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mindful_seeker

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Please help regarding a potential relationship:

What is likely to happen? 31 > 62

What results from my calling tonight? 52.5 > 53
(I chose not to call.)
 

yly2pg1

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Everything is fine between you both except that your friend may have been involving in a relationship?
 

omshante

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hi there mindful seeker

i am an intuitive i ching reader and registered psychic so i will give you my impression of what the reading is telling you. i work with from a light/yang perspective.

my initial impression from the yi indicates that the attraction is in order and quite strong. i feel it is linked to carrying out a purpose. the tao works through converging energies meeting at the appropiate moment. this is such a moment for you both to accomplish a task of some kind in the 'world' meaning going beyond personal circumstance, much can be achieved if you both set your minds to it. a respectful partnership , very promising. be natural, be yourself, if you feel it strong inwardly then go to meet your mate. however you must not make your move in the heat of the moment, this is a long term situation - are you ready?, this is what the Yi is asking by giving you 'calculated waiting'(5)
think things through carefully because once you have played your hand you cannot take back your words, hence the delayed phonecall. it seems the focus is on your inner perspective. you are travelling into a new space, heed its principles (see56)it is important that you begin on the correct foot. you need not rush things. it is the tao that brought you here.

'what is happening with us?'

20 line 6 is a ruling line and in the top position of wisdom. this wisdom brings about order not just for yourself but others too, so therefore you are being asked to consider things from a broader perspective - this is the key - once you have gone beyond self interest and personal ambition you will exude considerable influence. the hexagram 8 indicates leading others, the spotlight, but don't think about it for too long because the door can close. do you have the qualities of honesty, dependability and staying power? the nuclear trigrams stillness and receptivity mean inner strength in other words, because for sure once you have entered this situation there will be no turning back. not that you would want to anyway.
speak to the Yi again to determine your internal condition, if you are uncertain. i should like to see what it has to say. sometimes its worth waiting few days to get a whole lifetime.

step out on the good foot. your companion is waiting

om
 

mindful_seeker

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Yly2pg1,

Thank you, but why do you say my friend might be in another relationship? And if this is true (I don't know) then how does that make everything fine between us?

Omshante,

Your words are very interesting. Wow. Do you feel we are meant to be? I feel a certain pull that is unique but sure couldn't say it's a lifetime thing at this point. Is this more your intuition than the Yi? I will ask about my inner condition and write back here.

-mindful seeker
 

mindful_seeker

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Omshanta,

As you suggested, I asked about my inner condition in regards to my friend. I was given 18.4 > 50

This reading I do not understand. I also did not fully understand the question, but asked it anyway. Thank you kindly for your assistance.

-mindful seeker
 

mindful_seeker

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OK now. I asked why I haven't heard from friend (and maybe this answer reflects more my inner state than anything, true?) and I was given 41.4.6 > 54. I believe this 54 is where the other person comes in, true?
 

yly2pg1

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Thank you, but why do you say my friend might be in another relationship? And if this is true (I don't know) then how does that make everything fine between us?

I mean you and your friend are good match.

But I also notice that Yi advises you to be emotionally detached. 52.5, 5 and 20.6 are pointing at same direction.
 

omshante

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yes my dear i do feel your meeting is fated so there is no need to rush at it or worry, it will develope in its own way. your main concern right now is centering yourself in order to meet what is ahead and remain grounded.

can say the situation is a natural one. when i talk of a lifetime experience i am refering to it having a long term effect on your person. energies can also diverge and its hard to say how long the connection will last at this stage. the essence of the Yi is synchronicity and in your case there is something worth accomplishing here through the company of your friend, but you must prepare yourself for it. allow this to transform you, yield to what is at hand (54) and see what transpires (50)

let go of the past and clean the mirror of your mind(kuan yin)this journey will increase you.

i sense an element of fear. are you finding it emotionally overwhelming? don't worry. relax your thoughts and BE HAPPY

om
 

omshante

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recieving hexagram 8 always asks to reconsider your premise and not to be afraid to ask again, because of its association with transition

good luck mindful seeker you are on the right path

omshante
 

mindful_seeker

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OK, I asked again: What is happening with us? I was given 37.2 > 9

I do not know how to interpret this one. Anyone care to try?

I'm just starting to feel resolved that nothing much is going to happen with us. Oh well.

