insulting and nasty teacher

[Olga Super Star]

.

 

[femke]

Heavy stuff, Olga.
It sounds like you let her put you down, because you want to learn something from her. I admire your modesty and determination to soul-search. But this sounds dangerous.
She sounds sadistic (is the rope-tieing a bondage-sm-thing?).

I would suggest:

-based on the hexagrams, get out of this situation while you still can (12.1) and return to your inner innocence (25). Alternative of 29 etc. sounds seriously harmful. Not a stable 29 as a balanced learning situation.

-do deep-rooted research within yourself (12.1) as to what exactly in her style of dancing and maybe overall personality, you find so attractive. And than, try to find the beautiful, undeformed essence of that (25 possibly). You are drawn to that, so in my experience there is usually a hidden characteristic of yourself that you want to develop. But the way this woman goes about it, sounds deformed and dangerous. What is the underlying quality of this behavior? And how can you develop that quality in yourself?

-I would not pick a deformed teacher, but search for one who has the same quality, but expresses it in a non-harmful way (but you haven't asked about that yet).

Love and take care, Femke

 

[rosada]

12.1
You must safeguard your future possibilities even if this means withdrawing entirely from people who in any way threaten your integrity.

-Guy Damian-Knight, The I Ching on Love.

No amount of trying to please her will change her behavior. She is a professional dominatrix. She gets paid to humiliate people. Next time she tries her act on you do a little shimmy, smile big and say, "Ooh. spank me Ma-Ma!" That will probably get a laugh from the class and one thing a dominatrix can't handle is being laughed at so she'll leave you alone after that. Or just say the line and walk out never to return.

Rosada

 

[Trojina]

Yes it is. It is sold as art in the school, Japanese art of tying.

So is it a martial art http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hojōjutsu

No amount of trying to please her will change her behavior. She is a professional dominatrix. She gets paid to humiliate people. Next time she tries her act on you do a little shimmy and say, "Ooh Baby, you make it hurt so good." Then smile at the class, wave, shout "So long Suckers!" and walk out with your head held high.

I somehow don't think she is a professional dominatrix but a person who does martial art. Even if she were a professional dominatrix I don't think it would go beyond the bedroom door...or that she is even into it. Prostitutes aren't usually prostitutes because they enjoy sex, it's a job.

Olga will have to enlighten us as to what exactly the rope tieing she does is ? A sex industry role or a martial art ?


Olga you won't get an intelligible answer to 'why so much anger'.as she may not be angry and even if she were answers may be about you not her.

As these feelings of being picked on are an on going issue for you I'd advise you just continue with the class but I could be wrong. I don't know what a 'longshoreman' is will have to look it up.

12.1 might suggest you join another group.......but first maybe all these feelings are a pattern for you. Maybe she isn't that important ?

 

[butterfly spider]

Olga. I have had a great deal if experience if dance dance teachers teaching and dance teachers and music teachers. I have worked in areas of dance bordering on not dance - as part of a group of girls trying to get through college. Some advise

If you are made to feel belittled by anyone they are not a good teacher. If you feel repulsed by anyone pertaining to teach you - they are not a good teacher. I could go on. Just remove yourself

My brother has dyspraxia and about 35 years ago came to a dance class with me in Lindon run by Charles Augins - he was so hard, disciplined and a ferocious teacher. My brother went to the beginners class - with me - to give him some outlet away from home and get him mixing. He was never going to be a dancer just trying to move and enjoy himself. Charles was so supportive - come on xxxxxxx you can do it. One pose - a standing one with arms in arabesque was easy. He said to the class that xxxxx was the perfect dancer - we should copy how he was standing ... He said such posture and balance was beautiful thing to see. Xxxxx my brother shone with pride and still talks about Charles.

