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Sexual relationship hexagram 37

kiching00

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Hi there!

I've been seeing this older man lately, (he's 38 and I'm 23) and we've been having this intimate, sexual relationship for quite a while now. (About 3 months).

Lately, I've been trying to make it more than just that because I started to develop feelings for him emotionally.

I tried to get him to hang out with me outside of just a late night hook up, but I feel that it's a bit forced.

Also, he just got out of a 7 year relationship over a year ago and he said he's not really available for that type of commitment right now.

I'm wondering if I'm pushing it too hard, maybe if I relax and give him time, could things ever change?

The funny thing is that a random lady approached me who was psychic and asked if I was seeing an older man. She told me to just drop him and let him go and that he was no good for me. I didn't want to believe her of course, but she also said that I would be seeing him three more times and that would be the end of it. One would be over the weekend, which did happen surprisingly.

I still don't want to believe her and I've been contemplating it ever since. She predicts that I will get fed up from not getting what I want and will walk away from the situation soon.

There's a part of me who still wants a real serious relationship and another part of me that just wants to enjoy what we have. But if I do, the psychic said that if I continued the sexual relationship that I'm on with him, eventually he'll move on and I'm going to be devastated.

I don't know what to do anymore at this point. He says that he cares about me truly and that he just doesn't want to see me get hurt because that's all he can offer me for now. I do believe that there is some potential chemistry and growth to happen between us, I just think he isn't ready to see or feel that yet.

Anyway, I asked yi what would happen next in our relationship and interactions between us.

37 unchanging was what I got.

So is the random psychic lady right? Is it really going to end soon or should I keep continuing what we have and just enjoy it for now? Isn't 37 great for relationships even if it's platonic?

Please help guys! This has been on my mind forever and I literally cannot think about anything else. :( I'm not sure what to do or what is going to happen next.

Any insight would be great. Thanks for your time and reading this!
 
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sooo

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37 is great firstly for you, the individual. The entire family (father/mother/3 sons/3 daughters) lives in each of us. When we marry, we join families.

Imo, 38yo is young enough for him to provide well for you in all respects, and you to do likewise. Later may pose some challenges to keeping it together.
 

Trojina

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Reading aside for a moment, though the reading is very relevant to this statement, surely you don't fall for this ?



He says that he cares about me truly and that he just doesn't want to see me get hurt because that's all he can offer me for now.



If you are happy with just the sex then go on with it. if you want more you won't be getting it from him IMO. He doesn't want to hurt you so can only offer you late night hook ups ? How considerate of him :rolleyes: (I'm joking) Seriously if you want more than this move on.

Now to the reading...well one aspect of 37 is things and people slotting into their assigned places and roles. 37 can mean conformity to those roles. I think this answer is advising you to consider your role. In the family the youngest acts the role of the youngest and the father like the father and so on..great for hierarchical working structures, and the family itself is a working structure. However the working structure you find yourself in, your assigned place is the late night hook up. This arrangement in it's own way is a kind of conformity to a kind of relationship. The deal is no emotional demands from either of you and plenty of sex. Trouble is, and speaking very generally, this just doesn't work as well for women as it does for men. Women tend, after a sexual liason of some time, to want to be emotionally involved, to want that security for their heart....and yes I guess it all boils down to evolution and needing the mate close by to feed the babies and so on. He OTOH needs to put it about to propagate his seed etc etc. You'll need to hold him, he will want to stay free. He is clearly telling you he wants to stay free. I'm rambling you must know all that.


This is an old old story you are playing out, maybe that's why you got 37uc, it's archetypal men and women do feel differently about sex you know....they are different, like in hexagram 37. He will say he cares and even think he does as long as it gets him what he wants You can go on as you are asking no more than the sex, if you can genuinally be happy with that that's great. If you aren't then and you want more then you probably actually need to stop having sex with him or as the psychic said you will indeed get badly hurt. Might have been quite a useful wake up call from the psychic. Continuing having sex with him with the hope that at some point he will want a proper relationship is not generally a very successful ploy ..

