A choice between two

[Snow45]

Hi guys,

If any of you could please help me sort out the meaning of these readings. I have being having a hard time choosing between two guys, the first is my ex M and the new guy D.

A little background,

I have beign dating M for quite some time now, nearly a year. We stopped seeing each other for about 2 months and then rekindled around May. It has always being very casual. The week I meet him last summer he had just got dumped by his 5 year gf so this guy has serious emotional baggage. We have had a lot of ups and downs,, Mostly downs for me as my love is not reciprocated. We have being breaking up for the last month now. The last time we broke up I asked him if he still loved his ex, he sad yes. Then 3 days later he tells me he doesnt want to loose me, he wants to be better to me an dedicate his energy towards me, that I am not second best to his ex that it's just different etc etc. These are all huge red flags but i just seem not to be able to fully let go :/ It makes me so sad to think I have to say good bye for real

Meanwhile, while I was being ignored, I met a wonderful guy, he has really put in the effort with me and I do like him. I would also be sad to see him go. I have gone on more dates knowing him 2 months than I have ever with M. M has never taking me on a proper date. Ever.... I pointed this out, and again says he will be better.

My confusion now is who to choose. M wants me in his life, wants to be better toward me but has a history of hurting me, a lot. Then D is new, amazing person that has showed a lot of interest towards me.

I know that sentence alone should be my answer, but when I am with M its almost magical. I am so crazy about him... and I like D. I am sooo confused!!! Even just advice might help me.

I have asked many questions about M. Only some about D... In one answer asking about the potential with D I received a 12 as a relating hex.. It was very early days then.

So my first question was : How can I go about making the right choice between them _ hex 53. Gradual progress line 2.5 changing to 18. Repairing the damage. Both lines are auspicious, I am just still not exactly sure how to go about making the right choice, should I take my time and not rush into any conclusions? Altough, I am running out of time fast... I really dont like these romantic triangles.

I also asked for the probable outcome of both.

If I choose to stay with M _ hex 50 the Calderon line 3.4.6 changing to 7 recruiting allies. The lines overall are good, except for line 3. I have heard read on previous threads of hex 7 relating to unrequited love :/ that resonated with me, as it is a little how I have felt in the past. I just wonder if that is the case in the future.

If I choose to give D a chance _ Hx 32 durability line 4 changing to 46 pushing upwards. Line 4 scared me here. "There is no game in the field" maybe my speculation about D is incorrect... But his actions do very much say he wants to be with me. Maybe things with him wont work.

The real choice here is to stay with M and give him another chance or leave him.

Please any advice would be hugely welcome on the reading or situation. So lost

Thanks

Snow :bows:

 

[willowjati]

Hi Snow,
That does sound hard. I'm sorry I don't have time to stay today and consider your readings more, but can I point you to LiSe's interpretations, if perhaps you don't know them. Go here: http://www.yijing.nl/i_ching/index.html She writes with a wisdom and compassion and depth of understanding of the real world that is especially helpful for relationship readings. Some of the things she says are contrary to others, but mostly they are just emotionally deeper. Like for example, the No of Hex 12 "sometimes feels like a cool refreshing glass of water on a dusty day." A lot of the ones you got are ones where her take I think will jog you helpfully. 18, instead of work on what has been spoiled, is can o worms, and she asks you to look at what's truly yours and what is an 'alien influence.'

The just plain advice thing I would say has two parts - first it sounds like both relationships have the same pairs of characters, but you play an opposite role in each. With M, you seek/get excited/grasp and he is grasped - he doesn't need to do any work to keep you because he excites you. With D, you are the recipient of someone seeking - if you were insensitive to him as M may have been to you, he would probably keep pursuing your, right? Just pointing that out - don't know what it means.

Second part is neither of them may end up being the eventual one for you. I've learned priceless things from relationships that could never last, and important things from relationships that were just average, and it's always hard discerning and choosing, and truly, you both never get it right and you always get it right, and it will take years to stop hating that reality. I bet you probably already know that. More perhaps later, but for now, just sending support for you in your hard place.