-mindful seeker
 

yly2pg1

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For me, it is clear that Yi is recommending a simple and pure friendship without too much emotional attachment and complication. Just accept what come your way, naturally and happily. The fact is your friend is still "watching" you (20.6), and it is the best approach to maintain simple and pure friendship now, which is good for all. When the time comes, and if he is your true partner in life, the horse will return (38.1). Be aware of the nature and rythms of life and embrace this even at the time of waiting, you will find this period of time (in your life) a particular memorable experience(5) ...
 

omshante

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hi there mindful seeker,

in reference to your last cast. i would say step back from the situation for now. if you were ready for this relationship you would not have spent so much time agonising over it. the Yi indicates at this present moment in time (37.2 - 9) you are not able to take on further emotional responsibilty right now, you're like a 'cat on a hot tin roof ' wait for your feelings to settle. 9 indicates a promising situation but wait, learn a little self control, gently influence the situation, now is not the time for declaring anything, you're not ready.

in your consultations one thing for sure is that you are in the midst of a transition. you are in the midst of a personal change and this relationship is part of that change. the danger is that you may become too dependent on it, hence the detachment, Yly2pg1 speaks of. transition is always a tricky road. the yi has handed you the best guidance you will find anywhere including this forum.

the hexagrams 8 and 50 are strongly associated with transition.

8 internal- could you cope with responsibilty, are you focussed (centred)
50 external- your place in the greater scheme of things/ the world...... e.g. are you having a role thrust upon you?

the oracle advises that you prepare yourself 'properly' by consulting it again on both counts. it seems your 'friend' has become a catalyst for underlying 'internal rumblings' so to speak. once you connect with this, it will all make the sense you are searching for and i think you will find your friend to be 'heaven sent'

i strongly recommend you do an i ching 'workbook' for a while and examine your feelings and personal motivations. do not worry about the other person.the connection already exists. Yly is right 'if he is your true partner in life, the 'horse' will return.

om
 

omshante

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'best guidance you will find anywhere including this forum'

meaning you are in safe hands with the i ching and this i ching community.
 

mindful_seeker

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Thank you. I've been thinking alot about the suggestion that I'm not ready. Hit a cord. I believe I am ready, but what does that really mean? What is ready anyway? My anxiety comes from doubting myself and my choices, and fearing I may do or have done something to loose him. It's the anxiety of "not knowing" really. I recently moved to a new town and although we spent my last several days prior together, he did a good job of attempting to push me away. I've assumed it was his way of dealing, or not dealing, with my leaving. But now I'm not sure. I feel the connection to him you speak of. I do not doubt that. It's just that I question the hold up. What is it? What can I do? Turn to Yi.
 

Frankelmick

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Mindful_seeker,

You say, "What is it? What can I do? Turn to Yi."

Is there someone that you can talk to face to face about your situation?

Someone who you know and trust who can give you solid emotional support?

Look after yourself.

Best wishes,

Mick
 

omshante

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it does seem you just need to talk your feelings through. i am confident that you are quite capable of making the right decision(s).

its only natural that one should seek love as a way to quell unsettled feelings. the fertility of mind, body and soul creates a vortex on a subconscious level that only the feeling of love can soothe. you must learn to love yourself

breathing deeply is a good way to calm and get in touch within. transition is always a scary process. courage is key.

om
 

mindful_seeker

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I spoke to my friend yesterday. He was very flirty and I turned away from it. I'm uncomfortable with something. I want to relax into him, but when I've done so before he has pulled away. Then I've felt hurt. I realize I need to have a more direct conversation with him about all this. Yes. I'll ask Yi for some advice.

Om, I'm not sure that I seek love to settle my feelings, but I can see that people might do that. I seek love for the experience of it, for the beauty, the growth, the possibilities, the challenge. Sure I also welcome the comfort that may come from it. I believe I do love myself, but there is always room for more of that.

-mindful seeker
 

pagan

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Don't you think you should honor what your body is saying when you are around him? If the chemistry was right, it would flow right. Love isn't supposed to feel like something that needs to be fixed before it even gets off the ground.

Without casting the IC, I know that it says over and over again "if the other person is not receptive, then it is time to wait." I especially like what Carol Anthony says about hexagram 55 in regards to this.

