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What do I need to know about him? 61.1.5.6>7

heatwave

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I've had a crush on this guy in my building for several months who has also shown interest in me. I get all flustered and embarrassing around him and haven't the slightest idea why. I asked last week what I can expect between us in October (I allow myself a question a month for fun without over-indulging) and got 37.1.3.6>8. Lo and behold, last night he invited me over for a glass of wine and we talked a lot and got to know each other a little better. We talked about boundaries and sort of ground rules about exploring this since we are neighbors. He told me he didn't ask me out sooner because he was seeing someone. He seems like a forthright person, but what do I know?

Today he asked me out on a date later in the week. I am excited but also nervous because we live in the same building and I don't know if some of the things I learned about him are deal-breakers (conservatism, religious beliefs... things that don't really appeal to me long term). I decided in the moment to create an environment of respect for our differences and not go far down that road in our conversation. So here I am still attracted and interested but nervous. I asked what do I need to know about him? 61.1.5.6>7.

Line 1 - there is another, no peace. Secret designs...
Is he seeing someone else? Is he manipulating me somehow? Or trying to?
Rosada says this in the memorizing threads:
61.1 Be prepared.
I always thought this was a rather benign line but now I'm thinking of it as a dire warning.
...I also dreamed last night that he had just been with someone else and a group of people were asking me what I was thinking. I told them in the dream to just let me enjoy it and give him a chance to woo me.

I have to be honest I have a tendency to do this as someone tries to get close to me romantically and I start being unable to trust my instincts even though they are pretty much always right. It feels like this anxiety starts to cloud my judgement and I wrestle between trusting the anxiety and giving something a chance. Because of that I really need help with this reading. I can't tell if what I'm seeing in it is what is actually there.
 
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Trojina

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I've had a crush on this guy in my building for several months who has also shown interest in me. I get all flustered and embarrassing around him and haven't the slightest idea why. I asked last week what I can expect between us in October (I allow myself a question a month for fun without over-indulging) and got 37.1.3.6>8. Lo and behold, last night he invited me over for a glass of wine and we talked a lot and got to know each other a little better. We talked about boundaries and sort of ground rules about exploring this since we are neighbors. He told me he didn't ask me out sooner because he was seeing someone. He seems like a forthright person, but what do I know?

How exciting ! :giggle: Really good idea to talk about boundaries and such you being neighbours. I imagine the worse case scenario is you have a good relationship for some time then split up because can you imagine anything worse than seeing each other at such close quarters. But we can't live our lives in fear of worse case scenario which may never happen and this is rather a nice reading to get. Looks like you do feel at home with one another and you're both being sensible in discussing boundaries (line 1). Family's Seeking Unity - this is someone you feel comfortable with who seems to have the same sense of responsibility to the relationship as you do. I also think it's quite a serious cast. There's a warning in line 3 not to get too flippant in your connection , to take one another seriously. I think as the question is from your angle you may be being advised to take him seriously (37.6). Don't be too quick to brush things off as jokes which is easily done when nervous, take the time to really hear him.

Today he asked me out on a date later in the week. I am excited but also nervous because we live in the same building and I don't know if some of the things I learned about him are deal-breakers (conservatism, religious beliefs... things that don't really appeal to me long term). I decided in the moment to create an environment of respect for our differences and not go far down that road in our conversation. So here I am still attracted and interested but nervous. I asked what do I need to know about him? 61.1.5.6>7.

Line 1 - there is another, no peace. Secret designs...
Is he seeing someone else? Is he manipulating me somehow? Or trying to?
Rosada says this in the memorizing threads:
61.1 Be prepared.
I always thought this was a rather benign line but now I'm thinking of it as a dire warning.
...I also dreamed last night that he had just been with someone else and a group of people were asking me what I was thinking. I told them in the dream to just let me enjoy it and give him a chance to woo me.

