch and what touches us. What we will be and become. Life is fragile. Life is sacred. Life is painful and full of many births. Try, but don't force and don't feel guilty if you fail, only respond to life as well as you can.
 

ariyeh

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Belated response

Em ching-

C o u l d t h e c o m b o o f 5 4 a n d 5 5 b e s a y i n g t h a t y o u ' r e o u t o f s y n c w i t h e a c h o t h e r a t t h e m o ? A s 5 4 . 2 s a y s ' m a n a n d w i f e o u g h t t o w o r k t o g e t h e r l i k e a p a i r o f e y e s ' .

The imagery is an profoundly accurate depiction of our current relationship – ‘out of sync’ is another perfect way to put it. We have grown independent in many ways – which seems ridiculous when you translate to the eye analogy – like two eyes of the same head ones look one way the other one looking somewhere else. This says so much. Yes - we see things very different ly. But to be fair to all reading I should also explain that ours is a ‘mixed marriage’ of sorts she being from and Asian background and myself from a western background. She is also quite proud of her heritage and fairly critical of the west (often rightly so).

Yet there are other things about us that are quite similar – both homely, love kids, more sensitive/ emotive types, both fairly shy type of people, also both creative (but she wont admit being creative) and quite importantly we both believe in God and are spiritually inclined.

And yet like the translation of the moving line 54.2 describes quite literally I think my wife is going through the stage where sometimes She sees that I am not the man she married. Which is true in many ways because I have grown up and changed a lot since marriage (married at 22) – I am one that embraces change (internal change/ growth) . She finds it much more difficult to change and she will be the first one to admit it.

D o e s s h e f e e l r e s e n t f u l t h a t p e r h a p s y o u ' r e n o t s u p p o r t i n g h e r i n a n o p i n i o n o r a c t i o n a t t h e m o ? N o t s o m u c h a t e a m ?

As I said we see things in different ways, so yes quite possibly. Many times we just have to agree to disagree.

B u t s e e m s a l s o h o p e f u l h e r e t h a t s h e w i l l r e m a i n l o y a l t o y o u - p e r h a p s s h e f e e l s t o o t h a t t h i s i s j u s t a t e m p o r a r y b l i p w h i c h i s m o r e o n t h e s u r f a c e a n d t h e d e e p e r c o n n e c t i o n i s s t i l l f e l t ?

Yes - she is very loyaI . As she does, I too believe we very much have a deeper connection. Though yes I think she does think that our disagreements are on the surface. I don’t like to bicker, I am quite a quiet by nature actually and really don’t like being drawn into things. I don’t like being goaded or taunted or put down - who does? Though sometimes I think this is her strange way of showing affection. Its as if she feels that I am close enough to her that she can say anything to me and at the end of the day she believes I will still be there.

S o p e r h a p s t h e r e a d i n g i s r e m i n d i n g y o u t o r e m a i n l o y a l a n d n o t j u m p t o t h e w o r s t c o n c l u s i o n a b o u t y o u r m a r r i a g e w h i c h - f r o m b o t h h e x a g r a m s - s e e m s t o s t i l l h a v e p l e n t y o f p o t e n t i a l a n d i m p o r t a n c e .

That’s very encouraging. I do believe its very important – the marriage thing, I don’t take it lightly – its just very, very tough sometimes, especially with our different views and backgrounds .

Thanks for posting the great Blake poem - he is one of my favorites. To Blake, following the logic of that poem , I think I would be very ‘well clothed’ indeed.


C h i a h s i e h –

Your translation is really subtle and insightful. I appreciate your confident tone and your masterful conviction in your knowledge of the I ching . Thank you.

