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Health(?) Anomaly

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I think I have what is called HPPD.
Trying to find out what it is doing to me,
and how to heal from it, so I casted some oracles hoping for some direction and understanding.

FIrst question was:

I would like to heal from this condition any advice?

I got 60.2 changing to hexagram 3

It sounds pretty ambiguous to me as I don't know if it's telling me how to fix my behavior in order to remedy the issue or if it's addressing it in a more general way.

Then I asked it another question as I have been told that I seem a little "Off".

Please comment on this being why some have said - I seem a little "off" and my lack of friends?

Hexagram 6.1.5 to hexagram 64

Then I asked:

Please comment on general in the light of this?

32.3 - 40

( I get this one often - is it not just advice to be more like buddha? Kinda bugs me. )

Then:

Any comments on the future of this condition?

19.4 - 54

Finally:

Please comment on the future of healing from this condition?

hexagram 50.2.6 - 62



Any help interpreting these readings would be graciously appreciated. :)
 

bamboo

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I'd like to know what HPPD is. Do you have it or are you just thinking you have it?
 
U

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hppd is halicinogen persisting perception disorder
i have not been diagnosed with it but i have all the symptoms and
have since my use of hallucinogens

the reason i heditate to respond is because i asked the yi if i should share my plight with others
and it gave me hex 23.

the yi has bern pretty ruthless to me lately. ive actually decided to give it up permanently.
but since i hsve thrown these readings and more i figured i would at least try to understamd them.
why should i have to keep this a secret? sometimes i wonder if the yi has the faintest inkling of a clue. nonetheless i would still like your help in understanding these readings if anyone cares to.

i ctually have allot more readings on this
for example i asked : any encouaging advice on this and it gave me 52-14 which is not really encouraging as line 2 says im going to be helpless and will just have to go with it.

so anyhow any help will be appereciayed if granted. thx. =)

if you just type in hppd in google you should find some information about it.
 
U

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btw you may ignore the part about friends just so we can keep things light
im sure i could get friends if i really felt inspired to do so. but ive just gone through a complete loss of all my friends. i dont feel like reaching out to people right now. dont like being needy so i dont want to make myself vulnerable. some ego problem.
 

bamboo

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Hi Cyclotron,

This condition is different from just flashbacks, according to Google, so you're not confusing the two, right?

All of your readings have an air of hopefulness to me. The first one in your first post suggests that you should get help right away for this. You say you havent been diganosed, so I assume you have not sought any medical advice and I think you should. Granted, some professionals may want to medicate you right away, but hopefully you can find someone who can give you some good advice and support. It is not wise to try to self-diagnose so I hope you get professional advice. 60.2 is pretty clear about not waiting.

I thinkk 32.2 to 40 indicates that you need to have willingness to see this through, and that perhaps you are unhappy about what you have to do and sitting on the fence about it. The advice is to see this through even though it feels like a burden. 40 is all about getting yourself out of this difficulty.
19.4
50.2.6
and even 52.2 to 14 are all encouraging omens. All seem to indicate that this condition can be addressed and you can heal, you have that ability. I don't think you should continue to handle it alone, though.
It is understandable that friendships suffer because of this, and perhaps the 23 is telling you that to try to explain it to people who are not understanding or knowledgeable is not wise. But the condition also makes you feel isolated, too, I am sure. Take action, but do it in the wise fashion by seeking out the people who know how to help. Can you involve your parents?

Right now, you are in need.....but this doesnt mean you have to be "needy" with friends or just anyone. 52.2 is not about being helpless, more about getting still, calming down. Maybe just knowing that you have to surrender right now, not try to figure it all out.
Let someone help you.

let me know what you decide to do. Take care of yourself!
 
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Thanks for the reply

50.2.6 - 62

Seems to be the big symbol for me.

It seems these things happen when there are small shifts in my consciousness.
Not big ones thought only small. I'm trying to pay attention to details. 62 seems to say put a whole lot of attention into little things.

I'm outragouesly sensitive. I can detect people comming from afar. I can feel people looking at me. When I ignore these things It seems to happen.

... I asked it if It would be an ally it gave me hex 44.3.4 - 59 what ever that changes to.

I've given up the Yijing for Good. It told me my use of it was hurting me anyway.

I wanted Hilary to delete this thread but she didn't do it yet. I suppose I should at least read your response.

I deleted all my old readings (or not all but most). And threw away the books.
It has replaced my spiritual path. And it is not as good couseler as my own.

I ching was never supposed to be a spiritual path.
It told me it was hurting me by using it anyway.

I asked it if meditation would be a good idea for this it said yes.