I have to be honest I have a tendency to do this as someone tries to get close to me romantically and I start being unable to trust my instincts even though they are pretty much always right. It feels like this anxiety starts to cloud my judgement and I wrestle between trusting the anxiety and giving something a chance. Because of that I really need help with this reading. I can't tell if what I'm seeing in it is what is actually there.

I wonder if this shows him regarding you as something of a 'project' (7) to win over through demonstrating (7) his sincerity (61) and his true belief in you two as an item ? With 3 lines moving I don't think you need to hang on just one of them too much I'm more inclined to notice the change patterns here 22 and 47. Perhaps having seen the surface of one another (22) it is time to ask how much you can truly share, what is really there for you both (47). I feel this is a slight caution as was 37.3 to not take things to much on face value, don't be in a great hurry to weigh him up. There's going to more than meets the eye for the both of you. I may be completely off here but I am getting the impression he is a serious person who means what he says to the point where he almost tries to convince you too much of something about himself whether that's his beliefs or his ideas about himself or you I don't know. It looks like there is great sincerity there but almost too much by line 6. I get the idea of him trying to persuade you of things by line 6 though you are both equally willing from what you have said.

You said he has certain religious/political views you aren't keen on and I wonder if he will try to bring you round to seeing things his way ? 61.1 can indicate that if there is anything to hide at all then there's no rest. It can be a line of ulterior motive, relating to someone with an ulterior motive and this may not necessarily arise from a wish to deceive but more a wish to gain more than one lets on. That is he may really want you to share is perspective or go with him to his religious meetings etc

I don't think you can go into this assuming he's deceitful from this or any other reading. Line 5 is lovely and line 6 goes that bit too far in declaring in himself to the point you might want to say 'give it a rest'.

Those are just my impressions for now, have a good date !
 
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heatwave

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How exciting ! :giggle: Really good idea to talk about boundaries and such you being neighbours. I imagine the worse case scenario is you have a good relationship for some time then split up because can you imagine anything worse than seeing each other at such close quarters. But we can't live our lives in fear of worse case scenario which may never happen and this is rather a nice reading to get. Looks like you do feel at home with one another and you're both being sensible in discussing boundaries (line 1). Family's Seeking Unity - this is someone you feel comfortable with who seems to have the same sense of responsibility to the relationship as you do. I also think it's quite a serious cast. There's a warning in line 3 not to get too flippant in your connection , to take one another seriously. I think as the question is from your angle you may be being advised to take him seriously (37.6). Don't be too quick to brush things off as jokes which is easily done when nervous, take the time to really hear him.

I wonder if this shows him regarding you as something of a 'project' (7) to win over through demonstrating (7) his sincerity (61) and his true belief in you two as an item ? With 3 lines moving I don't think you need to hang on just one of them too much I'm more inclined to notice the change patterns here 22 and 47. Perhaps having seen the surface of one another (22) it is time to ask how much you can truly share, what is really there for you both (47). I feel this is a slight caution as was 37.3 to not take things to much on face value, don't be in a great hurry to weigh him up. There's going to more than meets the eye for the both of you. I may be completely off here but I am getting the impression he is a serious person who means what he says to the point where he almost tries to convince you too much of something about himself whether that's his beliefs or his ideas about himself or you I don't know. It looks like there is great sincerity there but almost too much by line 6. I get the idea of him trying to persuade you of things by line 6 though you are both equally willing from what you have said.

You said he has certain religious/political views you aren't keen on and I wonder if he will try to bring you round to seeing things his way ? 61.1 can indicate that if there is anything to hide at all then there's no rest. It can be a line of ulterior motive, relating to someone with an ulterior motive and this may not necessarily arise from a wish to deceive but more a wish to gain more than one lets on. That is he may really want you to share is perspective or go with him to his religious meetings etc

I don't think you can go into this assuming he's deceitful from this or any other reading. Line 5 is lovely and line 6 goes that bit too far in declaring in himself to the point you might want to say 'give it a rest'.

Those are just my impressions for now, have a good date !