Many things that you say are true including about financial issues causing problems – Its interesting what you say about this ‘weakening the marriage relationship’. The wife being of fairly traditional and conservative Asian background strongly feels the role of the man is bread winner and the woman takes care of kids, house and all that. Being an artist by profession money is limited . She doesn’t like that I am an artist and would be very happy if I grew up and got a ‘real job’. C h i a h s i e h – Please see my post of a few weeks back where I ask for interpretation on this very issue. Would love to hear your opinion/ reading on this question and answer (25 > 13). Here is the link to the question and discussion:

http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?t=7757

I w i l l a l s o b e h o n e s t w i t h y o u , y o u r m a r r i a g e s i t u a t i o n d o e s n ' t l o o k g o o d t h r o u g h i - c h i n g ,

Is there any thing else you can see, please tell?

b u t i t i s n o t c o m p l e t e l y u n s o l v a b l e .

oh good.

I - c h i n g a l r e a d y i d e n t i f i e s w h a t y o u r p r o b l e m s a r e , i t i s r e a l l y t i m e t h a t y o u w o r k f o r i t .

Will do what I can.

L a s t l y , I n e e d t o w a r n y o u , p l e a s e t r y t o k e e p y o u r c h i l d r e n ' s i n t e r e s t i n m i n d . I k n o w t h a t y o u ' v e s a i d y o u c a r e d , b u t w h e n y o u a r e h a v i n g p r o b l e m s w i t h y o u r w i f e , r e a d i n g s t o l d m e t h a t y o u r k i d s d o n ' t t a k e i t t o o w e l l .


Actually this one I the main things that causes me greatest upset, when arguments happen in front of children. This feels terrible and yes I am sure this effects them badly. Unfortunately I am often goaded very badly sometimes, provoked and proded and the wrong time and eventually loose temper – I will be honest here. I don’t know if you picked this up you have just said you see she is ‘strong willed’ but it is a little more than that.

M a y b e i t ' s a l s o t i m e t h a t y o u a n d y o u r w i f e h a v e a b i t o f t a l k w i t h y o u r k i d s a n d f i n d o u t w h a t t h e y a r e t h i n k i n g .

Kids are a bit young for that sort of thing, but I can see where you are coming from. – All I can say is that I will continue to put my best effort into never arguing in front of children.

Hi again Solun

Thanks for that suggestion I might go to the councellor myself, though no way wife would come, have tried many times before.


T h e p o s s i b i l i t y o r w i s d o m i n 5 4 i s p r e s e n t i n n o t t r y i n g t o e s c a p e t h e s i t u a t i o n o r i n t r y i n g t o s o l v e i t r i g h t a w a y . I t m a y t a k e y e a r s . I t m a y n o t . T h e p r i m a r y l e s s o n i n 5 4 i s i n d e v e l o p i n g d i s c i p l i n e , b a l a n c e a n d i n n e r s t r e n g t h a n d i n n e r i n d e p e n d e n c e - w h i c h m e s s a g e m a y a p p l y t o e a c h o f y o u .

Those words make very good sense to me. Have basically come to that conclusion myself that the way forward is to develop these inner strengths and qualities, inner independence as you rightly explain is the ‘primary lesson’ of hex 54

I think this is as much as I can do. Sometimes I have this strange feeling though that there is some force meaning for us to be separated, even though there is some pull of ‘fate’, but that I am always battling against this – not wanting this to happen. Its like a story in progress and I really don’t like that ending at all.

W e m u s t m e e t t h e s e c h a n g e s w i t h a c e r t a i n h u m i l i t y , m o d e s t y a n d e v e n d e t a c h m e n t t o a d e g r e e , k n o w i n g t h a t i f w e f o c u s o n w h a t i s g o o d , o t h e r s a r e m o r e l i k e l y t o b e r e c e p t i v e t o u s

Wise and powerful words.

B u t d o n ' t s t r u g g l e i f t h e t i m e i s n o t w i t h y o u s o t o s p e a k . N o t n e c e s s a r i l y i n a p e r m a n e n t s e n s e a s f a r a s c o n d i t i o n s g o , b u t j u s t t h a t f o r n o w , b e h a p p y e n o u g h , a n d u n d e r s t a n d t h a t y o u r c h i l d r e n w i l l l e a r n f r o m w h a t e v e r h a p p e n s a b o u t l i f e i n r e g a r d t o h o w y o u b e h a v e .