It also gave me hex 64.4 about getting better from this.

Also hexagram 3 came up allot. I threw a billion of them.

I'm pretty scared. This is not getting better. I have done halucinogen's recently - Ayahuasca.
Nobody will take this seriously - It's so emaculatizing. I've spoken to my psychotherapist and psychitrist and they both just minimze it. And ignore it.

I hate western civilization. Everything takes so long and eveyrone is so goddamn aloof skeptical and outright cynical.
 
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U

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No i'm not having flashbacks. Not really. Nothing visual even happened on the trip. That is the mushroom trip I had 4 years ago which this thing first happened.
I've always had strance visual disturbances while meditateing. They are more like that.
But there is a purple dot that comes up into my vision and flashes away. like a star going in and out. Which is ths most common. Never happened when meditating before. Seems to be a lapse in awareness.

I just know if I get western medical doctors to look at this with their huge machines and blunt bulldozer education. I'm sure they will come up with a brilliant idea like Prozac or Zoloft.

If I do have HPPD then It will be diagnosed and then they kick me out the door and say - your screwed.
Becuase other people who have it all say this.

Why pay someone to do that?

I just don't wnat to go throught the hoops. Get my hopes up only to be drowned in pharmacuticals or flat out disbelieved.
 
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U

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Maybe I need to go see a Shaman.

but the last thing I want to do is find some charltan shaman who will act all nice at frist
make promises take my money and then be unable to help me and shove me out of the hut.
 
U

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Thanks so much for responding.

PLEASE HILARY DON'T DELETE THE THREAD. (I asked her to delete it because I hate the I ching and have gotten rid of it.)

Could you please take a look at these readings?

i dunno what else to ask any encouaging comments?
7 --- ---
8 - - - -
6 - - ---
7 --- ---
6 - - ---
6 - - ---

52 - 14

Pleaese comment on if there is a remedy to this or not?
7 --- ---
7 --- ---
8 - - - -
7 --- ---
9 --- - -
6 - - ---
57 37


Something happens around me
To distract me - usually insignificant
I refocus my attention and a purple dot will pop up. This can be
changing from one thought to another - or external distraction -
usually pops up afterward.

Please commeng on taking mushrooms again to remedy this?

8 - - - -
8 - - - -
7 --- ---
8 - - - -
8 - - - -
9 --- - -

51 - 16

(Unable to believe this so I asked again)

Please comment on mushrooms being a possible remedy?
6 - - ---
8 - - - -
7 --- ---
7 --- ---
7 --- ---
8 - - - -

32 - 50

Are mushrooms neccesary to cure this or may i find a cure alone?


8
8
8
9
9
7

11 - 24

Whar am i suppised yo do aboyt this?


6 - - ---
9 --- - -
7 --- ---
6 - - ---
9 --- - -
9 --- - -

58 - 56

I know thats allot to load on all at once. But i'm desperate. Please help.
 
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ginnie

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Go out of your house

for example i asked : any encouaging advice on this and it gave me 52-14 which is not really encouraging as line 2 says im going to be helpless and will just have to go with it.

Hexagram 52 means to be still about it, to sit quietly with it. You are actually going to be just fine.

The reason you are having perceptual difficulties is because you don't go outside your house. Always being home alone is very bad for people. [60.2>3]

Your second question: Hexagram 6.1.5 does not change into 64. It changes into 38, which is feeling on the outside of everything. Well, of course you feel estranged. Was there some conflict with someone that has not been resolved? 6.1.5 means don't pursue this dispute. The conflict, once you give it up, will be followed with supreme good fortune. This conflict may be with the friend who said you looked "off." Just don't go along with anyone who says you look "off." Let him be concerned with how he looks and forget about how you look.

On 32.3>4. You desire help and release, but you are not fixing the omens. You are not following the advice given by the Yi. Well, it is very hard to follow the Yi. I suggest you write down the specific directives and do make every effort to follow them. For example, you must get out of the house more. Make a lot of plans to go outside and be among people.

On the future of this condition: 19.4>54. You will be recognized as knowing what is and what is not wrong with you.

Your future of healing from this condition: 50.2.6>62. The prognosis is excellent indeed. You are in a transitional state.

Remember that you are supposed to go out of the house! Go outside every single day and do something outside!
 

ginnie

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Thank you for sharing

The reason i heditate to respond is because i asked the yi if i should share my plight with others
and it gave me hex 23.

Getting hex 23 reflected how you felt at that moment. It also means to be generous and benevolent to everyone, not thinking so much about yourself. :eek:
 

ginnie

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Did they all die in a plane crash?