Now, this is a good teacher. Who is anyone to belittle or intimidate - I teach music and dance and have been on courses recently where I have been made to feel worthless. It is not me that has the problem

Charles was in a Bond Movie with Roger Moore - my brother watches it a lot. It makes him feel good about himself

That is what a good teacher does your reading emphasises this
Good luck
X

 

[ginnie]

Olga, you titled your post "insulting and nasty teacher," so you already had her pegged at the beginning . . . Knowing this, how can you stay? She has singled you out for abuse, and yet you become confused, forgetting what you knew before. Remove yourself from her classes. Turn your back on her and walk away.

 

[goddessliss]

Olga, you titled your post "insulting and nasty teacher," so you already had her pegged at the beginning . . . Knowing this, how can you stay? She has singled you out for abuse, and yet you become confused, forgetting what you knew before. Remove yourself from her classes. Turn your back on her and walk away.

And look to yourself as to why this keeps happening to you. You have a number of threads where you're always the victim...

 

[Trojina]

Olga asked me to delete something about the teacher, that the teacher told her, that was too personal.

So I have. But what I will say was that this teacher would likely not be allowed to work in this country if she made such sexually inappropriate comments to students.

All the other insulting comments were harder to comment on....but this...the thing I had to delete and Olga deleted from her post was not acceptable. Olga you should keep well away from that place because they are not acting in a professional manner....and are frankly totally weird and should not be allowed to work as teachers at all.

So you Trojina suggest that I just go and pick from these classes what I need and not let her upset me. Like it were part of my life's trials.

When I read what you have now been deleted I changed my mind from what I wrote in my first post. I don't think this intrusion is 'part of life's trials' that should be tolerated by anyone.....Rosada was right....tell her where to stick it. I also personally feel she should be reported becasue as a teacher she shouldn't be saying such things to students....but maybe it's different where you are

 

[rosada]

Dear Olga,

Yes, it certainly could be personal dislike with no good reason but that does not explain why you tolerate it and keep going back for more. If you really believed in yourself you wouldn't allow her to disrespect you this way. Consider if you had just put a lot of money into fixing the motor on your car. The outside of the car might look ordinary, but you would know it was a fine machine in top notch shape. Now suppose someone came along and said your car was a piece of junk. Would you be hurt? Would you try to change their opinion? Probably not because you would know so well that it was an excellent car and you'd easily recognize that the person didn't know what they were talking about. And you certainly wouldn't loan them your car keys. Same with this dance class. If you were truly in touch with your capabilities and had clear intentions of why you are in this class you would recognize this teacher as being inappropriate and wouldn't have any qualms about leaving and finding a new class. However, the fact that you continue to show up for this abuse suggests that something in you doubts your ability. Something in you is saying, "Well I really am an unteachable clod so it doesn't matter if she abuses me because even the world's kindest and most patient teacher wouldn't be able to get anything out of a blob like me. In fact, staying with this crazy person shields me from having to face how untalented I really am."

If you really did believe in yourself you would be saying, "I have great potential and there are teachers out there who know how to see it and develop it. I won't waste my time - God's time! - on any one less."

As to what you are able to learn from this class I think 32.5 - 28 is telling you to see when it's time to let the whole thing collapse.
How about asking the I Ching for what you should look for in a teacher or what a sort of class you deserve?

 

[Trojina]

I have to point out that we are all over 18 in the class though. No teenagers!

Makes no difference. Adults can also be intruded upon in inappropriate ways they would not expect from teachers. At least I'd walk as soon as she'd said that...also I consider what she said (now deleted) completely phony, full of pretence......yuk, squirmy.

 

[Trojina]

I fear with this title I might have biased your opinion on her?

Well yes, and your first post. Read it again. You presented a situation a certain way, you revealed more of it, so most people are telling you to get out of there. But ever since we've been telling you to leave you are making reasons to stay.


Are we all doing a bit of a dance together here (no pun intended)

We only know what you tell us. If you paint a vivid picture of abuse then yes everyone will tell you to get out. You are even almost defending the topic of the deleted posts.

