A new man but an awful dream 3>39

[Calcflour]

I've been dating a guy for a few weeks and we get on really well, laughing a lot and enjoying each other but I had a few dreams last night.
This first dream was him saying I just want to be friends nothing more (no intimacy)and I was devastated. It kept showing me his tattoos, which he doesn't have and his face. It wasn't until I woke up I realised it was my exhusbands face and his tattoos.
The second dream was about me being caught using online dating whilst I'm dating him.
He was devastated and I couldn't understand why I was doing that, it was like I wasn't even aware I was.

What do the dreams mean
Hexagram 3.1.3>39

I can only get Difficulties and obstacles to.get through but I sure hope the dreams don't come true.

 

[Piasa]

Both lines 1 and 3 talk about lack of progress because you don't have a guide. 3.1, install feudal lords and stay on course; Wilhelm also translates part of the problem as hesitation. However, 3.3 is the opposite: instead of hesitating, one is charging forward without reading the signs causes the hunter to get lost in the forest. 39 also makes me think about problems of the past surfacing in the one dream -- a path that required turning back and trying something new.

So perhaps the dreams are about finding the right path to what you want (a balanced path, not too hesitant and not too heedless), knowing when and how to act because you are observant and also utilize outside guidance (3.1.3). This allows you to move ahead with less difficulty (39).

 

[Calcflour]

39 also makes me think about problems of the past surfacing in the one dream -- a path that required turning back and trying something new.

The dreams were kind of a reflection of what my exhusband did.
I'm not sure if I'm still affected by that in my deep unconscious.

What you said, specifically here resonates. I just can't shake the feeling of distrust I have and that's on me and I need to think about doing things in a new way, for me.

 

[Piasa]

Maybe that's where friends/guides are for, to help look out for you?

The real life side of this sounds like a great start

 

[Calcflour]

The more I think on it the more I realise it's got to do with the fact that we have no real foundation,Yet.
Line 1 - keep working on that together. Showing each other the way.
I know his history and now realise there's a distrust from his side as well. Different reasons for the distrust so Line 3 - we're both a bit lost and there's no guide book to show us the way, so again I'm thinking we need to help guide each other through it.

We were friends first but obviously this is a whole different dynamic.

 

[Piasa]

Each of you being the guide is a really interesting idea and not something I would have seen from the reading without your insight. It makes a lot of sense. I like that take.

 

[Calcflour]

Each of you being the guide is a really interesting idea and not something I would have seen from the reading without your insight. It makes a lot of sense. I like that take.

It does to me too. I questioned who could guide someone through this situation without having the insight we both have in regards to our own personal experiences and that's what made me think, well only him and I.

 

[Calcflour]

Neither of is doing anything wrong but there's still the complexity of our trust issues and it can be difficult to understand how to navigate at times.

How to progress my relationship with him?
Hexagram 37.1.5>52

Hexagram 52 maintain personal equilibrium
Hexagram 37 keep the family dynamics structured.

 

[Lakewater]

Not a dream expert by any stretch but I think I agree with you both:

I've been dating a guy for a few weeks

3 difficulty at the beginning

This first dream was him saying I just want to be friends nothing more

Something in this relationship around ending something or change

I realised it was my exhusbands face and his tattoos.

Bringing up issues from the past around this previous relationship that has left it's mark

The second dream was about me being caught using online dating whilst I'm dating him.

Feelings of guilt

I couldn't understand why I was doing that, it was like I wasn't even aware I was.

That you are unaware of

3.1
Seek helpers

3.3
And guidance

39
To see the matter differently and find an easier way


Complete stabs in the dark by the way. Also am alternatively wondering if line 3.1 refers to date/ex mentioning being a friend and 3.3 refers to the searching through the app that leads to humiliation.

*i.e the events in the dream are symbols for the advise in the hexagram, 'friend' being a symbol for get assistance and the app search a symbol for searching without guidance that leads to shame

Wilhelm/Baynes: Hesitation and hindrance. It furthers one to remain persevering. It furthers one to appoint helpers.

Wilhelm/Baynes: Whoever hunts deer without the forester only loses his way in the forest. The superior man understands the signs of the time and prefers to desist. To go on brings humiliation.

If it's any consolation in dream theory everyone in the dream is a symbol for you, so you are you, your date is you and your ex is you, so you are essentially devastating yourself. I'm still working out dreams so this post comes with a huge pinch of salt.

 

[Lakewater]

The 37 reading looks promising, somewhere safe, somewhere home, interesting primary hex is family and in 52 family isn't seen.

 

[Piasa]

My personal experience with 37.1 in relationship seemed to be about determining what the parameters were: daily routine and how we worked together to build a structure, figuring out expectations and boundaries. But it was more organic, it wasn't talk-focused but more observation and seeing how we best fit together, offering to take part in the other's duties etc. Practical things about living together and sharing space, but also where we emotionally bolstered each other.