You said you just lost all your friends? Are they dead? Sometimes we get into these periods where we get out of contact with everybody. That's life.

Tomorrow go outside your house. I hope the weather is okay where you are and you can see birds flying through the sky and neat stuff we shouldn't take for granted. Hexagram 52 means stop thinking you're so sick. You are not as sick as you think you are, but you have gotten very sensitive.

Everybody has something. Some people are born blind. Some people lose a limb. We all have something. Look around you at other people when you go outside tomorrow and you will see this. :bows::bows::bows:
 
U

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Thankyou Barbara.

I love you.

!!!

=D

OK I really feel joy.

All my friends are not dead. I guess they just moved on.

I do stay in my house all the time. How do u know that?!

haha! anyhow Thankyou Barbara I love you . And I don't mean sexually.

I love people like you who are insightful and understanding and spontaneously giving and caring.

What a wonderful person you are! GOD BLESS U!
 

bamboo

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She (barbra) really is a wonderful person. I am glad she is here and shares her wisdom, she has such a cool touch, a great sense of humor. Good luck, Cyclotron, hang in there. (and I kinda agree about the assortment of professional helpers out there not always being what their shingle implies...hard to find the soul of wisdom...would not give up on the I ching tho)
 
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I know this is grim but what about this? I know you've both given me your best. And I'm not doubting it. I just have more readings. I do overuse this thing. ...

Please comment on how seriously I should take this purple dot thing (what I call my hppd)?

40.4.5 - 6 ( thinking now it was actually 40.5.6 - 6 )

Then I asked because someone recently commented:

Am I loosing my essential nature?
3.6 - 42

Seems so.

Why am I loosing my essential nature?

hexagram 20 unchanging

How am I loosing my essential nature?

hexagram 20 unchanging.

How do I stop loosing my essential nature or regain it?

hexagram 44.2.5 - 56

I was horrified by these readings It made me want to give up the Yijing believe what christians say about divination etc.

Because,
I take hexagram 20 as you use divination too much and that distorts your natural way of being.
Talks about rituals and sacrifices. ... I mean what else could it mean? I think too much?
Maybe it's my daily Qigong exercise? That would kinda suck. Supposed to help do the opposite.

Maybe it is the Yi? Maybe I should stop using it? Maybe it's the reason? Over the past few years i've used it everyone has slowly but surly vanished. Even those i've been friends with my whole life. Everyone just is gone. No replies.

I dunno Barbara came up with great stuff out of those others. If she is still around perhaps she can
reassure me again. I know i'm a baby...
 
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Trojina

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I think its a great idea to give up on consulting the Yi for a while anyway especially if you're out of your head on halucinogenic drugs. They freak you out, the Yi freaks you out , but you blame 'professionals'... but they aren't making you take drugs are they. Personally i don't feel consulting Yi and doing drugs mix that well if you're in a fearful mindframe which you say you are...anyhow you said you burned your books etc and were giving up consulting so ....you still are ? If you are 'horrified' by 44.2.5 or any answer really then put it away and go back to it when your head is clear
 
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thanks trojan - I think your probably right. But no I was actually freaked out by 3.6 alone.
albeit it was a yes or no question could have been simply reflecting my question back at me.

And these readings were the ones that made me figure to give up the yi.
As hexagram 20 seems to imply contemplation and divination.
So these aren't new readings. these are older ones that actually are the ones
that made me want to give it up.
But the idea had been on my mind for some time.

Actually have been giving up for months until recently when I decided to use it to make a major decision.
Downhill from there.

Actually started using an online Yijing on my phone - and consulted it like 20 + times a day.
... Was kind of an experiment... I was pretty impressed by it. .

... Anyway,

I like the 40.4.5 seems to say it's not a huge deal. right? (Whoops make that 40.5.6 - 6 my mistake)

hex 20 is a persistent mystery. If it's not divination I suppose it's something more mysterious. Unless it says i'm overthinking everything and isolating myself.

44.2.5 - seems to kinda say that. Maybe not be stranger to everyone?

ok - Thanks for your response. I welcome your presence.
 
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ginnie

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Purple spot

Hexagram 20 means to just watch and wait -- don't do anything. Become a pure observer and just watch and wait.

40.4.5>29. That means that you were afraid, but that friends have come to free you from this terrible fear you have of the purple dots.

I see a lot of things when I close my eyes. I see blue spots. I see patterns of various kinds behind my closed lids. I see colors. Now, I am not seeing anything so defined as polka dots on a printed fabric. But I definitely have seen shapes. In meditation I see a shape like an eye. Maybe that is the eye of Christ or God. For a long time, when I saw this eye-like shape, I became terrified and didn't tell anybody.

