9.4 to 1 insight about a person

[innertruth]

I really wanted to find out what Yi sees in this person. Who is X inside, an insight into his moral qualities. By that i would imply gradation from noble man to villain as Yi has clear spectrum on that.

9.4 to 1.

What do you think?

 

[loverofknowledge]

I read this as the Yi reflecting back your question to you, saying that suspicions about X are no longer appropriate (9.4), and it is time for a new start (1). 9 suggests that this new start can be carried out in small steps.

 

[innertruth]

Thank you. Does it mean because of letting person go or...

 

[loverofknowledge]

Hi Inner truth, I am not sure I understand your question. Is this somebody you must or wish to let go?

Hex 9
Line 4 comment: Have confidence. Bloodletting is past, alarm has gone. No fault

This line seems to answer your question. The person's character now invites confidence, though in the past there may have been grounds for alarm.

How does this fit?

 

[innertruth]

I was just never sure whether this person is sincere with me.
I was paranoid at some point. Because well we are living far away from each other.
And all I have to trust is his own words.
So. Before I got 30 unchanging - which I tried to take as "to clarify" - and then this casting came out.
Meanwhile - I just got detached, as to feel safe whatever the person might be in reailty.
And here is what I got.

 

[Trojina]

Have you ever met this person in real life

 

[innertruth]

No never

 

[Trojina]

Well then IMO in order to answer any of these questions you need to meet him. Is this the same person who a few days ago asked if 'X' was a sociopath ? You wanted to know of his moral qualities. I don't think I've ever asked this in my life because there are no shortcuts to getting to know a person, in person, over time. Even after years you can find out new things about people, after all people aren't one dimensional, we all have good and bad in us.

I think this line of questioning, given you never even met him is quite futile and will ultimately get you nowhere fast because you cannot build a relationship with someone via ideas about them from the I Ching, you will lose connection with the reality of the situation. You've seen this I take it

http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/frie...42-Blog-post-Advice-for-relationship-readings

I was just never sure whether this person is sincere with me.
I was paranoid at some point. Because well we are living far away from each other.
And all I have to trust is his own words.
So. Before I got 30 unchanging - which I tried to take as "to clarify" - and then this casting came out.
Meanwhile - I just got detached, as to feel safe whatever the person might be in reailty.
And here is what I got.

You only have words, you have never met, X lives far away. Have you at least skyped ?

I've said this to you before but bear with me..You really will get more from answers if you put you in the question.

What is your real question here ? Find your real question. A hundred questions about what he is like won't in the end mean anything, you still won't really know. I'd guess your real question is along the lines of :

'Can I trust this person/is it worth me going on with this.?'...these must be the kinds of things you are asking yourself so why not ask Yi ?

How about 'if I continue to believe in and be true to X how will that affect me ?' I think that is what you want to know.

Linking to Hilary's recent blog on the topic of choice and questions.http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?22544-Blog-post-Questions-of-choice

from that

There is always a choice somewhere. It’s not necessarily ‘what to do’, of course – there may not be anything to be done, or you may not have*much meaningful choice in your actions. But you’re still consulting Yi about a choice – maybe how to be with the thing, how to think about it, how to relate to*it…

You see most questions do contain a choice. Your choice is whether to go on with this or not that is why you are asking multiple questions about him and are no further forward at all.

A few days ago you thought X was a sociopath http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?22563-sociopath-30-uc but now you aren't sure. You seem to be making decisions about X entirely on the basis of what people say here about your casts. This is crazy. We don't know him. None of us have any idea if he is a sociopath or not and even if one thinks 30 says 'yes' it's hardly ethical for anyone to pronounce another a sociopath when they don't even know who they are or have any kind of evidence.

That aside why are you bothering with someone who you suspect of being a sociopath one moment, then the next moment reconsider. What is your common sense telling you here ?


You have Skyped I take it ? You do know he is who he says he is ?

 

[innertruth]

Hi Trojina!
Yes I understand what you say. And yes we skyped quite a lot by now...And
this Skyping made me question him actually. Because I don't know I just sense something.
I have seen him and talked to him on Skype. And my first impressions were not that great...
I mean...I might be wrong of course...and totally understand your concern about answering questions
about sociopathy..but my question didn't just appear from out of nowhere...
He tells who he is, and everything seems legit, I've seen his real pages on social network and it all
shows well.. However...yes it's same person I asked about whether Can trust and got 4 with some lines..
So I really don't know...Although all information he told me about his life - is true as he claims...
it's really useless..it's true unless we meet in person and communicate - it all doesnt' make sense...
But i asked questions about trusting him before and it all wasn't too encouraging...
Maybe it's my wish to persist despite all...It's hard for me to trust people set aside those you never met in real life...and yes...but there are some details here and there that made me think he might be a sociopath or ok, not very open...

