step away from (one more!) group?

[oponopono]

Hi everyone,

One of the lessons learned from my recent experience in a small enclosed community where I got this forum's valuable support to solve my lack of clarity was that I am overall lacking a symbolic family. My tribe, so to say.

I managed to flee that community I was at, and now back to the city the overwhelming sense of disconnection-isolation takes the best out of me again.

In the middle of all this I received an invite to participate in a literary/performative project, around a topic im not so close to, but for which meanwhile I had some ideas which were exciting for me creatively.
Specially the guy who invited me... I admit I would realllllly like to have a chance to work next to him
...and he shows a lot of interest that I send something in by tomorrow, the deadline for proposals.

Through the week I drafted a lot of proposals and always the Y gave me the feedback "wait", "not ready yet" and twice of 26 (Big Constraint)...

Last night I had a flash of inspiration and solved what I thought were the weaknesses of the previous proposals, and now feel super enthusiastic about sending this version to him tomorrow, and being part of this. This group of people almost always works together in this line of performative work. Maybe it would be a chance to step in and find my crowd... (I feel like an adolescent sometimes, looking for her group...)

Just now I asked feedback for this last (amazing!) proposal and it was not uplifting... I felt surprised (had a good gut feeling about it!) and asked "What to do about this deadline tomorrow then?"
and got again a surprising 59, 4,6 > 47

I stopped everything and did a scenario-check:

What are the benefits of NOT going ahead with this project and simply delivering nothing tomorrow? 14, 2,3,6 > 51

What are the benefits of sending what I have tomorrow? 8 unchanging



I feel there is something I am avoid reading here because I so much want to go for this...! Not so much the artistic opportunity to be honest, but the human one, all these nice people to get in touch with...
But the lines in 59 are very clear... move away from the group... it feels absurd, specially as I invested a week of work in all these proposals - I mean, at least to send what i got...! Then this 8... unchanging hexagrams always give me a hard time, I dont know whether to read them "there is nothing for you to do in this situation" (as in dont do nothing) or "there is nothing u can do" (as in an unavoidable energy that cant be detoured...)


does anyone have a hunch on this one?
is it really more beneficial to not send anything and step away from this group?

(...meanwhile im getting pro in stepping away from groups I really long to belong to....!)

thanks!
Yoana

 

[anemos]

Hi Yoana,

My gut feeling about your reading is that Yi might not answer about the proposal itself, how good or not good is. Seems that this proposal is your ticket to enter to this group.

I can understand your need for belonging and perhaps 26 talks about that need and i can see that in the rest of your readings. Wonders if Yi talks about the futile effect a proposal based on that need is.

I always have in mind the following when I see H8. (its Bruce/Sooo 's thought)

Hold with others and give each their due.
Even more important, keep yourself together.

Perhaps you can find something helpful at it.

 

[rosada]

47.
The Superior man stakes his life on following his will.

The I Ching says you have an issue with how to handle Obstructions and that here again you are faced with those same old fears. Don't talk yourself out of doing something you know in your heart is right!

59.4
I see this as meaning like what anemos said. It could be your proposal is your admission to the group, don't worry about whether it is the actual one accepted.
Also this may be saying you are attracted to this group because you have a particular friend, but even if this friend were to leave the group you will find you have a reason to be a part of this organization.

59.5
Your proposal is terrific!
"A great and stimulating idea is a true salvation in times of general deadlock"!
Again, even if it is not the final one picked I bet it excites peoples' thinking and is welcomed.

Benefits of NOT going ahead:
14.2 You have something of real merit to share with mankind. It would probably easier to do this if you were working with a group.
14.3 You have an opportunity to offer your ideas to this group.
14.6 Maybe you will, maybe you wont, but heaven will bless you for doing your work.
51. You can do your work alone but you still have to do it.

The benefits of sending in what you have:
8. Seeking Union.
No matter what the result, the benefit is that you are standing up and actually Seeking Union, an important and scary first step towards over coming fears and creating your new life.

-Rosada

 

[oponopono]

Both your insights were very useful, thank you. You are right Anemos, in pointing out how this situation is full of second intentions. I have clarity about that, the topic didnt even interest me so much before I started brainstorming about it (now that I loooooove my proposal of course I am excited). But most of all I am excited with the possibility of entering this project and mingling with these people, and very excited about this guy who organizes the whole thing. Maybe its not the ideal motivation, but it is as it is...

Rosada... your words found Home in me... I really needed to read something like that

Overall I guess this reading could never be objective nor about my proposal, because neither the situation nor the proposal are close to objective. This is all about my longing, and therefore it made sense to at least give it a go.
I sent the proposal and I already got some feedback. Positive, very positive. Some people suggest some healthy changes to make it fit the overall context better, but it felt they liked it. The whole group is meeting in the end of the week to compare progresses made, but the Organizer-guy already asked me out for dinner tomorrow just to two of us in order to "discuss some details"...

8 unchanging meant I would get exactly what I was wishing for...!

Thank you both for your collaboration
Yoana

 

[oponopono]

59.4
(...)
Also this may be saying you are attracted to this group because you have a particular friend, but even if this friend were to leave the group you will find you have a reason to be a part of this organization.

I hope you´re right, Rosada...
I threw my party and cut the cake way that soon...the dinner with the guy turned out to be a big disappointment.
On the one hand, we are obviously VERY attracted to one another, but on the other hand something about him annoys me deeply. He comes out as a self-centered arrogant jerk - to put it lightly.
And he plays this "Im so cool ull never get me" kinna thing, so of course he did not make a move. I, on the other hand, went for transparency and speaking my truth, and now feel a bit afraid I made a fool of myself...:bag:

I saw the night unrolling before me with a lot of humour, but I admit there was something about the nasty way he said farewell, like implying "we perhaps see again if I have nothing better to do, and then again we might not, who knows" that broke my heart/ego and i went home a mess.

Now I really don't feel like being part of this group or seeing this guy anytime soon. I know it will wear-off, its just reactive ego. Today I also saw myself compulsively asking for readings to the I Ching, something I hadnt done in a long while... I do that when Im completely out of my center.

From all these (perhaps) pointless readings there is something I wanted to ask you all, about 27.1
when I asked ahead "will we ever have something with one another?" (and by something I meant a one-night-stand or something...) I got 27 , 1,6 > 2

I took this as a No. And I took it rather lightly. I wanted to figure out why when we admittedly have some resonance, we clash so much, and he acts so much like a jerk.
This post was very useful.
Ginnie suggested "The Yi seems to be saying that he is envious of you. To him you seem to be a very nurturing person, and he admires you for that." but that doesnt fit our scenario...
Could I be the envyous drooling one here? could the Y be warning me against the way that I admittedly communicated my interest in the project was also an interest in him as a
"you are drooling over him, woman, get your act together!"
kind of thing?

I dont really envy him, no. He annoys me. Because he is also trying to show how good he is, too good for me, in a way. But I also dont feel he envies me. He just perhaps fancied me to some extent and then figured out he made a mistake...?

...and 17.6?


I am aware im speaking from a very low ego-fighting-craving level here, and for most of you that will be a turn-off to help, but even then I thank you for your mirrors...

Giving it a try!
Yoana