Thanks for being positive. Thanks for a all the other suggestions and advice too.

R e l a t i o n s h i p s , m a r r i a g e a n d c h i l d r e n a r e p a r t o f k a r m a . E v e n i f y o u d o n ' t b e l i e v e i n k a r m a i n t h e t r a d i t i o n a l s e n s e , i t r e f e r s i n a s e n s e t o a n c e s t r a l e n e r g i e s t o o .

Well yes actually I do believe in karma in the traditional sense and that marriage is part of all that.

S t o i c i s m i s h e l p f u l a s a p r o t e c t i v e m e c h a n i s m t o a p o i n t a r i y e h . B u t i t ' s n o t h e l p f u l i f i t ' s d e s t r u c t i v e . Y o u k n o w y o u r l i m i t s . E v e r y o n e h a s t h e m . Y o u m u s t r e s p e c t t h e m . I f y o u d o n ' t , w h o w i l l ?

Past the limit a few years ago – but still hanging in there. I am very stubborn - I think I have heard the type of attitude being described as ‘naïve idealism’.


Thanks Again Solun for the wise words.


Once again, C h i a h s i e h would really appreciate your opinion on my previous post.
 

chiahsieh

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Dear ariyeh,
I've checked your previous post, I would love to help. However, it is dated back in April, maybe things have already change with you. If you want to ask it again that may be an option since it gives you insight to your current situation. However, if you just simply want to hear what I read for that particular i-ching, I would be happy to do it for you also. I use slightly different method from others so I do need extra information from you. You must recall the exact day and time you perform your coin toss and the location in the world you reside in, in order for my reading to be accurate.

Also I just sort of glance through the reading a bit...and also some of the previous comments that you receive as advice. Honestly, I'm quite lazy, I didn't read through all three pages too much English for me, so I stop around the first page...also probably because some said yes, some said no...
As I've said, I glance your reading a bit, it seems there may be possibility that I may direct you to alter in a bit of different direction but still practice art you love and earn a bit of extra money. But uh don't count my words on that because I need the date, time, and location you've made for the coin toss to really help you from there. Also, if you can provide your exact year, month, date, and time of birth, I might be reading it a bit of extra for you since you seems troubled ever since April and your situation has not changed. However, your birthday is not required for me to make accurate reading if you don't feel comfortable to disclose.

I hope this helps
 
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chiahsieh

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Dear ariyeh,
I've take a bit of time to read your thing... I combined both to help me make interpretation. It is quite complex since your problem is not as easy as it seems. There are many deeper issues than a simple finding extra jobs to supplement your family. There are many things that I want to say to you, but I don't know where to start, so you have to bear with me. Below is a reading of your life through Chinese astrology adjusted to your location of birth.

From this, I can tell that you are a hard worker. You are naturally born with the talent leaning toward art; thus, it is natural that you choose your study/career toward art. Your personality makes you don't like to be in control by others, thus having a career with less degree of freedom might not be necessary good for you. You probably wont have a good time with your boss. You are not born with advantage background like many others, everything that you earned you work very hard to earned it. Every single bit of money you work hard for it, and sometimes lack of opportunities make you feel quite discourage. However, from this I can also tell you that it is not your work/whether to change career path to be the real problem. Your real problem is you cannot manage your financial situation at all. You always experience high flow of money in and out of your hand. The moment you work hard and earn family, and the next moment those money are gone. You have trouble saving and managing your asset/equity. In fact, if you do own property you will be quite troubled by it. If you don't own property, you worried to keep normal standard living and difficulties paying rent. And you MUST NOT involve yourself in any risk taking investment including stocks/mutual fund. If you don't listen, you will loose money and be in deep trouble in the future. From your life reading, I will tell you it is not that you can't make money from art, this is simply a difficult time in your life. The year of 2009 brings turmoil to your family, it almost make you feel that you can't have a moment of peace in your house sometimes. You feel like you work hard for nothing sometimes. After reading your life, I can tell you don't worry too much about your wife, in fact she's the one who supported you and help you out through most of situation in your life. However, it still can't take away the fact that both year 2009-2010 are difficult years for both of your marriage. Again, I still see strong signs of something is off with your children. Please be attentive to all possible situation that may occur to them including health & argument. 2010 will be slightly better but you still experience financial difficulties and problem with marriage. However the year of 2011 will began drastic changes, all situation will improve. If you make use of 2011-2012 you will make significant gain financially, and you will be satisfied with your career progress. Having this in mind now we will take a look with your I-ching reading since it help your have better idea of current situation and windows of opportunity.