 

[Trojina]

I really wanted to find out what Yi sees in this person. Who is X inside, an insight into his moral qualities. By that i would imply gradation from noble man to villain as Yi has clear spectrum on that.

9.4 to 1.

What do you think?

I think that is a pretty futile question. Whilst we do of course need to ask about others at times the I Ching isn't actually primarily for finding out about other people. We can learn whether to trust another, perhaps what to expect, but really you are not going to find out the secrets of his innermost self and morality via the I Ching. If you cast you will get an answer, people can take guesses about that answer but you still won't know.

If at least you ask from your own perspective you might get an answer you could use

Crossed posts...yes I see your position, I will go and check out the hexagram 4 answer, although I am feeling you need to use your own senses more than Yi here quite frankly. Also if you ask many many times more or less the same questions you will just get confused because then all you are doing is wanting Yi to say what you want it to say, it is like continuing the relationship via the I Ching.

 

[innertruth]

I mean thing with sociopathy - talking and being with such people really seems too good to be true at first. which is all there...I mean I met real sociopaths before 100% so after some personal drama - I know how to spot them. at least some major pointers....but then again...unless you get bruised - you will never know...
I think i need to stay away from that person...Or will try to ask more questions like you suggested about my relation or my choice about X.

 

[Trojina]

In looking for your 4 answer I see numerous threads about this person like this one http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?22478-41-unchanging and there's been so many on this same person.

I came across a quote ....something like 'relationships are built on trust. if you have to do detective work it's time to walk away'.

You are wasting energy on this. If you need more reassurance then he has to give it to you enough so that you feel safe to carry on...otherwise this is just using your life up. Long distance relationships are pretty hard to conduct even with trust.

 

[Trojina]

I mean thing with sociopathy - talking and being with such people really seems too good to be true at first. which is all there...I mean I met real sociopaths before 100% so after some personal drama - I know how to spot them. at least some major pointers....but then again...unless you get bruised - you will never know...
I think i need to stay away from that person...Or will try to ask more questions like you suggested about my relation or my choice about X.

Yes I think sociopaths usually do present as 'too good to be true' at first. They are like chameleons, master of the art of adapting themselves to what they think the other person wants....and they are good at it so it's easy to be fooled. But inside we always know.

 

[Trojina]

Looking for that quote at random found

http://notsalmon.com/2014/01/31/goo...-need-play-detective-prince-harming-syndrome/

So next time you speak tell him you don't feel safe enough and see what he says.

 

[innertruth]

Looking for that quote at random found

http://notsalmon.com/2014/01/31/goo...-need-play-detective-prince-harming-syndrome/

So next time you speak tell him you don't feel safe enough and see what he says.

Trojina, thank you...
You know it's been really a mind play for me..I know how open and trustworthy people act, their mimics even...I don't know...when you talk to them - you don't feel this tensed feeling like something is wrong...
I always had to crosscheck my intuition before only to find out later that it was telling me the right thing.
On words - he could be the best person. but eventually you just observe,,,and I mean his eyes are always running left from right it'd disturbing...not that I am an NLP specialist or anything...just uncomfortable feeling and praying gaze...you know people who are not sociopaths tend to express emotions on their face...and his is just plain non-changing one or super-confident one all time...and it really seems like he's just mirroring me...but mostly talk about himself...and after a while yes - whenever I don't get the same level of sincerity or 'vividness' in person - i start to use Iching, horoscopes and what not...maybe to try to persuade myself something is there...But the more I use - the more I am entrapped like you said away from real situation...So yes, guess it's time to detach...At some point we all need someone,,,but not at the expense of common sense and safety or security...right...

 

[innertruth]

In looking for your 4 answer I see numerous threads about this person like this one http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?22478-41-unchanging and there's been so many on this same person.

I came across a quote ....something like 'relationships are built on trust. if you have to do detective work it's time to walk away'.

You are wasting energy on this. If you need more reassurance then he has to give it to you enough so that you feel safe to carry on...otherwise this is just using your life up. Long distance relationships are pretty hard to conduct even with trust.

