Being alone vs. finding love

[elizabeth]

Hello everyone,

After some recent forays into the frightening world of astrology, I'm returning here to confirm some of what I've heard in that other realm.

I have had, by all measures, quite a difficult 2010 to date. I am looking forward to the end of this year, which in many ways feels like the end of my life as I have known it. I finished some very big growth cycles (big plus) and achieved a great deal career wise. But as usual, the most important and sought after area of my life -- love-- eludes me. I had my heart torn to shreds this spring. I am almost all healed from it. Part of the healing process has been trying to meet other people to get my mind off of the other person and also to try to remind myself good people exist. Except I haven't found any of the good people -- I just keep hitting brick wall and my discouragement has risen considerably. To top it off, my younger sister is married and just had a child. I am doubtful if i will ever be able to have a child given my already advanced age; at this point, i'd be thrilled to find a man i love and who loves me in return> even THAT seems impossible. For everyone else these things fall into place. Love for me is the most unreachable element of my life; and the fact that it is that way hurts me very deeply.

I asked the Yi several questions just now as a result.

Have I already met my future husband? 46.1 Pushing Upward>11 Flow.
Why am I still alone? 9.1. 6 Taming Power of Small>48 the Well


For 46.1>11, I cannot tell if this is a "yes" or not. Pushing upward and the single line are positive proclamations but maybe not "clear affirmatives". I do get that it is saying that i have to go with the flow. Fine - but I am curious if i already know who my future husband is (ie is he in my circle of friends/acquaintances). Partly bc I have cared deeply for one man, who is a colleague and long time friend, and he recently broke up with his 10-yr relationship. I have heard he's dating someone else but i dont know if it is serious and I thought, for a moment, we might have a chance. We're not in touch frequently however.

For the second reading, 9.1.6: "The first line, undivided, shows its subject returning and pursuing his own course. What mistake should he fall into? There will be good fortune." - I take this to mean "dont force it and things will be OK." (Ugh, sooo not helpful). I'm not forcing anything. I'm just tired of waiting. I put out no effort and nothing happens. I put out some effort -- and nothing happens.


Line 6: "" the rain has fallen, progress is stayed; so must we value the full accumulation of the virtue represented by the upper trigram. But a wife exercising restraint, however firm and correct she may be, is in a position of peril, and like the moon approaching to the full. If the superior man prosecute his measures in such circumstances, there will be evil." In another site, a summary of this line: "one must be content with what has already been attained."

ie. ENJOY your continued life of solitude.

Any input, as always, is greatly appreciated.

 

[goddessliss]

Oh Elizabeth, you poor girl, I know how you feel although I can't offer you any insight into your readings, to me they are very tricky indeed.
But it is very interesting as for a long while after my breakup of 18 years I felt lonely but now I don't although I would love to find a wonderful suitable partner too, I just never feel lonely.
hope you get some answers to your readings, I will be keeping an eye out.
Blessings
Melissa

 

[elizabeth]

THanks melissa ).

 

[Tohpol]

Have I already met my future husband? 46.1 Pushing Upward>11 Flow.
Why am I still alone? 9.1. 6 Taming Power of Small>48 the Well[/B]


For 46.1>11, I cannot tell if this is a "yes" or not. Pushing upward and the single line are positive proclamations but maybe not "clear affirmatives". I do get that it is saying that i have to go with the flow. Fine - but I am curious if i already know who my future husband is (ie is he in my circle of friends/acquaintances). Partly bc I have cared deeply for one man, who is a colleague and long time friend, and he recently broke up with his 10-yr relationship. I have heard he's dating someone else but i dont know if it is serious and I thought, for a moment, we might have a chance. We're not in touch frequently however.

Hi Elizabeth,

Firstly, sympathies with your predicament. Never easy, always painful.

46 seems to be about potential and growth where the soul is tapping on the door of the ego and slowly making changes. You are getting there even though the ego will kick and scream against this process. It seems there aren't "yes" and "no" kind of answers with the Yi - it's more a snapshot of things as they are or will be when associated with a line of thought or action. Rather like the fact that there are no "positive" or "negative" Hexagrams - they are just images of energic qualities captured in time. At least, that's how I see it.

So, in relation to 46.1 the Yi has responded perhaps to what is important in the question. Whether or not your husband is around or not isn't important as it will happen naturally when the time is right not when you wish it to be. (Maddening isn't it?) 46.1 says that you are on track in terms of spiritual growth which, it could be said, is why you are here on this earth plane - to grow and to learn what you need to move forward. That may not necessarily coincide with what you want at this time, which is where our suffering often comes in... However, this line suggests you're really growing inside and thus there's good reason to think you are setting up the resonance that will naturally attract THE RIGHT partner as a matter of course and with no effort.