For the first question: Again I don't see that your current job is bad at all. However, the opportunity cost is still your financial problem. You may consider to take supplement job on the side to help you wait it out until 2011, but you don't necessary need to give up your dream although it may seem to be difficult to stick it through given your financial situation. Yet, the i-ching also says that you will be having difficulties of finding any jobs anyway, you will meet great resistance. Thus, doesn't matter if you try to go for a conservative job or a side job, you will have difficulties of finding them anyway. As far as what you may do for your career or industry you should be in. From your life reading, I see that you do have talent. Why not try tweak it a bit or go for a slightly different direction? I see that you might make great progress with publishing sector. So try to publish some of your work might be great idea, start combine drawing and writing with publication might not be a bad deal either. Designing will also be a pretty good option. Also career that experiences high flowing kind of characteristic. Entertainment business, stage design, etc. Any thing related to Wood work, weaving, fibers, polymer material, and etc. can be your inspiration. However, teaching might seem to be a good supplemental job, it probably won't take you too far in your career goal. My specialty don't lie in art, so you probably need to use your own imagination a bit as I can only give you some ideas and direction.

For your second question: Although you do ask it differently, but fundamentally you are still worry about the same problem. From the first reading to the second reading, we actually see the problem deepens. You are satisfied and love what you are doing, but there is lack of reality to your occupation. For financial problems again deepen. Every minute that you continue with your current path, almost feel like burning money just to maintain it. Thus, I'll be honest with you this is not a very good reading. Compare to the previous one.

Thus, as I've said in the very beginning. Your problem is more complicated. I suggest you take account of all of my reading before you make your decision. If you continue your current path, you probably will suffer until 2011; however, if you are willing to risk it, you might doing pretty well later on. Also, slight variation to what you are currently doing may not be bad idea, but should you completely give up your art completely is up for you to decide. Final note is, no matter what your choice of direction is, you need to learn to manage your finance. Or else, the issue never goes away.

I wish you the best of luck, and hope these suggestions are helpful.
 
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willowfox

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Well, it appears that she is disappointed in how her life has turned out living with you, obviously she expected more, a luxurious life full of goodies and money to spend. But she is dependent upon you and therefore will remain with you even though she is dissatisfied by her current way of life, and she knows that if she returns home without you or any money, then she will suffer a major loss of face. She feels a bit like an outcast, a person who does not fit in to the environment where she lives, it appears that she married you in order to have a better life, I think she was expecting far too much, unrealistic dreams. So, there is your problem, she wants the good life, house, car, clothes, money but obviously you are not in a position to give her those things, so she will always be resentful.

If you were to win the lottery, then you would see a major change in her attitude towards you, I am afraid money talks big and it does indeed buy love in certain people. So, it is doubtful if your marriage lasts the test of time and money.
 

ariyeh

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Chiahseh-

Many thanks for the time and effort you put into that reading, I appreciate it very much.

I am getting a clear picture of what I am up against this year and next in regard to both my career and marriage. Doesn't look like it is going to be easy considering the worse the finances get the greater the strain on the marriage.

Its seems obvious now I need to strive at least to find a part-time job - even if I dont get it I still have to try. The rent will have to be payed (luckily no morgage). Once I secure part time work I will, get back to the studio and start the alchemical process of painting once again.

Thanks you for all the great - suitable job suggestions. Its very interesting you say a publication would be good, because there are certainly many possibilities for me in this area - poetry, drawings and writing are all things that I do.