I agree...I mean it should not be stressful...So once I got my 'red flags' I shouldn't ignore them...and I got them...so...it was really more about my interest and not finding what I was looking for...Hate long-distance. It was a pure distraction from me for some time...but now it's better to gather myself together..

 

[innertruth]

Sometimes I just hate this anxious feeling in stomach...like it's a bad dream you know...something is not right...I never could explain it...i might be paranoid..I dont' know...

you know how you can check your trust for someone- if you can leave keys to your apartment to them - if you can easily do that and be sure that person will not go through your stuff, will not try to see what he/she is not supposed to, will not touch things, and plainly - will behave as in someone's property - that's a good person...
but if you cannot - if you have doubts,,,nagging doubts that you cannot give your keys...then better not to..

 

[Trojina]

It sounds like there's a lot hanging on this relationship for you. If this were just a friend there wouldn't be such urgency about the trust issue. So this is meant to be a one on one romantic relationship ? Can anyone have one of those having never met ? I mean sooner or later you have to be together to know what the chemistry is and if you even find them attractive.

So what is this really ? As to doubts well as you have never met him how can you promise to be true to one another anyway I mean it sounds like you've made a commitment where you are an 'item' which means he is faithful to you and you to him (don't know if it's a him but whichever) but is such commitment real when you only ever communicated by internet ?

...But the more I use - the more I am entrapped like you said away from real situation...So yes, guess it's time to detach...At some point we all need someone,,,but not at the expense of common sense and safety or security...right...

If we need someone for an intimate, romantic, one to one relationship it is better to have someone we actually have physical access to, at least some of the time. Otherwise what is it you have ? Only words.



I think you have choices. You can either ;

1. Tell him you feel insecure. Ask to meet, to visit. Ask for more than you are getting. Ask him in effect to put his money where his mouth is. If you are meant to be 'together' surely he has to hear your worries. If he can't, if doesn't seem keen to meet then there isn't much there to start with and there's no point wasting more of your life wondering about him.

2. Decide you have now gone as far with this as you can. Mourn then move on to or aspire to a much better more tangible relationship where you can meet, eat dinner together, hold each other, take care of each other, do all those things that communicate togetherness more than just words.

3. Continue as you are, groping in the dark to read his mind and intuit his motivations from a great distance. I don't think this option is in any way helpful at all so I think either option 1 or 2 is better.

 

[innertruth]

I agree that in any case my position was laid out to him subtly and quite directly.
There has been much obstacles to meet. But there are also other concerns I am having of course over time we got to know each other.
So yes, there is as much as I can do now - which is just let it go.
In any case - like Yi always suggest if you have morals yourself - act the best righteous way so you cannot blame yourself later. And it is clearly for me now to better step down.
But what an illusion...Sometimes, I feel I am scared even to face the reality as to actually meet and make all my biggest doubts come true...It is too much of a shaky ground here like you said just words...
Thanks for your kind advice. I really appreciate this.

 

[Trojina]

BTW loverof knowledge interpretation is not invalidated by what I've said it's just if I notice multiple questions on the same topic to me there comes a point where I can't offer more in terms of Yi interpretation and that is generally where I see someone asking over and over again for comfort that only the other person in the relationship can give them.

But if 9.4 were applied to the situation it could be as lover has said, maybe he can reassure you ? I could also take this as an answer that in general you need not be so fearful. You really can thrive without someone who is barely in your life anyway.

 

[loverofknowledge]

Hi, I agree with Trojina's points, inner truth -- and now that I understand the situation better, I sense that it is time for you to meet this person, to experience how compatible you are one to one, in person. The nature of the online medium, particularly when you haven't met somebody already, can be unsettling once deeper feelings begin to stir. Maybe the medium (long distance, cyber communication) is either distorting or amplifying your uneasy feelings, which would be dispelled if you were to meet in person.
Consider, too, your communication style. How can you address your doubts and concerns, in a way that will build trust , rather than causing further worries?
It could be, too, that some old painful traumas are being evoked by this relationship. So when iching says
9.4 : it could be saying, the old harms are over, -- meaning, in your past. You are remembering painful things from your own past, which are actually over, but which have become reanimated.
I agree with Trojina. It is most fruitful to use the iching as a guide, but not to base your ideas about a person, or situation ,based on what the iching reports -- which can cause confusion if you are asking similar questions multiple times.
Hope all goes well!