Age gap relationship 11.5 to 5

[Petragg]

Sooo, since I appear to have done everything wrong with the first thread, I am starting a new one - same subject - new questions.

Quick recap: Met a guy 16y junior when my marriage was already beyond repair. Had a brief friends with benefits situation then decided to keep it platonic. There was the one slip a year ago and then since mainly online communication, few drinks, cinema, he took me and my son to a rock concert, helped me buy a new bike so not much physical interaction, mainly due to the lock down, both being extremely busy remedying the consequences of the pandemic and generally sorting out our respective lives - husband moving out, focusing on my kids making sure they are ok and on his side his fathers deteriorating heart condition due to self destructive lifestyle and completing his MA by end of year so he can further his career.

All in all there is no problem, it is a friendly supportive relationship such as I have with few special people I let into my circle, BUT I want more. I want a closer relationship as in I want him to be my friend AND lover. To clarify, I am not looking for a relationship in standard terms, I do not NEED a man in my life as I am more than capable to mown my own lawn ... and he doesn't want to be tied down with a wife and kids because he is very career driven. But while I know exactly what kind of relationship I am open to (or will be in not too distant future), he is still torn between his personal aspirations and imposed expectations (family, friends..).

Needles to say if there were not a genuine deep connection between us I would not obsess about it and he would have dropped off the radar ages ago...

So in an attempt to form better questions for clearer results I asked:

How should I read X behaviour towards me?
11.5 to 5
I take this as peacefully waiting what happens? As we both have a lot on, it is best to leave things as are and see where it takes us. We are in a relationship of unequals and I should not pretend that because of my seniority I should be the one driving thins forward (as it is in my nature to do and I have been attempting to do with him). If we move forward it will be side by side on equal footing.

What would happen if i continued with the friendly & supportive attitude towards X?
15.3 to 2
I thik it says that this is a way to a deeper connection with establishing trust through an open attitude s and consistency in behaviour. I have been inconsistent in the past... I experienced a couple of near nervous breakdowns this year - who hasn't??

What direction is rel with X currently going?
61.5.6. to 19
Well nowhere fast! Lol Line 5 is auspicious, line 6 not so much. It basically is saying to me it is going in a positive direction as long as I keep the balance within myself and refrain from my usual bossiness? That at every turn I need to question my sincerity and that I am pursuing this for the right reasons?

What should my attitude towards X be?
1.1.2. 33
Well pretty clear; confident in myself but politely reserved. Hold a little bit back to entice basically. Not a trace of neediness allowed!

Then I indulged...
What a X true feelings for me?
53.6 to 39
There are varying interpretations to this line from transcending into a deeper bond into the methaphysical, to it signifying end of relationship! Probably he is poised to go either way... I think it depends on my behaviour? I either provide a safe haven to which he will choose to return or I try to pin him down seeking a definitive answer from which he will flee.

And as a confirmation, how does his feelings towards me manifest?
5.2 to 63
He is waiting, observing, taking note of every detail...if I'll tun into a demanding nag again? Fight or flight mode?

And last, what can X offer me?
6.2.6. 45
I would say there is more internal conflict within both than there is external. The main conflict being everything that steams from the age gap and our unconventionality in general. We both experience conflict and judgement for just expressing our views and it is the fact that we are of same mind on a lot of controversial subjects (or we are at least nonjudgemental) that binds us together. If I look at individual lines, 2 says nothing for you here best go home and 6 I can not get one over him as he will always rebel. But the irony is that the best fun we have when we do "argue" as you would in a debate club! It is a fun conflict if such a thing exists? Thoughts on this?

Hope I have done better this time?
Just to be clear, I am asking for commentary on readings NOT on my life choices. I can well manage to juggle a career, 2 adolescent kids, an impractical ex-husband and still have fun with one or several adult men in my spare time.

 

[Trojina]

This is the thread you referred to click here


I don't think anyone commented on your life choices there at all.

One useful tip I got from Hilary is to sometimes decide beforehand what the Oracle is absolutely not allowed to say. What answer would you rule out entirely in your own head and dismiss as impossible Doing that privately allows you then to at least allow that part into the light, your conscious vision, so it is less prone to distort the interpretation.

 

[Freedda]

How should I read X behaviour towards me?
11.5 to 5

Richard Rutt translates Hex. five as:

The small depart, the great come. Auspicious. Offering.

