...life can be translucent

Menu

Help regarding a long-term relationship that has ended 26.3.5 >61

deepstillwater

visitor
Joined
Dec 8, 2009
Messages
171
Reaction score
16
Hello,

Six months ago my long term relationship of six years ended. He had taken a job four hours away and for a year we had only been seeing each other on the weekends. I also had just gotten an excellent junior job as a graphic designer and was working insane hours, also doing study on the weekends. We were both very sad, unable to see each other and when we were together we were quite stressed. We were not sleeping together, and were unable to communicate.

I broke it off, but as he was moving his things out I begged him to stay saying that I had made a big mistake, and that I wanted, needed and loved him deeply. he just looked sad and left.

On Tuesday we were talking on the phone and he told me that he had started seeing someone else. I just broke down and started crying. I thought he would come back: we were still talking and friendly and seeing each other from time to time. His contract ends in November and my uni ends in November... I thought there was a chance that in the future we would find each other again.

I've been crying for four days. I told him my feelings and I did want him, and that I would put in anything needed to fix us. He said it was too late and that he didn't love me.

I am devastated.

I asked the I ching: Please help me. I am in such pain and confusion. 64.

A message of hope in the turmoil.

What should I do regarding x and I?
26.3.5

Tame my emotions. Be kind.

Can you help me? any help would be appreciated

s
 

Trojina

Moderator
Clarity Supporter
Joined
May 29, 2006
Messages
23,779
Reaction score
2,670
Oh I just noticed your Melbourne/Sydney query had sunk to the bottom of the pile, answered it and now I see this one sank too....

...you must feel ignored, especially as you are so upset. It's a shame how some threads just sink to the bottom of the pile. Anyway,,,,it's back at the top now
I've been crying for four days. I told him my feelings and I did want him, and that I would put in anything needed to fix us. He said it was too late and that he didn't love me.

I am devastated.

I asked the I ching: Please help me. I am in such pain and confusion. 64.

A message of hope in the turmoil.

What should I do regarding x and I?
26.3.5

Tame my emotions. Be kind.

Can you help me? any help would be appreciated


Well 64 shows this is left half undone, unresolved..and you may have to leave it that way for a while.

The last time I got 64uc I was asking why this huge thread I had posted got totally lost. I asked because usually when I lose posts against my will the universe seems to be stopping me from posting something ! But 64uc just told me straight I didn't make it across the river. What happened was I was logged out way before I pressed the 'submit' button. What does this have to do with your situation ? Well I think it is as you described in your post above...you didn't manage to make it across this river with him. More care time patience...whatever was needed. Together you didn't cross that river. So this thing is still left undone

26.3.5>61 I don't like to raise false hope but I'm wondering if you bide your time, play your cards right, you may come back together ? I wonder if he is hurt and angry and saying he is with someone but is not really into them ? You see I think if he really was into this other person he would not tell you he didn't love you. People who have happily moved on are kinder than that. He sounds as if he was harsh to you.


Change patterns are yang 39 yin 38....aha connecting up the dots you want to leave Melbourne because of him, you feel alone. You got 38 in that other thread about moving.

I think you may reconnect...yet I don't feel I should say that really as it will only hurt more if you aren't....but there is something about his behaviour that doesn't ring true.


As advice I think 26.3.5>61 asks you to be steady and consistent and persevering. I think he might need you to be this. If you speak again for example you could calmly tell him you still love him....hmm though I guess that's awkward, but I wonder if he is afraid you are not committed enough or something ?

I think he really needs to know you mean what you say. If you told him to go then asked him to stay at the last minute he may feel quite unsure of you. You have to keep on keeping on being there for him maybe ?


Makes no sense I suppose if he is with someone else...but if you are still friends I think you need to show yourself as very consistent in your feelings, show that you are prepared to go the distance (26.3) and that you know this thing you had is valuable (26.5) and true (61).

He has to hear you doesn't he ? 61 tells me he does. So next time you talk stay calm but steady, persistent in a quiet hidden way. I think 26>61 is quite a potent reading....firm, steady and influential. There are strong true feelings there, harness them (26.3) control them (26)

Well I hope someone else answers as I am worried I am leading you up the garden path ! Relationship readings are very tricky ....no use promising people things with them, that's what I'm always saying....oh dear and I am encouraging you to stay focused on him even though he says he has moved on.

Well I'm sure you have enough common sense to see what is and isn't possible
 
Last edited:

Trojina

Moderator
Clarity Supporter
Joined
May 29, 2006
Messages
23,779
Reaction score
2,670
ps just noticed you said you were together 6 years...so you have gone the distance....hmm I do wonder if he has really moved on
 

ginnie

visitor
Joined
Dec 2, 2008
Messages
4,342
Reaction score
188
I am devastated....What should I do regarding x and I?
26.3.5

My heart goes out to you. What a sad turn of affairs. Yet: "A good horse gives chase" . . . I agree with Trojina that this relationship doesn't seem to be over. Yi is advising you to cut off the grieving at its roots, not to go on in despair. Don't let yourself go to pieces over him. Contain yourself. :)
 
B

blue_angel

Guest
I am sorry for your pain and suffering. I think 64 shows you as the little fox almost successfully crossing the stream. As you said, you were both sad, not able to see each other, and stressed when you did see each other. You had felt the break up was for the best for the both of you. Had you been able to continue with the break up, you would have successfully completed the crossing. However you stopped mid-stream, got your tail wet in the water. You begged him to stay. Now he says he's moved on, seeing someone else, and doesn't love you. So at this point nothing would further or be to your advantage.


