Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom
Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).
Should I try to agree to my ex's demands and let him have my son more??
Hello everyone, some of you may be familiar with my long-term situation as I have posted on here about it many times before. Cutting a long story short, I have been in conflict with the father of my son for many years but especially over the lat 2 years, since my now 11 year old son reported at school that his father has been hitting him, which resulted in social services involvement (with are based in the UK) and multiple court battles to try and get my son to be listened to by the legal system (my son has been asking for a reduced contact). A social worker (my son's guardian) has finally produced a report, recommending a reduced contact, the father does not want to accept it so we have been in and out of court. My son suffers as a result of this conflict and seems torn between two parents fighting. One day he says he doesn't want to see his father any more, the next he says that he does. His behaviour is deteriorating, he is suffering socially and becoming more and more insecure. We were supposed to have the final hearing at the end of June but as the guardian was on holiday and could not testify, the hearing was moved to November! The last judge was very unpleasant, criticising both parents for not being able to agree but I made it clear from day one that I am happy to accept the social worker's recommendations.
Anyway, I'm tearing my hair out at the moment, unsure how to help my son. I am considering trying to move the hearing forward so this conflict could be brought to an end, I am also considering changing my legal team. It hurts me to see my son in the middle of it and struggling.
I have asked the Yi: What would your best advice be regarding my son at present? I received Hex 60.2.5 to 24. I'm worried about the urgent warning associated with line 2: "He who hesitates is lost" Wu Wei says: There are opportunities at hand that require immediate action, but you are not acting... Limiting your activities at this time time will cause you to miss your chance and could have dangerous consequences"
I am considering trying to move the hearing forward so this conflict could be brought to an end, I am also considering changing my legal team. It hurts me to see my son in the middle of it and struggling.
What am I not doing? I'm trying to be as proactive as possible, trying to bring this horrendous conflict to an end.
The judge said that I am to promote my son's contact with his father so I am not allowed to say anything to him, although I know he is at a risk of emotional abuse. I cannot see any obvious opportunities I am not acting on, so I asked again: What urgent opportunities should I be taking advantage of? I received Hexagram 17. 3 to 49.
I know line 3 tends to be interpreted as a need to take a more adult approach (perhaps I'm overprotecting my son, where it is not needed?) but perhaps I should interpret this line as a more direct translation - Bound to the mature man (my ex, who is quite a bit older than me), Lets go the small child (my son), Following gains what it seeks, Harvest in constancy in settling". How on earth am I to interpret this? Should I try to agree to my ex's demands and let him have my son more?? This situation is bringing about too much anxiety for me so I cannot see clearly. Your input would be much appreciated! With gratitude.
The judge said that I am to promote my son's contact with his father so I am not allowed to say anything to him
veronica
Mulberry, many thanks for your comments. The father has not hit him again as he knows he would loose access to my son completely. I have no doubt that the emotional abuse continues and I have been trying to raise concerns over the years but to very little effect. There is no support in the UK for emotional abuse victims.
My hesitation stems from the fact that I have been advised many times that I have to promote contact, otherwise I will be viewed as the alienating parent. It is all very complicated. Believe me, if I could I would never force my son to see his father at all, only when he wants to see him, but the law in the UK is very much pro fathers and my hands are tied. What in your opinion is the advise in 17.3 to 49?
The last judge was very unpleasant, criticising both parents for not being able to agree but I made it clear from day one that I am happy to accept the social worker's recommendations.
(May 9th, 2010)
Although I have made attempts in the past to move on (eg. moved out of the town where my ex lives to a place 2 hours drive away) I only found that the same nightmare has been moved with me. My ex still continued to apply pressure for us to get back together, becoming agressive and abusive every time I refused to consider reconciliation. I have considered a restraining order in the past but never carried it through as I thought we will be able to build a relationship as parents and friends for the sake of our son. I am going to see a lawyer tomorrow to get advice regarding legalising my ex's contact details with my son and to discuss the restraining order if necessary. Because this process has been going on for so long I have become very overprotective of my little boy and am now very anxious to let him stay overnight with his dad (line 2 describes this quite nicely?) due to my ex's outbursts of bullying and verbal abuse in the past..
November 6th, 2011
It has been four very difficult years of going though deep emotions interlinked with custody battles, lack of acceptance on his part, mind games, bullying and me finally getting stronger. The path has been especially torturous as my five year old son has been in the middle of it and as much as I have tried to shelter him from it, I am starting to see the confusion and hurt on his innocent little face. I have moved on with my life, met a wonderful man with whom we now live but my ex seems stuck in a rut manipulating situations to make my life as difficult as possible, stirring things and continuing to play games.
December 26th, 2012
My ex has recently threatened that if I try to bring up any issues regarding his behaviour at court in January (we will try to ask for psychological assessment) he will make sure that we will spend the next 15 years fighting in court. He has got a lot of money, I only have very limited funds and he is more than capable of carrying out his plan.
Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom
Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).