Having said all that the answer doesn't scream 'no don't do this', it's quite a bland answer really which is why I think you need to think quite practically here about what your role is...not go on vague shopes of changing him etc
 
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blue_angel

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Yes, I agree with Trojan and can only add... he gave you the truth. He told you reality, its his way of letting you down easy, while easing his own guilt, because to him he's been honest, and he's hoping you will still have sex with him. I think 37 is about proper places in a household of a family and could be asking you "what's your proper place?" Or perhaps you need the support of your family. I think a good question to ask would be "how should I act towards (name)?" "What is happening between (name) and I?" Then you may see more clearly.
 

poised

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he said he's not really available for that type of commitment right now.

He's honest. You would benefit from listening to him.

Difficult to add much to the very good interpretation trojan gave you.

In various translations of Yi, the Image of 37 tells us that the man speaks the truth and is consistent in his behavior.

Wilhelm/Baynes: Thus the superior man has substance in his words and duration in his way of life.

Blofeld: ...speech is full of substance and he behaves with constancy.

Cleary (2): … factual in speech, consistent in action.

I'm reading this as, he is telling you that he is not available nor will he be. Believe him.

In my experience, in forming relationships, we tend to create a third entity. There's you, there's the man, and there's the "we" or "us." WE/Us might be considered The Family. Certainly in a sexual relationship, "We" begin to feel like a family, which meets our physical and at least some of our emotional needs. The woman tends to want to grow that family, at least emotionally and perhaps into a real couple/marriage/family. But the man might not. He might not even recognize that Us. Or if he does, he denies it, does not want to go there.

So in your case, it would seem that The Family is going nowhere. Unchanging.

Three months, or ninety days, is the time many people consider necessary to break a habit. Might also be the time it takes to establish a habit, so your timing in asking this question is really excellent. This is the right time to sort this one out.

I'm very impressed that you energetically drew to you a psychic who gave you that warning. Wow! You have a very strong spirit, kiching00.

Hoping you will soon -- or as soon as you wish -- draw a partner who would like to get to know you in all respects and develop a solid relationship with you.
 

1eleven

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Anyway, I asked yi what would happen next in our relationship and interactions between us.

37 unchanging was what I got.
I wish the I Ching had found me at 23 years old. Better yet, I wish I'd listened to it if I did find it.

With that said, 37, in this context is pointing to you simply fueling the fire (sex, passion, perhaps) by not setting the proper boundaries for this relationship.

All the best to you
 

kiching00

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Thank you guys for the responses. Trojan you have been very helpful in providing some insight along with everyone else who has taken the time to reply. I appreciate it so much.

I have thought about this for a while and I'm fine with accepting whatever the universe can offer me with this man for now. Maybe I'm not ready for a commitment myself and I should appreciate this for whatever it is right now.

I'm just still contemplating if even continuing this sexual relationship is healthy for me or not. I just don't want to get hurt again in the future . :(

Blue angel made a really good point to ask different questions and to approach it from a different angle for better clarity.

These next two readings are going to be really contradicting and confusing.

I asked, "how should I act towards p from now on?"
I got 29.5.6. To 4.

Ouch.

"29. Abyss

Line 5:

The valley is not overflowing,
respecting the previous level.
Without fault.

The situation is stabilizing, the danger is not getting worse any more. No mistake made.

Line 6:

Tied with a good rope,
placed in thorn bushes.
For three years no gains.
Misfortune.

Something is bound to an inaccessible place, so that it cannot be of advantage for a long time. Things don't go well."

BUT, when I asked "am I going to be leaving or staying with P soon?"

I got 58 unchanging.

"58. Exchange

Exchange.
Progressing.
It is beneficial to persist.

An exchange. There is progress. It is good to persevere."

29/4 and 58 are so opposite from each other. 29 seems like it's telling me it's a dangerous situation while 58 means to just "persevere and it is beneficial to persist."

