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The I Ching Book of Jokes and Riddles

rosada

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The I Ching Book of Jokes: A collection of all the worlds greatest humor organized by I Ching Hexagrams.

Preface:
The angel Gabriel was taking a new soul on a tour of heaven. They came to a place where a group of familiar figures were gathered which the newbie recognized as some of the greatest comedians of all time. Mostly the crowd just sat quietly smiling but from time to time one would call out a number, "Four hundred and seven!" or "Ninety-five!" at which point there would be bemused chuckles or even loud guffaws. The newcomer asked his guide what was going on and the angel explained, "These folks have been here for centuries so they know all the old jokes. They have them memorized and alphabetized so all anyone has to do is call out a number and everyone recognizes the story."
"Gee, Gabby, that sounds like fun. May I give it a try?"
"Sure Kid," the angel replied.
So the newbie called out "Three twenty-six!" An awkward silence ensued. "What went wrong?" the disappointed fellow asked.
"Sorry Pal," said his guide, "Some people just don't know how to tell a joke..."
.....

And now, in hopes that all the world's great stories will be saved and savored I hereby invite everyone to post a line from the I Ching and a joke that might appropriately be filed under that line.

Perhaps eventually we will have enough that the hexagrams can be put in sequence but for now random order is appropriate.
.....
30.1
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
_________________________
30.1
The footprints run crisscross.
If one is seriously intent, no blame.
-Wilhelm

......
5.6
A Christian, a Muslim and a Jew walk into a bar.
The bartender looks up and says,
"What is this, some kind of a joke?"

___________
5.6
Three uninvited guests arrive.
Honor them, and in the end there will be good fortune.
-Wilhelm

What I particularly like about this joke as an illustration of 5.Waiting is that the bartender jumps all over the guys before he even knows them, like he doesn't wait for trouble he goes out and meets it.
5.Waiting is about waiting for trouble and how to behave, how to remain calm and positive and by the time the so called "enemy" arrives everyone greets them as friends.

...
Please contribute. You may not be able to think of anything suitable at first but if you page through the I Ching some jokes should occur to you..
 
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Liselle

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Just to be clear, your intention here is different from when we think Yi is being funny in a reading, right?
 

rosada

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Well, really, any comment that connects the I Ching and humor. So if you have an example of the I Ching giving you a funny answer that qualifies or if you know a joke that seems to illustrate the point of the line or a joke that includes a familiar I Ching word or phrase it's all good..... the intention is to give us a place to tell jokes..

9.2
What happens every time Mickey Mickey Mouse tries to quit?
(This only works if you have the Wilhelm translation)
_______________________________________________________
9.2
He allows himself to be drawn into returning.
-Wilhelm
 
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rosada

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I Ching Riddle:
Under what line would you look to fine the answer "What is the sound of one hand clapping?"

(I don't have a preconceived answer. I thought we might come up with something together.)
 

Pearlescent

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Hexagram 2.6

[video]www.youtube.com/watch?v=UePtoxDhJSw[/video]

That's my joke! Lol I'm SO good at this :hide:
 

Pearlescent

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Also 29.4 #drivethru #fastfoodisdangerous

A jug of wine, a bowl of rice with it; earthen vessels simply handed in through the window. There is certainly no blame in this.
 

Pearlescent

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OK this is my last one, its more of a riddle. Not sure if anyone will get this, but here goes;

tiger-crouching-12482223.jpg


+

Hexagram 1.1
 

Tohpol

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Rosada, what a wonderful idea.

Humour is surely what makes human beings so unique and is inherently part of any genuine ancient wisdom. Think of those laughing Buddhas and sardonic taoist monks; the Hermetic Way of the Fool and the Cosmic Trickster. I think there are many humorous layers to be found in the IC to be sure!

Nice one, I'll wait for inspiration....:D

So, these can be existing quotations and one's own made up jokes, riddles?
 

rosada

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Yikes! I don't know what 1.1 means to you but I'd definitely think that image captures the essence of watching! Hmm..maybe it's more of a 1.2 as in the dragon you are watching is also watching you...

Okay, here's one inspired by 62. Attention to Detail:

The gorgeous co-ed stops by her professor's desk after class.
"Golly, Dr. Johnson, I'd do just about anything to get an A.."
"Anything?" her teacher asks.
She leans in a bit, "Yes," she whispers, "Anything..."
"Seriously, 'Anything'?"
"Anything at all..."
"Well then, STUDY!"
 
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rosada

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Inspired by 2.6

My wife was sitting at the mirror and feeling very depressed.
"I look old, fat and frumpy and I really need you to pay me a compliment right now!"
"Well sure, Honey," I said, "Your eyesight is damn near perfect."

That's when the fight started...
______________________________________________________________________________________________

2.6:
"Dragons fighting in the meadow, their blood is black and yellow"
-Wilhelm
 
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hilary

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24.3?

This man's watching TV one winter's night when he hears a small knock at the door. He finds a snail on the doorstep and picks it up. 'Brrr!' says the snail. 'Can I come in?' Which is creepy, so the man throws the snail over the garden wall.

Spring comes... summer passes... the nights draw in... and one night his TV viewing is interrupted by a knock at the door. He opens up - there's the snail again. It says, 'What did you do that for?'
 

Trojina

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24.3?

This man's watching TV one winter's night when he hears a small knock at the door. He finds a snail on the doorstep and picks it up. 'Brrr!' says the snail. 'Can I come in?' Which is creepy, so the man throws the snail over the garden wall.