I don't have personal experience with 37.5, but it might be saying that the more power/control one has, the more you must remember to see the other person and use the control to benefit you both -- so, be a just leader.

I think of 37 in general as how one functions with others in a small, intimate group and how to find harmony in the interactions by determining one's proper role in the group.

 

[my_key]

Hi ontheroad

Dreams are very personal, however if I'd received 3 < > 39 about one of my dreams I'd be thinking of a meaning along the lines of the difficulties in my life are only going to change through me reversing my personality (39) and making sure that I see things for what they really are and then take steps to instill appropriate healthy boundaries to bring things back into balance.

... of course other interpretations are available for you to consider.

Good Luck

 

[Calcflour]

Not a dream expert by any stretch but I think I agree with you both:

3 difficulty at the beginning

Something in this relationship around ending something or change

Bringing up issues from the past around this previous relationship that has left it's mark

Feelings of guilt

That you are unaware of

3.1
Seek helpers

3.3
And guidance

39
To see the matter differently and find an easier way

Complete stabs in the dark by the way. Also am alternatively wondering if line 3.1 refers to date/ex mentioning being a friend and 3.3 refers to the searching through the app that leads to humiliation.

*i.e the events in the dream are symbols for the advise in the hexagram, 'friend' being a symbol for get assistance and the app search a symbol for searching without guidance that leads to shame

If it's any consolation in dream theory everyone in the dream is a symbol for you, so you are you, your date is you and your ex is you, so you are essentially devastating yourself. I'm still working out dreams so this post comes with a huge pinch of salt.

Thank you I had so forgotten that all the people in the dream are facets of oneself.

Something has definitely transformed/changed in our dynamics.
Dream 1 - We're closer friends than we ever were before although the friendship was always easy from the start. Maybe that's something I'm learning, because on the weekend I kept thinking, it's better to see relationships as friendships first and foremost rather than seeing them as having to be 'romantic' and all emotionally consuming. Not sure about the devastating part but maybe that was just so I'd think about it.

Dream 2 - maybe a continuum of Dream 1, where I'd been looking at finding a partner from the wrong perspective and now I feel a bit embarrassed about that.
Again the devastation maybe just very strong embarrassment.

My exhusband and I had a very strong deep love but we probably weren't the greatest of friends at the same time hence him being part of the dream.

 

[Calcflour]

My personal experience with 37.1 in relationship seemed to be about determining what the parameters were: daily routine and how we worked together to build a structure, figuring out expectations and boundaries. But it was more organic, it wasn't talk-focused but more observation and seeing how we best fit together, offering to take part in the other's duties etc. Practical things about living together and sharing space, but also where we emotionally bolstered each other.

I don't have personal experience with 37.5, but it might be saying that the more power/control one has, the more you must remember to see the other person and use the control to benefit you both -- so, be a just leader.

I think of 37 in general as how one functions with others in a small, intimate group and how to find harmony in the interactions by determining one's proper role in the group.

Yes this makes sense.
Line 1 - on a practical sense, we work extremely well together, where not a lot is said, we just seem to fit easily in our roles.
Sometimes he may have an expectation of me that's too high or I'm not able to meet so I set him straight. At first he used to go WTH but now he can laugh and just know it isn't fair.

Line 5 - I have a whole lot of insight into what's happening or where the 'weaknesses' are in our dynamics so I guess I lead the changes.
I've found if I text him about things rather than having a face to face conversation it gives him the emotional space to respond rather than react.
My understanding is, he was never given the right as a child to have a voice or show his emotions. The same with me but we've dealt with it differently and I've done the inner work to find resolution in myself about it.
I'm the right one to guide us through this.

Hexagram 52 - sometimes it's A LOT for me to handle and my equilibrium can become unbalanced so this is a good reminder for myself.

 

[Lakewater]

You made connections and assimilated the hexagrams and dream very quickly you sound like you have a lot of insight into your personal relationships and inner landscape, this is a good example for me for interpreting my own dreams.

 

[Calcflour]

You made connections and assimilated the hexagrams and dream very quickly you sound like you have a lot of insight into your personal relationships and inner landscape, this is a good example for me for interpreting my own dreams.

Thank you for saying.
Just working through my own BS for a very long time via learning about why and how to sort out the experiences that caused my CPTSD has given me my insight.

Your reminder about all characters in our dreams being reflections of ourselves and other things you said triggered the connections so we're helping each other. Win/win!

 

[Lakewater]

I say that because I dream journal and am left simply scratching my head much of the time so I was impressed by how quickly you worked through your dream but it makes sense if you've been doing inner work for awhile.

Clarity is a good place to share make connections and learn from eachother for sure.

 

[thisismybody]

New love prospects (3) require a powerful self-awareness (3.1) that guides and guards against triggers from the past that confuse and cause you to misinterpret the present moment and who's truly in front of you (3.3).