Thank you! I wanted to follow up for now by saying that he does indeed come off to me as a serious person, which isn't that common I find with men my age. He appears to be an adult rather than a Peter Pan and takes pride in that. And I've actually already seen small signs of convincing/explaining what he does and alluding to his beliefs, so you are right on the money there too. I will remember to not let my nerves get the better of me and laugh things off. That is good advice for me. As for being able to imagine anything worse than seeing each other in such close quarters... You might remember I had a very obsessive person in my workplace not that long ago that scared me and made things really difficult. I've even already mentioned this to this new guy. Not sure if that was the right move but it is what gave me the courage to speak my mind from the beginning about boundaries. I obviously do feel some stress about it but I'm going to give it a chance. Maybe it can be a growing experience AND fun.

I didn't consider 22 or 47, but when I see 47 I immediately think anyone trying to make a project out of me would quickly make me feel confined. I won't speculate now though but instead take care to pay attention and notice.

If anything worth reporting happens I will update! Thanks again for all your thoughtful responses.
 

heatwave

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Quick update:

He asked to reschedule our date because he had to work late. I said that was fine. He then asked me if he could stop by if he ended up getting off work at a reasonable hour. I'm disappointed and a little sad. It's not the dynamic I was hoping for. My alarm bells started going off, so I sat there and asked two questions:

What are his intentions with me? 24uc
How should I respond to his request? 33.1>13 I asked this because there was a small part of me that though... well, I'm making dinner so maybe I could make enough for two.

Like I said, I'm disappointed and 33.1 I take as a serious warning. I've also experienced 24 as something similar to retreat or rejection quite a few times. I recently got it multiple times about a friend who did something appalling and I was thinking about accepting his olive branch. I understood 24uc at the time to mean stay focused on myself and that has continued to feel like the right choice.

I wonder now if 37>8 was just... two people in the same building/home getting together. Regardless, I think I have to end this before it goes further. I'm already feeling disappointed and over-asking emotional questions. Not a good sign.

:confused:
 

GreenHazel

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I have a tendency to do this as someone tries to get close to me romantically and I start being unable to trust my instincts even though they are pretty much always right. It feels like this anxiety starts to cloud my judgement and I wrestle between trusting the anxiety and giving something a chance. Because of that I really need help with this reading. I can't tell if what I'm seeing in it is what is actually there.

Hi Heatwave,

I'm not an expert and just landed here, but I got Hex 61 too with a very similar question very recently and I can definitely relate to what you say here above ^.

I had different lines changing, but had in common with you Line 6, which was very difficult to me to understand. It was probably the line that made me misunderstand the whole cast, as I gave up interpreting the lines and decided to focus on the main Hex message only and attribute Inner Truth to him.

There's also another similarity, which really strikes me: the very same thing about a last minute change of plans happened to me too, resulting in meeting at my place (where we were alone) instead of going out as we had said. I also had the same feeling of confusion and slight disappointment, but put them aside.

Retrospecively:
In my case Hex 61 turned out to be about trusting MY Inner Truth more.
I should have trusted my instincts and insist to meet him in a café instead of my place, as things got more complicated also because of this.

In your case, Hex 7 talks about Discipline. I found this image that I like:
"Legge: The arrangement of the lines suggests the idea of a general surrounded by his troops."

Perhaps the "troops" are your insticts, which can protect you from disappointments.
Let them "surround" you, and protect you, and keep being aligned with your Inner Truth with Discipline.

In any case, a man self-inviting at a girl's place is not nice (talking about my guy too), especially so early in the relationship.

Let us know how it turns out.
Wishing you the best of luck.
 

GreenHazel

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You might remember I had a very obsessive person in my workplace not that long ago that scared me and made things really difficult. I've even already mentioned this to this new guy. Not sure if that was the right move but it is what gave me the courage to speak my mind from the beginning about boundaries.

Oh my. I did this too. And while I was talking I felt the need to bite my tongue, as I knew I was revealing too much, too soon; my reason was the same, establishing boundaries, again retrospectively I think it showed vulnerability and fear that the same could happen again.