 

[diamanda]

I'll totally agree with Willowjati's remarks, especially that none of these guys sounds good for you in the long term.

How can I go about making the right choice between them? 53.2.5 > 18
The Chinese character for 18 means "worms in a plate, insanity, poison, harm, bewitching". And the Judgement mentions considering something for "3 days before and 3 days after".
The overall answer shows a contrast between short-term gratification (53.2), having "food" peacefully in the here and now, and long-term deeper goals (53.5), having a commitment/child with someone. Resulting 18 indicates that there is no 'right' choice between them two, as none of the short-term "food" furthers a longer commitment. "3 days before and 3 days after" possibly shows that you will very soon realise that none of them is a good choice.

If I choose to stay with M? 50.3.4.6 > 7
He will remain oblivious to the "food" you're offering (50.3), he'll destroy the whole thing again (50.4), and you'll be left alone without food (50.6). It will be a struggle (7).

If I choose to give D a chance? 32.4 > 46
In combination with the "food" metaphor, here not only there's no food cooking, but there isn't even anything to hunt/catch/cook. Your heart's not really in it and it will not last.

I Ching apart, M tells you he wants to be better, he will be better etc, however, sadly, all his actions have been contrary to this for a long time, so the indications of how it's going to go with him are all already there. I'm really sorry to hear you're in such a painful situation... unrequited love, for such a long time, is a debilitating feeling. Wishing you strength and good luck.

 

[Tim K]

In 50 → 7, I see the fire(top) going out and the wind(bottom) condensing into water.
The flame of love dies out after the rain, leaving only puddles of cold water on the ground (unmoving).

 

[Trojina]

So any feedback Snow ?

 

[Snow45]

Hey All,

Thanks so much for the replies, so a few months later and this is what has happened.

I left D which had me sad a for little but yes my heart really was not in it. I quickly recovered and decided to go with my instinct and give M a second chance.

When M said he wanted to be better he really was. I was very much happy to see the change in him and be the Bf I always knew he could be. He is attentive, and more communicative, met some of his family... but only yesterday I have had these feelings of fear. I posted a thread yesterday http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?23412-Feeling-a-little-sad with some questions I asked about our current situation. I had stopped asking the Iching questions for a while because I became obsessed. I really love the learning from the writings but I over did it. So I decided to give it a break for a while.

I guess it took time to unfold but maybe I am now in the 50.4 line. He is not exactly destroying the situation but I had a conversation with him a couple of weeks back of our situation and he is still sad about his ex. The part of him that is ok is with me but there is another part that is "broken" using his words, that he is not ready to give me yet?. It's being a year so I am not sure if it will ever become love. Perhaps the flame of love is now dying out. I feel if the outcome is hex 50-7 it is still in mid play.

I honestly feel this isn't over yet, if it were though I have gone through so much already with him that I think I would be accepting.

Hope this feedback is a little useful, if any of you has thoughts on the other thread that would be so great! I am still trying to figure out what the Iching communicates with me.

Thank you all!,
Snow :bows:

 

[Snow45]

I am wondering about the times when you ask the question. I am sure the energy you have at that moment influences the answers, I have read that the iching is not a fortune teller, but sometimes it can give answers that are to be set in the future. Maybe the answers we receive are like a planting seed, you watch out for them, or are calmed by them. I went to a fortune teller not long ago, she reassured me that all areas in my life will be running smoothly, I had a very rocky few years, from my career to my personal relations. Things have being going ok, especially in my profession. When she said those words to me a rush of calm came over me and I keep going back to that moment when in times of turbulence.

That memory of her words bring up my energy, I reassure myself everything will turn out ok because she did, but if it had gone the other way, I would have being more weary about the future... attracting a fear into my life, rather than a calm sea. Hmmm it is just a thought...

 

[diamanda]

I have read that the iching is not a fortune teller, but sometimes it can give answers that are to be set in the future.

In my experience, it can tell you if we can act to influence the situation or not.
We can't always influence what happens to us simply by "attracting" them according to our moods.

Like the old saying goes, "strength to change the things that I can change, courage to accept the things that I can't change, and wisdom to know which is which" (or something like that).