Also, sounds like past trauma rearing its ugly head through the new energies of connection in order to help you heal the past wounds. Can't avoid it. Only dig deep into it to see what the root is, where you need to come back into union, whether that's through forgiveness or understanding or both.

 

[Calcflour]

New love prospects (3) require a powerful self-awareness (3.1) that guides and guards against triggers from the past that confuse and cause you to misinterpret the present moment and who's truly in front of you (3.3).

Also, sounds like past trauma rearing its ugly head through the new energies of connection in order to help you heal the past wounds. Can't avoid it. Only dig deep into it to see what the root is, where you need to come back into union, whether that's through forgiveness or understanding or both.

I can definitely connect that to the dreams.

I haven't had much contact with him since the weekend so it's given me a bit of space to reflect about our relationship.
It's great and it's very trying all at the same time. Exhausting in it's complexity.

I've had some insight into what the root is, for me personally.
I feel happy for the enlightenment on my shadow but saddened for myself as well.
I don't know where that leaves our union tbh because it's a pattern that needs to change and he may not want to.

 

[thisismybody]

I've had some insight into what the root is, for me personally.
I feel happy for the enlightenment on my shadow but saddened for myself as well.
I don't know where that leaves our union tbh because it's a pattern that needs to change and he may not want to.

Then the relationship is doing its job! Not to sound too excited for you, bc I understand the bitter-sweet of confronting one’s shadow and realizing the effect it has and the change it requires. It’s still progress to have that awareness. And it means you can get your power back.

The 39 remains like running into a brick wall if the shadow or pattern isn’t confronted and changed. You go another way. Get back to your center sobered up with the truth.

Maybe it just takes some time to know how to approach the pattern… patterns always remind me of 57.5 and the 3 days before and after. Those pesky little airy fairy patterns and habits that are sealed in your field exerting power but look like wind and you don’t even know they’re there.

Ask for guidance on this pattern or a direction to take…?

 

[Calcflour]

It does to me too. I questioned who could guide someone through this situation without having the insight we both have in regards to our own personal experiences and that's what made me think, well only him and I.

I had typed up an email to send to him about how I felt re the exhausting things that happen between us, but didn't send it because I knew he was still dealing with his sick horse and felt the timing was important.
What it did though, was put things in perspective for me and I was unsure if I wanted to continue the relationship given it's complexity.
I hadn't heard from him except me asking how the horse was. The horse wasn't getting any better so another long trip to the vet for different treatment. He had to camp the night and it poured with rain. So not much fun and I really had no idea what to do about us.
After he got the horse sorted out he was continually reaching out, which is kind of unusual for him but I went with it although not as enthusiastically as I usually would.

After a few days we decided to go to our favourite place at the beach and I ended up telling him his behaviours impact on me.
His response - I've never thought about it before, maybe I'd still be married if I did.
His Marriage ended years ago.

 

[Lakewater]

You've managed a lot in your relationship in the short space of time of having the dream

 

[Calcflour]

You've managed a lot in your relationship in the short space of time of having the dream

Thanks. It's a lot to do with self awareness I think. When you understand yourself you essentially stop blaming others and have more clarity to figure things out really.

 

[thisismybody]

His response - I've never thought about it before, maybe I'd still be married if I did.

Wow. So, this means he's willing to change or work on the things you find exhausting?

I hate to generalize, but some people are used to being self-involved where people just fit themselves around them and their lives, without ever asking for balance and reciprocity. That is, the world revolves around them. Some are that way bc they aren't very invested in meeting other's needs. It's good he was willing to see your pov. Sounds like he's not too narcissistic to see how his behavior affects others. Good sign.

Maybe he was the 3.3--someone unaware of the boundaries of your needs, desires, and what you won't accept and don't want (to give too much w/o a return). So, he was lost in the woods, unaware of your inner reality, like a disconnect. I always wonder about people with no empathy or ability to pick up clues from others or no awareness of how their behavior affects others. At best, it's just ignorance. Or, they haven't developed the capacity to connect at emotional or heart level. At worst, they don't care. Good to discern how lost in the forest he is, I think. Or diving into something long-term might be an experience of always trying to give him enough room to "improve" or be himself, like trying to become someone he's not, which could end up making you 3.3, also lost in the forest and not reading the signs about what is. Just my opinion.

Best wishes figuring out if it's worth it.

 

[Calcflour]

Wow. So, this means he's willing to change or work on the things you find exhausting?

I hate to generalize, but some people are used to being self-involved where people just fit themselves around them and their lives, without ever asking for balance and reciprocity. That is, the world revolves around them. Some are that way bc they aren't very invested in meeting other's needs. It's good he was willing to see your pov. Sounds like he's not too narcissistic to see how his behavior affects others. Good sign.