Anticipation and wishing to control the outcome through impatience and frustration can reduce or actually delay the possibility of meeting that person in often unexpected ways whereas if you are lead by our negative deires / ego we'll very likely find someone but he won't be the right one.

For the second reading, 9.1.6: "The first line, undivided, shows its subject returning and pursuing his own course. What mistake should he fall into? There will be good fortune." - I take this to mean "dont force it and things will be OK." (Ugh, sooo not helpful). I'm not forcing anything. I'm just tired of waiting. I put out no effort and nothing happens. I put out some effort -- and nothing happens.

I think these can be very subtle influences like ripples on a pond. It's not in your actions but the underlying emotional "static" and resentment of your situation. Ostensibly you may not be forcing anything but the desire for this would be creating a core emotional vortex that's quite powerful. I know it's not easy to bring that under control especially when part of us feels that we have been dealt a crappy card, but if you hang in there - I think the Yi is saying that despite the shitty time you CAN get through this provided you create the right resonance within yourself and thus the right attitude. 46 is very much linked with this process in my own experience.

9.1 is saying that you're frustrated from the past and you are pushing too hard. Despondancy and impatience is sending you around in circles and you have to disengage and trust. Let go. Sometimes destiny takes the long way round but you'll get there. 9.6 shows that you can and will "gain the harvest" if you work at it but it can be lost in an instant if you fall back on old ways of dealing with things.

ie. ENJOY your continued life of solitude.

Well, in a sense yes. But rather both 46 and 9 means that there's still some inner work to do but it certainly doesn't mean that you give up on your desire for a partner. Not at all. You just have to change your expectations for now and try - hard though it is - not to anticipate. That will open a channel rather than blocking it in an unconscious way.

You might want to ask "What is it I most need to work on in myself in order to naturally receive the partner destined for me?"

Lots of folks experiencing what you are going through at this time. You are not alone.

Topal

 

[elizabeth]

Hi Topal,

Thank you for your thoughtful commentary and analysis. No - not easy and quite painful and frustrating.

I have tried to find the place I am supposed to land psychologically with this. For a while it was "let go" which for me meant dive into work and bury yourself in distraction. So I did that and dindt look for a mate at all for five years. I wrote and published a book instead. That's done, I look up, and my life feels empty. I want to share it with someone. So I go online dating sites, and 3 frustrating months later, there is still no one, only I feel even more discouraged, more alone, because I have tried and come up empty handed. So when I ignore being alone, I'm alone and that is ensured bc I isolate myself. When I put out effort --to be super social and actually try to meet men -- I'm still alone. It's like it doesnt matter what I do, Fate is determined I cannot have a relationship no matter what. But I cannot get rid of the stomach wrenching hurt I feel each day now.

Anyway enough of my saga.

Anticipation and wishing to control the outcome through impatience and frustration can reduce or actually delay the possibility of meeting that person in often unexpected ways whereas if you are lead by our negative deires / ego we'll very likely find someone but he won't be the right one.

This makes perfect sense but it is really hard to not "feel" -- bc that's what it comes down for to me. I'm supposed to not "feel" being alone. (or put another way, I'm supposed to not want the mate.) So I dont (again) understand where I should land with this emotionally to "attract" the guy. When I was calm and happy and putting out effort - zero zero zero. And after 3 mos of it I get angry and frustrated. But at the outset, my cheer and hope did not help me, did not ensure a good outcome either. So I am not convinced it's about attitude so much either. There is something else gonig on here, and i can only conclude it is FATE.

think these can be very subtle influences like ripples on a pond. It's not in your actions but the underlying emotional "static" and resentment of your situation. Ostensibly you may not be forcing anything but the desire for this would be creating a core emotional vortex that's quite powerful. I know it's not easy to bring that under control especially when part of us feels that we have been dealt a crappy card, but if you hang in there - I think the Yi is saying that despite the shitty time you CAN get through this provided you create the right resonance within yourself and thus the right attitude. 46 is very much linked with this process in my own experience.

9.1 is saying that you're frustrated from the past and you are pushing too hard. Despondancy and impatience is sending you around in circles and you have to disengage and trust. Let go. Sometimes destiny takes the long way round but you'll get there. 9.6 shows that you can and will "gain the harvest" if you work at it but it can be lost in an instant if you fall back on old ways of dealing with things.

OK you sort of answered my last question with those comments...Emotional "static" is a great image. That makes sense to me. That desires can create the vortex that subliminally affects the situation also is understandable. But I dont know how to not push or not hope or not want/desire... I guess that is my question now. I will ask your proposed question because I think it is clearer and I will post again. Oodles of thanks to you.