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Murphy and preparing for the unexpected

flashlight

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After obstacles, false starts, and retaining a new lawyer after discovering the major error the first one made, the audience with the judge will take place at the end of the month. This is the first step in the divorce process and the first time I will see my spouse in over 9 months. Unsurprisingly, I am anxious and a bit frightened, having no clue what to expect.

I asked the Yi:

Please give me a diagnosis of my lawyer's effectiveness at this audience with the judge? I received 63 unchanging, which I understand to mean there will be progress in *small* matters, success at the beginning and disorder in the end. In doing a hex search here, I found this thread (http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?8461-Contesting-63-s-already-across-complete), where Meng suggests a kind of Murphy's law aspect to 63, i.e. hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

That is how I tend to prepare for things, but I don't know (yet) if that is how my lawyer operates.

I asked the Yi a follow up question, what could be the nature of the unexected worse that I need to prepare for and got 14.1.2. to 56.

Though it sounds rather positive, I'm not sure positive for whom - me or my spouse? Also, references to dwelling places in 56, low moving lines in the initial hex pointing to material issues, the image of the chariot to carry loads and so on rather rattled me.

My overarching worry in this divorce is losing my house. Which is of course coloring how I understand and interpret the Yi's answer to my second question.

Would welcome your thoughts and insights :)
Thank you! :bows:
 

pocossin

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Please give me a diagnosis of my lawyer's effectiveness at this audience with the judge?
63 unchanging


Like water on fire, the lawyer will be effective in laying ghosts -- the ill will in this dissolution. Make clear to the lawyer how worried you are about losing your house and find out what steps can be taken so that you retain it.
 

flashlight

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Thank you for responding, Pocossin.
I like your image of "laying ghosts". Your pointing to ill will isn't reassuring, rather confirming my instincts that underhanded things are in the offing.

My lawyer knows about the house, so far in exchanges with her she's not been very reassuring - but perhaps she is being cautious since no one can guarantee a certain outcome. We have a meeting next week to prepare and of course this key issue will come up.

Curious, I asked the Yi what form will this ill will take? And the Yi replied 10.2.4.5.6 to 24.
24 return to my own path makes sense in light of the situation, but I'm not fond of Treading and so many changing lines is confusing. I'd really like for a peaceful process and an outcome that can be viewed as fair by both sides as long conflictual divorces are damaging to all. My lawyer is also a trained mediator, and that's partly why I chose her in fact - hoping to offset my spouse's violent and belligerous side. Are these changing lines suggesting though that I should go in fighting rather than in mediating mode?

Thank you for your help Pocossin :)
 

pocossin

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What form will this ill will take?
10.2.4.5.6 > 24


As I understand Treading, it is an offering accepted by a spirit, especially in line 6. Lise has a comment on this. When footprints could be seen full circle around an offering, this indicated that the spirit has accepted the offering, a favorable outcome. Bradford translates 10.6 as

Studying the footsteps, examining the omens
If these come full circle, supreme good fortune

Perhaps there is something you can offer your ex that would permit you to retain the house. For example, if you own other property, you might swap it for your ex's share of the house. If your ex is a difficult person, your lawyer should handle this. The form the ill will takes is that he initially rejects your offering to make peace.

Therefore, since the world has still
Much good, but much less good than ill,
And while the sun and moon endure
Luck’s a chance, but trouble’s sure,
I’d face it as a wise man would,
And train for ill and not for good.
-- Housman

24 suggests to me that you will ultimately be able to keep the house, but this is contingent on a buyout.
 

flashlight

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That's the rub, Pocossin. I don't own anything else, the house is my only security and a place my spirit is very attached to. As a result of this marriage, I am in a precarious financial situation, while my spouse is very comfortable and secure - the story is long and not very pretty. Since the separation nearly a year ago, my spouse has washed his hands of it all, and I have emptied my savings to make ends meet. He is pleased I am in dire straights. He would prefer a protracted conflict to a negotiated solution. Among other things, he is motivated by righting the wrongs (as he perceived them to be) of his previous divorce (his ghosts??). I used the last glimmer of resilience I had to extricate myself from this violent situation.

So what does he want from this settlement? 47.1.2.3 to 49. Understatement, dear Yi.

Please show me a picture of the path out of this conundrum? 47.5 to 40
Willowfox (http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?4746-47-5-to-40-Daily-Reading-Thoughts) says to avoid contact with people in authority, which doesn't bode well in seeing a judge, but the discussion in another thread (http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?4746-47-5-to-40-Daily-Reading-Thoughts) points to not giving others so much power, to basically not let things get to one. I do try to keep the faith and to heal/rebuild myself emotionally. Not thrilled with the "offerings and oblations" part, as, again, I've little to offer to make this a successful negotiation. I've forgiven & let go, I just want peace and not to be stripped of what little i have left.
The audience with the judge is an initial one - temporary measures - but it will color the type of and path to the ultimate settlement.
 

meng

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I generally see the big wagon for loading as part of preparation and utility. Here, building a solid case to retain the great possession (your house), though 14 usually refers to inner wealth - and that may be key for you, emotionally speaking.

56's message to avoid litigation, and move swiftly, I think I'd interpret as avoiding personal attacks and accusations, and approach this pragmatically and well prepared. This is what a good attorney does. He or she is a big wagon for loading, they and the case they prepare and present.
 

flashlight

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Thanks, Meng, I like that image of the big wagon, esp as my attorney is a whisp of a gal - and I've found it's often the wiry ones that are the strongest "mares" to track the wagon :) ;)
 

flashlight

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OK circling back with updates (I like it when others do that, it helps to learn to work with the Yi).