:/ also, the psychic telling me fate is only gonna allow 3 more times for us to see each other is also bothering me. I don't want to let go of him on a bad note or even leave him period because I do enjoy his company and friendship, even if it's just in bed.

I just don't know what yi is telling me to do next.

Please help, you guys have been so insightful so far.
 
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blue_angel

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I think 58 is stating the obvious. You have pleasure in bed with him and a friendship but there's also a warning in there that by doing only that which we desire and not paying attention to what makes our heart healthy, with a good foundation will lead to conflict. So you have a choice. You may very well decide to stay and play this out. But the thing is you are already emotionally attached, what you really want is a relationship right? The more you see him, the more you share this intimacy, the more attached you will become. You are setting yourself up for hurt. You're 23, you can have fun and learn what you can from this guy. But you should try to stay detached. Hexagram 4, you have some growing to do. Hexagram 29 you will repeat your lessons until you have learned by them. But its ok, your lessons will help you later in life. The pain wont be any fun, but without the pain, without the bad, we wouldn't truly be able to appreciate the good. Take care of yourself.

Best wishes,

Blue_Angel
 

Daeluin

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Ah, fascinating!

I realize it's been a few days and the situation may have changed, but felt eager to read into this.

You asked how to progress with p, and received 29, the "Abyss". Water is a powerful force when untamed, and is called danger. Here we have double danger - and this hexagram is also known as "Mastering Danger". Cleary says that getting out of danger requires one to believe in the danger, seeing it clearly for what it is, and thus recognizing the necessity to do something about it.

This seems fairly appropriate to your situation up to now, where you've been getting messages about the danger, and are listening without being totally convinced.

Line 1 - one encounters danger and thinks nothing of it, gets trapped.
Line 2 - one sees danger for what it is, but circumstantial burdens cause difficulty in avoiding it.
Line 3 - danger in all directions, movement not advised.
Line 4 - one may go back towards danger, or with sincerity towards safety.
Line 5 - one sees the truth of danger and is safe if one stays here.
Line 6 - through lack of restraint one plunges into danger.

Line 5 is a safe enough place where it is. Ni, Hua Ching says "If in a good position, do not become overly ambitious. If emotions are strong, do not become too desirous. The emphasis here is on restraint." Line 5 is having its self-restraint tempted by line 6, where "one's ignorance and stubbornness cause danger."

This sounds like a warning to me. Currently you are safe, but being tempted to push further, against counsel of danger. You're young and enjoying yourself, and the danger doesn't really seem real enough to restrain yourself. And certainly none of us really know what will happen, but Yi and your Psychic friend tipped you off to danger, which could be represented by 4.

Four is danger under the mountain, danger in darkness, the unknown. Cleary says "Once you have entered darkness, essence is disturbed and life is destabilized; in a single day you are born a thousand times and die ten thousand times, not knowing how to stop. This is most perilous." Darkness may also be developmental, through use of "the highest good without evil, wholy integrated with natural principle, to go back to the origin, return to the fundamental, and revert to innocence."

I'm not very familiar with 4, but I'm getting an idea of a troubling situation that is hard to navigate or understand at all, as in one's world being turned up-side-down. Perhaps emotionally? Though Cleary says it can be developmental, the path to development sounds somewhat specific, and not a way easily found by one who fell into danger.

This reminds me of when Bilbo met Gollum in the lake under the mountain. Bilbo seemed to find his way clear, against all odds. Perhaps a ring is waiting for you! :mischief:

As for 58, you asked an either or question, and the I-Ching tends to be a little sassy with these questions. 58 can represent instant gratification vs delayed gratification. Sounds like whether you leave or stay soon is based on the type of gratification you choose.

In the end, instant gratification is easy. You know what you're getting, it's right there, and putting an end to it sounds like a lot of trouble right now. But on the other hand, if all you're getting is some good sex, I kinda wonder what potentials exist for you should you pull out early. They say timing is everything. Good luck!
 