And he translates line 5.5:

Diyi gives his cousin in marriage.
Happiness follows. Most Auspicious.

Based on this, I'd say X's behavior towards you is favorable; I'm reminded however of the story of the Taoist Farmer who encountered many seemingly bad and inauspicious things, but these ultimately led to something good. So, I might suggest patience and a good attitude as well.

All the best ...

 

[Petragg]

Richard Rutt translates Hex. five as:

The small depart, the great come. Auspicious. Offering.

And he translates line 5.5:

Diyi gives his cousin in marriage.
Happiness follows. Most Auspicious.

Based on this, I'd say X's behavior towards you is favorable; I'm reminded however of the story of the Taoist Farmer who encountered many seemingly bad and inauspicious things, but these ultimately led to something good. So, I might suggest patience and a good attitude as well.

All the best ...

Thank you for your input Freeda.
I can well see the Taoist farmer story playing out here. We all had a pretty stressful year behind us and the prospect of tough times ahead. A crisis can bring out the best in us as well as the worst and so the masks fall and only then we see how we truly connect with someone? Like in 11.1 to 46 which I received for the 3rd time in the last 10 days - When ribbon grass is pulled up, the sod comes with it. Each according to his kind.

 

[Matali]

Sooo, since I appear to have done everything wrong with the first thread, I am starting a new one - same subject - new questions.

Quick recap: Met a guy 16y junior when my marriage was already beyond repair. Had a brief friends with benefits situation then decided to keep it platonic. There was the one slip a year ago and then since mainly online communication, few drinks, cinema, he took me and my son to a rock concert, helped me buy a new bike so not much physical interaction, mainly due to the lock down, both being extremely busy remedying the consequences of the pandemic and generally sorting out our respective lives - husband moving out, focusing on my kids making sure they are ok and on his side his fathers deteriorating heart condition due to self destructive lifestyle and completing his MA by end of year so he can further his career.

All in all there is no problem, it is a friendly supportive relationship such as I have with few special people I let into my circle, BUT I want more. I want a closer relationship as in I want him to be my friend AND lover. To clarify, I am not looking for a relationship in standard terms, I do not NEED a man in my life as I am more than capable to mown my own lawn ... and he doesn't want to be tied down with a wife and kids because he is very career driven. But while I know exactly what kind of relationship I am open to (or will be in not too distant future), he is still torn between his personal aspirations and imposed expectations (family, friends..).

Needles to say if there were not a genuine deep connection between us I would not obsess about it and he would have dropped off the radar ages ago...

So in an attempt to form better questions for clearer results I asked:

How should I read X behaviour towards me?
11.5 to 5
I take this as peacefully waiting what happens? As we both have a lot on, it is best to leave things as are and see where it takes us. We are in a relationship of unequals and I should not pretend that because of my seniority I should be the one driving thins forward (as it is in my nature to do and I have been attempting to do with him). If we move forward it will be side by side on equal footing.

What would happen if i continued with the friendly & supportive attitude towards X?
15.3 to 2
I thik it says that this is a way to a deeper connection with establishing trust through an open attitude s and consistency in behaviour. I have been inconsistent in the past... I experienced a couple of near nervous breakdowns this year - who hasn't??

What direction is rel with X currently going?
61.5.6. to 19
Well nowhere fast! Lol Line 5 is auspicious, line 6 not so much. It basically is saying to me it is going in a positive direction as long as I keep the balance within myself and refrain from my usual bossiness? That at every turn I need to question my sincerity and that I am pursuing this for the right reasons?

What should my attitude towards X be?
1.1.2. 33
Well pretty clear; confident in myself but politely reserved. Hold a little bit back to entice basically. Not a trace of neediness allowed!

Then I indulged...
What a X true feelings for me?
53.6 to 39
There are varying interpretations to this line from transcending into a deeper bond into the methaphysical, to it signifying end of relationship! Probably he is poised to go either way... I think it depends on my behaviour? I either provide a safe haven to which he will choose to return or I try to pin him down seeking a definitive answer from which he will flee.

And as a confirmation, how does his feelings towards me manifest?
5.2 to 63
He is waiting, observing, taking note of every detail...if I'll tun into a demanding nag again? Fight or flight mode?