61- look inside of yourself, see your inner truth. 26- tame yourself, try not to get so emotional, don't focus on the hurt or the pain. Perhaps it would help to focus and remember why you had broke it off in the first
place. I'm thinking you shouldn't regret your original decision.

Line 3- Continue towards your goals. Accept that this is difficult. It would have been difficult to stay together, now it will be difficult to be apart. Be firm and cautious with him for now. You will gain support either from others or perhaps even from him.

Line 6- the way will open up for you and obstacles will be removed. Success and progress is in store for your future. This may be without or with him.

Just keep your faith and hope. Change is hard, break ups are hard. Set him free, if its meant to be, he'll return. But for now you want him to be happy and you want to be happy as well. You'll need to focus on yourself and your needs. :hug:


P.S. I know it's hard, I know it well... it will be ok, you will smile again, laugh again, dance again, the sun will rise again. Watch some comedies, listen to up beat music, do... whatever it takes to regain your focus and inner happiness.
 

deepstillwater

visitor
Joined
Dec 8, 2009
Messages
171
Reaction score
16
Thank you all, and thank you Trojina for bumping up this question.

Since I posted it I have been grieving quite a lot. I am in the middle of finals week and the unexpected nature of the conversation really struck me. And of course, it meant that all my hopes for a future reconciliation must now end.

Quite poetically, on Friday I finished a scarf I had been knitting for him since 2011 (3 years!). It was a very fine alpacca scarf with quite a complex cable pattern, and knitting it and knitting it for days meant just a little bit of progress. I would get frustrated and put it down to pick up a simpler project, much to my partner's dismay. He could not understand why I put down his scarf to work on other things... my explanations did not appease him. In the past month and a bit I have been pulling out the scarf and knitting every night, determined. Every opportunity I would knit... and on Friday I finished the scarf. I wrapped it beautifully and posted it off to him with a note wishing him happiness and warmth. He will get it today.

He told me last week that he did not want to get back together. That it goes against his better judgement. That it would not be right for me or for him to spend time with each other, as that is the case. That he is not even sure he has time for anyone in the next few years.

Since that time I have talked to many many friends. Every time I felt low, I would call or message one of my lovely friends and family. All have helped me.

I am so grateful for your words Blue_Angel, Ginnie and Trojina. This has truly been a dark and lonely year for me, and this recent experience has been the darkest night.
 
B

blue_angel

Guest
They say "The darkest hour is before dawn"... and "There's light at the end of the tunnel"...

You sound like one amazing and awesome woman with a big heart. Look at you, working on your finals and still knitting a scarf and wrapping it up to send to him, even after his cold and hurtful words. You still wished him happiness and warmth. What elegance and grace. Do not doubt the universe will repay your love, kindness, and hard work.
 

Trojina

Moderator
Clarity Supporter
Joined
May 29, 2006
Messages
23,779
Reaction score
2,670
Quite poetically, on Friday I finished a scarf I had been knitting for him since 2011 (3 years!). It was a very fine alpacca scarf with quite a complex cable pattern, and knitting it and knitting it for days meant just a little bit of progress. I would get frustrated and put it down to pick up a simpler project, much to my partner's dismay. He could not understand why I put down his scarf to work on other things... my explanations did not appease him. In the past month and a bit I have been pulling out the scarf and knitting every night, determined. Every opportunity I would knit... and on Friday I finished the scarf. I wrapped it beautifully and posted it off to him with a note wishing him happiness and warmth. He will get it today.

Wow this really is a strong metaphor, and a beautiful gesture and so sums up these answers. I think finishing and sending the scarf symbolises a great deal.

Since I posted it I have been grieving quite a lot. I am in the middle of finals week and the unexpected nature of the conversation really struck me. And of course, it meant that all my hopes for a future reconciliation must now end.

Oh Good Grief ! What a time to be going through this ! It's weird but I have seen it many times...bad breakups near finals. Happened to me and I saw it happen to other adult students. I wondered at this, it seemed some kind of phenomenon. I wondered if when studying intensely the other partner feels left out or gets jealous...or even that approaching the finals means you are in a way 'ascending' in the world. I wonder if the partner sees one as going beyond them or not needing them....or something. However I think it happened to male students too.