I'm thinking now that when a relationship is so young, you don't know who's in front of you; if a man is well intentioned this vulnerability can be sweet, if he's not, it can be exploited. Next time I'm going to bite my tongue much harder, and wait to see what are HIS natural boundaries (for example, sticking to cafés instead of self inviting at my place) instead of trying to preventively reinforcing mine. Does it makes any sense?
 

Trojina

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I had different lines changing, but had in common with you Line 6, which was very difficult to me to understand. I

It's a simple line to understand and far too much mystery was made of it on your thread. Hilary's translation is

'Cock crow rises to heaven.
Constancy, pitfall.'

This is where, as I think I said on your thread, someone is like the cock crowing and crowing to make the dawn come. Someone who calls and calls out in great intensity. In your case with over effusion of emotions perhaps, and here because this is a different situation also someone pleading too much as in trying to convince of sincerity.

Quick update:

He asked to reschedule our date because he had to work late. I said that was fine. He then asked me if he could stop by if he ended up getting off work at a reasonable hour. I'm disappointed and a little sad. It's not the dynamic I was hoping for. My alarm bells started going off, so I sat there and asked two questions:

What are his intentions with me? 24uc
How should I respond to his request? 33.1>13 I asked this because there was a small part of me that though... well, I'm making dinner so maybe I could make enough for two.

Like I said, I'm disappointed and 33.1 I take as a serious warning. I've also experienced 24 as something similar to retreat or rejection quite a few times. I recently got it multiple times about a friend who did something appalling and I was thinking about accepting his olive branch. I understood 24uc at the time to mean stay focused on myself and that has continued to feel like the right choice.

I wonder now if 37>8 was just... two people in the same building/home getting together. Regardless, I think I have to end this before it goes further. I'm already feeling disappointed and over-asking emotional questions. Not a good sign.

:confused:

As I must have said a million times before asking what someone else's intentions are is not the best place to question from. Mostly you won't know who it's about and also it doesn't matter what his intentions are but what you decide to do. If you ask about what you need to do then the person's intentions are often clear anyway because if it asks you to withdraw that's for a reason. Will link to relationships sticky here which you will have seen before but GH may not have.


It's a great pity relationship questions are the most usual here given they are the most unreliable things to ask Yi about IMO. No one knows exactly why, I guess there's always going to be a big dimension missing which is the nature of changing feelings or something.


Anyway without Yi much here depends on whether you believe him or decide to take him at his word. I mean if he really does have to work late and wants to reschedule another date maybe he wants to see you before that date ? Depends what your take on it is. You said you feel sad but didn't say exactly why ? Do you mean you think he's presuming on you too much and not honouring the date ?

His intentions 24uc, that could mean a number of things. It could mean he wants to return back into being just neighbours or that you are better to return to yourself or it could mean nothing is wrong, people come and go without harm (that's what it says) it's all okay.

How to respond to his request ? How do you want to respond ? Problem is I can't tell how you're taking it, I mean how you're taking his communication about this ? If he didn't want to see you he wouldn't offer to call in. Are you thinking he's sort of just trying to get out of a proper date ? 33.1 would seem to indicate it is better to withdraw from this suggestion he drop in anyway.
 
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Lavalamp

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what do I need to know about him?

61.1.5.6 >
7 - The Context - Willpower and Discipline. Maybe what you need...
61 - Sincerity - The Inner Truth.
61.1 - Ordinarily this line is seeking a correlate. But in this hex Legge says correlation does not apply except in lines 3 and 6. He is sincere - and content and self contained.
61.5 - He is a good guy, persuasive. Others increase him, lucky guy. - Wing: This is the position of a true ruler. Such a person holds to virtuous goals and principles and emanates, to those all around him, the overwhelming force of his character.
61.6 - He's a rooster - remember that actions speak louder than words. This is the only line seeking a correlate - does it sound like he's looking for anything long term? Sounds good maybe, but..