And last, what can X offer me?
6.2.6. 45
I would say there is more internal conflict within both than there is external. The main conflict being everything that steams from the age gap and our unconventionality in general. We both experience conflict and judgement for just expressing our views and it is the fact that we are of same mind on a lot of controversial subjects (or we are at least nonjudgemental) that binds us together. If I look at individual lines, 2 says nothing for you here best go home and 6 I can not get one over him as he will always rebel. But the irony is that the best fun we have when we do "argue" as you would in a debate club! It is a fun conflict if such a thing exists? Thoughts on this?

Hope I have done better this time?
Juste pour être clair, je demande des commentaires sur les lectures PAS sur mes choix de vie. Je parviens bien à jongler avec une carrière, 2 adolescents, un ex-mari peu pratique et encore m'amuser avec un ou plusieurs hommes adultes pendant mon temps libre.
[/CITATION]
Bonjour
Many answers... and différent... 11.5 is very différent with 15.3.
If it is a love story 11.5 is perfect. But 15.3 is just à little relation. My question : is there a third person ?

 

[Petragg]

Hi Matali, there are several persons and things in the way. You could say that we both are in 2nd position to someone or something- my 1st priority are my kids and my busines, for him his professional ambitions, finishing his studies and his worries how his fathers illnes is affecting his mum. I often felt that he is particularly attached to the mother and wouldn’t want to upset or dissappont her.
Then there is the casual lover on my side but neither of us are emotionally involved. And on his side he says he doesn’t have time to see his best friends let alone anything else... also I beleive he would tell me if he met someone. and let’s not forget that to start with HE was the ‘other man’ which he was never comfortable with.

 

[Matali]

[QUOTE = "Petragg, message: 291388, membre: 22255"]
Salut Matali, il y a plusieurs personnes et choses sur le chemin. On pourrait dire que nous sommes tous les deux en 2e position pour quelqu'un ou quelque chose - ma première priorité sont mes enfants et mes affaires, pour lui ses ambitions professionnelles, la fin de ses études et ses inquiétudes quant à la façon dont ses pères affectent sa maman. J'ai souvent senti qu'il était particulièrement attaché à la mère et ne voulait pas la contrarier ou la mécontenter.
Ensuite, il y a l'amant occasionnel de mon côté, mais aucun de nous n'est impliqué émotionnellement. Et de son côté, il dit qu'il n'a pas le temps de voir ses meilleurs amis et encore moins rien d'autre ... aussi je crois qu'il me le dirait s'il rencontrait quelqu'un. et n'oublions pas qu'au départ, IL était «l'autre homme» avec lequel il n'était jamais à l'aise.
[/CITATION]
D'accord. L'âge n'est pas l'important ici. Mais avec vos nombreux tirages, on voit qu'il y a deux relations. . Deux histoires...

 

[Petragg]

[QUOTE = "Petragg, message: 291388, membre: 22255"]
Salut Matali, il y a plusieurs personnes et choses sur le chemin. On pourrait dire que nous sommes tous les deux en 2e position pour quelqu'un ou quelque chose - ma première priorité sont mes enfants et mes affaires, pour lui ses ambitions professionnelles, la fin de ses études et ses inquiétudes quant à la façon dont ses pères affectent sa maman. J'ai souvent senti qu'il était particulièrement attaché à la mère et ne voulait pas la contrarier ou la mécontenter.
Ensuite, il y a l'amant occasionnel de mon côté, mais aucun de nous n'est impliqué émotionnellement. Et de son côté, il dit qu'il n'a pas le temps de voir ses meilleurs amis et encore moins rien d'autre ... aussi je crois qu'il me le dirait s'il rencontrait quelqu'un. et n'oublions pas qu'au départ, IL était «l'autre homme» avec lequel il n'était jamais à l'aise.
[/CITATION]
D'accord. L'âge n'est pas l'important ici. Mais avec vos nombreux tirages, on voit qu'il y a deux relations. . Deux histoires...

