How to move on 5.1 > 48

[lightafterdarkness]

Hi all,

I asked the I Ching "How to move on" 5.1 > 48 and would like some insight on this reading. Thank you!

Background info for those interested:
My ex partner and I remain friends while limiting our contact by sending letters. Our letters are strictly casual and respectful to the fact we are both moving on.The moments we did have direct contact have turned into deep, vulnerable and intense conversations that significantly made the love and connection that never left grow hence why we limit direct contact. I am aware she sees no future in us and I accept, but I do see her also conflicted and confused because she has trouble comprehending the depth of our connection has actually significantly increased as we broke up and the blockages we experienced seem to vanish as the pressure is taken off, bringing us closer than ever before.

I feel conflicted because feeling the love grow knowing she does not see a future with me is hard. The other option is taking a break from the connection but opening up old doors and possibly jeopardizing my progress isn't something I feel comfortable with. Thus I chose to deal with moving on while being her friend because a part of the comfort is knowing she grieves me as much as I grieve her and sometimes we share our struggles. Yet, I notice a part of me finding it hard to fully commit to letting go because even though I know she said there's no future for me and I am not holding on to any hope, once I let go there is truly no going back. However, I am unable to force myself to let go and I have a feeling perhaps I should give myself the time and space to feel the love and grief and eventually the letting go might happen organically.

Whenever I asked about the connection I got the hexagram 13.1.4.5 > 52 (asked about potential) and also 13.4.5 > 22 (asked how to be her friend/what I need to know x2) on multiple occasions, so this suggests to me that there is indeed a fruitful friendship possible in the present/future. This is important to me because it makes me want to commit to being her friend.

 

[Henry Zahir]

Let go, give her space to heal and when she returns become the friend you want to be.

 

[lightafterdarkness]

Let go, give her space to heal and when she returns become the friend you want to be.

Hi Henry,

Thank you for your response. If she'd want to have a no contact period I'd think about it, but actually she's the one that wants to stay in contact and the one who suggested it. Do you mean for me to take a break away from her for both of us to heal?

 

[Marinaflsenda]

I always read 51.1 as "change is coming" ; even when you think you are going through a rough patch, you´ll recover something really good that you thought it was lost. To me this is an auspicious line.

 

[Henry Zahir]

Hi Henry,

Thank you for your response. If she'd want to have a no contact period I'd think about it, but actually she's the one that wants to stay in contact and the one who suggested it. Do you mean for me to take a break away from her for both of us to heal?

From the reading I see she already has found another person but is "breedcrumbing" you as backup plan. Be kind and tolerant to yourself and leave for better pastures,

 

[Liselle]

From the reading I see she already has found another person but is "breedcrumbing" you as backup plan.

Which part of which reading?

 

[Henry Zahir]

Which part of which reading?

Its a whole. read his post, see the signs. there were three lines, then there remain only two. In both additional readings line 5 of 13 is stable. In the future there will be rejoicing. But for now, separation is needed from the group they are both in. Who has to The one who is mature enough.

 

[Sofocles]

Very tricky situation indeed. I'm sorry you're experiencing this.

There is definitely hope for the friendship, no doubt, and, according to my personal experience with 13.1.4.5 > 52, more than that is possible, but let's focus on what she actually said. But in 13.1.4.5 dominant line is 4, so it's ok to take time out and measure things out.

Definitely 5.1 recommends waiting, there's not much one can do. The Well suggests that nothing valuable will be extinguished, you can have that assured. The Well will be always there.

In this post suggests waiting "in the distance"

Patience 5.1 to 48

Hello, So I posted a relationship question to the IChing. Lately me and my girlfriend have had some diffiulties, we are long distance and I plan to go visit her in July. It has been 4 months since I saw her, and she is more distant each day. We had a recent fight a couple of weeks ago where we...

www.onlineclarity.co.uk

I don't want to say what's gonna happen, but I feel it's possible for you to get back together if that's something you both want. at any moment.
The thing is: Hex 5 is about patience... And patience is dealing with the harshest sh*t, thoughts and feelings. Finding the best attitude to go through it is important. So "moving on" is not an overnight thing... :S There's also not a right answer, so you can just go through it according to your own judgement...