Again, I still see strong signs of something is off with your children. Please be attentive to all possible situation that may occur to them including health & argument.

Overall both children are well, however I had a very young sister in her teenage years who passed away in January. So I believe that what you have seen in the reading - may have already been expressed. Though, of course, will endeavor never to argue in front of children.

Actually have seen that much trouble, hardship, death in recent years that my perspective on things has become very philosophical. And like in the Hex 9 small things give me a lot of joy - nature, art, children, friendships, kindness. Though this doesnt blow the problems away completely - I get nourished by these small things. Even though I have a hard time with money, disputes with wife and the worse things as i have explained - I still count my blessings.

I am glad that things look more positive for 2011 - thats not too far away.

Thanks again chiahsieh


willowfox-

You are right in many ways that she is resentful that I cannot provide an affluent or even very 'comfortable' lifestyle. I would also add that for these reasons I don't get much respect. This I cannot change.

However as I said, I do believe she is loyal and is definately not the type to run off, so as long as she reserves the right to express her discontent and bitterness, she will stick by me; and I have made the decision a while back to stay the course.

I think I will have to increase my meditation and balancing techniques tenfold in this period - this stuff keeps me alive and well despite all that goes on around me.

:bows:
 

willowfox

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Hex 55 suggests that your relationship will reach a high point and then it will wane, so be prepared.
 

chiahsieh

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Dear ariyeh,
I'm glad that I help out a bit. As a reader, I can only lay out the possible events that may happen in the future. Yet, it is you who make the decision and walk on your life path. All I hope for is to help you getting through these tough times until 2011 come. So hang in there.
 

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These are very strong opinion that you have expressed, and a bit of harsh... A single yi-ching reading is like a camera, it takes a snap shot of one's current life. If you are a good photographer you capture great details in the picture...Yet no matter what a snapshot is a snapshot, it cannot provide you the full picture of life. We have a glimpse of what her personality is like, yet only ariyeh knows who she really is.

ariyeh I hope you are not too influence by the below comment. You may experience a lot of difficulties in life, but marriage compare to those hardships is actually decent. She will be a great help to you in the future. You have to trust me on that. Things are only temporary.

obviously she expected more, a luxurious life full of goodies and money to spend. But she is dependent upon you and therefore will remain with you even though she is dissatisfied by her current way of life, and she knows that if she returns home without you or any money, then she will suffer a major loss of face. She feels a bit like an outcast, a person who does not fit in to the environment where she lives, it appears that she married you in order to have a better life, I think she was expecting far too much, unrealistic dreams. So, there is your problem, she wants the good life, house, car, clothes, money but obviously you are not in a position to give her those things, so she will always be resentful.

If you were to win the lottery, then you would see a major change in her attitude towards you, I am afraid money talks big and it does indeed buy love in certain people. So, it is doubtful if your marriage lasts the test of time and money.
 

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Chiasieh-

Willowfox is almost right about her personality but she does have another side.

I am very encouraged that you see some positive times ahead in regard to the relationship. As difficult as things are i believe also personalities can change, mine has changed a lot over the years - therefore wife's has much room to move.
 

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hi,
I have great respect for a man who is capable of talking (even if in this forum) about feelings and emotions and has such an ability to listen to others and reflect on what they say. Those are great qualities. I just wanted to chip in an idea about your wife and her attitude towards you in front of the children. Perhaps it would be good to make a move in asking her in private to stop doing that in front of the children and set out a time once a week to discuss matters with you inprivate. I'm under the impression she needs you to be more assertive, to give her a framework. Perhaps you should tell her that you as a family are going through hard times and you want her to work with you to get over the financial and emotional problems. Have her see what a blessing it is that a man can be a listener. Men usually are not. And make sure that it is clear that that is a strength, not a weakness.
Just an opinion. Good luck
 

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Hi Hulda

Thanks for the kind words. You make some good suggestions. She doesn't respond well to 'assertive' though - she feels its dominating. If I begin to explain anything slightly serious to her her response is usually, "don't lecture me". She likes silence. So serious adult discussions don't get very far at all. Its a bit frustrating really.
 

ariyeh

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Anyway while our circumstances are a little different to before but the general situation is the same. Our relationship remain the same and has not deteriorated nor has it improved.