But when that opportune moment comes, when he is the one who has initiated it on his own, then it is time to tell the truth and nothing but the truth even if it scares him away. The sooner you burst the balloon of wishing, wondering, and wanting the better off you are.

Relationships of an intimate nature have to be based on mutual respect and common ground. They should not be the subject of strategy and manipulation. They should be natural and sincere. If you can't be natural and sincere around this person, talking to him 'about all this' is going to do nothing.

Whatever he was attracted to in you in the first place is overshadowed by your fear of him or of his rejection of you. That makes you ugly when you want to be pretty. That makes you give off the wrong cues and it creates confusion.

I would make a concerted effort to find others to date, and withdraw from any activities or places where you are likely to run into him. More than likely, he doesn't see things as a problem, he just doesn't feel as deep about you as you feel about him. He wants to keep it light and you want to make it heavy. This is not a match and never will be until both parties go through changes that take longer than a few days or a few weeks to make.

Go ahead and call date ads or let your friends fix you up. Get out of the rut and maybe later, things will develop in the right way.
 

mindful_seeker

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Wow Pagan, I don't know what to say. I suppose I could thank you for kicking my ass. Or I could run away and cry. I believe what you've said about relationships being easy or they aren't working. I also believe it's something with me that has made it not easy. I believe this because I find myself in this repeated situation. I'm the common denominator and so ...

Men tend to be ambivilent about me, or they really like me as a person but aren't interested in more. I wonder what vibe I give out. But I also don't want to make this all about me, or blame myself, because I don't believe in that. I am educated, attractive, bright, so I do not lack in these areas. But it seems, I have never in my many years had a relationship that goes the way you describe, never had one evolve gently or organically the way I believe they can or should, or do for others. It's very strange to me. So, I must be bringing something to this that contributes but I do not know what. If it seems I've analyzed my friend I have, but because I'm amazed, and hurt, and confused that I'm once again in this kind of situation. I sometimes feel 16 year olds know more than me about how relationships evolve. I'm an adult who is accomplished but I don't get this one basic thing in life. How do people ever come together? I don't know.

All this said, I did ask Yi a couple more questions before reading your note. I asked about calling him to talk and was given: 21.1.5 > 12. And then I asked about the lkikely outcome to this conversation and was given 7.1 > 19.

It's strange. He's just sent me some lovely gifts. Does a man do this for a woman he knows is interested in him if he wasn't also interested in return? Yet several perfect kissing moments have passed without a move. He stares into my eyes. Calls every day. I know everything going on with his day, and he mine. Then he called me "his buddy" the other day in front of some people. But takes me out to dinner the same day, picks me up, is caring and nurturing. I ask myself if he was sending a message to me, if he was just was nervous and didn't know what to say, or what? This is the kind of thing we haven't discussed. And I feel like a 12 year old who doesn't understand what's happening.

Go ahead and push back. I can take it. I've discovered the Yi and I am turning to her because I really, truly just don't get all this stuff.

-mindful seeker
 
C

candid

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Mindful,

If men are ambivalent about you, I?d imagine that you?re just as ambivalent about yourself. I imagine this guy as being there for you more for your sake than his. But is that a bad thing, really?

Consider the image of 11, peace or unity. The male principle places himself beneath the female principle ? yang beneath yin. I imagine this similarly to a man proposing to a woman on bended knee. Because of this you have the inclination to trust and follow him. If this guy is treating you well and with respect, isn?t that enough.. for now? It sounds like he?s not asking for more than this. Why would you?

I can understand the ?buddy? comment putting you off. Especially if you have more romantic feelings toward him. But I?d ask you, if this is how he sees you at this time, is that good enough for you? If not, that poses a real problem. If so, then why not readjust yourself to seeing him as a genuine friend? I haven't heard you say he's been in any way abusive, and according to what you?ve offered here, he seems like a decent guy.

If it does grow into something more intimately satisfying for you, isn?t it nice to know that it is founded on something stronger than a pair of shapely legs? It is said that the eyes are the gateway to the soul. If rather than jumping your bones he stares into your eyes, that sounds like it is you he wants to know, and I?d imagine for that to happen you must first know yourself. Perhaps he may help with that process. From there, who knows what may happen?
 

mindful_seeker

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Candid, "I imagine this guy as being there for you more for your sake than his." What does this mean? It sounds like I am a charity case - oh no!

