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How can I be with him in an exclusive relationship

ttfiore

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I ask again is to tell you story going to make answer better or is question enough?
Hex 3.6 to 42
Many thanks
 

iams girl

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Hi tt,

Something that is helpful is to give a little information about what you need help interpreting, what is confusing and why, things like that. With 3.6, it seems like Yi is trying to point out that there's a priority to find an objective, realistic solution to a breakdown or unstable situation of some kind which might mean an unwelcome detour on the path to your goal.
 

ttfiore

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Thanks iams
I will give the informations

I met Ravi 23 years ago in Sydney Australia. He was a student and I was visiting for business from Italy... We started an affair I did not know at the time he was married and had a small daughter. We both dis not know that the affair would develop in also in a deep friendship. After some time he told me the truth.at the time I was 34 and he 29. Obviously I was very upset, but because in those day we were happy together and had no expectations from each other we continued to stay together. The time came he had to go back to India and he had found a sponsor to stay in Australia, so he left as he was convinced he could come back but his visa was refused. The time came I had to leave to go back to Italy so I rang him telling him I would visit him on a stopover in Mumbai to say goodbye. The stopover lasted almost a month, and he brought me to stay with him and his family. Our relationship by then had turned into a beautiful friendship but we had dropped the affair. I still don't know after all this years how he had this mad idea to make me stay in his home with all the family, specially for India, and myself accepting such a bizarre (this is the least I can say) situation. All I can remember is that I was totally and truly detached and had no expectations of further wanting to stay with him.
I had a wonderful time in a wonderful place with very loving people.
I left and we never spoke or saw each other again till last year, just after my mother died. I have been living in Sydney for the last 22 years and he has moved to Lagos. Last year I went to Bangalore for business and having just lost my mother I found myself there in the saddest of situation. As soon as I landed there all my story with Ravi suddenly shot up in my mind. Not knowing yet that I would hear again from him coincidentally once back in Sidney a few day later, through LinkedIn.
The joy the happiness to hear from my friend and ex lover again in such a dark moment for me.
Without having met yet, all the affair came up again, starting from his side to his surprise not knowing that he had this strong feeling for me buried inside. Slowly I got caught in as he was so persistent and convincing. We were both scared, specially him because of his marriage. As he spends many months alone in Lagos, somehow we were free to connect and fall for each other again, till his wife arrived in Lagos 5 months. He felt and still feels an enormous guilt and is not willing to leave her for the disaster it would create in his family. But he is not willing to give me up. I told him I cannot live like this, and two months ago I stopped answering his emails or phone calls. Why if he has chosen to stay with her, does he still want to talk to me I do not understand. He is not in an unhappy marriage so I do not know the reason of him wanting to continue our virtual affair. Friday night I broke the silence, I weakened and answered his email. I am very much in love with him but I cannot accept the situation as it is now. Therefore I asked how and if there is a way .....
If I stay I suffer if I leave I suffer maybe more as I am totally alone.
Thanks for reading my story
 
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ginnie

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Hex 3.6 to 42
This situation is too intense to last long. It will come to an end, or you will put it to an end, to end the suffering. You know that the suffering when with him is worse than the suffering without him, because being with him excites conflict with your sense of what is right and wrong in relationships . . .
 

ttfiore

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Thank you Ginnie
this is how terribly wrong I am in reading that there is hope to improve the situation. I understood that being in an early stage and so far apart I had to be patient and strengthen the story.
Changing line 6 not to give up but sail through the storm as 42 was full of hope.
It means I have no skills to interpret what is told to me
 
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Trojina

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No I don't think there is any hope in 3.6. The man is a liar so why spend any more time on him. He deceived his wife and actually bought you into his wife's home ! Really what are you thinking ? If he can lie to his wife he probably lies to you. Find someone who is available. This is going nowhere so let it go.

People see 3.6 differently. I go along with Hilary's take on it .