Once, when I was really, really terrified, I saw a shape like a big black spider behind my closed eyes . . . and I was horrified. I didn't know if it would ever go away.

By the way, I never took hallucinogenic drugs. But I wondered what I could possibly have done wrong to be having all these unexplainable miseries . . . to which nobody was at all sympathetic.

Now, some people see things "that are not there" even when their eyes are wide open. My sister, for example, sees auras. Auras are the energy fields around human beings and even inanimate objects, even office furniture and so forth. Personally, I have never seen an aura.

Edgar Cayce, the famous psychic healer, saw "little people" and fairies and elves and such as a child. So did his mother . . .

You cannot tell a psychiatrist you see fairies and elves. You probably already know that you cannot tell medically trained people things that will scare them. You are already scared yourself, so the thing is, try not to scare them, too. It will get you exactly nowhere, . . . as you are already well aware.

So, the thing is this: Has this purple spot hurt you in any way? Or is it just there?

If it has not hurt you, then I think you are probably afraid for no reason other than it is the Unknown. We are all afraid of the Unknown.

Our perceptions and our sensations sometimes can seem bizarre, even to ourselves, the person who is experiencing them, and this is called: scaring oneself. The purple dots are distressing, but they are not dangerous. That is where you are making your mistake. You are thinking the purple dots are dangerous.

If you have a good health food store around where you live, if I were you I would go buy a bottle of the BACH FLOWER REMEDY called Aspen. The Aspen is a tree that shakes without any visible cause. This remedy is for those who are experiencing metaphysical fears: fears of things that other people cannot see.

I am not doubting that you see a purple spot, by the way. I have no doubt that you see one. Why shouldn't you be seeing a purple spot? Other people see blue spots.

In our visual field, there is actually something called the "blind spot," too, which means that where the retina exits the eye, we actually cannot see anything at all. We don't usually see this "blind spot," of course, because our cognitive net compensates for it by hiding it from conscious awareness.

In your sensitive state, your cognitive net is wearing sort of thin, and you are seeing things that are driving you to distraction. The thing is: You don't have to convince anybody about the existence of this purple spot. You don't have to focus on it, either. It is just there. If it is not actually hurting you, I would leave it alone.

What we focus on grows. Have you ever heard this saying? If I focus on money, if I become an accountant, then all the world will become the economy and accounting and money to me. If you focus on your purple spot, then all the world will become a big purple spot to you.

I mean it. Quit concentrating on the darned purple spot.

Go outside and look at something else for a change. I cannot tell you how important this is. Go outside and get some sun on your skin and in your eyes. Sunlight entering the eyes is one of the most health-inducing things we can do for ourselves each and every day when the sun is shining. In order to sleep well at night, we have to have at least 30 minutes of exposure to sunlight into our eyes during the day. Did you know that? Or are you having trouble falling asleep because you never see the sun anymore?

You got onto a wrong track, but 40.4.5 says that people will come to your aid. Go out and find a health food store, buy the bottle of Aspen, which is really not expensive, and take 4 drops. Do this 4 times a day. I am not a practitioner who sells the Bach Flower Remedies. I am someone who has taken this myself, and I know it has worked for me. This is made from flowers and cannot possibly interfere with any other medicine you are currently taking. It is not a drug. It is made from flowers.

And while you're in the health food store, look around in there and you will some some other great things for your well-being, too.

Keep me posted on how you're doing. I want to hear from you about the result from taking drops of Aspen. Since you like to read, buy some books on Edward Bach, M.D. He was a medical doctor who formulated these remedies for people in great emotional pain. I would feel in great emotional pain, too, if I found myself alone without friends. It was his extreme sensitivity that allowed him to do this great work. And so it always is. What are great gifts are often disguised as afflictions . . .
 
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Arg. Maybe it was 40.5.6 to 6 because I do remember it being 6 it changed to.

I will see if i can find some of that aspen juice.

40.5.6 - 6 seems to say I should try to eliminate the problem.

Which is like trying to go out and find a needle in a haystack with your eyes closed and hands tied behind your back imho. Why does it think I can do this? Why does it expect it?

I try to motivate the I ching to tell me how but I cannot see it.
It happens so fast. It's happening now almost every 5 seconds.
I have school work to do and i'm behind. How am I supposed to fix this?
I feel like I AM on a drug. And it's bothering me.

Seems to pop up every time I shift my attention or retrace my mental steps.
I then feel all euphoric - ... But it's a stifling euphoria.

OMG... maybe it's antidepressants?! Perhaps I was on an antidepressant when on those mushrooms. And it's still in me!? It feels like i'm on an antidepressant! I've not been on them for about a year now though!