Maybe he was the 3.3--someone unaware of the boundaries of your needs, desires, and what you won't accept and don't want (to give too much w/o a return). So, he was lost in the woods, unaware of your inner reality, like a disconnect. I always wonder about people with no empathy or ability to pick up clues from others or no awareness of how their behavior affects others. At best, it's just ignorance. Or, they haven't developed the capacity to connect at emotional or heart level. At worst, they don't care. Good to discern how lost in the forest he is, I think. Or diving into something long-term might be an experience of always trying to give him enough room to "improve" or be himself, like trying to become someone he's not, which could end up making you 3.3, also lost in the forest and not reading the signs about what is. Just my opinion.

Best wishes figuring out if it's worth it.

You're very perceptive, thisismybody in what you've said here.

I think it's a total lack of self awareness on his part and his opennes to hearing my perspective.
Given his background I doubt he learnt any sort of EI, the need to think of others or self management plus he's the youngest child and I think his older siblings have been 'protecting' him all his life.
I think he's very 'lost in the forest' but I've also seen significant changes in him from my gentle persuasion.
Having said that I personally feel at a crossroad whether to continue investing any energy into the relationship.
At the moment I'm extremely busy, have little time to spend with him and feel the need to take some time to 'sink into myself'

 

[thisismybody]

... plus he's the youngest child and I think his older siblings have been 'protecting' him all his life.
I think he's very 'lost in the forest' but I've also seen significant changes in him from my gentle persuasion.
Having said that I personally feel at a crossroad whether to continue investing any energy into the relationship.
At the moment I'm extremely busy, have little time to spend with him and feel the need to take some time to 'sink into myself'

..."the youngest child" and "gentle persuasion" wave as red flags to me. If he's lost, it's not your job to make sure he's found.

Also, "crossroads" and "little time to spend..." feel like you know you don't have the time or energy to help him grow up.

Every choice point means we come to a place in which we choose a path b/w the higher or lower timeline. Sometimes our souls says, down in the muck is where you belong bc you're still learning "patience," "forgiveness," etc. Sometimes we're guided to harder lessons that we can only get from being catalyzed by difficult people.

So you have to decide what your soul/higher self is guiding you towards. Are you done with the lesson of over giving, making excuses for others, etc? Or are you looking for a new kind of partner/experience?

Btw, from our previous comments on my thread about the ex-friend who came back (45.3.6)...I never replied. And guess what? Another of the same kind of friend texted me a long, weird text yesterday...

It's like the divine/my higher self is asking, "are you sure you're done throwing yourself away? Do you want to make yourself available and give to people who don't give or show up for you?"

I mention it because I feel if you decide you've had enough of 3.3 and over-giving, other examples will come up to test you, until you've created a new reality. But I could just be projecting. LOL.

 

[Calcflour]

projecting or not it is true what you're saying.
I have said for a long time, you will be asked again by your higher self, through a similar experience, if this is what you really want.
I use the term gentle persuasion because others have mentioned how after a conversation with me they've seen things differently and learned or found themselves doing things differently, so it's never my intention, in terms of the gentle persuasion, it's just a conversation.
I have learnt so much about myself and my own behaviours within this relationship, so my question at the moment is, is it likely I can learn anything more and grow in myself from spending time with this man or are we able to move forward together in a healthy productive way.
My personal jurys still out on that but if it's a No to one or both of these questions it's obviously time to move on from him.

He is a Leo and my gf I met around the same time as him is an Aquarius so they're on the axis of each other.
I mention her too, because she also can be exhausting, so my relationships with both of them has taught me a lot.
I don't over give as much as I was to either of them now, so time will tell if the relationships stumble or fall apart in time.
My busyness over the next month will potentially help sort a lot of this out.

 

[thisismybody]

is it likely I can learn anything more and grow in myself from spending time with this man or are we able to move forward together in a healthy productive way.
My personal jurys still out on that but if it's a No to one or both of these questions it's obviously time to move on from him.

Beautiful! And so great you know your limits and have applied these boundaries to real life relations to see if they can still float. "Exhausting" for a friend or lover is...well, I prefer "replenishing" and "expanding" or at least "fulfilling."

 

[Calcflour]

Beautiful! And so great you know your limits and have applied these boundaries to real life relations to see if they can still float. "Exhausting" for a friend or lover is...well, I prefer "replenishing" and "expanding" or at least "fulfilling."

Yes for sure!! Both of these people replenish me too so I've very mixed feelings about ending the relationships.
My gf is more open to stepping up and looking at herself and maintaining our friendship - we help each other a lot but she can still be self involved too a bit. I'd think we'll figure things out as we go along.
Not sure about the guy. Different kind of relationship I guess, so Different needs.

 

[Lakewater]

Now you're thinking about taking a break from the relationship is there anything more you now see in the dream and yi's answer that you didn't see before?