Anyway whatever happens you must get through your finals without letting this affect your focus as your 26 answer shows.
 

long yi

visitor
Joined
May 21, 2012
Messages
354
Reaction score
28
26.3.5 to 61

出生时间:年 性别:女 起卦方式:直接指定
起卦时间:2014年06月02日18时31分
起卦农历:甲午年五月初五日酉时
神煞:天乙—丑未 福星—寅 日禄—寅 羊刃—卯 驿马—寅 桃花—酉 华盖—辰
干支:甲午年 己巳月 甲辰日 癸酉时
旬空:辰巳  戌亥  寅卯  戌亥


六神  伏神    艮宫:山天大畜 (26)        艮宫:风泽中孚(游魂)(61)
         【本 卦】           【变 卦】
玄武       ▅▅▅▅▅ 官鬼丙寅木     ▅▅▅▅▅ 官鬼辛卯木  
白虎       ▅▅ ▅▅ 妻财丙子水 应×→  ▅▅▅▅▅ 父母辛巳火  
滕蛇       ▅▅ ▅▅ 兄弟丙戌土     ▅▅ ▅▅ 兄弟辛未土 世
勾陈 子孙丙申金 ▅▅▅▅▅ 兄弟甲辰土  ○→ ▅▅ ▅▅ 兄弟丁丑土  
朱雀 父母丙午火 ▅▅▅▅▅ 官鬼甲寅木 世   ▅▅▅▅▅ 官鬼丁卯木  
青龙       ▅▅▅▅▅ 妻财甲子水     ▅▅▅▅▅ 父母丁巳火 应

26.3 officer yin wood, so is 26.5.
This is him in your heart (26.3). He has left you because yin wood is the empty element under the house of spouse (day of reading). Yin wood is the movement star.
61.2 and 61.6 is the officer mao wood. He is not back because yin wood is the empty element under the house of spouse (day of reading).
This is the boundary of your problem.

Line 26.2 (you) and 26.5 him is at conflict over a female zi water in 26.5. This female move into a relationship situation parents si fire (taking over your spot).

line 26.2 has a hidden line (relationship wu fire), strong under the year. However, in 61.1 and 61.5 is the si fire. The relationship has moved a step back. Si water is same as house of partnership (month of the reading. The connection is still there.

line 26.3 is the third party line chen earth. This line moves back to chou earth. Relationship set back and the third party has moved away.

There is conflict between 26.3 chen earth and 26.4 xu earth. There is conflict between 61.3 chou earth and 61.4 wei earth. These are the door position. The various parties are conflicting each other.

I do not know the line 26.3 party. Hidden behind it is the child line shen metal which merges with partnership line si fire (month of reading). I think your soul cannot let go the relationship.

The whole hexagram 61 means he is improving himself for a better life and prospect, in particular 61.5.

61.6 is the far away line you mao wood. This is him. He connects to the hour of reading you with a fling (you metal). At one time, he is your sex mate and there was relationship involved.

The entire hexagram reads you situation and does not produce an answer to your problem. No female appears in the change hexagram. He is not interested in another female at present.

There is a connection between you two and is deeper than what is on the surface. You have to decide what you want to do and he also has to decide. This matter is not due to third party interference, rather the female not making a commitment to this entire relationship.

As a result, he comes and goes with no attachment.
This situation is like the Tarot card the sun. You both need space and sort things out. This is not only relationship that you can have in life. If it is not right for you, there is still other possibilities.

If the current relationship is a at crossroad, decide what to do. I think he is up to something good in building a future.

Calm your nerves and wait until you are cool enough to handle this problem yourself. The answer is not in the Iching reading, rather sits in the hollow space of hexagram 61 (line 3/4). Meanwhile, self-reflect.
 

deepstillwater

visitor
Joined
Dec 8, 2009
Messages
171
Reaction score
16
Thank you with all my heart Long Yi.


I have been meditating for the past six months, and I am part way through a 21 day yoga challenge. I will work on calming my nerves and self-reflecting.

Bless you
 

deepstillwater

visitor
Joined
Dec 8, 2009
Messages
171
Reaction score
16
I've been thinking a lot about what you wrote long yi. especially what you said about the female needing to make a whole commitment.

I can see how if I offered my commitment to travel to see him, to be a part of his life, that the situation may change. I have sent him a gentle email, telling him ofa lot of things. he said to me the other night that I deserved someone who could think of a way out of the situation, one where we can be together. I told him in the email that I could see a way out, so I deserved myself and myself choses him. that this was a gentle message of hope, if that is what he wanted. that I could find a way for us out of this by giving him my commitment and being part of his life. perhaps he will take the sage route, and not want to try again. if that is indeed the case, then as you say long yi my soul must let go.
thank you once again
 

UnrivenFuss

visitor
Joined
Feb 13, 2015
Messages
25
Reaction score
4
deepstillwater, this hexagram just came up regarding my inability to decide if I should visit my boyfriend now.

How did it end up for you guys?
 

deepstillwater

visitor
Joined
Dec 8, 2009
Messages
171
Reaction score
16
Hello unrivenfuss,

We did not reconnect , beyond that of friendly former lovers. We see each other from time to time but still there is a feeling of limbo. I do not think things will change. He does not want anything more, and I no longer want to feel the burden of waiting for no one.
 

Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom

Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).

Top