It sort of feels like you don't know what is abusive so you put it here and when we say 'yes this is abusive' you then backtrack and say maybe it isn't


So whilst the thread is about dance I feel the thread itself is a dance. I'm getting a bit dizzy, disorientated. In the end I guess you must decide what is abusive and what is not. But you have gone from one extreme in the first postm where this woman was horrendous, to almost defending her later on.

This is kind of what you did in the Buddhist Prayer thread. In fact it was exactly the same. You described the situation as if these Buddhists and the prayer thing was unreasonable. More or less everyone began to tell you to leave them behind at which point you began arguing why you should stay.

There is a pattern....we are doing a dance. We keep being drawn into the same pattern with you. I'm not criticising but it's worth being aware of how you are utilising us here as responders. In several threads we are stirred up to want you to save yourself but then you do an about turn and argue that it's all okay after all.

Can you see this dance ... do I imagine it...or is it coincidence ? Anyway next time I'm going to be more aware of falling into 'poor Olga' mode and maybe you will too and then maybe we won't repeat the pattern and we can move forward...?

Yes, it certainly could be personal dislike with no good reason but that does not explain why you tolerate it and keep going back for more.

.....or why a number of threads of Olgas are about how she is being persecuted in some way in varying situations. There is a pattern. In one thread she says everyone dislikes her and doesn't believe her,,,,

From a responders POV it's a pattern that looks like a dance.

 

[Trojina]

Oh No...I didn't mean it that way Olga. I wasn't meaning you were crazy so he wasn't doing his job....I just meant how much was he helping you ? I didn't mean to cause offence. Sorry.

This is my last personal post in this forum, from now on I will just write the hexagram numbers I get with no explanation of the situation at all.

Just writing hexagram numbers will get no replies. Such posts are tiresome since all answers come within a context so if a person gives no context whatsoever it isn't that helpful. However I do realise when giving the context problems arise too when people don't understand and you have to explain more than you'd want to.

Anyway I didn't intend to offend you in any way.

 

[Trojina]

oh and I thought this was quite insightful when you answered Rosada

As to your example of the car with a good engine and a bad outside, I would probably get angry and upset at someone insulting my car and not believing it is wonderful, and would probably start justifying myself and try to convince them. I guess that's the problem and the reason why I'm still stuck here. I lose my time trying to convince people instead of just going ahead.

Yup I think it is quite common to waste time thinking we need to convince others of the fitness of a plan when really we just need to go ahead and do it. Fortunately I think as you get older and there's less time left you are more likely to go ahead anyway. You are only 39...lots of time left

 

[rosada]

What position am I in with his teacher?
52.5 - 53 Measured words and clear instructions lead to progress.
Could the I Ching be describing a good student/teacher relationship and leaving it up to you to decide if this description fits your situation?

How to approach her?
63 - 25. After Completion - Innocence.
Take the long view. As you consider how to approach her, remember that after all is said and done, you want to be able to look back at this time and be able to say it was a worthwhile experience, no harm done, you gave it a shot and it didn't leave you scarred.
This makes me think it would be good if you were really clear about your goals. Like, if you want to be able to perform at a certain level of expertise and you think working with this woman will get you to that level than your approach might be, "I don't care how she treats me, I shall devote myself to her guidance because I trust that ultimately this woman will lead me to being the dancer I aspire to be and if it doesn't work out at least I'll be able to say I gave it my very best shot." On the other hand, if your goal isn't so ambitious and you're taking the class mainly so as just to be limber and have more self confidence on stage your approach might be, " This woman is a bit over the top for what I'm trying to do but I'll give it a month and if I don't see significant progress I'll drop the class - no harm done."

What will you ultimately learn from this class?
44.1
Don't sweat the petty stuff.
Don't pet the sweaty stuff.
1.
Focus on the important stuff.