Meeting with "whispy lawyer chick"' was good (in the sense I like her) and tough (in the sense my options are few and case difficult - my spouse having orchestrated things well over the years, as he'd promised himself to get revenge on and recoup funds from his first divorce).

Today, we learn that my spouse will not even entertain the mere thought of a negotiation. He plans to declare all out war and I know, from having lived through his first divorce with him, what that means (I've been blindsided - and ain't seen nothin' yet as the line goes).:brickwall:

So I asked the Yi:
What strategy should I take in the face of his declaring war? I get 47 unchanging. Uh, that's how I feel and am, but I can't see the strategy in there.

So then I asked (it was rather a rhetorical question..), why is my spouse doing this?
I guess the Yi drank my glass of wine, it gave me 11 unchanging. Or maybe it's trying to be funny. I'm not getting the joke. I am just plumb not getting either of these answers. Not even a glimmer...

Anyone get the joke and strategy recommendations? :flirt:
 

meng

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It sounds as though Yi is offering a glide path rather than answering your questions directly. It's always a conundrum to decipher when Yi addresses the person we ask about from when it speaks to our own condition. From here you appear to be a dried up lake bed, when Yi is whistling and pointing to a uniting principle.

I could understand your confusion though. If 11 did in fact pertain to him, maybe that is his intention, and he just doesn't know how to go about achieving it. The question I'd be asking in that place is, peace at what cost?
 

flashlight

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I've been pondering your reply for 2 days, Meng. Indeed, it's an understatement to say that I am like a dried up lake bed - on all fronts. But I don't undestand what kind of "glide path" you suggest the Yi is offering. There is no gliding through possible here. War has been declared, and though I would prefer to take a non-responsive/non-violent stance (along the lines of there can't be war if there is only one party fighting), I have been advised time and again that in this particular situation and given how my spouse is wired up, this would be the wrong strategy. He does not want flow/peace/harmony, he wants blood. His prey (me) has escaped and must be punished/destroyed. Aren't narcissists lovely? So I really don't get those two answers still...

I have to prepare what I am going to say to the judge. It is a very short interview and the only objective of that first meeting is to decide temporary measures - no discussion of the type of divorce procedure that will take place, faults or outcome. I wrote up a short text and asked the Yi to assess my statement. It responded 44.4.6 to 48.

In another thread (http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?8876-44-4-6-gt-48), Meng, you wrote:

Line 4 refers to the need for, and apparent absence of motivation. There's no fire in the belly.

I think line 6 is referring to "killer instinct" or "closer instinct", critical to making it over the top in sales. But everything depends on how pressure is applied. Perhaps you've heard the sale's motto: after you ask for the order, he who speaks first loses. It's a soft sell that's a hard close. Good closers aren't brow beaters. They just are convinced that this is what would benefit the prospect.


That I don't have "a killer instinct" at this point is a given. I'm rebuilding myself and my life, and it's tough. I'm also the one who will have to speak with the judge first (and then my lawyer will plead first, we will not be able to respond to what the other side says after they have heard us). Would the fact that both lawyers are female, and that there is an overwhelming chance the judge will be as well, have anything to do with this 44?

Thank you all, for your help and support. These are tough times. I find some serenity being able to chat with the Yi and you all.
 

meng

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Hi flashlight

My use of glide path is a metaphor for the way which carries you along the Way. Birds with wide wings demonstrate it best. They couldn't exist if they used up all their fire, batting their big wings against the wind. So they ride on the wind, like surfing the dao, without losing their individual mission, which is usually to eat.

Applied to your situation, your attorney's talent is critical to the outcome of your case. Hopefully that wispy chick is a talented and tough attorney. I see the horns as what you need, to win your case. But let them be hers, not yours. You're gliding on the wave.

Being an x sales mangler, I could only smile through your sales analogies.
 
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flashlight

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Being an x sales mangler, I could only smile through your sales analogies.

Meng, I quoted you from another thread :D

We'll see if she has horns. The attorney I fired (for having made a very prejudicial mistake and who was unresponsive) I'd nicknamed "Barracuda". This one comes across as gentle - she is also a mediator - but probably (hopefully?) a steel hand in soft glove type. Often more effective than coming on aggressively.
 

meng

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D'oh! :bag::blush:

Good luck with this case, flashlight. Have to admit, there's contrast in your answers which I find difficult to be certain of, regarding the soft (11) and the hard (44). Of course I could be mistaken but I continue to see your best position as 11ish, and your attorney's position as 44ish. If your (ex) husband is the one taking a 44 like position, while you refuse to give the impression of being half of the problem, that should work in your favor.

In sales speak, rather than making a cold call, make a warm call. ;)
 

flashlight

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Today brings a bit of a cliffhanger, and I have to make a decision by tom'w morning.

My lawyer wants to ask for a postponement, doesn't want any bad surprises. We've not received all of the other side's "stuff". My nerves are shot, having gone through this run-up period several times already, and I don't know what to do.

So I asked the Yi, what would be the consequence of postponing? It said 41.2.6 to 24. Reset to zero.
And of going ahead? 53.5 to 52. really really slow progress. Somehow, in terms of finally having something move forward after all this time, the answers sound rather similar.:brickwall:

TIA for any thoughts :)
 

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