Questions re: long-distance relationship

[squiggles]

This is my first post.... be gentle

I cast two readings, based on questions I found here, and this is what I got:

1. Does my future involve being married to K? 55.2/5 > 43
2. Does K want a romantic union with me? 19.1/3/5 > 48

Some background info might be helpful. K and I have been in a long-distance relationship for a little over a year. Before that, we had been sweet on each other for a number of years. When she was (finally!) able to visit me in Canada, we soon got engaged, and began making plans for me to go to the States & be with her, eventually long-term.

I won't get into all the gory details, but we faced many obstacles, and at the end of my visitor's visa, I had to return to Canada. We weren't able to figure things out well enough while I was down there... I chalk this up to my unwillingness to spend money on a lawyer (which I have since done), and my tendency to avoid conflict, even when it might be necessary to move a relationship forward. We quickly became overwhelmed, as a result.

In August, she came to visit me in Canada and (I thought) we had a great time. Not thinking this would result in a major conflict, I suggested that maybe it would be better for her to come to Canada—in fact, we had been mulling this possibility over for a while, and I thought we may have reached a decision. In the end, though, this drastic change in our plans was too much for her, too soon. Late last month, we called our engagement off, but I'm reluctant to give up, because I see this doubt/despair as a pattern she sometimes falls into, only to come out of it later. The difference is, I'm not there this time to offer reassurance, and this worries me quite a bit.

I see her as my family, and I really don't want to abandon her when she's having such a difficult time, but I'm not sure how to approach this from so far away.

 

[pocossin]

Does my future involve being married to K?
55.2.5 > 43

If you want that woman in your life for the rest of your life, tell her so and follow through on it. Why, pray, when she visited you in Canada, did you ever let her leave? Make her an offer she can't refuse.

 

[squiggles]

Thanks for the reply!

I'm kicking myself for that now But I'll stop kicking myself so I can do something about it.

 

[kafuka]

Hello, squiggles, I'm still a beginner but I agree with what pocossin said. 55.2 was for me like being invisible so I think to avoid whatever confusion it's good to let your intentions clear. Also, the yang pattern is 29 and yin pattern is 30 which I'd read to get out of danger one needs to shed light on things, see the whole picture of the situation, know what one really wants and then it'll become clear what you need to do. Wishing you good luck.

 

[squiggles]

Thanks for your support, friends. Luck was not on my side, this time. I had a chat with her, and it did not turn out well Now I have to figure out how to regroup.

 

[squiggles]

I've been working away, figuring things out, and staying in touch with K now and then. I think I've figured out "the plan to end all plans" regarding how to get back to the States and what to do there, and I want to bring it to her, but I'm scared she'll shoot me down, just because she's discouraged/frustrated about what happened before. Our last conversation (earlier this week) gave me a bit of hope, but I don't know if that hope is misplaced—my castings today have been about disappointment and separation/estrangement.

Finally, I asked the Yi, "What difference will it make, if I make another impassioned plea?" and I got the answer 43.1.2.4.5 > 15.

To me, lines 1 and 2 seem auspicious. Line 4 seems to speak to what will happen if I'm not cautious. Line 5 suggests that I need to choose very carefully how/when to tell her about this. Hex 15 seems to be about avoiding pushiness, and being considerate of her feelings.

I'm going out for dinner with my dad, tonight, and based on the Judgment of Hex 43, I get the sense I should run this by him/get his advice before I make any more moves.

Of course, I could be seeing what I want to see. Thoughts?

 

[blue_angel]

A common way, is when you have 4 or more changing lines to pay attention to the hexagrams. So it seems like have a good plan, tell her about the plan, but don't be demanding. So yes, be considerate. I'm not so sure running this by your dad is such a good idea. Unless he has something to do with the plan. The only danger is her not agreeing. But at least you will have declared your feelings, been honest, and then you will know your position. Seems there is potential.

 

[squiggles]

Thanks for the input. I guess I wasn't clear... I meant I would talk to my dad about the practical/mundane aspects of my plan, in case he could poke holes in it that I hadn't considered

One question, blue_angel: do you get the sense that I should iron out the practical stuff before going to her (and allay her concerns that way), or is this a matter of connecting to her on an emotional level first?

 

[blue_angel]

It seems the goal or plan is what is emphasized. It only answers your question. So whatever you were thinking of doing at the time, is what you should do, imo. You asked, "What difference would it make if I make another impassioned plea?" And your answer seems to say something like... "Yes, making this decision to call out to her can be scary, but it is good to have a goal to work towards. Just remember at this point you can not be demanding nor aggressive." So it does not give any guarantee it will work or not work. Only that there is potential if you carry yourself well.

 

[squiggles]

Thanks again for the good advice :bows:

 

[squiggles]

I thought I would give an update. Things are still tenuous between us, but she invited me back to Florida for a visit, so there's something to look forward to. I don't think I could have managed it without the advice of you guys and the Yi

 

[myanon0001]

(So sorry, squiggles ... Fearing that it might be too redundant, I deleted my posting without realizing you had just replied to it. I guess the best I can do now is to repost it like this. )

You asked, way back in October ... "What difference will it make, if I make another impassioned plea?"
In your casting (43.1,2,4,5, i.e. line values 997998), line 4 was the "Nanjing line"; that is 55-(9+9+7+9+9+8)=4.
The statement for that line was a warning about being willful/obstinate, but it said the warning will be ignored:

If a man were to let himself be led like a sheep,
Remorse would disappear.
But if these words are heard
They will not be believed.

Could that warning still be relevant (especially if, as the oracle predicted, it was ignored before)?

 

[squiggles]

In that case, I'll repost my reply

The statement for that line was a warning about being willful/obstinate, but it said the warning will be ignored:

Could that warning still be relevant (especially if, as the oracle predicted, it was ignored before)?

Interesting. I definitely feel that's what's required now... things go smoother when I follow her lead, and try to drop expectations. Not easy to do, but it helps to be reminded.

Side note: I just asked the Yi how well I was fulfilling my role in following her lead, etc., and I got hex 17, unchanging! I think that's the first time it's played a joke on me.