You cannot hold onto it forever if she doesn't want it, so it's ok if you move on. But if she does want you, I don't think anything will disappear. No opportunities will be lost. So, I think "moving on" is definitely a slow process that, is annoying, but has to be embraced in it's frustrating quality

 

[Sofocles]

I always read 51.1 as "change is coming" ; even when you think you are going through a rough patch, you´ll recover something really good that you thought it was lost. To me this is an auspicious line.

I think the reading is Hexagram 5 (Waiting) and not 51 (Shock)

 

[Liselle]

there were three lines, then there remain only two.

I don't know what you mean by that, Henry.

And as far as I can tell, 13.5 doesn't say "she already has found another person but is "breedcrumbing" you as backup plan." It says this:

'People in harmony first cry out and weep, then afterwards they laugh.
Great leaders direct their coming together.'

For what it's worth, I also don't know what "breadcrumbing" is, but that's a minor point.

 

[Henry Zahir]

I don't know what you mean by that, Henry.

And as far as I can tell, 13.5 doesn't say "she already has found another person but is "breedcrumbing" you as backup plan." It says this:

'People in harmony first cry out and weep, then afterwards they laugh.
Great leaders direct their coming together.'

For what it's worth, I also don't know what "breadcrumbing" is, but that's a minor point.

Thank you. I don`t want to hijack this post. Give me dm and we talk.

 

[lightafterdarkness]

From the reading I see she already has found another person but is "breedcrumbing" you as backup plan. Be kind and tolerant to yourself and leave for better pastures,

She really puts emphasis on holding onto boundaries and she says although she loves me her selfish desires shouldn't interfere the healthy friendship we're trying to develop. This happened after she caught herself getting tempted after a long, reflective and warm convo we had that brought us closer and highlighted her feelings. But she said she excuses us sometimes still slipping to the fact that we're still moving on but if that'd keep happening, she'd feel conflicted and anxious about it as she doesn't want to jeopardize the friendship she's trying to grow with me. Whenever she feels her feelings come up, she tries to shut herself down and distance herself a little. Someone who breadcrumbs, wouldn't do all that. To be honest, she's been anything but someone who breadcrumbs. The problem of the relationship was actually her doing too much and exhausting herself cause she doesn't know how to balance giving with her own needs.

Had she used me as a back up, her boundaries wouldn't be as strong and she wouldn't have said there's no future for us and would've probably said something along the lines of "maybe someday again".

 

[lightafterdarkness]

Very tricky situation indeed. I'm sorry you're experiencing this.

There is definitely hope for the friendship, no doubt, and, according to my personal experience with 13.1.4.5 > 52, more than that is possible, but let's focus on what she actually said. But in 13.1.4.5 dominant line is 4, so it's ok to take time out and measure things out.

Definitely 5.1 recommends waiting, there's not much one can do. The Well suggests that nothing valuable will be extinguished, you can have that assured. The Well will be always there.

In this post suggests waiting "in the distance"

Patience 5.1 to 48

Hello, So I posted a relationship question to the IChing. Lately me and my girlfriend have had some diffiulties, we are long distance and I plan to go visit her in July. It has been 4 months since I saw her, and she is more distant each day. We had a recent fight a couple of weeks ago where we...

www.onlineclarity.co.uk

I don't want to say what's gonna happen, but I feel it's possible for you to get back together if that's something you both want. at any moment.
The thing is: Hex 5 is about patience... And patience is dealing with the harshest sh*t, thoughts and feelings. Finding the best attitude to go through it is important. So "moving on" is not an overnight thing... :S There's also not a right answer, so you can just go through it according to your own judgement...

You cannot hold onto it forever if she doesn't want it, so it's ok if you move on. But if she does want you, I don't think anything will disappear. No opportunities will be lost. So, I think "moving on" is definitely a slow process that, is annoying, but has to be embraced in it's frustrating quality

Hi Sofocles,

Thank you for your insight! It's appreciated.
What made you think there's a possibility to get back together?