Maybe this is the famous "Brain zap">? It feels like one. It feels like i'm on an antidepressant right now.
I feel like I should focus on this contrary to the fact!

All of the yi's symbols seem reltentlessly against me putting it away and ignoring it!

For example I asked if I should try to meditate to fix it?

64.4 - 4

I bitched at it asking why I needed to worry about it and it said hexgram 3 - 1 (one of the last ones)

... It seems to say not to ignore it.

I feel like i'm on a drug right now.

It feels like the antidepressant I was on 1 year ago.
Is there some kind of weird cycle going on.
I have some metaphysical ideas.
But I never thought they could
be taken this seriously!


OK I will admit I've been doing some Qigong lately. Which has allowed my body to relax.
As I do Qigong daily. I get these purple dots. Maybe by relaxing i'm releaseing endorphins in my body that have been unable to move for some time (been really anxious for about 2 years) during which since i've been medicated - chemicals in my body have been unable to move. Now that i'm relaxing these chemicals are moveing again. Giving me this ... well being feeling. But it also feels overly well being. Feels euphoric but stifling (just like antidepressants)... Feels like i'm still on 200mg of zoloft!

I cannot imagine what is going on with me.
Purple dots seem to be increasing in frequency during times of stress as well.
 
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ginnie

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Floater?

A lot of people have floaters. A floater is something inside the liquid part of the eye that they can see coming in and out of their visual field. Like a lot of things, people who have floaters just get used to having them . . .

Our bodies are not perfect by any means. It's a mistake to get hung up on strange things wrong with our bodies.

Did you ever look at anything in nature? a flower? an orchid? a rock? If you really look at anything closely, it's going to look pretty peculiar. Yes, all of nature is quite strange, indeed.
 

ginnie

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40.5.6>6

40.5.6 is even better than what you had before.

You have gotten all wonderful hexagrams and auspices. Only good fortune is coming your way.

By the way, why do you call yourself Cyclotron? That's a pretty powerful name. Are you an atom smasher, or what? Just asking. :):)
 
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So what do you think about 3.6 you think maybe it's just saying i'm freaking out and is confirming my freakout?

What about 44.3.4 (about asking if it was an ally?)

lol atom smasher.

I actually just looked up some words in a dictionary.
I need a DJ name. I scrolled through the names.
I hit cyclotorn (perfect for a techno dj)
then I scrolled again and hit majesty .
 

ginnie

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Call one of the friends who moved away

50.2.6 - 62 Seems to be the big symbol for me.

62 seems to say put a whole lot of attention into little things.

It told me it was hurting me by using it anyway.

It also gave me hex 64.4 about getting better from this.

Also hexagram 3 came up allot. I threw a billion of them.

Hex 3 means you are utterly confused. You need helpers.

Hex 64.4 means you don't understand something yet. Something is hidden from you.

Hex 62 means that you are in a transitional period.

Hex 50.2.6 is a great compliment to you -- on the quality of your subconscious mind and your capacities. In the future, you will see yourself this way, too.

What did the Yi give you when it said it was hurting you when you were using it this way? I would like to know. Would you please go back and look that up? :mischief:

You say the Yi has been "ruthless" with you lately. Maybe it has indeed been critical, but for your part, you have not been listening to the good news it has been trying to tell you. :mischief:

There is no emergency here.

I understand how you feel, that the people you used to know have all moved away. As I see it, that's the real problem. You are stranded.

But do you have the phone numbers for some of them? Maybe if you just called someone for a few minutes you would feel better. I know that these days, people are not usually answering their phones. But, you never know, you could get lucky . . .
 

ginnie

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The right time

3.6 > 42 means you have a fixation. Your thoughts are supposed to flow freely. In your case, your thoughts have gotten stuck on this one thing, the purple spot.

44.3.4 about allies. 59, the relating hexagram is about dissolving ill will. That is because you have started to dislike everybody. Well, if all my friends left me, I'd dislike them, too . . .

Anyway, 44.3 means you are isolated, and quite likely, your isolation will cause you to make a mistake. Like the mistake of thinking that the purple spot is causing you harm, which it is not.

44.4 means that you are keeping people at a distance. Advise of the Yi: You have to try to be at least polite to people and call them occasionally even if you cannot see them. You have to keep in touch with the people in your life, no matter what your feelings inside might be, because you never know when you're going to need a friend.

This is the secret of the "allies": Old Indian saying: "Never judge a man before you have walked a full day in his moccassins." Oh well, I'm sure I've quoted that all wrong, but I think you may have gotten the idea.

