International Move: 15.3.6 -> 23. Help?

[elizabeth]

willowfox - oops, thanks. I just went to that thread and replied. I hadn't noticed the responses before.

jesed -- unfortunately there are no workshops in my current city of residence. Do you know if Hellinger has books or something I could do on my own, instead of attending the workshop?

 

[jesed]

Hi

I hope this could help
http://www.hellinger.com/mediashop/themen/publications_more_languages.shtml

If you wish, this article is a good summary:
http://www.hellinger.com/international/english/hellinger_lectures_articles/how_love_works.shtml

Best wishes

 

[elizabeth]

Thanks Jesed. I did find the Hellinger book list on his site, but it seems most are for therapists, not individuals. I'll take a look at your links

 

[autumn]

Autumn, I'm still somewhat new to the inner/outer trigram ideas but I can follow your post in the rest of its terms. If you're right, releasing (something - perhaps childhood) precedes embracing (self worth, openness to others?

Don't worry about the trigrams, unless you're just super-interested in the I-Ching, and then I would recommend Hilary's course. Yes, you have the idea right.

To Jesed(I very much liked your synopsis of Autumn's release/embrace idea. What does it mean to release emotional possessiveness? Possessiveness of what, exactly? Is that possessiveness of the idea above (parental emotional isolation)?

I think there are two parts of releasing emotional possessiveness. One, releasing the stranglehold your parents have on your mind, and how they have dictated your values. Two, as you seek to release yourself from their emotional possesiveness, you will find the need to release them from your own grip of possession. Jesed talked about your family dynamics, and this is where you will relese your own possessiveness, when you release the idea, for example, of refusing a loving partnership because it translates into a child's loyalty to her mother.

Psychologically, the ideas surrounding your release/embrace theme are understood as narcissistic projection. This may be helpful: Miller, Alice. 2001. The Truth WIll Set You Free: Overcoming Emotional Blindness and Finding Your True Adult Self
www.alice-miller.com

Also, Bert Hellinger has several books on Amazon. You can read the books if you can't find a therapist where you are right now.

Is that it? I can say that with my heart and soul now, but believing it deep down (that I am worthy, that I will find a partner, that I am not condemned to repeat the mistakes of my parents) is another story! If any of you kind souls on this thread have recommendations as to how to full internalize that, I would love to hear them.

You are on the path right now, because you've identified the energy block. Now just let this understanding unfold in your life, and deepen in meaning over time. I don't know anything at all about finding a therapist outside of the US, so I can't help there. But, there are couple of things I can tell you.

1) The most important part of finding a therapist is finding one that you connect with. 85% of success in therapy is the connection between people in the therapuetic relationship, not the method. (But I would try to seek one with a pyschodynamic emphasis, who is open to ideas like the one on the Hellinger site, because that resonated with you and therefore is a good place to start understanding what you need to know.)
2) You can find some therapists who will work through email and Instant Messenger. Search the web and see what you can find.
3) You can do a lot of work on your own by getting a journal and working in it everyday as you read the books you've been introduced to..

Elizabeth, I am so happy for you that you've made this discovery. Good luck to you.

 

[mudpie]

Elizabeth,
Hypnotherapy is a very powerful therapeutic process for dismantling "blocks" in the psyche. I would assume there are practicioners all over the world...but not sure.

Also....and I say this with trepidation since so many on this forum seem to writhe disdainfully at anything sounding "new-agey".....the Louise Hay "self-help" books might be useful. I was skeptical about her, but apparently Louise Hay is an absolutely radiant presence at something like 80 years old now - who walks what she talks. Her books are about healing yourself, physically and emotionally

 

[elizabeth]

Autumn and Listener: Thanks, guys, for the replies and for your well wishes!

I had in fact looked into therapy in this foreign country before, but was told that therapists prefer to work with someone in their own cultural setting and language bc that barrier poses restrictions to the therapeutic process. Which means I will have to find someone in the US for when I go back on a short 2 week vacation (not sure how much I could accomplish with someone in that timeframe), or else just rely on online help in the interim. The issues I face are extremely clear to me now. I dont feel I have much more digging to do in terms of uncovering them. I just need a means of dealing with and healing. That's the greatest challenge. So most likely it will be book help at this point.

Autumn - thanks for the Alice Miller site.
Listener - thanks for Louise Hay.

I will check out both on Amazon, see what I can find. I am hoping (??) that simply thinking each day consciously about this whole issue, or repeating a phrase about it to myself might help me absorb it. Aside from that I dont know how to accomplish full "healing".

Again, thanks!

 

[Danubegal]

Spring 2019 and following. What happened, Eliz? Cast same for a work contract abroad that hasn't been finalized yet, and the feeling I am being seriously messed around. Wondering whether I should sit it out or push for another position I've been tentatively offered. Feeling like I'm being to to sit it out at least a bit longer.

 

[GreenHazel]

Children respond to their worlds in an entirely intuitive way. When something is wrong in relationship to their parents, but they are unable to communicate with their parents because they don't have the verbal and cognitive skills to be able to do that, then intuitive, wordless understanding has to go underground, and their conscious way of being in the world has to be altered. When your conscious way of being in the world is altered, it’s just another way of saying that your boundaries are altered. When your boundaries are altered, your relationships with others are altered.

This was priceless. Such an amazing way of explain in 6 lines the root of the problem.
I'm pretty speechless, and impressed. I loved your previous answer, too.

 

[Trojina]

Autumn was last seen in 2007 so she may not see your message. If you click on a person's name you can see when they were last here.

 

[GreenHazel]

Autumn was last seen in 2007 so she may not see your message. If you click on a person's name you can see when they were last here.

Thank you Trojina, I know it was an old post, but I felt like expressing what I felt reading it in any case.