He has told me he feels unfused about serious relationships. His haven't really worked either. Maybe we are a poor pair, or as Om seems to think we are meant for each other. Who knows?
 
C

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LOL! A charity case? Gawd, I'd hope not. But no, that's not at all what I meant. I meant that perhaps he just genuinely likes you and wants to be there for you.

Do you really mean "unfused" or confused?

I agree, though. Who knows? So why not be his friend and see what comes of it?
 

mindful_seeker

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Yes, he does genuinely like me. I believe that fully. It's the "be there for you" part that I don't understand. There is a bond between us. DOn't men and women usually come together under such circumstances? I don't get it.
 
C

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Sure they do. It's not all about him to him, or all about her to her, though. What's not to get? Don't you want to be there for him? Then it's not hard to understand him wanting to be there for you, too. A good relationship is one where energy flows equally and in the same directions, back and forth. Being there for one another is essential.
 

pagan

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There is no telling 'why' he does what he does. It is fruitless to speculate on the motivations of others when there is no verifying your conclusions. But if you have the opportunity to come right out and ask him then why don't you? You don't have to do it in a dark and heavy manner, you can use your sense of humor if you feel comfortable in that mode. "Here I thought you were madly in love with me and you call me a buddy?"

One time I didn't know how a guy felt about me. So when we were out on a date together, I had left for a minute and when I got back he was talking to two women. I went straight up to him, grabbed his arm and said "Good Lord, we haven't even picked out our wedding cake yet and you are already cheating on me?" I was really shocked by his response. He loved it and he felt much safer to show me that he was thinking more long term.

And another time I was talking to a guy and mentioned that I liked a certain food. He said that happened to be his very favorite food. So I said "Does this mean we have to get married?" He laughed so loud everyone turned and looked and said "Gee, I guess so.." and from then on he was a lot more snuggly with me.

But the man I ended up marrying was a real slippery one (lots of gemini in his horoscope chart). I told him after a few dates that if he wasn't interested in a future with me, that I don't want just another 'good time'. I said I am 32 and I have been around the block already and I want someone to build a future with. He ended up marrying me.

Maybe you shouldn't pre-decide how men feel about you. Maybe you should let them see the real you and then perhaps you will be shocked at what those guys are really thinking. Guys aren't so different than women, they want intimacy that means something beyond getting laid and a good time. They think of the future too. We are all just bozos on this bus called life.
 
C

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All ABOARD the bozo bus!
crazy.gif
 

jerryd

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Pagan, a wonderful explaination of how it should be done and how you managed to do it.LOL. Mindfyl Seeker well from a mans point of view if you think you want this man in you life and are willing to risk a bit of ego just tell him how you feel. It is not like it was back in the olden days.If it turns out poorly then you are still friends and you can move on to a future conquest. Best of luck as emotional bonding is hard work.
 
J

jeanystar

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I hear your feelings, mindful seeker, about just *not knowing * about this seeming mystery of how people come together. and it is a mystery, there are no formulas.

there is a saying that when it is your time for LOve, it will seek you out like a cruise missile.
So, In one sense, you can put anxiety aside, because the love that is yours can not be lost.

BUt it sounds like your anxiety here is your boulder. It kinda creates an energetic blockage to the flow between you and this man. Instead of feeling your love and interest, he perhaps picks up a vibe of fear and distrust.

so what Pagan said in her first post rings true: Don't make him THE ONE in your mind. Play the field, have an open hand, a wait-and-see attitude.
Take a luxurious bath, pamper yourself, buy a new outfit, treat yourself exactly as you want to be treated by a love interest. He may be the one, he may not. In time you will know. Relax, breathe and focus on the thought that what is yours can never be lost.

Be playful, and flirtatious, but undemanding. You have no need to pin him down or ask him outright about his intentions...but play with it, try it on for size....you are lovely, attractive, and accomplished. You are seeing if he measures up to what you want. If not, you will find someone else.

If you feel yourself getting tense and fearful, take two steps back and nurture that frightened little girl inside. Remind her of how precious she is. Wait to act until you are feeling loved again from within. it is definitely okay to be/feel vulnerable...but put that vulnerability inside the cradle of your own love. It is a beautiful thing to be vulnerable, not a shameful thing to be afraid of.
 

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