Need guidance on whether I should reach out to him or not 20.5 to 23

[Kittytart]

I could really use some help interpreting whether I should contact my ex tomorrow or not.

I asked the I ching "What can I expect if I contact (ex) tomorrow? And received hexagrams 20.5 changing to 23
I then asked "What can I expect if I don't contact (ex) tomorrow? And received hexagrams 59.3.5 changing to 18

I'd appreciate some insight into what the I ching is trying to tell me. The first answer to my question makes me think I shouldn't reach out and the second answer leads me to think that the I ching is telling me I may need to let go. I've felt compelled to reach out to him but feel I'm possibly mixing up what the I ching is trying to tell me due to my own emotions at play. Thank you for any insight provided!

For further context, he broke up with me due to intimacy issues he harbors but seemed very distraught in doing so. I haven't spoken to him in a few months and our last conversation was cordial with him leaving the door open for me to contact him whenever I felt like it. I can't tell if his silence is due to apathy over our relationship and break up or if he's trying to give me space because he knows I was hurt.

 

[marybluesky]

Hello Kittytart!

What can I expect if I contact (ex) tomorrow? And received hexagrams 20.5 changing to 23
I'd say you'll contemplate what has passed and find out you're not the one to blame, although the relationship will be over.

I then asked "What can I expect if I don't contact (ex) tomorrow? And received hexagrams 59.3.5 changing to 18
You disregard your desire to contact him and this helps you to deal with your internal tension and work on what needs to be repaired.

Good Luck!

 

[rosada]

If you call you can expect that you’ll find out how he’s doing but don’t expect more. Of course, there could be more but don’t expect it.

If you don’t call your connection will continue to dissolve (59). Is that okay or do you feel there are things you still need to say (18)?

So you could call and say you’re just checking in and that would be okay or you can just let it go. If you are wanting to get back together it seems to me you should call because if you don’t he’s not going to call you. If you do call even if you come to realize there’s nothing more than casual friendship possible here that may make it easier for you to move on.

 

[foxx777]

Hello Kittytart!

What can I expect if I contact (ex) tomorrow? And received hexagrams 20.5 changing to 23
I'd say you'll contemplate what has passed and find out you're not the one to blame, although the relationship will be over.

I then asked "What can I expect if I don't contact (ex) tomorrow? And received hexagrams 59.3.5 changing to 18
You disregard your desire to contact him and this helps you to deal with your internal tension and work on what needs to be repaired.

Good Luck!

My gut feeling due to past experience is just throw caution to the winds, call him, and tell him you’d like to get back together (if this is true).
Here’s why: if you really want to get back with him but pretend you’re just checking in as a friend, you’ll be stringing yourself along. These things can drag out a long time and then you wind up with nothing anyway. Unless you only want him as a casual friend from the past. On the other hand, there’s a chance he may feel the same and then you can work on repairing things. Perhaps you should recast as, What can I expect to gain if I go all out when I contact him?

 

[Kittytart]

I appreciate everyone's responses! I guess I should clarify that my desire to reach out to him is mostly to give him and me both peace of mind, although I'm concerned after the healing I've done that it could possibly hurt me and cause me to go backwards in my healing. As much as I still have feelings for him and care for him, he has a lot of work to do in regards to healing his childhood wounds. I'm wanting my intentions to be selfless and I'm afraid they might become selfish.

I asked the I ching today, "What could I expect if (ex) was back in my life and got hexagram 62.2.4 changing to 46."

I also asked "How will (ex) react if I contact him?" and got hexagram 13.4 changing to 37.

 

[foxx777]

I appreciate everyone's responses! I guess I should clarify that my desire to reach out to him is mostly to give him and me both peace of mind, although I'm concerned after the healing I've done that it could possibly hurt me and cause me to go backwards in my healing. As much as I still have feelings for him and care for him, he has a lot of work to do in regards to healing his childhood wounds. I'm wanting my intentions to be selfless and I'm afraid they might become selfish.

I asked the I ching today, "What could I expect if (ex) was back in my life and got hexagram 62.2.4 changing to 46."