'Now driving a team of horses, now tears of blood flow.'

The suitor drives out with his best horses, but there is no bride here for him to find. Pouring out the best of yourself in a concerted effort to forge ahead, you find no response, and your energy drains away. You're over-extended, too narrowly focused on a single direction, and forgetting what a well-rooted relationship feels like.


I see it as starting out with fine intentions that come to nothing. Also I feel you are a bit lost as Ginnie said with regard to what is simply right and wrong in relationships. It wasn't an open relationship was it, he lied and you colluded in that.

You said you went to live with him and his wife, his wife having no idea you had an affair ? Why would you do that to her ? More to the point why would you ever trust a man who can behave so atrociously to his wife and child.



Oh hang on re reading you did try to split with him

Why if he has chosen to stay with her, does he still want to talk to me I do not understand. He is not in an unhappy marriage so I do not know the reason of him wanting to continue our virtual affair. Friday night I broke the silence, I weakened and answered his email. I am very much in love with him but I cannot accept the situation as it is now. Therefore I asked how and if there is a way .....
The reason is he wants best of both worlds. What is it you don't understand ? He wants his wife and you and probably has a few other women he is emailing too. It's not that unusual. If you hang around expecting something from him you guarantee yourself a great deal of unhappiness so I suggest you let him go.
 
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blue_angel

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Ttfiore,

You are not heading towards 42 increasing, that is the context. It fits sometimes if you read the two hexagrams together. So it would say (3) difficulty with (42) increasing. And not just any difficulty, but an entire team of horses with flowing tears of blood, Line (6). Just reading tears of blood would cause me to stop dead in my tracks. But I understand how emotionally upsetting and painful this kind of a situation can be. And I understand sometimes we can be blind when it comes to love. What an overwhelming situation, the entirety of it. One can't help but feel for you and your heart. One also can't help but feel a bit of pain for the betrayed wife and child. Wishing you a speedy recovery, on to more fulfilling, loving, honest, and whole relationships... Pssst add your own wishes to this list. :hug:

Trojina,

I adore how you write out your thoughts as you are going. It's like taking us on a walk with you. You don't go back and correct what you originally wrote. Instead you keep it all there, so that it shows your thought patterns as they shift, as well as your emotions. I hope you do not take offense, but it cracks me up. :D Your writing is fun to read.
 

ttfiore

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Thank you
I will write more. today is not a good day I am weak often in bed suffer from fibromyalgia
I do not have the strength today to add a few things I am keen on letting you know
The context is missing so this makes us two very bad people
I will explain not to justify but to see this from a broader perspective I am now close to my 60 he is in his mid fifties. I don't think he needs a sick women on the other side of the world to chat about life love death spiritual matters and love.
His children are adults wife is happy her world stayed whole and intact she is very well looked after loved and respected in her society. We gave up our love, that small (as short lived) but sincere story not to ruin a family, it stayed in us all these years. My mother died my sister died I have a father with dementia and nobody here in Australia for a year he stayed close to me day and night although at km 20000 from here.... Things are never black and white there is a lot of grey in between.
This is why I have this enormous dilemma.

Till soon and thanks again
 
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iams girl

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I cannot accept the situation as it is now. Therefore I asked how and if there is a way .....
If I stay I suffer if I leave I suffer maybe more as I am totally alone.
As you are recognizing, staying in the current situation is untenable. If you leave you may feel as if you are "totally alone," but that's obviously not entirely realistic is it? It sounds like a growth area for you and a direction which I think asking more questions about might help as your first step. I'd let things fall into place from there.
 

anemos

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I am very much in love with him but I cannot accept the situation as it is now. Therefore I asked how and if there is a way .....
If I stay I suffer if I leave I suffer maybe more as I am totally alone.
Thanks for reading my story
.... Things are never black and white there is a lot of grey in between.
This is why I have this enormous dilemma.

