Feedback and more

[kulta]

Here I am again to give those who kindly followed my previous post a feedback about it.
http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?t=15618

I shared my feeling about the ‘distraction’ I was perceiving with E (the man I’m definitely in love, no doubts about it) and told him my doubts regarding his behavior: he was totally surprised to hear that. He said that nothing changed in his feelings towards me and the lack of attention that I suffered lately depends only on his busy period. He frankly spoke to me about the other woman (as always, I honestly have to say, because right from the start we both agreed to an open relationship), saying that he loves her and he also feels morally committed with her because of her illness. I can easily understand it, especially if I put myself in her shoes. Moreover, if he broke up with her, I would consider it as a very bad behavior. He also hinted that relationships evolve and that we are moving from the butterflies in the stomach to a point where falling in love becomes love. But I’m not so sure that this feeling is mutual, not because I distrust his words, but because of a undefinable feeling not so clear even to me (I hope to have explained myself well, sorry for my English).

So I cast the coins twice again, hoping to gain some clarity and insight:

1) How can I improve my relationship with E?

Hex 46.2 > 32
Sheng – Pushing award again! But now only with a sacrifice in the fourth line. Really interesting, isn’t it? What do I have to sacrifice? And what does Heng –Lasting mean?

Lise says:

Stay on your own course, steadying your boat on the big river of your life. Never deviate from your own conscience, feelings, ethics.
A young man decided to leave the world of society. He started to fish for eel as a living. Every day he fished for bait and prepared his lines, 1100 hooks. The first day he caught many eels, but after that - never again anything. He kept going on and on for 2 years, every day putting out his lines.
Now he is an artist, famous for his etchings of fishing boats and the harbor. More than 20 years later he learned the cause of catching no eel: he did not pickle the lines, so the eel smelled death and stayed away.
His dedication did not change, and it brought him what belongs to him, even if it did not make any sense rationally.


2) What is the real issue between me and E?

Hex 24.1 to 2
Although I know that Fu – Returning is often interpreted as good and auspicious, I don’t think it is completely like this. And Kun – Earth seems to confirm it (maybe something I have to passively accept?)

Hilary says:

In readings, Return can be a reminder to simplify the question and touch base. It comes up very often in relationship questions, and frequently it's tempting to interpret it as meaning that the other person will return. In my experience, this isn't usually what it's about. The first step in 'returning' goes away from other people, back to your own path.
On a larger scale, this is about the whole cycle of 'going out and coming in': in human relationships, out of the group and back into it. Returning means having the space to change direction and orientate yourself 'without haste' or anxiety. The nuclear hexagram, Earth, speaks of finding partners in the southwest, losing them in the northeast - a balance between integration and individuation. With Return, this becomes a cycle. There is 'the root of de (of personal power and character), small and also distinct among things' (from the Dazhuan) - and then this new spark of self is ready for involvement, and 'partners come'. You meet this partner, or partners, because you're on the same road: in practice, this can be the forging of new connections or the renewal of old ones. (But it definitely does not encourage making a diversion to run after anyone!)

Frankly, I’m tempted to give way to an optimistic reading, but my aim is to make the whole thing clearer, well-aware that my confusion is partly due to my fear to lose him.
So, in order to avoid to lose him just because of this fear, I decided to stay quiet, trying to not be enmeshed in a profitless and vague feeling of I-don’t-know-exactly-what and looking at how things are going on, at least for the time being.

But I really need to understand what Yi is telling me: I always found its lessons amazing, helpful wise and true. :bows:

I hope to have not bored you too much.

Thank you :bows:

 

[pocossin]

What is the real issue between me and E?
24.1 > 2

I think the issue is that since you do not have an exclusive relationship with E, you fear that the time will come when he will not return. You may have agreed to an open relationship, but the situation is not equitable. Unlike E, you apparently do not have another lover and do not want one. He has your exclusive affection, but you, not his. The triangle is not balanced. You may have gone into this with eyes open, and half a loaf may be better than none, but in your heart you would rather have E's exclusive affection as he has yours. This difficulty isn't going away, and whether the other woman is sick or healthy, E isn't going to change. The relationship will last only so long as you accept the compromise. Take this as a learning experience -- a return from a short distance (24.1). May you find someone who values you as you value him.