I also asked "How will (ex) react if I contact him?" and got hexagram 13.4 changing to 37.

Ok, glad you clarified that, sorry I went off on a tangent.

62.2.4
13.4
*The reason I often post from the Eclectic Energies Yi Jin is that I’ve found it to be clear, helpful, and straightforward.
Both castings seem to suggest good fortune but caution to use restraint and boundaries and not to get too immersed. 13.4 you asked about his response so he’ll likely be guarded.

62. Too Little
Line 2:
Passing one's grandfather,
but meeting one's deceased mother.
Not reaching one's ruler,
but meeting one's official.
Without fault.

While unsuccessfully having tried solving a problem in a radical way, one gets to do it in a simpler way. This is not a mistake.
(The grandfather and the deceased mother refer to ancient Chinese ancestor worship. The deceased mother is not particularly high in the hierarchy of ancestors, but apparently sufficient here.)

Line 4:
Without fault.
Not passing, but meeting him.
Going forward is dangerous, one must be on guard.
No use to endlessly persist.

Facing a dangerous situation, by choice, instead of avoiding it. It is not a mistake to do so, one must however be on guard. It is not a good idea to go on at any cost.

Hexagram is changing to:
46. Advancing
Advancing.
A foundation for progress.
It is useful to see a senior person.
Do not worry,
going South brings good fortune.

Advancing. This situation helps progress. It is useful to get the help of someone who is knowledgeable and experienced. There is no need to worry, things will go well.

13.4>37

13. People Together
Line 4:
Taking advantage of one's city wall,
they will not be able to attack.
Good fortune.

Protecting oneself against the other with a barrier, so that the other cannot reach one. This goes well.

 

[Kittytart]

Ok, glad you clarified that, sorry I went off on a tangent.

62.2.4
13.4
*The reason I often post from the Eclectic Energies Yi Jin is that I’ve found it to be clear, helpful, and straightforward.
Both castings seem to suggest good fortune but caution to use restraint and boundaries and not to get too immersed. 13.4 you asked about his response so he’ll likely be guarded.

62. Too Little
Line 2:
Passing one's grandfather,
but meeting one's deceased mother.
Not reaching one's ruler,
but meeting one's official.
Without fault.

While unsuccessfully having tried solving a problem in a radical way, one gets to do it in a simpler way. This is not a mistake.
(The grandfather and the deceased mother refer to ancient Chinese ancestor worship. The deceased mother is not particularly high in the hierarchy of ancestors, but apparently sufficient here.)

Line 4:
Without fault.
Not passing, but meeting him.
Going forward is dangerous, one must be on guard.
No use to endlessly persist.

Facing a dangerous situation, by choice, instead of avoiding it. It is not a mistake to do so, one must however be on guard. It is not a good idea to go on at any cost.

Hexagram is changing to:
46. Advancing
Advancing.
A foundation for progress.
It is useful to see a senior person.
Do not worry,
going South brings good fortune.

Advancing. This situation helps progress. It is useful to get the help of someone who is knowledgeable and experienced. There is no need to worry, things will go well.

13.4>37

13. People Together
Line 4:
Taking advantage of one's city wall,
they will not be able to attack.
Good fortune.

Protecting oneself against the other with a barrier, so that the other cannot reach one. This goes well.

I’ve made the decision to wait on contacting him until my mind is more clear and I’m not susceptible to being hurt by his actions/non-actions. His guardedness makes sense because that’s his defense mechanism and he’s afraid of letting anyone in for fear of being hurt, although I don’t know if he consciously accepts this. It seems he may have not done much work on healing himself these past few months.

To be honest, our breakup lead me to an unexpected spiritual awakening and I see him for who I think he truly is, which is an amazing person with a good heart who is hurt by his childhood and I have a strong desire to try and bring light into his life (even outside of a relationship) but understand he has to want my light and that I shouldn’t be forceful although I have good intentions. I’ll give it more time to think it over and focus on healing my own self and wounds before I reach out. Thanks so much for giving me clarity on this situation!