 

[goddessliss]

But what about your posts? I read one about your son and one about your landlord + others where you too are always the victim!
Could it be because we don't usually consult i ching when things go great and we are the super boss but on the other hand we are more inclined to cast when things go bad or when we feel insulted?

You once wrote to me that I'm so needy as I post so much. But have you counted your posts? You throw coins much more than I do!
And by the way if you don't like my posts there's no need for replying. You did the same thing in my thread about Buddhism, treating me like a stupid child. I've had enough of you! I didn't get into your post about your abusive son telling you that if you have an abusive son it's probably because you failed as a mother, or did I?

If I share my cast on an i ching forum I don't expect people asking me why do bad things always happen to me and how is my therapy going. It's my bloody business. Just stick to the cast. Or reply to someone else.

Yes a lot of my threads seem to be about abuse from males, I'd thought that very thing the other day but I also know that every time something like this comes up I seek to understand what I can do within to stop these sort of circumstances happening again.
For me it's all to do with our background and learned patterning behavior which affects our self esteem and/or our inability to deal with the negative in a self empowered way.
My understanding of myself is, that through my questions from Yi and the valuable insight and help I get from others on this forum, is that I've grown so much since I joined in 2009 - I may not always get it right but I do know I always look to self first because it's our inherent weaknesses that allow others to treat us the way they do.
I'm sorry you feel I'm a bad mother because of the way my son treated me but again it comes from their forebears and probably my lack of self esteem at the time of the incident.
- Liss

 

[Cathalina]

...or if it's just me being oversensible and not ready to take criticism?

Hi Olga. I don't know you, I don't remember reading your previous posts, but you seem like a nice person so I really hope what I say doesn't upset you because it's meant with good intentions, to offer you advice and for your best interest.

I agree with Goddessliss that you need to look within yourself. I see a lot of red flags in your actions and attitude - please don't take that as me judging you, it's just an honest assessment which may be right or may be wrong but I am using my best judgement from everything you are posting and my intentions are just a positive result for you. I haven't seen your previous posts BUT from everything I read in this thread you do seem to be putting yourself in a position of being the victim (not that you asked for it but, like Trojina said, you're given reasons to leave and you seem to make reasons to stay). I agree with everyone else that your instructor is NOT justified for disrespecting you. Also, Trojina mentioned your instructor made an incredibly offensive or appropriateness remark to you (and Trojina isn't faint of heart so I can only imagine how awful it was). I have to ask myself - why would you tolerate that? Especially because you're PAYING her, there's other instructors, dancing isn't your dream, you're an actress (I know, I know, you need to learn to dance for a role but it would be more crucial if you were actually a dancer, there's other roles and other instructors - other alternatives). I wonder, are you putting up with your instructor because she is such an amazing irreplaceable instructor? Because you want to prove to her you can be better? I am inclined to believe neither reasons are true because, like you said, you skipped class a few times even before your instructor and her husband called your attention. So, even if you had a great reason for missing school, your dance class is not so important than you can't miss it a single day. Maybe you have other priorities or responsibilities, that's understandable, no judgement. We all miss important things once in a while, sometimes for petty reasons and sometimes for good reasons. BUT if your class isn't so important that you can't miss it, why is it so important that you put up with your instructor's abuse? From one of your last posts you said you skipped class again... I can't say how responsible you are or aren't, I am NOT making assumptions about you, I am just advising you to be responsible. A small slip can provoke someone with authoritative issues, like your instructor, and although it may not be justified for her to do hold it against you, you should still do your part to avoid those issues and be the best possible student you can be. But anyway, more than that... you just seem to sometimes take a self victimizing attitude in your posts. Not always, it's more like there's two yous. One knows better or wants to do what is right, the other seems to put herself down. A lot of us do this to an extent, but the way you do it seems to be more strong (like your two sides are tugging and pulling at each other and when we all try to advice the side of you that wants to do the right thing, your other side gets defensive) and worst, you seem to be doing it by actions as well...