Spring comes... summer passes... the nights draw in... and one night his TV viewing is interrupted by a knock at the door. He opens up - there's the snail again. It says, 'What did you do that for?'




:rofl: reminds me of how some people respond to threads that died 10 years ago.

24.3 ? No. I think this could be 6.5 except as we don't know how the man replied it's hard to say. it might even be 53.5 if the man invited him in repenting of throwing him over the wall the year before.
 

Tohpol

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“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” - George Bernard Shaw (9.3 or 6.1)

And:

“If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.” - Woody Allen (26.1)


"It’s not a beard, it’s an animal I’ve trained to sit very still. Bill Bailey (22.2 - Wilhelm version)
 
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rosada

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Inspired by 27.1

A seeker made the trek to the top of the mountain to talk with the wise man. "Tell me, Wise Old Sage, how does the Universe manage to stay in place through out eternity?"
"Ah, " replied the saint, "The Universe rests on the back of a glorious magical turtle"
"Oh, thank you!" cried the fellow, delighted to now know this great secret, and he headed down the mountain. But about half way down he paused to think and realized he had another question. So back he went up the mountain and again he approached the holy lama. "Please sir," he beseeched him, "What then is the magic turtle resting on?"
"Ah" smiled the Enlightened One, "This turtle rests on yet another still more magnificent magic turtle." The man bowed deeply and went on his way back down the mountain. But.... it wasn't long before yet another question came to mind and so up the mountain he went again.
"Forgive me, Dear Teacher," the man begged, "But please can you now tell me what this even more magnificent turtle stands on?" At which point the yogi just looked at him and said,

"Look Pal, from here on it's turtles all the way down."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

27.1
You let your magic tortoise go,
And look at me with the corners of your mouth
drooping.
Misfortune.
-Wilhelm
 
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rosada

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Inspired by 22.1

A dwarf being hauled off to jail for defrauding the public with phony "psychic readings" escaped the paddy wagon. The headlines read, "Small Medium at Large!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

22.1
He leaves the carriage,
and walks.

-Wilhelm
 
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Tim K

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52.5 Abraham Lincoln: “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”
 

Tim K

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10.3 Don't trouble the trouble, until trouble troubles you.
 

Tim K

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44.1

Phone bell rings.
Naughty Kid: “Hello! Do you have a refrigerator?”
Man: “Yes, I have. Who’re you?”

Kid: “Is it running?”
Man: “Yes”

Kid: “Get hold of it…Otherwise it might run away.”
The man slams down the phone!


After a few minutes the phone bell rings again.
Naughty Kid: “Hello! Do you have a refrigerator?”
Man: “No, I don’t have.”

Kid: “Didn’t I tell you to hold it?”
 

Tim K

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47.5
Don’t steal, don’t lie and don’t cheat.
The government hates competition.
 

Tim K

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21.6
A man was having a drink in a bar when suddenly he realized that he desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so he timed his farts with the beat of the music. After a couple of songs, he started to feel better. Having finished his drink, he noticed that everybody was staring at him ...
he suddenly realized that he was listening to his iPod.
 

Pearlescent

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For the record, the answer to the riddle was: crouching tiger, hidden dragon :)
 

rosada

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Oh! Now I get it! :duh:
How about making the question: 1.1 Name the movie?
 

Tim K

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25.2
P: Doctor, will I be able to play the piano after the operation?
D: Yes, of course.
P: Great! I never could before!
 

Tim K

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51.1
Q: A man goes into a bar and asks for a glass of water. The barman pulls out a gun, and points it at the customer. "Thank you" replies the customer and walks out. What happened?
A:The customer had hiccups. [highlight the text after the "A: xxxxx" to show the answer, it will become white on blue]

36.4
Q: How far can a dog run into the forest?
A: Halfway, after that he is running out of the forest.

18.5
Q: What has four wheels and flies?
A:A garbage truck.
 
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Trojina

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Ash is on a roll.


:rofl:



The first I Ching stand up comedian.


Someone needs to buy him a pint of beer.
 

Tim K

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I'm glad you liked the jokes :)

Rosada, just highlight/select the text after the "A: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx", it will change color to white on blue (default in many browsers).
 

rosada

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Oh!Oh! Now I Get it!
Hahahahahaha!
 

Tim K

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Some one-liners for a friday evening :)

5.3 I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger and then it hit me.

5.5 At every party there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home and those who don't. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.

6.1 Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

6.4 When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.

7.3 You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!

15.5 You can do more with a kind word and a gun than with just a kind word.

18.6 Morning is the time when everyone is jealous of unemployed.

27.6/48.6/16.4 True Friendship: Walking into a persons house and your wifi connects automatically.

28.2 Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. [Mark Twain, 1835-1910]

29.1 The deeper the pit you're falling into, the more chance you have to learn how to fly.

30.3 By the time you learn the rules of life, you're too old to play the game.

34.6 The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.

37.3 Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

39.1 The road to success is always under construction.

39.2 Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

43.3 For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

51.5 What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

57.3 The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

62.1 Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

63.5 Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

64.1 Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.


upd:
19.1 The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is because they have a common "enemy".

12.3 / 13.3 I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.

37.2 A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


And I must confess :)
25.3 To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
 
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Trojina

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Good Grief there's some strokes of genius here. I like 18.6 and 6.1 :rofl: 34.6 is pretty good too and 63.5 :rofl:
 

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