Till soon and thanks again
Sometimes 3.6 resembles a paralysis that its not real as if there is not a solution but in our mind we are stuck and hence 'fold our arms". and give up. There is a "black or white" element in your first comment I have quote and maybe this is the root of been stuck. 42 , sometimes is such an obvious answer that we fail to even see. I speak from a recent experience trying to organize my study plan; things didn't flow smoothly, and while I could see what was helpful and what not I asked Yi for an advise. Yi said 42un... d'uh. reduce what its not right and increase what is helpful.

Maybe this reading refers to the way you have frame the problem. Maybe the solution you seek is in the gray areas , maybe the all or nothing cause the difficulties to make a decision and be happy with it.
 
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Trojina

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As you are recognizing, staying in the current situation is untenable. If you leave you may feel as if you are "totally alone," but that's obviously not entirely realistic is it? It sounds like a growth area for you and a direction which I think asking more questions about might help as your first step. I'd let things fall into place from there.
Yes I agree with this, I was going to say something about the 'totally alone' comment....but had switched the computer off

No one is ever totally alone. They can feel it, and they might be it for a while but there are always opportunities to make connections even in a small way. Small connections can add up to not feeling alone...and can also lead to greater connections.

Ttf it's no good to be with him just because you feel you will be totally alone otherwise.

But in anycase, all opinions aside, going back to the reading, I don't think 3.6 shows there is any successful way through with this. It's a pretty clear answer. However if you want to go on with him it's your choice.
 

ttfiore

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Maybe this reading refers to the way you have frame the problem. Maybe the solution you seek is in the gray areas , maybe the all or nothing cause the difficulties to make a decision and be happy with it.
Last edited by anemos; Yesterday at 12:01 PM. Reason: didn't
 

ttfiore

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Thank you
Maybe yes the all or nothing is the problem for now. I don't want to suffer or be jealous, have this urge he has to leave his wife for me. I don't want to loose the friendship, the company of his intellect and humour and other many things that form our human relations hips, they are so precious. I wish I knew how.
 

anemos

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there are some reading of mine that when asked for an advise, a hint to find a solution and only thing i got was a clear description of my current situation , feelings, thoughts. It feels like there is someone out there that just listens and understands- this is the same we need sometimes from friends - no solutions , no ideas what to do or not- we know all the alternatives but can't decide, yet been heard feels such a nourishing experience. My impression , above all , is that your reading is such a reading. Yi , giving you 3.6 sounds like a " I hear you, you are stuck ". and also says that you really can get unstuck and that this issue requires what 42 advises. Out- and -out increase is , so to speak, the "goal" of 42.

I have found it useful and sharing it with you a practice I follow when don't really get a reading. I distance my self from the matter at hand and just play in my mind with the hexes and lines. I observe everything I can: thoughts, feelings, bodily reactions (the later , to me, is of great value) Shifting my attention to that exercise many times I return to the problem with a clearer mind and discover hidden knowledge that my confusion obscured me to see in the first place.

I wish I could help more , but not knowing the whole story its not possible. There is something tho, that I'll like to ask you ( but you don't need to answer to me). Your sense of loneliness , the passing of your family members and the urge for a exclusive relationship with him , do you think are connected in a way that troubles you and leads you to "all or nothing" ? The feeling of jealousy too, which i find it very natural in your current circumstances.

The chaotic hex 3 resembles tangled threads and this is why I'm suggesting those questions. I have become very predictable and when see h3 usually quote my favorite saying . Wilhelm says :

In order to find one’s place in the infinity of being, one must be able both to separate and to unite.
I think I understood it when I have to practices on specific brush lines and my homework was "just paint lines to get the feel of it" while , what i really wanted was to start painting. Looking at my papers full of lines , vertical, horizontal, angled ones that saying came into mind; the parts of the whole. you need to separate the lines creating the whole so you can create the whole- Untangle that threads.

not saying that to just make you feel better; I honestly believe you got a quite significant reading in many ways.

take care !
 

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