The idea and fear of letting go fully made me ask about the potential of the connection, relating to my fear of fully letting go and I got 5 yet again Hexagram 5.3.5 > 19

I have a strong intuition about the friendship too, just seeing the well willing energy we bring to each other. We are trying to take our time because finding how to make a friendship work while both still loving each other is hard. For now the letters work quite well but with direct interaction, it's easier to get lost in the flow of feelings.

I see, I have had different readings and they seem to tell me to equally let go but also wait. I just notice myself struggling a lot recently and feeling like I have to get rid of my feelings because the friendship element been strengthening my love for her so it feels like moving backwards and forward at the same time. It hurts but also I value her presence in my life too much to let go of investing into a friendship.

She said she sees no future with me regardless of her feelings and that's conflicting her too although she does not regret leaving me. She's someone who really holds on to the way "she has things in her mind" so I don't see her straying away from that cause she made a commitment to it. But I wouldn't be suprised if some sort of feeling for each other remains. She said she does want me but does not feel like it's possible for her anymore cause her motivation had been exhausted. I think holding on when her words clearly indicate there's no remedy to it would be foolish. Still I feel hesitant because letting go feels like a confrontation I have to slowly go into, because it means fully accepting it's over on both a mind and heart level. The mind accepts but my heart isn't ready yet. It is indeed slow.

 

[rosada]

How to move on? 5.1>48.

When it comes to moving on, perhaps the first thing we should focus on is “Towards what?”as in, “What is it we are moving on to?“ When we have a clear concept of our goal it’s almost as if the goal itself has a magnetism that draws us to it.
5.1 > 48 reads to me as if the I Ching is saying you’re waiting for your path forward to emerge out of The Well of All Possibilities and thus it would be helpful to have a clearer picture of your goal for the relationship. Maybe you’d get value from asking the ic “Describe what a good relationship with my friend would be.”

 

[lightafterdarkness]

How to move on? 5.1>48.

When it comes to moving on, perhaps the first thing we should focus on is “Towards what?”as in, “What is it we are moving on to?“ When we have a clear concept of our goal it’s almost as if the goal itself has a magnetism that draws us to it.
5.1 > 48 reads to me as if the I Ching is saying you’re waiting for your path forward to emerge out of The Well of All Possibilities and thus it would be helpful to have a clearer picture of your goal for the relationship. Maybe you’d get value from asking the ic “Describe what a good relationship with my friend would be.”

Hi Rosada,

That's a helpful insight, thank you. I think moving on to me means letting go of the romantic aspect at a heart level and fully focusing on the friendship. That's the goal that I had all along but something that proves to be hard because the friendship seems to strengthen the romance I feel even if I try to shut it down. With that comes the fear of letting go, because it is a final commitment to letting go of what I feel in the heart and the reality of the situation doesn't match the goals in my heart, yet.

I asked the I Ching what a good relationship to her would look like and I got Hexagram 59.3 > 57

I did ask the I ching what the potential of the connection is in relation to my fear of letting go and got 5.3.5 >19

 

[Sofocles]

Hi Sofocles,

Thank you for your insight! It's appreciated.
What made you think there's a possibility to get back together?

The idea and fear of letting go fully made me ask about the potential of the connection, relating to my fear of fully letting go and I got 5 yet again Hexagram 5.3.5 > 19

I have a strong intuition about the friendship too, just seeing the well willing energy we bring to each other. We are trying to take our time because finding how to make a friendship work while both still loving each other is hard. For now the letters work quite well but with direct interaction, it's easier to get lost in the flow of feelings.

I see, I have had different readings and they seem to tell me to equally let go but also wait. I just notice myself struggling a lot recently and feeling like I have to get rid of my feelings because the friendship element been strengthening my love for her so it feels like moving backwards and forward at the same time. It hurts but also I value her presence in my life too much to let go of investing into a friendship.

