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Hi Folle,Hello friends,
Thank you again for your incredible insight on my last post...I have been working to heal my insecurities and stop constantly asking for reassurance from my partner, instead trying to rewire my brain and heart to stop assuming the worst. I'm feeling confident that I can change for the better and conquer these old demons. Still, I've been unable to kick a sense anxiety surrounding the future for my partner and I. She's quite a few years younger than I am, and I find myself feeling afraid that she'll change her mind and leave me, just when I thought we were on the same page. I really want to marry her and have a family, and in the past months she has been the one to allude to the possibility of this kind of future for us, which made me very happy. It seemed we were really on the same page. I have been letting her set the pace, in part because she's younger and I don't want to pressure her.
But in the past month or so, I've detected a slight change. Her work-related stress has been intense, and she seems less sure of what she wants/seems very confused about her life in general. She's applying to start a PhD, and it's possible that it represents such a huge commitment that she doesn't have mental space to think about other big commitments...eg us. She says she still wants a future, and loves me, but seems less enthusiastic and hasn't been talking much about the future anymore. I don't want to just be strung along, and end up heartbroken if for some reason she decides I don't fit into her life. We have been together for nearly a year, so I realize it's still early days.
I asked the Yi what I should do about this anxiety/concern for the future, and drew 53, changing line 5, to 52. It seems to be counseling patience, not letting " my heart go past the current situation"", and does seem to indicate that a firmer commitment might be solidified further down the line, after some misunderstandings (perhaps where we are now??). Does anyone have any insight into this, and specifically in terms of what I can do to increase my chances of seeing us through this slightly rough patch in our relationship, and getting back on the same page? It's hard not to discuss this openly with her, but I don't want to force anything. 53 seems to be counseling this too...to be long-lasting and deep, my influence should come not through force but through developing my character.
I really think this is the woman I want to spend my life with, and I'm terrified of screwing things up with my anxieties. Any help/counsel would be much appreciated. Thank you!
I'm wondering if you communicated to her adequately the fact that you really do want to marry her and start a family. For some reason, she seems to have embarked on "Plan B" with this talk about applying for a Ph.D. and the two courses of action seem to me to be somewhat conflicting, at least in the short run. Is there any way the two of you could openly discuss what is causing her to want a Ph.D. just now, when your mind was set on marriage? I think it would be better for you to get the issue out there on the table, so you'll know better what is on her mind. The line you got from Yi was very favorable about reaching your desired goal, but it did not say it would happen automatically. You may have to put yourself forward and have a serious discussion -- when you're in a calm mood, it goes without saying.I really want to marry her and have a family ... She says she still wants a future, and loves me, but seems less enthusiastic and hasn't been talking much about the future anymore.
53.5 is reassuring in that it says you will reach your goal if you keep it in mind and keep working toward it. Maybe there will be openings when you will be able to discuss these issues openly with her without forcing anything. 53.5 usually develops naturally enough, if you persist, even though it takes some time.I asked the Yi what I should do about this anxiety/concern for the future, and drew 53, changing line 5, to 52. ... Does anyone have any insight into this, and specifically in terms of what I can do to increase my chances of seeing us through this slightly rough patch in our relationship, and getting back on the same page? It's hard not to discuss this openly with her, but I don't want to force anything.
:bows:I think the counsel is to live in the moment. All your insecurities stem from thinking about the past and the future, and if you do that, you cannot live in the present moment. So live in the present and let the future take care of itself.
Many thanks, Mirian, for these beautiful insights. They really do help.Hi folledeschiele , so the Yi is giving reassurance that your reading is still very much valid two years on! I think that is really great that your reading is so consistent and clear. I totally understand that this is not what you want to hear. But I just want to say that the Yi is making crystal clear that this is what you need - a process of development and growth that takes its own time.
This process involves both of you, not only her. Just think about how much you have been through together in the last two years, how much you have learnt about each other, how many things you have experienced, so you are not really waiting for something to happen, you are having a life !
Maybe if you had got married two years ago you could be heading to a divorce by now, have you thought about it?
So, you both seem to be having the benefit of the time represented by 53.5 since she has her insecurities and you have yours. I think that if you are both happy you should really value the relationship for what it is and let 53.5 take its action in time.
As for 56.1.6, trust me you don't really want to go there. I had this reading about a relationship in 2004 and it was nasty. So, please drop that idea associated to this reading.
PO Box 6945,
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).