Here is another secret: We all feel the same way you do about your friends. We are all by nature judgmental, and if we live long enough we will come to hate everybody we know. :mad: :brickwall:

Personally, I can tell you that once you have learned how to release all these negative judgments and disperse all this ill will, you will most certainly feel a lot better. That is what hexagram 59 is all about.

Hexagram 59 is the picture of a gentle wind blowing over solid ice. How could these soft breezes cause something so solid to melt? I don't know. It will melt if it is the right time for it to do so . . .
 
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When it was saying It was hurting me.

I asked it real quick: What would it be like If I continued to use the Yi?

I didn't write the question down. I just dialed it into my phone on a online
website : http://www.eclecticenergies.com/iching/virtualcoins.php

I think what popped into my mind at that moment as I was throwing it was
Please comment on the future of using the I ching and then at the last second thought (like this)? Which was meaning throwing about 20 or so a day at every decision. Using the Online website above.

It gave me hexagram 36 unchanging.
http://www.eclecticenergies.com/iching/consultation.php?lns=787888

I was throwing it a whole lot. Without much focus. Kind of having a dialogue.

Then I asked what about giving up the Yijing For FOREVER!?

it was this one:

http://www.eclecticenergies.com/iching/consultation.php?lns=888888

So thats what made me think hexagram 20 was telling me that divination was the problem. I dunno.

People do not answer their phones these days. It's some kind of new age thing.
It's like we are all to vulnerable to answer the phone. We want people to leave us a message. Which means we are only interested in business. Besides that most of the calls we get are spam and a hassle.

I just don't need to worry about this purple dot thing. I don't need to fear that it pushing me out of consensus reality into a eccentric void - thus why all my friends vanished.

Your right everyone does feel pretty much the same way as I do about friends. I figure everyone either tries to hide that fact. That we are all vulnerable to the idea of needing one another. Or they use that if they are wise for something positive. We all want to be wanted and needed. People seem to not want or need me at all. I do call my friends but they feel it's justified to ignore me. They are not vulnerable like me they have girlfriends and they are moving on. New people are with them.

I guess this is a time of my life where I'm left sitting on my old table when all other people have gone to other parties.

Nobody wants to seem or put themselves out as vulnerable or needy. As far as they are concerned they have their **** together and I just don't get it. Thats why I'm worried about this purple dot. Perhaps it's giving me bad breath.

But everyone really wants to exclude me. I get that right now very strongly.

I have gone into recluse from people for some time.
Working on my own internal conflicts.
But no more than before from my old friends.
I feel the world wants to make me repent for this decision.
My Father certainly does. Hates how independent minded I am.
Really wants me to get what I deserve as far as he is concerned.
All of my hardships are proof to him that he's right about everything and I'm wrong.
He takes great pleasure in all this.

The social scene is darwinian. I don't compete. I live on a block near frat houses where every night there are mobs of people shouting and acting wildly. It shows me how utterly desperate they all are. But at least they are desperate together. But With that desperation nothing can be accomplished - because they are all insecure. All they can do is shout.

I went within to overcome this insecurity and found fundamental problems with the culture. My father sees them as fundamental problems with my attitude. Unable to even entertain my line of thought - his daily exactly comes from the fact that I'm isolated alone and cut off from everyone. This proves to him he's right - and all others who think like him.

I don't have any bitterness towards these sorts of people who think that way. My whole family aside from perhaps my mother is somewhat like that. Unable to go at it alone.

My mother thinks I reject everyone. I see it as there being simply an outsider. Having no form - But when I meet many I come up against a rigid form that I find confining. I've disentangled myself from cultural values and drives. The fertility 60's sex revolution cult mind set. The materialist mindset. I don't even see myself as American. I see myself undivided from all people. Undistinguished - Just like you. A human soul.

I don't talk ebonics. I don't watch popular movies or listen to bands. I only ask that we connect at a deeper level a simpler level a more reliable level. Forget how old I am or how old you are. What gender I am. What clothing i'm wearing. Who I call god. What person I voted for in the elections this past year. Weather I voted... Weather I believe the end of the world is coming or not.

I do have allot of requirements. I see it as oppressive to me if i'm around people who are unable to have the cognitive and spiritual freedom as me. I feel that I have to make great sacrifices in order to be with them. Thats why many of my friends over the years have been foreigners. People from other countries. That way I don't seem so different from them - because we are both different. Of course each person is different. But provided they don't carry around a eccentric attitude of alcohol socialization or marijuana socialization (believe it or not I'm not a recreational drug user). Or some dam idea in their head which makes them separate from me.