She said she sees no future with me regardless of her feelings and that's conflicting her too although she does not regret leaving me. She's someone who really holds on to the way "she has things in her mind" so I don't see her straying away from that cause she made a commitment to it. But I wouldn't be suprised if some sort of feeling for each other remains. She said she does want me but does not feel like it's possible for her anymore cause her motivation had been exhausted. I think holding on when her words clearly indicate there's no remedy to it would be foolish. Still I feel hesitant because letting go feels like a confrontation I have to slowly go into, because it means fully accepting it's over on both a mind and heart level. The mind accepts but my heart isn't ready yet. It is indeed slow.

Hello...
Yes is indeed painful... From the looks of it you can keep being her friend and just keep sending letters back and forth, why not? It will be painful either way. So might aswell keep the connection? Just see how it progresses that way. Give it a month. Two months. If it's worse, then you can decide to force some silence (no contact).
Usually relationships that end need no contact but that's not mandatory. If you feel this attached and she feeds this friendship, I mean why not?
Yes she may well not want you back. What made me say that was, 1- the well, and 2- the hexagram 13.1.4.5 that I got personally with an "identical" situation. A friendship I had with someone I was actually in love with. Until I felt I couldn't do it any longer and said I needed to suspend our contact and confessed my feelings. I wasn't feeling like I could pursue the relationship.
However I actually went back to talk to that person and now we are dating.... But, again, each situation is a situation. And that was an actual thing that happened with me but it's a very different story. And the reply (13.1.4.5) was about me questioning the friendship, not the romantic relationship
much luck to you <3

 

[lightafterdarkness]

Hello...
Yes is indeed painful... From the looks of it you can keep being her friend and just keep sending letters back and forth, why not? It will be painful either way. So might aswell keep the connection? Just see how it progresses that way. Give it a month. Two months. If it's worse, then you can decide to force some silence (no contact).
Usually relationships that end need no contact but that's not mandatory. If you feel this attached and she feeds this friendship, I mean why not?
Yes she may well not want you back. What made me say that was, 1- the well, and 2- the hexagram 13.1.4.5 that I got personally with an "identical" situation. A friendship I had with someone I was actually in love with. Until I felt I couldn't do it any longer and said I needed to suspend our contact and confessed my feelings. I wasn't feeling like I could pursue the relationship.
However I actually went back to talk to that person and now we are dating.... But, again, each situation is a situation. And that was an actual thing that happened with me but it's a very different story. And the reply (13.1.4.5) was about me questioning the friendship, not the romantic relationship
much luck to you <3

I'm very happy to hear that it turned out this way with your person! Unfortunately I don't see my ex partner changing her mind.

Lately the pain of being her friend has gotten quite unbearable because I think I'm starting to process on a heart-mind level, it hurts a lot. I've been very torn about being her friend, also because the friendship seems to deepen my feelings. But I do want to commit to trying, perhaps limiting my contact a bit more and trying to work through my feelings. But like you, I am sometimes on the edge of cutting out contact. However I'm quite sure that wouldn't change things, except for me also losing a friend. Either way it would hurt, so that makes it hard to decide.

Thank you for your input!

 

[lightafterdarkness]

Anyone who's got thoughts on my last two readings?

I asked the I Ching what a good connection to her would look like and I got Hexagram 59.3 > 57

I did ask the I ching what the potential of the connection is in relation to my fear of letting go and got 5.3.5 >19

 

[Herny Zahir]

59.3 -> 57 get away, stop communication, the beast will come back, the moment you moved on.
5.3.5-> 19 wait, and the beast will approach to make you feel bad, bcuz of the beast´s many failed relationships it´ll have and no one to blame. When it comes back, you will be different and not available anymore. Another boring to death love story gone with the wind.

 

[lightafterdarkness]

I have posted a new question regarding this situation.

Thread is found here

It reads the following

What is the healthiest approach to this connection for me 13.3.6 to 17

 

[Annabel]

I think that 48 shows the connection that exists between you, regardless of the form the bond takes. The L1 seems to me to tell you that you have to wait, that even if she walks away the connection lasts. Stay on the sidelines, without pressuring her, being receptive. But let her take the initiative.