...or if it's just me being oversensible and not ready to take criticism?

I think you have to look within yourself, for many things, such as what YOUR ROLE in this situation was, what you may have done wrong or what you could have done differently, etc. But also I do think you may have a problem with criticism. Here, we are your friends, as in people who want to help you, people who have shared our own personal struggles to (so we are just as vulnerable as you are), people who will listen to YOUR side of the story. And you're getting defensive with US. For example you say you're going to shut down and not post anymore because of a misinterpretation. Another example:

But what about your posts? I read one about your son and one about your landlord + others where you too are always the victim!

whether or not Goddessliss has tendencies to victimize herself based on what she said on past posts has nothing to do with you, Goddessliss's actions (nor mine nor anyone else's) don't add or take away anything to your own. It seems like you got a little defensive because what you said was personal, not refuting her argument. She was just giving you her honest assessment, as am I, because you asked for honest feedback.

Being able to take criticism does NOT mean you have to agree with it. Just consider it. Don't just tell us that's not it, discuss it with yourself first with an honest an objective mind. Turning the argument around to someone else by bringing up their personal past reveals you are guarded, perhaps what she said stuck a chord with you. I certainly DO think you have to look within yourself because a part of you is very likely putting you in these situations or at odds with a certain type of person. I am NOT saying any of this is your fault Olga, please don't think that. Just think of it this way... we can't control other people, that is certainly true. But we can use our best judgements, our logic, even our intuition. We can take ourselves out of situations. We decide what we take, what we leave, what we accept, what we tolerate, etc. Sometimes we get taken advantage of. Sometimes people don't like us for a petty reason. BUT sometimes we do things, SOMETIMES SUBCONSCIOUSLY, either to provoke others or to put ourselves in certain situations. When you keep attracting the same type of person (i.e. someone domineering and abusive for example) or finding yourself in the same situation repeatedly, or even just once but you don't get out of that situation past the reasonable expiration date, it also says something about you. It can say many different kinds of things... it can be about your self esteem, what you think you deserve or don't deserve, issues with authority or being told what to do, etc.

Now maybe in this situation it is 100% all her (your instructor), though I am not inclined to think so because you have more than enough great reasons to get the hell away from her. The I-ching advices you to. We advice you to. And she isn't even the only instructor. Now, I may be wrong and maybe there's absolutely nothing within you that makes you end up in situations where you're the victim. But you won't know for sure unless you look within yourself. There are more than enough red flags that urge you to do so. The I-Ching could really help you with that. Because if it's not you AT ALL, great, you can cross it off, take the lesson you learn, and just focus on having better experiences. But if there's something inside yourself that causes you to put yourself in these situations... you may drop that nasty woman's class but you will soon find yourself being disliked and abused for "no reason at all". And nobody wants that for you, I certainly don't. I don't care about being wrong or right, my advice comes from someone who at times has had a issues with others and even asked them "why are you acting this way?" and realized it was actually an issue within myself.

 

[Cathalina]

Thank you cathalina

of course everything has to do with something in ourselves.
But this should apply to everyone, shouldn't it?
Do you go around the forum saying to everyone that they need to look within themselves if they fall into bad people?

No, I certainly don't go around telling everyone to look within themselves. Most people here look within themselves on their own because they want to learn from their experience and improve themselves. And the problem is not always within them, but in your particular case it really SEEMS TO ME (as in my opinion, from everything you have posted, how you communicate, etc.) that a lot more of it than you let on IS within you. That does NOT apply to all cases but if it seemed to me that it applied to someone else asking for advice I would certainly tell them as well. I don't know if you can tell by how careful I phrase things, I am really careful not to offend anyone. I don't like upsetting people. I actually dislike it. I wouldn't say something that might offend someone unless it was something I really thought and/or felt it could benefit them somehow. Like I said, you don't have to agree with what I (or anyone) have said, but an open mind means considering others points of views. “The most fatal illusion is the settled point of view. Since life is growth and motion, a fixed point of view kills anybody who has one.”

