Relationship endings (or not)

[MattyC]

Hi all
A little confused and would appreciate a little insight ;-)
Asking what the best course of action to take with a difficult/emotional relationship situation. I received 32, lines 3, 4, and 5, which suggests I should keep my heart steady on one hand, and then suggests I should 'leave quietly' on the other.

Then asking should I end the relationship and separate from my partner, same hexagram 32, line 5.
Am struggling to get clarity on the either, but particularly the second reading - should I become flexible and back off (as the 'wife' in the yin sense) or push ahead with this (in a yang 'masculine' sense)
I have the Stephen Kercher interpretation which suggests Id be 'cut off' if I force the husband's way.
Sensitive advice appreciated. Thanks for your time.
Max

 

[Trojina]

Why no relating hexagram ? it matters so you need to tell us what it is otherwise we have to go and work it out for you.

Do you have any responses for this thread ? Tell us what happened otherwise the thread doesn't help anyone.

 

[MattyC]

Hi Trojina, thanks for getting back.
Apologies, I'm new to the forum
The relating hexagram to the first reading - what is the best course with this relationship - was 29. so 32, lines 3,4 and 5, leading to 29.

The second reading - should I end this relationship - was 32, line 5 leading to hexagram 28.
Thanks
max

 

[Trojina]

Not that new, if you click this link here in blue it takes you to an old 2018 thread you never returned to. Can you tell us if you took that flight please ?

 

[MattyC]

Yes I did - it was very successful, and was it definitely useful having the replies to my question.

 

[Trojina]

Hi Trojina, thanks for getting back.
Apologies, I'm new to the forum
The relating hexagram to the first reading - what is the best course with this relationship - was 29. so 32, lines 3,4 and 5, leading to 29.

The second reading - should I end this relationship - was 32, line 5 leading to hexagram 28.
Thanks
max

So best course with this relationship 32.3.4.5>29. It feels like it's really very hard to keep this relationship on an even keel, it won't stay still and veers about all over the place like a wobbly bicycle. Is there possibly a sense of trying to play this right as if it were a game of manoeuvres ? As a sentence this is Enduring's Danger, persisting, staying loyal to the relationship, going on as usual looks less than possible unless either or both of you decide to steer, choose to steer.

Change patterns are 31 and 41 so hexagrams 32 and 29 only connect together through the medium of the 31/41 opposites, being influenced /attracted /pulled (31) through to lessening reactions/responses/involvement (41)

From Hilary's translation in wiki taking the 3 lines and putting them together like a story

'Not persevering in your de,
Maybe someone receives a gift of shame.
Constancy: humiliation.' (32.2)
'In the fields, no game.'(32.4)
'Persevering in your de with constancy.
For the mature woman, good fortune.
For the young man, pitfall.'(32.5)

So it looks like this is about choosing to persevere or not which is what your question is really. Seems to me it revolves around asking yourself if your best motivation is in this or not ? In line 3 it isn't, character is interrupted in it's integrity, have you found shame in seeing yourself act out of character ? I often find line 3 literally is a shameful gift, something one ought not really to receive, it will feel embarrassing becasue then you aren't being constant to your 'de' your way of life which reflects who you are. Line 4 says there's nothing there in that field, nothing to be gained in persevering though I have doubts about how line 4 is generally interpreted. Line 5 hands it back to you and asks who you are here, the mature woman or lthe young man. You can be either regardless of your actual age/gender.

The young man needs still to find who he is and what paths he will take hence it is not good for him to settle down too early into who he thinks he is. A mature woman does know who she is and can find good fortune in being true to her character and values. You can see how that works roughly. A man of 19 often cannot settle with consistency in his character and direction and it would not be good for him to try to do so. A 50 year old woman is more likely to be aware of her own character and life path as enduring features of her landscape. Which of these can you identify with ? Are you the one who is really not ready to be constant to a lifestyle/way of being or are you the one who knows what she wants and can settle into a lifestyle that is part of who she fundamentally is ?

Putting you back on that wobbly bicycle that you aren't pedalling but still trying to stay sitting on are you going to get off it or actually ride it ? Thinking of how if you peddle really slowly you just wobble you have to get a certain momentum for the bike to move well in the direction you want. I can't plaster that image directly on to 32.5 but I think momentum and direction are key in your answers and lack of these take you into 29 waters.

I think your next step is to meditate upon which character you identify with in 32.5. I'm not sure if you are a man or woman or how old you are but for the purposes of the imaginative exercise it doesn't matter.

Ask yourself if you have a clear sense of your life path, of your identity and if this relationship is in accord with that or not ? If you do and this relationship doesn't fall in line with that then maybe it's time to end it. However if you feel more like the young man, you want to explore, you don't yet have a clear sense of your own values or direction then maybe this is a relationship you want to go on with as part of your life experience.

Connecting it slightly to the change patterns do you feel you want to be influenced/pulled along in someone's wake or do you want more autonomy I think the young man might go with this to see where it all goes. I think the mature woman, being more aware of the limits of her time and energy might decide this takes her too far out of her way of life and she prefers to cut back on all the emotional to and froing to focus on her own de. Or the relationship may be very much part of her de if it moves in her direction, augments her own ways of life rather than decreases it. Likewise the young man may decide not to continue the relationship since he needs to be less fixed in his de, his way of life. The whole answer is asking you another question about who you are and how you sense your way of life.


When you asked about the best course of action you got a pretty wobbly answer 32.3.4.5>29 which makes me wonder how much of yourself you are compromising to simply stay on the saddle ? You're trying to stay on (32) whilst going through all sorts of unknowns (29) and you have to ask yourself how this fits in with your life overall. Is this persistence working for you ?

 

[MattyC]

Many thanks, Trojina for the detailed reply - much appreciated.
I'll take some time to digest your post - thanks again.