I have to make a choice 28.4.5 - 46

[JoeCampbell]

Dear All,

I am tired and can no longer hear what my heart is saying as a result of all the mental chatter. Day after day I consult Yi and sometimes I have hope, others all I see are contradictions.

The story in short: 2 women, one I have known for two years, like a great deal but am no longer in love with, we have had a wonderful affair, now she wants commitment, to know that it is "us", we are of similar ages (40's) and if we are to start a family then we need to get on with it.

The second I have known for only a short, and innocent, time. She is 33, lives in another country, is in the middle of a very messy divorce and I am in love with her. A family, if we could get the geography to work, would be perfect. But right at this moment I am so tired I cannot feel much of anything and I am starting to say things that I am not sure that I really mean and to ignore what my heart knew so clearly only a few weeks ago - with the result that I am inclined to "go back to" the first woman....

My pattern psychologically is that I have real problems letting go....

So, I turn to Yi today and ask "How do I choose between S and P?" and the answer comes back 28.4.5 - 46.

Which I kind of interpret as me backing out of BOTH contacts and retreating into myself until I find the real answer. Which means letting go - and perhaps losing it all, the thing I fear most.

It's easy to say "follow your heart" - but not so easy to do it when you cannot hear it and when you doubt that "being-in-love" may blow over. Every way I look at this, I lose.

Any thoughts would be deeply appreciated
Thanks

 

[meng]

"Hey Joe, where ya goin' with that gun in your hand?"

But seriously, you are one of my heroes. A better story-teller there was never born.

It feels like the roof is caving in, no matter what you do. It's just a matter of what state of mind you choose, to move forward with your life. There's no moral/ethical judgment for having a good time, but what will brace your own house is what in question here.

I think the council is to detach from your ulterior motives, increase your senses, and see where these two rivers lead to, come hell or high water. You only live once at a time.

 

[Trojina]

Dear All,

I am tired and can no longer hear what my heart is saying as a result of all the mental chatter. Day after day I consult Yi and sometimes I have hope, others all I see are contradictions.

The story in short: 2 women, one I have known for two years, like a great deal but am no longer in love with, we have had a wonderful affair, now she wants commitment, to know that it is "us", we are of similar ages (40's) and if we are to start a family then we need to get on with it.

The second I have known for only a short, and innocent, time. She is 33, lives in another country, is in the middle of a very messy divorce and I am in love with her. A family, if we could get the geography to work, would be perfect. But right at this moment I am so tired I cannot feel much of anything and I am starting to say things that I am not sure that I really mean and to ignore what my heart knew so clearly only a few weeks ago - with the result that I am inclined to "go back to" the first woman....

My pattern psychologically is that I have real problems letting go....

So, I turn to Yi today and ask "How do I choose between S and P?" and the answer comes back 28.4.5 - 46.

Which I kind of interpret as me backing out of BOTH contacts and retreating into myself until I find the real answer. Which means letting go - and perhaps losing it all, the thing I fear most.

It's easy to say "follow your heart" - but not so easy to do it when you cannot hear it and when you doubt that "being-in-love" may blow over. Every way I look at this, I lose.

Any thoughts would be deeply appreciated
Thanks

It jumps out at me that in 28.5 one does somethiing for the sake of doing it not that it will bear fruit. This suggests to me that that getting together with either for the sake of commitment or children isn't the way to go. 46 shows you growing out of this conundrum, and you could be right that its best for you to go with neither

The only thing I do feel a bit sure of as I've said is in 28.5 there literally is no fruit, no children, but the tree has blossom....and to me this favours the feelings you have for the woman you say you are in love with. I can't see this cast as favouring the woman who wants to settle and have kids...becasue of how literal 28.5 is in this instance.

I have found 28.5 is so much about doing for the sake of doing....not for any outcome just because you want to do it. I think thats ther path that calls you.

I think you can rise above this as a conundrum by forgetting outcome scenarios and by realising you do have to do something which takes you 'out on a limb' .....you've described the 28 scenario to a t.....you feel that 28 right now, but itsnot a bad cast at all. In 28,4 you won't be losing anything you are supported . I would take that as actually its really not going to come crashing down around your ears....and you can live for the sake of it

 

[JoeCampbell]

Thanks

Hey Meng and Trojan

Deep thanks for your perspectives on this one - I think the answer lies somewhere in the need to slllooooowww down, I've been in a heck of hurry lately, and falling in love has only made that worse. And I like the "no outcome scenarios" point too, it fits with the slowing down, to my mind. I suspect that this one will run on for a while yet - wish me luck!