The problem with our culture is that it is made up of nothing but separatist factions. Everyone finds their identity by being a person who stands for something. Educated - uneducated - employed or not. In a relationship or not. Going to school or not going to school. On vacation or not on vacation. Interested in god. Or NOT interested in god. Likes to walk around naked in public or does NOT like to walk around naked in public.

All external trivial boundaries everyone hides behind. And then when I meet them I have to play along with these obnoxious eccentricities. Unable to be what they really are because they figure it's not good enough. I have to conform to their ideology or show great reserve and respect for it while walking on egg shells to not hint of the fact that I really don't give a **** and think they shouldn't either about all that (because they are so proud of it all)

I met a guy a couple of weeks ago. Some GI JOE dude who is very handsome big strong and intelligent - self supporting - going to school. Been in this city for 6 months - knows NOBODY. Just sit in his house like me and messes around with music. Is vulnerable because he set out on his own to do his own thing. But people don't like that. If they detect you are mature and not needy they will try to widdle you down back to their level because they fear your sovereign independence.

There is no reason this guy has no friends. But I suspect it's because he has the same situation I have. He went off to do his own thing and all envied him.

Perhaps it's fate. It can't be a global conspiracy against people who disentangle themselves from one old picture or another. I figure it's however worth it. There is no reality in friendship - if all it means is dependence. It's not a macho thing it's a health thing. I guess what all those who have vanished are saying is that they don't need me - and I need to grow up. Strange because I think the very same thing about them. That attitude is what needs to grow up. The attitude that someone else needs to grow up is a infantile attitude itself. Patronizing and immature.

:rant:
 

marien

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I think I have what is called HPPD.
Trying to find out what it is doing to me,
and how to heal from it, so I casted some oracles hoping for some direction and understanding.

FIrst question was:

I would like to heal from this condition any advice?

I got 60.2 changing to hexagram 3

It sounds pretty ambiguous to me as I don't know if it's telling me how to fix my behavior in order to remedy the issue or if it's addressing it in a more general way.

Hi Cyclotron. I hope you're still reading this thread, and I hope you're okay. Yi is just saying to go out and do something about this. Doesn't say why or how, just that "anxious hesitation is a mistake."

I really feel for you now. I abused mushrooms back in the day and had some unsettling experiences for a few years after I'd stopped taking them (no purple spots, but I had these episodes of amnesia where I couldn't remember who I was, or where I was, or what I was doing. They were brief episodes, but scary). Maybe it's best to stop consulting the Yi for now as it seems to be making you more anxious. I know nothing about HPPD, but I did find this forum that has a support area which could help you feel less isolated. http://www.hppdonline.com/forum/ Even better would be finding an in person support group, where you could listen to how others have coped with the same problem. And (if at all possible) try to stop with any and all mind altering substances! If that's a problem, then consider a twelve step program. Do what you can today, don't worry about the future. I've been through addiction and recovery, so I know how important it is to live in the moment rather than agonize about what may or may not come out of this or that treatment. Just do what you can to take care of yourself now.

Hang in there, okay. And let us know how you're doing.
Mary
 
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Here is another secret: We all feel the same way you do about your friends. We are all by nature judgmental, and if we live long enough we will come to hate everybody we know. :mad: :brickwall:

This is something that is true and apparently deep enough to warrent GOD comming down to save us! If you read a bible it talks about not judging and to love one another. Not because we are wearing the same pair of nikes. But because we are human lives. If we can't love another human life how can we love our own? If we only love the exterior trivial adornments then what we really are is scarified to a lower and insubstantial inferiority.
People do not seem to get this. Maybe I'm just now figuring this out. Every time I hit one of these crisis breaking points of transitions. I always discover new realities and help me understand the fundamental issue rather than the ephemeral surface weather.

The fundamental issue is this inability to detach from separatist groups. The VERY force that is supposed to remedy all our separatism: Religion. Is itself a separatist group! It is nearly impossible to get to the core of the purpose. To unite people rather than divide people.

For example if I mention all this to my father his 2 and a half brian cells tell him. Rebellion. Rebellion. CM is rebelling. He need to stop rebelling. OK Dad I'll stop rebelling. I'll join a separatist group. Christianity. Or Homosexuals. Or Obama parades. Stop trying to unite with people and join the disintegration club. Isn't that the P.C. purpose? You see I can't connect with people because they are all so divided with their arms folded and their lower lip sticking out and unable to listen to that which is keeping them divided. But their OK so far because they have still a few hundred million people around the world who think just like them.
And to hell with all those with different ideas. Those people are:

A) All going to hell
B) All uneducated
C) All from another culture and hopelessly different.

Thus the truth of the culture my daddy so very much esteems? Aloof separatism.