I have asked the original question (at the beginning of this thread) again as it is several months later now. The current question asked was:

Is there anything I can do to improve relationship with my wife? Will she ever change her negative attitudes before me?

The answer I got was:

Present 14 - Ta Yu possession in great messure

Future 15 - Ch'ien modesty

Any interpretations would be greatly appreciated.
 

willowfox

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I think its basically the same answer as before, she wants to be financially well off and independent, so if you can win the lotto, then you will be in clover.
 

ariyeh

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Willowfox - Thanks for the rapid and direct response but I am trying to work out some type of strategy, are there any subtle suggestions in the reading as to what I can do? Its not looking like I will be winning the lottery any time soon nor is it looking like there will be any change on the financial front. Any suggestions?

Any alternative readings anyone?? I hope so :brickwall:
 

willowfox

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Any suggestions?
Well, it suggests that you show her that you love her, try and take her out to different places, try to get her to have some fun, take her somewhere exciting, maybe a movie now and again as well.
When life is dull, she needs a change, she needs entertainment, get involved in some social activities, you the man, so she is looking to you to lead the way. 9-5 and then housebound ain't what she wants, that's soul destroying, she needs an escape.
 

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One year later - An update and New reading.

Hi Again
Just an update -one year later and another reading.

I grabbed the only work that is easy for me to get so as to get myself out of financial trouble - Contract Labouring. Its hard work but the pay is not bad. I have paid off all my debts and have started saving money. My wife is exactly the same. Continuing to ignore me or bossing and reactionary.

A somewhat embarassing development :
As it happens while overseas i met a woman who was an aquaintance. No relationship started as such no acts of infidelity occurred. However the woman seems to have fallen for me. I only found this out after coming back home. I have asked her to back off as i'm married however she is being persistent.
This lady started smsing me and then we began chatting on yahoo (as you do these days). It seems we have many things in common. On days i was feeling very down, depressed and lonely because of maritual issues i would end up chatting. till this day i have told our relationship cannot develop any further and i have suggested only choice is to cut things off.

Before going on i will say kids are well though they see how my wife behaves with me. Recently while reading cinderella with my daughter out of the blue she said that mummy is just like cinderella's old step mother. I said to her thats not a nice thing to say. Any that gives an idea of her behavior; and can we say 'archetype'?

So anyway i decided spontaneously this afternoon to throw the iching.

I asked the iching to give me advice and guidance on separating from my wife and starting to develop an actual relationship with the lady who has fallen for me.

The answer i got was :

present Chasms - Hex 29.2.5 changing to Earth - Hex 2

I would apreciate some thoughts on this reading.

The qualities in Earth are a dream to me. But do i get to that point by sticking things out or by making a move.

One thing interesting i will add. Just last night I said the words to the lady in question that i dont feel identified with my country only but feel that the earth is my home. This is totally uncanny.

Thanks all in advance.
 
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heylise

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Sounds to me that you should be open to anything which comes your way. Receiving. Not that much 'action', rather cautious, small steps.

From Hilary's I Ching: 29.2 don’t try to leap to the perfect conclusion or design the whole picture at once. To travel towards that free and open space, seek only the small gains that are available to you here and now. Travel inward first, and trust your intuition from moment to moment to show the next, small step"
And 29.5:"This line speaks of the wisdom of enough. This doesn’t mean there is no further to go (there almost always is, after all); it only means that you needn’t feel impelled to push things forward by giving more and more. Progress will happen of itself, in due course; for now you can pause, contemplate the possibilities, and allow things to be complete as they are."

Your first reading, 54 to 55, also had some of that same advice. What you can achieve is 55, conquering your troubles (55 has to do with the battle of Wen to conquer a suppressing state). But what you could do for that was 54: adapting to the situation you were in. Good advice back then - in the meantime you met someone who gives you more honor and maybe a way to live a full life.
 

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