Sounds like he's an eligible bachelor - and a good guy basically - but not really looking to settle down yet.
Have a little self control! :)

- LL
 

foxx777

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Anyway without Yi much here depends on whether you believe him or decide to take him at his word. I mean if he really does have to work late and wants to reschedule another date maybe he wants to see you before that date ? Depends what your take on it is. You said you feel sad but didn't say exactly why ? Do you mean you think he's presuming on you too much and not honouring the date ?

This is the problem in life in general, and why the I Ching should be used as a contemplative tool for viewing things from many angles. Sometimes when we suspect dubious intentions we are correct; other times we are being over sensitive or projecting from past experience.

Whether 33.1 is a serious warning or not it should be kept well in mind until future behavior reveals a tendency more clearly.
 

heatwave

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It's a great pity relationship questions are the most usual here given they are the most unreliable things to ask Yi about IMO. No one knows exactly why, I guess there's always going to be a big dimension missing which is the nature of changing feelings or something.

I completely agree. I don't usually over-indulge myself in romantic relationship questions and think long and hard before posting them here. That being said, I've been really wanting to work on getting unblocked in this area of my life. And it's not just asking Yi questions but also posting here that has been really important in getting me through some difficult times because of all the knowledge and guidance from the community. I read what everyone had to say on this thread yesterday, took a deep breath and decided that instead of following through on my freak-out as I normally might that I would relax and see what happens. The things is, men do back out on on proper dates just to establish some kind of hook up situation that is low-stakes and convenient for them.

Our date was really nice. I found out even more about him that is surprising and unusual and upstanding. (Something @Trojina said might be the case-- that there would be more than meets the eye and not to size him up too quickly). He said he finds me surprising too. I told him what went through my mind when he asked to come over without taking me out and he told me my reaction told him it was best to give me space. I think he could see where I was coming from.

what do I need to know about him?

61.1 - He is sincere - and content and self contained.
61.5 - He is a good guy, persuasive. Others increase him, lucky guy. - Wing: This is the position of a true ruler. Such a person holds to virtuous goals and principles and emanates, to those all around him, the overwhelming force of his character.

- LL

These two lines especially came through to me last night on our date. It practically shouts to me what he does for a living as well.

I'm really glad I posted my freak-out moment and got all of these responses. I took them to heart and made a different choice and I feel it was the right one in terms of growing and being more open. And a nice night came out of it. Maybe more than one because he says he will plan another date for us really soon. Thank you!
 
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Trojina

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Hard to understand the timing since yesterday you said he wanted to come over as he had to work late and now here you said you already had a date so did you let him come over as he asked or not ?

Our date was really nice. I found out even more about him that is surprising and unusual and upstanding. (Something @Trojina said might be the case-- that there would be more than meets the eye and not to size him up too quickly). He said he finds me surprising too. I told him what went through my mind when he asked to come over without taking me out and he told me my reaction told him it was best to give me space. I think he could see where I was coming from.

How could he give you space in the 24 hours since you posted about him dropping the date and asking to come. Don't understand this.
 
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rosada

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Yeah, inquiring minds need to know!!!
 

Trojina

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The @ thing doesn't work here BTW

I don't 'need to know' that much but it doesn't make sense to me unless he cancelled the date offered to come round, gave her space and then had a nice date ??? How does all that happen since yesterday - suppose it doesn't matter but I don't get it.
 

heatwave

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Ah, yeah different time zones probably adding to the confusion. Wednesday is when our original date was set up. I posted here really late on Wednesday night I think - Clarity times stamps don't show my timezone in the US. Earlier that day I already asked these questions and decided to tell him no, he can't stop by. I wrote here after he said ok and nothing else. I was sharing readings I had already acted on. On Thursday, he texted me asking if we are still on for Thursday night. By that time many of you had responded here and I'd been reading them during my workday. Now it's early Friday morning and... for inquiring minds (ha!)-- I did let him come over for a bit after our date.
 

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