Any other psychological suggestion I think is out of place. And anyway it's irritating me, so I'm gonna cancel everything I can from this

No psychological suggestions. Just to be clear, my suggestion was to use the I-ching to help you look within yourself (for your role in the situation which I think should also be considered but not everyone likes to see things in a hollistic way). Everything I am said is just my honest assessment of your situation, which in all fairness I am not personally involved in and don't know the whole story. You do. I won't make any further posts advising you to look within yourself, I am glad you understood my intentions were not malevolent.

She's harsh so some people left.

You should also leave that class, too.
(I know I said it before but this time more directly

But in any case, best of wishes to you Olga.

 

[Cathalina]

I asked for feedback on the lines. Which line tells I have to look inside myself? please tell me.
Goddessliss didn't spend a single word on the cast, so yes I got defensive as I felt her was a judgement made on a personal basis and not on the hexagrams I had got.

As to your horror towards abusive teacher, I really wonder where you live. About 50% of my teachers (from kindergarten to university, from piano to theatre) were harsh. If they're good, you put up with it. It's all a matter of what your aims are, as rosada said, and what other good teachers you can find nearby as we don't all live in New York or Paris or London where you certainly have more choice!

Olga, I'm not one to shy away from replying to posts but at the same time I don't want to risk further irritating you and I was under the impression you did NOT wish to discuss this any further. So I'm in a pickle here. If you really want me to answer your questions or you want to discuss anything (like why I said something I said or tell me off or what not), please drop me a PM (or even just reply to this post), but if you do want me to drop it I will happily oblige as well. Up to you.

 

[goddessliss]

I am canceling everything I can from this thread
no, I don't want to discuss my private life any longer with anyone

I believe you wrote to me with the best of intentions but I feel I am being attacked and judged while I just posted some hexagrams.
On the buddhist thread Trojina said it was a stupid question to ask. So honestly I've had enough of you all. have fun on this forum by yourselves, I will just keep myself to asking questions on hexagrams and the way they work

Here you are seeming;y taking the Victim role again accusing us of attacking you. No one's trying to do that Olga all we're doing is try to help you see the truth of how you can stop finding yourself in the same scenario over and over again.
Whatever I say to others on here I fully apply to myself - always.

 

[goddessliss]

I am canceling everything I can from this thread
no, I don't want to discuss my private life any longer with anyone

I believe you wrote to me with the best of intentions but I feel I am being attacked and judged while I just posted some hexagrams.
On the buddhist thread Trojina said it was a stupid question to ask. So honestly I've had enough of you all. have fun on this forum by yourselves, I will just keep myself to asking questions on hexagrams and the way they work

Here you are seemingly taking the Victim role again accusing us of attacking you. No one's trying to do that Olga all we're doing is try to help you see the truth of how you can stop finding yourself in the same scenario over and over again.
Whatever I say to others on here I fully apply to myself - always.

 

[Trojina]

Please don't forget you already discussed your therapist publicly here

http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/frie...ing-to-this-shrink-(psychoanalyst)-50-2-gt-56

We have memories....don't blame us for remembering. If your therapist was such a touchy subject it was probably better not to start a thread all about him I mean you seem to think it so unreasonable we should recall another thread of yours. I don't understand that.



Also if you no longer see him would you update the thread to tell us what happened ? If you don't update it may I do it ?

If you did find the comment on the therapist so awful you could have PMd me like you did about the other issue and I would have deleted it. There was no need to get a moderator to edit my post without my consent when I would have happily edited it for you if you had asked.

 

[Trojina]

It appears a duplicate of this thread has been posted with another version of what people said. So to save future confusion these are the same questions http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/frie...-29-1-2-5-6-gt-27-or-12-1&p=204234#post204234

I've been quoted out of context in that thread and what I said in response to the readings is in fact in this thread here