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Trojina

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I have thought about this for a while and I'm fine with accepting whatever the universe can offer me with this man for now. Maybe I'm not ready for a commitment myself and I should appreciate this for whatever it is right now.

I'm just still contemplating if even continuing this sexual relationship is healthy for me or not. I just don't want to get hurt again in the future .

I had a thought a while ago some time after reading this....and just wanted to say, I think each and every time you have sex with someone you are committing to them whether you think you are or not. Energetically a mutual orgasm together kind of spins a commitment. Maybe not one that's recognised or is obvious....but think about it, you exchange essence with someone, you commit to another energetically through the passion, through the exchange. I have heard it said that after sex one is linked to the other by a very fine ethereal cord...I don't think it's half as inconsequential as people currently seem to imagine. Afterall other people aren't just human sex toys. Exchange in sex I think means you carry the vibration (no pun intended) with you, you remain connected which is why it's so painful when you split. On an etheric level, the level of our subtle energy bodies we are still connected.

Hence IMO you are buying into a myth if you think there is no bond in this relationship. I think you are playing with getting hurt because you do want more, and each time you have sex with him you commit yourself more. This is likely much stronger for women than men.

Anyway just wanted to share my thought....that cropped up out of nowhere, that sex itself is committing, committing one's body and so one's heart....they aren't all in separate boxes however much society tells you they are.


BTW there's no moralising intended there. I don't see anything wrong in having as much sex as you want....it's just it suddenly occurred to me in a light bulb moment that on an energetic level of course each time one has sex one has an energy exchange with the other and carries that connection with them and is affected by it. So how casual casual sex really is...if seen from a more holistic POV is debatable. My feeling is as I've said it is actually a kind of commitment and I think for example just as you take care of what you eat you probably also need to take care with what you have intimacy with because it does affect you.
 
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Daeluin

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Thanks trojan, what a great and important point. I've heard this before too, and it makes sense. Sex is an exchange of energies. We exchange energies with others in every social interaction, but more lightly, in ways that are easily processed. In sex the exchange is at the deepest level, at a place we allow only few to access, ever.

The very process involves powering up to enable ourselves to go deep, strengthening and ignigting our energies to overwhelming levels - this power helps to open one deeper and deeper. When do we explore ourselves this deeply on our own? At this deep level are hidden the most complex patterns of our hearts, patterns we rarely take the time to listen to, and here we are sharing them with another - not only giving our deepest patterns to another, but receiving theirs.

The exchange may as well be permanent. Afterwards we go our separate ways, but the energy we recieved from that person at such a deep place merged with our own energies there. The more open and receptive to this person's energies we were, the more of their deepest patterns we imprinted into our own energies, making them a part of ourself. Thus, it is often women who are more affected, as women are naturally more open and receptive than men.

In a way this really supports the earlier comments here on how it is different for men and women, attachment wise. Whomever is becoming more imprinted is literally merging their own energies with the other's energies, within themselves. Even in a superficial, pleasure based relationship with no commitments, if one is allowing themselves to be imprinted on a deep level through their openness, it must be a very confusing thing for them to conciously be uncommitted, even as subconsciously they are very aware of the merger. The more fully one is able to merge with, successfully process and accept these energies, the more one will feel comfortable and "one with" the other person, regardless of conscious commitments.

And that's just the basics. When one tries to get really deep into inner exploration, one begins dissolving one's own habits and patterns, working their way back to their original truths. Often this involves navigating and dissolving patterns received from outside sources that were significant enough to become patterns in one's self. So, when this deep sexual energy is exchanged, one is inheriting and being influenced by the patterns in this other's energy, often patterns related to the other's sexuality. To even get to the core truth of one's own sexuality one must dissolve the sexual patterns of past lovers and one's parents (the original inherited sexual energy). And this is no easy task, as to dissolve energy requires energy of a corresponding magnitude and precision. In sexuality the magnitude of the energetic imprinting is enoumous, and will take some serious work to dissolve.