I take joy in being, and not joy in artificial structures of the political club ego. I've done that my whole life. Everyone's got this chip on their shoulder's and it's the chip that tells them how to act how to behave and how they mix with people in a social group. I have no chip. I tore my chip out and threw it in the garbage. I am just who I am. An things are all new to me. Why is that evil? Why is that so revolutionary? To stay true to myself?

I don't care if you recycle or not. I don't care if you are into shamanism or not. I judge you at the level of human consciousness. How many barriers do you have? If you have one single barrier then you have a serious problem.
 
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Hi Cyclotron. I hope you're still reading this thread, and I hope you're okay. Yi is just saying to go out and do something about this. Doesn't say why or how, just that "anxious hesitation is a mistake."

I really feel for you now. I abused mushrooms back in the day and had some unsettling experiences for a few years after I'd stopped taking them (no purple spots, but I had these episodes of amnesia where I couldn't remember who I was, or where I was, or what I was doing. They were brief episodes, but scary). Maybe it's best to stop consulting the Yi for now as it seems to be making you more anxious. I know nothing about HPPD, but I did find this forum that has a support area which could help you feel less isolated. http://www.hppdonline.com/forum/ Even better would be finding an in person support group, where you could listen to how others have coped with the same problem. And (if at all possible) try to stop with any and all mind altering substances! If that's a problem, then consider a twelve step program. Do what you can today, don't worry about the future. I've been through addiction and recovery, so I know how important it is to live in the moment rather than agonize about what may or may not come out of this or that treatment. Just do what you can to take care of yourself now.

Hang in there, okay. And let us know how you're doing.
Mary


Thanks mary I got the same feeling from the Yi at the initial reading. I'm glad you seemed to differentiate the method from the general advice on what to do.

For it is the Why and the How. Which is really making me go insane.
Why I can't imagine and fear. How is even more incomprehensible.

But if it's just giving me general wisdom then I can appreciate that.

Already having looked at allot of HPPD stuff. I see how this is a pretty clear wanderer's quest.

I just don't like the Yi giving me the feeling that this is the root of all my problems. Something as uncontrollable to me as hair growing on my arm.

Or something I need to worry about. I'd rather it tell me I don't need to worry about it and it isn't causing me all these problems. More like Barbara said. Which I really appreciate.

I appreciate you both.
And I have stopped with all mind altering substances.
Did some ayahuasca sessions this past fall but nothing unusual came out of that.
I do however do Qigong and some meditation.
Which both seems to amplify this effect.

I want the answer to be I Don't need to worry about it.
That it isn't ruining my life or putting me out of the tao so that I'm unapproachable aloof or cut off.
And that it will go away without me feeding at the troth of these materialist skeptics in white coats dosing me with a cereal bowl full of capsules with a bible of possible side effects every morning.

I thank you for your response.
 
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There is no emergency here.

I understand how you feel, that the people you used to know have all moved away. As I see it, that's the real problem. You are stranded.

Thank you again Barbara you are a great wise mother of compassion. :hug:

Again I thank you. The feeling of emergency is the problem.

I really need to get some food and study... :duh:

I guess I can use this oppertunity to go out and be amongst peopless... ......................... :eek: :pompom:
 

ginnie

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Shun the misery

great sacrifices in order to be with them. Thats why many of my friends over the years have been foreigners. People from other countries. That way I don't seem so different from them - because we are both different.

Thank you for what you wrote about how you see things, and how things are for you. Sounds like you may have seen through a lot of social illusions, and that has left you isolated inside a ring of fear. This is actually a positive development! :confused::bows::eek:

Hexagram 36 means that it is your fate to be in the limited position in which you find yourself, but don't abandon what you believe to be true.

You said you were dialing the I Ching on your phone repeatedly. It sounds very bewildering. It is really not practical to make a series of decisions that way. :mischief:

Check out Marien's suggestions and you are likely to find a rich source of assistance. The thing is, you have to say "yes" to something. You can't say "no" to everything and everybody.

From what you said above, you feel most comfortable when you are in the company of foreigners and people who have spent some time abroad. Seems to me you might make something of this affinity. You might, for example, offer to teach someone who is an immigrant or a visitor in your country, perhaps through a program of some sort. I see a lot of possibilities in that area for you. You might follow this up in whatever way you can imagine to do so. Even just visiting other neighborhoods during the day where foreigners live, just to enter into a different -- and more positive -- state of mind. When we have an affinity like that -- it is a pointer straight to our future. Away from misery. Away from sacrifice.

You have all the right instincts, to shun misery, to know to turn your back on sacrifice.
 

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