I understand French but my grammar is appalling yes! Many stories indeed, many things to consider and the more i meditate on it the more it make sense to take the pressure off. Re 15.3 line I found tis in the archives from one of my favourite one time members who unfortunately is no longer contributing her/his insights https://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/fri...5-3-about-not-feeling-special.6653/post-78651

 

[Petragg]

[QUOTE = "Petragg, message: 291388, membre: 22255"]
Salut Matali, il y a plusieurs personnes et choses sur le chemin. On pourrait dire que nous sommes tous les deux en 2e position pour quelqu'un ou quelque chose - ma première priorité sont mes enfants et mes affaires, pour lui ses ambitions professionnelles, la fin de ses études et ses inquiétudes quant à la façon dont ses pères affectent sa maman. J'ai souvent senti qu'il était particulièrement attaché à la mère et ne voulait pas la contrarier ou la mécontenter.
Ensuite, il y a l'amant occasionnel de mon côté, mais aucun de nous n'est impliqué émotionnellement. Et de son côté, il dit qu'il n'a pas le temps de voir ses meilleurs amis et encore moins rien d'autre ... aussi je crois qu'il me le dirait s'il rencontrait quelqu'un. et n'oublions pas qu'au départ, IL était «l'autre homme» avec lequel il n'était jamais à l'aise.
[/CITATION]
D'accord. L'âge n'est pas l'important ici. Mais avec vos nombreux tirages, on voit qu'il y a deux relations. . Deux histoires...

Side note, I’m amazed how good the french translation is! Google translate Slovene (me) to English most of the time makes no sense at all

 

[Matali]

It is so difficult when there are most than 2 person...
53.6 to 39 : it is a good relation but later... there is an obtacle (39). So, if you are in a serious love affair (11.5), it is the nirvana

 

[Olga Super Star]

Wow I thought I deserved the top caster award for the highest number of casts in a thread but you seem to be going after that award too!

To me 53.6 has always played out as a relationship finishing.
A bit sad at the beginning, but after a while I no longer cared.

 

[Matali]

Ah ah ah...
Is that clear... it's not easy to decipher Yi King.
For me, 53.6: I see this line as the pinnacle of the gradual development of the hexagram. Kind of like a last alliance that works very well...
53 is a long and difficult relationship (with of course different kinds of relationships across lines),
but I see the last line as a success. But if people here have feedback as an end of relationship, then I will change my mind

 

[Petragg]

Wow I thought I deserved the top caster award for the highest number of casts in a reading but you seem to be going after that award too!

To me 53.6 has always played out as a relationship finishing.
A bit sad at the beginning, but after a while I no longer cared.

Wow I thought I deserved the top caster award for the highest number of casts in a reading but you seem to be going after that award too!

To me 53.6 has always played out as a relationship finishing.
A bit sad at the beginning, but after a while I no longer cared.

Err... thank’s
We shall see how will this hex play out with me... there have been some positive movements but too early to say. Will update for sure

Ah ah ah...
Is that clear... it's not easy to decipher Yi King.
For me, 53.6: I see this line as the pinnacle of the gradual development of the hexagram. Kind of like a last alliance that works very well...
53 is a long and difficult relationship (with of course different kinds of relationships across lines),
but I see the last line as a success. But if people here have feedback as an end of relationship, then I will change my mind

hi Matali, things are currently moving more towards a successful resolution of current misunderstandings, as you are describing, than dissolution of relationship altogether BUT that may well be the nature of this connection ... always in flux

 

[Petragg]

I held back as long as I could but then I asked...

Whith what attitude will I build a loving trusting relationship with X?
37.1.6 to 39

I am a bit perplexed... Keep within the family but then extend the family? I realise family acceptance on both sides is at the core of the issue - 39. Is Yi just stating the obvious? Is it telling me that there isn't much I can do?

 

[Olga Super Star]

Someone would say: “Stop casting!! you have enough answers to concentrate on”.
(Also, that award is to be mine. You can be )

Lines 1+6 together is usually something quick, collapsing before starting. 39 is impediments.
I don’t remember the lines.

 

[Matali]

Hello !
37.1.6 - 39: the family is in the foreground and at the moment, with 39 there is an obstacle and as you say, you can't do much. But by the way, how old is this man today? He lives with his family with his mother ?

 

[Petragg]

Someone would say: “Stop casting!! you have enough answers to concentrate on”.
(Also, that award is to be mine. You can be )

Lines 1+6 together is usually something quick, collapsing before starting. 39 is impediments.
I don’t remember the lines.

I've stopped!
Since we are communicating better I'm not itching as much ;P

 

[Petragg]

Hello !
37.1.6 - 39: the family is in the foreground and at the moment, with 39 there is an obstacle and as you say, you can't do much. But by the way, how old is this man today? He lives with his family with his mother ?

Hi,
he is 31 and doesn't live at home but he does return to help out with work regularly and was there during lockdown - they own a small farm and he is the eldest son. A rather traditional family environment and not sure his parents know about his personal aspirations which are a departure from the norm.