Pretty profound stuff, and heavy. But what is, is! We exist in a stage of societal evolution where we are only beginning to understand the implications of our actions, and labeling things as "bad" or "dangerous" is not creating harmony. If we just listen to our hearts and work towards being whole and happy I believe we can correctly navigate and bring healing to any circumstance.
 
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blue_angel

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I agree with what Trojan wrote above. There's an old saying "when you kiss someone, you share with them your soul" a little extreme, of a saying perhaps, but I do and have for many years believed what Trojan wrote above.
 

Daeluin

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blue_angel, in Chinese theory the spirit of the heart exists in the mouth and tongue, so I guess when we kiss, we are connecting our heart to theirs in a way.
 

poised

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Beautiful analysis,Daeluin. Do you have a source for this material? Or is it your intuitive understanding? It's helping me understand why it's taking so long to truly get my ex "out of my system."
 

Daeluin

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The ideas on sexual exchanges originally came from a shaman I studied with. They resonated deeply with me, and merged with taoist principles I've studied more extensively.

Sorry for the edit, too much ego was derailing this thread. Glad this info is helpful to you and I'd be happy to discuss more somewhere else. :)
 
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kiching00

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Just an update guys.

We officially ended things between us last night. I am sad and heartbroken, and I have no choice but to close this chapter and move on.

He said that he could never be the man to offer me a fulfilling relationship. He is still wounded from his last relationship and doesn't want anything more with anyone else.

He told me that I deserved better and that I needed a man that was going to appreciate me; he said that would never be him. :(

Ultimately, he doesn't want to hurt me anymore and so we agreed to stop seeing each other for good.

At this point, I'm trying my best to not to give a second thought or energy to this man anymore.

There is no point. :/

It's amazing how spot on the iching can be sometimes.

23 splitting apart. And it happened. And the psychic was right. We would see each other 3 times...and indeed last night was our last strike.

I am still so sad, hurt and heartbroken. He will never be able to understand how I feel.

Thank you everyone for providing some insight into this.

And yes, spiritually speaking, I do still feel his presence, soul and energy within me. This is why it still deeply hurts. After giving up my body and being intimate with someone for so long, it is going to be rather difficult and challenging to cleanse myself of this hurt and sadness. I feel so empty and lost.
 

Trojina

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Oh dear, I'm sorry to hear you are hurting :hug: but I am pretty certain you did the right thing.

You will get something so much better than this, something that really fills your heart. You do not need ever to settle for the dregs of someone's time and attention. Saying 'I will have sex with you but will not be with you' is only ever going to feel okay when you feel the same way and frankly I don't believe there are many women who would be truly happy with that.

Remember you ended this because you know you can have so much more than this and you deserve more.

And you will surely get more...you are only 23 !
 

poised

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Just an update guys.

We officially ended things between us last night.
.........
After giving up my body and being intimate with someone for so long, it is going to be rather difficult and challenging to cleanse myself of this hurt and sadness. .
Thank you so much for the update, kiching00. Sorry but not surprised to hear how it turned out. Of course, you are sad and hurting, but that will change. Please give yourself time to heal and get back to the center of your own life.

These difficult times can turn into opportunities to strengthen our core values and think about what we really want. What would make you happy in the long run? Perhaps "a man who is ready for a solid relationship" might go on the list.

I wish you all the best.
 

1eleven

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Sorry to hear this but I agree with others - this is for the best and will temper you to experience a deeper connection with someone in the future.

All the best to you.

Jon
 
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sooo

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..he could never be the man to offer me a fulfilling relationship.
But he did offer you a fulfilling experience. We talk about some things as though there is one plan, one right way to live, but there are many. If this guy was indeed cheating on his wife with you, meaning non-consensually, that would dull your conscience to a big part of the whole picture, leaving just you and he. Poor foundation to build any sort of real relationship upon.

That said, it's your life. And when it comes to an end some day, as it will for all, the things you will remember include dramatic experiences. So he awakened you, which is what an older man is supposed to do. And he gave you memories, and a connection to your own inner love, whom he is but a ripple of.
 

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